Finding Myself @eddiesevilla - Tumblr Blog

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#Blood Orange #Saint #late night thoughts

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I hate when people say "you are worth it", when it comes to unaliving thoughts. I hate that they automatically assume I feel "worthless". I know that's exactly what many people feel, but not for me and I'm sure I'm note alone with this. I know, that I am worth living. I love myself and I know I deserve the world. I just don't feel the concept of living at all. Never did. What's the point in this world, if I'm not happy and never truly was since I hit puberty and started to think? Just leave me alone. I always thought "just one more year" or "till you graduate". Now I'm getting closer to 22 and I'm just tired. Sometimes I wish I did it years ago. Or in my worst year. How long till I'm broken enough to do it?

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i fell accidentally in love with you in ways you’ll never know. i fell in love with the way we were together and how you made me feel. it’s a selfish love and i want you all to myself. it’s a scary love and it shreds my insides because i know i won’t ever get another chance.

Whenever I've been in a relationship or in the process of making a relationship "official"; I've always had this habit of trying my best to hide all of my insecurities and any worries I had. I've people tell me that my weaknesses scare others away and I've found it to be true. Every time I try to be my genuine self (insecurities and all) I've had people completely drop me. I am working on myself everyday but I can't help but to fall into that habit whenever there is somebody new.

I feel stuck.