eden

<33 poetry 🕯️🥀

[edenspoetry]

Peace

i lay in my grave with nary a word tasting my lips

The grave was a shallow crevice that I would dissolve through

and I filled it like my glass half-full

i heard the clink of the rain ricochet off of my thighs

a beautiful portrait, I knew I looked it

Waste of a body, I knew I was

with no failures to befall me

Open soul, closed mind

and my skin as pale as my rotting insides

this is where my woe comes to die

[edenspoetry]

i have been walking around the circular water hole in the floor

it has tried to fish me from the inside out

And sometimes the hook in my cheek is welcome

but it is unbearable to look at

i have tried covering it with a blanket and a chair and a tv

but nothing will remove it from my brain

i have fallen down it a million times just like alice

i have tried to ignore it

but it wraps around your leg and begs to be seen

like a frail and wounded animal in front of your door on the darkest day of winter

i was teeming with the red spots that popped up on every wrinkle of my brain

after much trepidation. I decided I knew the cure.

i decided to jump into the hole and let it fill the expanse of my room

its murky waters coat and cling to my skin like a sort of sickly black tar

and i paddled past ships that had sunk like a rubber ducky — or a forgotten memory

Anesthesia fit for a king

[edenspoetry]

Greeeen

i feel squeaky clean now that the mould has subsided

i even look more pristine to all those who view me

i felt that i was truly healed or baptized from the infection that used to run me rugged

and leave me jagged

But I felt the green creep up my abdomen one night

Like a vine on a brick-laden house

— slowly, but Roughly

Trembling in it’s stake

mould runs deeper than a vine

mould has deep-seated roots in the skin of its host

roots that branch out in every wayward direction

Oozing into crevices like a thick mucus



I cannot reason with this thick pus that congeals my logic

It turns over and over again until it’s wrapped up my innards like cotton candy

If I were to cut out this parasite with a pocket knife —

Like a misshapen callous

all strung out and blue.

I would surely cut parts of myself that would come out in chunks of rapturous wails

I don’t know what to do.

[edenspoetry]

RUE

well i guess you began as an oval

oblong, like a sunflower seed

and slowly limbs fractured the seams of your skin to make way for their arrival

and organs smashed themselves together in the well beneath your oesophagus

welling up and crowded like cattle

then i guess you arrived screaming

and you stayed that way

maybe because you arrived as an amalgamation of organs and body parts, like Frankenstein but

everyone said you would bring good fortune like a daisy

and slowly people began to pick at you until you withered away

and i guess somewhere along the line they stopped

but you remained half of yourself

and i remained an oval

[edenspoetry]

Linger

Hold on to me, great big mountain.

For I will not leave.

I sense the tectonic plates shifting beneath me, like rubble rotating under a wheelbarrow

I pray that a rapture is coming.

A rapture that will dutifully zip through every corner and crevice of my body

Like a needle to the vein

— as Mother Earth gets ready to swallow me whole

I sat on one of her green teeth

fleeting debris floated past my ear like a reminders of a dead hope or an ineffable feeling

Even when the plates break and split me clean in half—

It is ephemeral

I am eternal

[edenspoetry]

Rumpelstiltskin

I sat drunken and marinating

Maybe a knife will awaken me

Maybe I will awaken to find

All shiny and new

A dream I can hide

Like rotten spew

A blanket I can use to cover it

Made of gold and hey

Sharp as a strand of hair

And mine entirely to pay

[edenspoetry]

Seasaw

There is freedom in this system

When you are heavy I am light

When you are light I am heavy

In this way we are never

Similar weights

We fluctuate like the back of a camel

or a fire before it spits out its last flame

In the sense of our minds and hopeless wings

There is freedom in fruitless pursuit

In building seesaws in my big house

There is hopelessness in growing a sprout

So fruitless…

[edenspoetry]

see you next Tuesday.

You followed like thread through a needle

You lingered in my space like a foul moth

Laugh like a bully, grin like a cat

Your voice lurched my skull like a crying baby with a rattle

And I felt the pinging of your words in my mind

The sort of ripple that happens when you throw a rock into placid waters

beneath placid waters lies an amalgamation of reptiles

One day, years from now you will still be skipping rocks into the opaque water; half skeletal

cobwebs in your lungs

Fastened to the rocks on the thundering, bitter seaside like a million leeches are pulling you under

I have left and taken my light.

I will be free

I am a wave

[edenspoetry]

Eight days in a week

I do not want to leave you so lonely

Burning in the cobalt fire 

You bought me a goose and a peacock but you

Never bought me a chair in your lungs

So you could breathe me in

And disregard the splinters

I bought compression so I could

Feel my head between two solid things

The hope in your eyes seemed to vanish when I appeared.

I don’t like to wade in murky shallow pools

I wish you hadn’t given up on me light years ago

[edenspoetry]

Cyclically

I wish I could put a reason or a rhyme to it

I can't bear to florescent-light it but—

Maybe if l moved to LA I would be able to bite down into its supple skin

I wish I could put a reason or a solution to it

I can't bear to hold it like a boulder in my throat but-

Maybe if I moved to London I would be able to smash its translucent doors between my head

I wish I could put a reason or a function to it

I can't bear to hold it in my palms

Maybe if I moved to another reality I would be able to connect it all

Like how your nerves are connected

Like a translucent ball of glitter that exists in, in of itself—

Expanding and expanding and filling the gaps until it knocks over

Its a beating - heart, heart rate goes up

Thumping and frightened It looks around for something to clutch

Outline of eyes that have not yet been crushed

Tender now, sentient later... but you feel bad for it like all living things do

Like how when you get everything you wish for and more

[edenspoetry]

Listen

I think divine intervention

must have brought me here tonight

I think my past would have lingered like something sour in my gut

You split the crowd and whispered whispers of hope in my ear

Of relatability

Of things I had forgotten I mentioned to you

You said you don’t normally bring it up, but felt compelled to

You talked to a sea but I felt like it was only me

I think that God has answered the beginning of my prayers

I think it’s all beginning to happen

[edenspoetry]

Questions I would like to ask God, or a therapist.

Is there a point in life where you won’t

— Flinch like a wounded child

When bullets stop two inches before your eyes?

Is there a point in life where you won’t seem to drone on and on with a voice that gathers itself at the top of your larynx like dust making it so that you have to push it back to cover the expanse of your throat at the end of the day?

Is there a point wherein you escape the four walls of your enclosure and run like the wind.

Where you chase all your wildest dreams and people forgive you for it

Or where you are able to be grabbed from every which way and come out unscathed

Are you either visibly or invisibly scarred?

Is it that you don’t want them to hold you too close so that you don’t unravel

— don’t spill out like secrets you keep tucked away untidily beneath the hills you call organs

Is there a point where you can walk out into the street and wear a smile on your face?

Is there a town where it is sunny every day?

Where words are just words

And people look just like people

[edenspoetry]

House of cards

Once you leave the house of characters

The bitter one

The stagnant one

The one who consumes

The rotten root

They will all forget your name

They had to fight like hell,

teeth and nails to stay alive in this damn house

And your existence has been forgotten

Once you have left this city, forlorn

for others

Do not darken our doorstep with a ghostly smile

Bitter, stagnant, rotten, consuming we all come

Together for the first time

Until we lock off into our corners

Hunger, hunger, hunger, hunger

Bitter, salty, rotten

Consuming souls like a black hole

Events do not coincide with each other

Do not try to turn the wheel around

It is stuck in a thick crust and is lined with razor blades

You all will fizzle and crisp up like snails in a salt trap

Must mean their souls are impure and their hearts raw

[edenspoetry]

The wickedest witch who ever lived

I built a bridge with logs and ants

I hoped one day they would pass

To the other side

But as rare as a rainbow shine

That flickers in your mind

It never would

But the wizard he ran amok and I truly thought he’d struck

Gold

Shamed and cornered, I was agile

But the treasure, it was fragile

So I sank into the trap

I won’t hit the door on my way back

And those who know me might see

That rare rainbow glimmer that I bring with me

Everywhere

You can drink your green-lit wine

And weave your charming lies

You’ll never catch me again

For, a fly has two traps.

One of peace and one like a hack

You know one, but father, oh

I know both

And one you see and one you don’t.

[edenspoetry]

Early bird…

Hunched rot. windowsills that have no borders

Gaunt angels run in-front of me

Caught a glimpse of their gleaming bodies and ethereal smiles

Covetous but my eyes are bigger than my will…

Hunched rot. capturer walks in circles

with keys around its neck thread through loose pieces of rope

I have learned not to trust feeble promises

I have learned not to get my hopes so high they boil over like screeching kettles

I have learned not to plunge headfirst into ice cold waters

Cold waters that boil will kill you but cold waters that remain cold will hurt your sanity

On an island, on a tower, it doesn’t matter anymore

It’s me, a space big enough to kill me and the people around me finishing the race…

~ Eden

[edenspoetry]

Signposts

I waited for days in agony on the side of that hill!

watching as the days melded into more familiar and sinister settings

as if my soul had been pinched into a balloon that was too big… I trembled in its wake

— I thought of calling a cab

I thought of falling over the guardrails and onto my back

But if I squinted, the twinkling lights of the cars reminded me fondly of your eyes

And it made my stomach writhe in anticipation

You became something that oscillated against the walls of my mind

Until your memory transformed into an iridescent orb, something I couldn’t pick apart with tweezers

Something that melted in the palms of my calloused hands

[edenspoetry]

Orbital Resonance

Through the well, riptides followed in my lungs

Through the tar, sickly sweet prickles stormed my hips

Through the years, days of longing came

Through the window sill, I crashed into you

Through the fireworks on New Year’s Eve, one sparkle shone much brighter

I combed through millions of visions, only one stood up

Through the cycles, the hope

came and washed away just as quickly

Like the feeling of adrenaline stabbing its way through your ice cold body

It won’t get to your brain until it’s time to run

And by then you will have already been half eaten

I tried to wean myself off of your insatiable, unsustainable attention

But it stuck to the corners of my brain like heroin

I can still smell that half burnt car, charred so lightly by the sun

Just enough electricity to set my heart on fire

After the pink, fluttery haze dissipated in a swarm of butterflies

I was bare naked in the greige dregs

Grieving something I never had