It's in little comments that you look back on later and realize were backhanded compliments meant to belittle even small accomplishments. While you hear other parents bragging about their kids, she'll have this odd habit of minimizing what you do, perhaps saying "Well... That's just what she does."
It's in constant comparisons and nostalgia of what she never quite did with her life. She'll remind you that she can do exactly what you're doing the same if not better. You feel like you're in a competition with a ghost you love too much to beat.
When she melts down and needs attention for her emotional scars, it feels oddly timed for big moments in your life, moments when you might have otherwise needed to be calm or collected or could have used someone to watch out for you instead. There's an odd imbalance. She can list all the things that have gone wrong in her life as often as she wants, but there never seems to be a moment when you get a turn to express yourself. Every hour, every minute spent on your feelings instead of hers is tallied and held against you. She might ask you "Is it really that bad?"
Somehow she never listens. You beg for her not to get something for you because you'll legitimately don't want it. She'll buy it anyway then guilt you into using it. Or you'll ask for something specific that you need and she'll always purchase the exact opposite. Always. Important things of yours end up missing, given away to other family members or neighbors, broken, thrown into the trash at random intervals. She might even force you to do the giving or the disposals yourself. She'll egg the rest of the family to join the teasing as you struggle through the gaps.
She'll remind you that girls get caught taking care of their families, so you are guilted into pretending you aren't falling into this same trap, while watching her have none of the same emotional expectations for her sons.
If you keep your plans from her, there are consequences. If you reject her ideas for the right direction of your life, there are consequences. She's always oddly pushing you away from what you want, always saying "I would have loved this at your age." You're not entirely sure if your interests are your own or if you're just trying to be a good companion for her.
You grow up and you realize she wasn't raising you, she was raising herself.
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