eFuneral

Welcome to the official Tumblr of eFuneral.com, a free online resource that provides caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

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What do you take from each day?

No matter what happens on any given day, we can always find some inspiration, some wisdom, and some significance.

Read more inspiring quotes, and then tell us: What inspires you? What keeps you going on the most difficult days? Where do  you find silver linings?

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

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When Sharon was estate planning and arranging for how her assets would pass to her four children, she envisioned an easy transition. She had read all the articles on avoiding probate,setting up trusts, and organizing her affairs. She had even spoken to her children about her wishes (a very difficult thing to do). All of her children had wonderful relationships with each other and the assets were to be divided equally. After Sharon died, the transition was easy; each of her children received an equal share of assets and everyone was happy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter trouble began to surface.

What could happen if a bloodline trust is not in place:

Sharon’s son number one was a doctor. He had a good practice and though most of his patients were happy, one sued him above his malpractice insurance levels, and won! As a result, all of the assets son number one had – including Sharon’s legacy – were gone.

Sharon’s daughter number two was married with three children of her own. She thought she would follow her mother’s estate plan when she died and leave some of the legacy to her own kids. But when her husband suddenly filed for divorce – and demanded half of all her assets, including Sharon’s – most of Sharon’s money dissipated with the legal battle.

Daughter number three was ill most of her life but had a terrific husband who cared for her, along with a faithful nurse and two children. When she died, she left everything to her loving husband, who promptly married the nurse. He added the nurse’s name to all the assets – including those left by Sharon. When he later died, all the assets were left to the nurse. Daughter number three’s children got nothing.

Son number four was single and had never had much money. After receiving Sharon’s inheritance, he felt rich and proceeded to buy all the things in life he had never been able to afford. Before too long, all the money was spent and he was no better off.

So why think about a planning two generations ahead with a bloodline trust?

When Sharon planned, she assumed that by leaving her assets to her children, her grandchildren would be cared for as well. But, she missed one critical step: protecting her money even after she was gone. To start, she could have created a living trust so she would have full access to and control over her funds while alive. Upon her death, with a bloodline trust, her assets would avoid probate, and instead of distributing outright to her four children, the assets would be divided into four separate trust shares to be held for each of her children for life. Each child could then have access to his or her share for everyday living expenses but would not receive the lump sum in one chunk. The share held in trust is protected from the lawsuits, divorce, death or crazy spending of the children. Yet the money is there if needed. Plus, when each child dies, his or her remaining share is left to his or her children, Sharon’s grandchildren, whom she adored and wanted to benefit if she could.

This simple, but often overlooked, planning tool would have been the answer to Sharon’s prayers, and could be perfect for you too. See an attorney who focuses on estate planning and probate avoidance to establish a bloodline trust.

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When grief feels like the end …

When grieving the death of a loved one, it’s only natural to mourn the end: the end of life, the end of cherished time together, the end of shared joys. But even as death marks an end, I wonder if these words of inspiration can help us re-frame the situation. What new beginnings does death mark?

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There has never been a wider variety of ways to treat cremation remains.  In addition to an array of interesting cremation urns, many companies are developing fascinating disposition methods that transform the ashes altogether into another object.  Whatever you choose to do, rest assured that your remains will live on as a reflection of your unique personality.

 Alternative cremation urn options:

Cremation urns are no longer limited to sitting unassumingly on a mantle or being tucked away in a cabinet.  In the world of contemporary urns, if you can dream it, they can make it.  Although it would be impossible to cover all the options available, here are some of our favorites, which you can by from any one of a number of companies:

Hourglass Urns One of the most poetic urn options available is the hourglass urn.  This unique idea allows one to convert their ashes into an hourglass, thus forever symbolizing the bittersweet passing of time.

Biodegradable Urns These cremation urns are an increasingly popular option for those who are friends of the environment.  Place the ashes and a seed in biodegradable paper, plant outside, and watch as the deceased is transformed into a beautiful tree or flower.

Teddy Bear Urns – One of the more cuddly cremation urn options, but viable nonetheless, is the teddy bear urn.  Just as the name implies, multiple companies are dedicated to turning cremation remains into a lovable stuffed animal, allowing loved ones to cuddle with the deceased.

Alternatives to cremation urns:

If you’re looking for something a little more adventurous, there are now many ways in which to transform remains into an actual object, getting rid of the necessity for an urn altogether.  Here are some of the most interesting options:

Become Part of a Coral Reef This disposition option involves mixing the ashes with environmentally friendly reef concrete, and casting it into the ocean to become part of the ocean landscape.  Family members can write notes of remembrance in the concrete and can have a ceremony in a boat before they cast off their loved one.  One company that specializes in this type of disposition is Eternal Reefs.

Be launched into Orbit Different options are available that allow your ashes to be shot into space.  In addition to entering deep space and landing on the lunar surface of the moon, you have the option to be turned into a capsule that will vaporize and turn into a shooting star.  Visit Celestis to get more information.

Become a Diamond Through the magic of scientific discovery, those interested in the finer things in life have the ability to turn their cremated ashes into a diamond.  Carbon is extracted from the remains, and under high levels of heat intended to simulate that under the earth’s surface, is turned into a diamond.  To learn more, visit Life Gem.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on these ideas. Did we miss any alternatives that you may be considering? Let me know in the comments area below!

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

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We don’t know what tomorrow will bring

Tomorrow is a mystery. That’s why we should take advantage of today. As Jane Seymour said:

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It’s been over a decade, and still mom’s cancer is teaching me about life

This article by Leah Yomtovian Roush originally appeared on the Huffington Post.

When thinking back to September 2001, most people recall the tragic September 11 attacks on the United States. But when I look back 12 years, I recall a personal tragedy — the beautiful September day my mom was diagnosed with cancer.

I was just a teenager at the time, naively ignorant of how such a disease could wreak havoc on a person’s body, mind, and life. It took me years — almost a decade — to learn how to cope with my mom’s cancer and the unrelenting challenges of life-or-death uncertainty. My mom’s war on cancer is not over, but as I reflect on the struggle I’ve endured alongside her, five insights stand out.

1) Doctors don’t have all the answers — and that’s okay.

My mom was lucky to be in the care of some of the nation’s top oncology physicians, who initially seemed to have all the answers. They gave us treatment recommendations along with a roadmap to follow based on the best known standards of cancer care. But as one treatment after another failed to eradicate, or at least contain the cancer, the doctors became less and less confident in their recommendations. They began leaving ever more complex decisions in the hands of my mom — likely because they themselves were not sure of the direction my mom should take.

At the time, I was upset with my mom’s doctors for not telling her what to do. But in hindsight, I’m so thankful that they handed the reins, along with all pertinent information, over to my mom to make the decisions that best fit her needs and values. And in my mom’s case, that meant fighting for life no matter the toll it would take on her life.

2) Sometimes mom won’t want to talk about it — and that’s okay.

In trying to understand this life-altering, life-threatening disease, I dived into the research. I wanted to know the statistics, the risks and benefits associated with every treatment option, the side effects my mom would face, and the potential for alternative choices. For a long time, my mom’s cancer was top of mind, no matter what else was happening in my own life. But while immersion in the topic was my coping mechanism, my mom had a very different method of dealing: living her life as normally as possible, no matter the anxiety, pain or nausea.

She was superwoman. My mom thoughtfully scheduled all of her treatments — surgeries and chemotherapy — on Thursdays or Fridays so she could take the weekend to recover. Radiation therapy was always scheduled first thing in the morning so she could immediately head to work from the hospital. And though I know my mom suffered, trying to maintain her old lifestyle while battling against a life-or-death disease, I learned that she found hope in her ability to overpower the cancer. The best way to help my mom was not to focus on the elephant in the room, but rather, it was to focus on her, despite the elephant in the room.

3) The majority of people don’t know how to support someone facing such a tragedy — and that’s okay.

Following my mom’s diagnosis, I lost a lot of friends. Especially for teenagers, cancer is uncomfortable to talk about. Few of my friends knew what to say to me — whether to ask about my mom or avoid the topic for fear of upsetting me. Unfortunately, rather than simply express their support, many of those individuals faded out of my life. But even as some friendships diminished, those that were most valuable to me developed and grew.

4) Mom won’t be the same ever again — and that’s okay.

Twelve years ago, I loved my mom. She was my go-to partner in tennis and ping-pong. She was the world’s best paper editor. She was the ultimate sidekick for a shopping trip. And she ranked among my top five favorite chefs. But today, mom can’t handle all that activity. She’s weaker than she once was. Her body is fragile. But she’s also stronger than ever. Her spirit is resilient and her determination to live is steadfast. Mom is not the same person she was twelve years ago. She’s better.

5) I won’t be the same ever again — and that’s okay.

At some point in my life, I was carefree. I had a plan, and I knew exactly how I would wind up at my destination. But my mom’s diagnosis took me off my straightforward path and onto one full of detours and obstacles. Though I can’t say I’ve appreciated each twist and turn along the way, I can say that I appreciate each moment that has brought me to today.

There’s no doubt in my mind that I chose to join eFuneral, an Internet startup re-shaping the death care industry, at least in-part, because of my experiences on this journey with my mom. Prior to my mom’s diagnosis, death was something that happened to other people. Death was reserved for the old. But over the past 12 years, I’ve learned that death is just as much unavoidable as it is unpredictable. I can’t imagine that losing a loved one would ever be easy, but my hope in working with eFuneral is that I can help people through one of the most painful experiences of their lives.

I never in a millions years thought I would thank my mom’s cancer, but I am grateful for the perspective it’s enabled me to gain. My life will never be the same because I’ll be happier appreciating the blessings in my life — like my mom.

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All consumers deserve transparency in funeral planning, but up until now no one was willing to tackle this problem.

The federal government is supposed to regulate the funeral industry. They are supposed to act as a watchdog to ensure that funeral directors don’t take advantage of the vulnerability of grieving families. But in reality, the government is letting (some) funeral directors get away with shameful, dishonest practices that shouldn’t be tolerated – and certainly wouldn’t be in any other industry.

So as not to get ahead of myself, let me back up a bit …

Government Regulation: The FTC’s Funeral Rule

In 1984, the Funeral Rule was enacted by the Federal Trade Commission with the goal of bringing more transparency to the funeral industry by requiring funeral directors to provide adequate information to funeral planners. Specifically, the Funeral Rule requires funeral providers to give an itemized list of their prices to anyone who asks for it and accept caskets and urns purchased elsewhere without charging an extra fee. Additionally, it allows planners to choose the goods and services they want and don’t want (i.e. funeral directors can’t force the purchase of funeral packages).

Funeral Rule Violators

But many funeral homes simply refuse to comply with these regulations. The FTC knows about some of these violators, but because the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) runs the Funeral Rule Offenders Program, all those in violation of the government regulations are protected via anonymity. So instead of naming the funeral homes in violation of the Funeral Rule and indicating the extent to which they violated the regulations, the FTC simply states, for instance, “In Baltimore, Maryland, 1 of the 9 funeral homes inspected had significant violations.” Or “In Everett, Washington, 4 of the 11 funeral homes inspected had significant violations.”

And let’s say one of your neighborhood funeral homes has violated the Funeral Rule, what’s their punishment, for violating requirements for transparent and ethical business practices? The Funeral Rule Offenders Program gives funeral homes the opportunity to enter a three-year “training program” to increase compliance with the rule and make a “voluntary” payment to the U.S. Treasury and pay annual administrative fees to the NFDA. The alternative if the funeral home decides not to enter the program?  An FTC lawsuit that could lead to up to $16,000 in fees per violation. Needless to say, I would guess that most funeral homes would opt for the training program and voluntary payment.

The Impact on Funeral Planners

To be clear – not all funeral directors or funeral homes are deceptive. In fact, I would argue that for the most part funeral directors are among the kindest individuals on the planet. Death never takes a day off and is never a joy to be around, yet these individuals have devoted themselves to helping families day in and day out with the most painful experiences of their lives.

But, the shadowy practices of the minority has a definitive impact on families, especially those who are unaware of their rights. Imagine needing to buy a car within 3 days. In this scenario, you have no idea how much one vehicle costs versus another (because the dealers won’t tell you), you have no access to consumer reports or online resources like prices, ratings and reviews (they just don’t exist), you have no time to test drive the cars, oh and by the way, your mom just died.

While the Funeral Rule was meant to bring transparency to the industry, it hasn’t done enough to help funeral planners scrambling during a time of crisis to make quick, expensive, emotional, complicated decisions. Not only does it not do it’s job of easing access to information that should be freely available, it also protects violators! Funerals run in the multiple thousands (the average cost for a burial, not including a plot or cash advance items is $8500+), and they’re one of the most important life-cycle events of our lives, yet families still have to make painfully tough decisions with limited time and virtually no information.

eFuneral’s Role

We started eFuneral in 2011 with the mission of helping families get the information they need to make truly informed funeral decisions. Mike Belsito, Co-Founder of eFuneral, experienced for himself what it’s like to plan a funeral completely in the dark. And that inspired him to transform the industry and bring transparency to funeral planning via free pricing information, ratings, and reviews, along with a resources center that includes helpful articles and videos.

Nearly two years later, we’re the leading provider of industry information, and we’re proud to help families plan with confidence … and save time, money, and headache at the same time.

If you need any assistance at all accessing the information you need to make informed funeral decisions, please contact us at anytime! Simply call us at [phone] or email us at [email protected]. We’re here to guide you every step of the way.

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Although we want to spend time with loved ones who are sick or dying, it can often be difficult thinking of activities that are suitable for those with limited mobility or decreased concentration.  I hope this top 10 list helps give you some ideas for how to spend quality time with your loved one.

1) Scrapbook with Family Photos Going through old photographs is a great way to bond and share memories.  Take out boxes or albums where you keep family photographs, and select special ones to include in a scrapbook.  Choosing the right caption with your loved one will help start conversations about fond memories.  Try getting creative with scrapbooking tools, available at your local craft store, to add a personal touch to what is sure to be a family keepsake.

2) Start a Family Tree One of the most frustrating things for those experiencing memory loss is the inability to remember family members.  Creating a family tree with pictures and brief text explaining each person can be both a fun DIY project and an indispensable tool for your relative.  Consider using a magnetic white board or large corkboard to get started.

3) Watch Home Movies There’s no better way to stroll down memory lane then watching old home movies. You can get the whole family together for a movie night, complete with snacks, or simply watch as you sit hand-in-hand with your loved one.

Tip: If you haven’t already, make sure to convert old VHS tapes to digital formats (but don’t discard the VHS tapes as they will last years longer than DVDs). Once those are converted to DVDs and/or uploaded to the cloud, you can easily share them with family members.

4) Cuddle and play with an animal Depending on your loved one’s personal situation (allergies, fears, etc), bonding with an animal can be a wonderful idea. Dogs, cats, birds, and even fish bring out a sense of wonder and humor in us all. And caring for an animal makes us feel needed and gives our life a sense of purpose.  Sharing the love of a animal can unite a family as well as it creates a focal point for conversation. Remember to consult your loved one’s doctor before exposing them to any animals.

5) Plant a Memory Garden Planting a garden is great because it involves both indoor and outdoor time.  Inside, brainstorm with your loved one about the budget and vision. And be sure to discuss the amount of work it would take to maintain the garden of your choosing. Consider getting out colored pencils and paper to create a blueprint.  Outside, get down and dirty by digging, mulching, and watering.  The plants will serve as a living memorial to your loved one.  Even after they are gone, you and your family will be able to care for the garden and relive memories of creating it.

6) Go for a Nature Walk  You don’t need to go on a hike to appreciate the peace and beauty that nature has to offer.  Many parks have paved, flat nature trails that will allow your loved one to reconnect with nature and get some fresh air.  Try bringing along a bird or plant guide to add a sense of adventure. If the park is not an option, take a stroll indoors, paying attention to each item in the house. There are often great stories about even the most mundane items!

7) Revisit Childhood Places Taking a drive around the community to revisit spots your loved once frequented can be a great way to connect them with their past, share some good stories, and get some fresh air.  Try starting with parks, previous family homes or workplaces, and schools.

8) Cook a Family Meal Together If your loved one spent years preparing dinner for you, it might be time to return the favor. And even if they weren’t the cooking type, most people appreciate a good meal. Plus, the kitchen is the heart of the home and often a place filled with loving memories. Try cooking a meal that your family shared in your youth.  Set your loved one up with a task that aligns with his or her abilities.

9) Do a Puzzle  Sometimes it helps to have an ongoing activity that can last for days and be revisited as time allows.  Puzzles are a great way to focus time with a sick loved one. They also provide a sense of purpose and the opportunity to create conversations, while at the same time allowing for comfortable silence.

10) Share a Weekly TV Program Although TV should be watched in limited quantities (because those final days and moments are so, so precious), odds are your loved one has a program or two that they enjoy watching.  Getting into their show will provide a weekly conversation starter and something fun to look forward to each week.

What activities have you and your loved ones found fun and uplifting? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!

To check out more of my favorites, read my other Top 10 lists related to caregiving, end-of-life, death, dying, and loss.

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

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Like funeral services, cemetery costs can be high – according to a 2012 IbisWorld Report, the cost of buying burial rights is typically greater than $4,000. And many people don’t realize that the cost of burying a loved one, either in a cemetery plot or mausoleum space, is not included in the cost of a funeral. Prices for cemetery services vary widely across the country, and, unlike funeral homes, cemeteries are not required to provide consumers with itemized pricing. So, to help you with the process of researching your cemetery options, we’re providing you with a list of the costs you may incur for burying a loved one.

Cemetery Services and Cemetery Costs

Internment rights Also known as the right of internment, this refers to the purchase of the grave (permits flat marker memorials only), lot (permits upright memorials), crypt (a concrete enclosure for interment), or niche (used for inurnment of cremated remains). With internment rights, you have the right to be buried (or to have a loved one be buried) in that spot. It’s important to note that purchasing a cemetery grave, plot, or mausoleum space does not mean you own that land or that space.

Mausoleums These are above-ground buildings that house caskets. Many people choose this option because of the comfort it provides to visitors, no matter the weather. Others prefer an above-ground burial. Those who opt for a mausoleum space may purchase an area – a drawer-like space for caskets – along with a plaque bearing the name of the deceased. If you decide to move forward with an above-ground burial in a mausoleum, you will not need a “sealed” casket, as the rubber gaskets around the lid can cause gas build-up and leaking.

Columbariums These are above-ground buildings, similar to mausoleums, that house urns. Those who opt for a columbarium space may purchase an area – either a drawer-like space or a glassed-in shelf – along with a plaque bearing the name of the deceased.

Opening and closing This refers to the digging and filling of the grave but also includes record-keeping and maintaining legal files. It’s important to note that this charge also applies to those who choose entombment in a mausoleum and that this is a separate charge from the cost of purchasing internment rights.

Burial vault Also known as outer burial containers or grave liners, these may be purchased from a funeral home or cemetery. Burial vaults are placed in the grave in order to prevent the ground from sinking as the casket deteriorates. Some cemeteries require the purchase of burial vaults, but they are not required by law. It’s important to note that the installation cost may not be included in the cost of the burial vault.

Perpetual care Also known as endowment care, most states require cemeteries to deposit 5 – 15 percent of every sale into a maintenance fund to ensure the upkeep of the cemetery. Income from that fund is used to care for the cemetery, including cutting grass, regrading graves, planting and caring for trees, and maintaining the water supply systems and roads. This fee may be included in the purchase price, but be sure to clarify prior to making your final decision.

Headstone or memorial fees Some cemeteries charge a fee for installing headstones or memorials at the grave site, even if you purchased the merchandise from the cemetery itself – be sure to clarify prior to making a purchase.

As you’re gathering information about the cemeteries in your neighborhood, be proactive – ask for an itemized price list of all services and merchandise before you make a decision. This information will help you as you compare the cemeteries in your area. Also, be sure to request a copy of the cemeteries’ rules and regulations. Prior to making a decision, you want to make sure you understand what types of monuments are allowed, whether or not you need a burial vault, and what types of grave decorations are allowed.

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Death is scary. It’s something I’m sure all of us fear. But I think it’s possible for us to face our fear and find a silver lining. I agree with Seneca and think that death brings out the greatness of our lives. What do you think?

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In addition to the beautiful weather, the Browns season opener, and a refreshing dip in Lake Erie, Clevelanders are thinking about something a little unexpected this summer: death.  It seems everyone’s leaving their mark on the Market Garden Brewery’s “Before I Die, I Want to…” chalk wall in Ohio City, where passersby can pick up a piece of chalk, reflect on their hopes and dreams, and share their personal aspirations in a public space. From lighthearted musings to ambitious life goals, “chalkers” are having fun, examining their lives, and giving attention to the certain end we will all face.

The wide array of responses on the chalk wall got some of us here at eFuneral thinking: what do we want to accomplish before we die?  Here are responses from some of the people in the office:

Mike Belsito, Co-Founder Before I die, I’d like to write a book specifically for my family.  I don’t mean a published novel….or something that I’d sell.  But I’d like to write a book that would allow my family — for generations — to know just who I was.  As I’ve grown, I’ve realized that memories are often captured by pictures that we take.  However, those pictures only tell a story one snapshot at a time — and, often times, much context is lost.  I’d like to be able to provide additional context with meaningful words, where I can share the big picture of my life with my children, their children, and generations to come.  This way, they can understand who I am and, possibly, get to know themselves a bit better through my story.  After all, we’re often a reflection of our own past.

Chelsea Gumucio, Liaison Social Worker Before I die, I want to be a mother not only to my children, but I want to foster and adopt along the way and love the unloved. I want to travel to many countries- take my husband to Europe where I was born- see the amazing animals in Australia and visit South America to meet my husband’s family. I want to have a life that is meaningful and touch the lives of everyone I meet whether it be as a social worker, friend, or stranger. I want to be a wonderful example of a loving wife, mother, sister, child and friend. I want to inspire others to hope for the best and believe in something higher then themselves.

Leah Yomtovian Roush, Senior Manager of Strategic Development Before I die, there’s a lot I want to do, see, and experience. For starters, I want to see my children grow and start families of their own. It would be such a blessing to be an active member of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren’s lives! Next, I want to have a tangible impact on the world, making the world a better place. Hopefully, G-d willing, I have many, many years left so that before I die I can also have some fun with my husband, traveling the world, discovering hidden gems, and exploring various cultures. I want to take a trip to Antarctica and climb a glacier, have some sushi in Japan, go scuba diving in the Red Sea, take my entire family on a biking adventure from the northern most tip of Israel to the southern most tip, spend a few weeks on an African safari, climb Machu Pichhu, get to Everest base camp, explore a Columbian rainforest, experience the midnight sun in Scandinavia … there’s so much to see and so much to do before I die.

Nicholas Kania (me!), Marketing Intern Before I die, I want to live in New York City.  Although it may seem like an oddly specific goal, it’s something I’ve wanted to do since my first visit when I was 15 years old. Since then I have frequented the Big Apple many times, but feel to truly connect with the city’s energy you just have to live there.  Each time I go, I’m in absolute awe of the sheer volume of amazing restaurants, unique boutiques, and fascinating people.  The fact that my friends who inhabit the island can point to a world class tapas bar (“It’s just around the corner from my apartment!”) or a one of a kind brunch spot (“You HAVE to try the oyster bloody mary!”) is reason enough to want to live there for a while.  Although I eventually want to return to Cleveland and raise a family in one of the many wonderful kid-friendly suburbs that I have grown to love, I want to spend at least a couple of years absorbing all that is New York City.

What do you want to accomplish before you die?  Is there a similar chalk wall in your city?  Let us know in the comment section below!

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

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Death Cafes make people comfortable to open up about death | wkyc.com

eFuneral is in the news!  Check out this great coverage of our recent Death Cafe event:

ROCKY RIVER -- There are groups and gatherings for just about every interest these days. But a new kind of meetup is gaining attention for the way it's tackling an uncomfortable topic.

The concept of death cafés has come to Northeast Ohio.

"When you hear about death café, it sounds kind of morbid. It sounds kind of scary. But the reality is, these are positive events," Mike Belsito explains.

Belsito is the co-founder of eFuneral, an end-of-life planning website. Death cafés started in Europe and have made their way across the Atlantic to the United States.

The purpose is to make people comfortable enough to open up about the subject of death. And there is coffee and cake too.

The first death café in Cleveland attracted 26 people. The numbers have grown steadily since then.

Roughly about two hours in length, a host may start the discussion by throwing out questions about death: How do you want to die? Surrounded by loved ones in your home? In a hospital? How do you want to be remembered?

Attendees break up into small groups of five or six to talk about their personal experiences.

"We are very clued into living and living as long as we can, but eventually we come to a decision that we are not going to live forever. When we come to that realization, we want to have a discussion," explains Shelly Barnard, a licensed social worker who has attended several death cafés.

The casual get-togethers are held in coffee shops, restaurants and even homes. In other cities, death cafés have even been held in cemeteries.

Cafés are hosted by social workers and chaplains, though all beliefs and nonbelievers are embraced.

"One of the beauties about death café is that it's open to absolutely everybody. We don't segment this and only welcome certain people. Anybody can come to a death café, and the purpose is that it's an open and accepting environment for people to have real conversations about end of life," according to Belsito.

"It's not grief support. It's an open frank discussion about death," Marcella Boyd Cox said. Cox is director of the Boyd and Son funeral homes. She went to her first death café in June.

Cafés don't allow sales pitches. But directors like Cox are more than welcome to join in the discussion and answer questions about their business.

Cox sees benefits to facing your own mortality sooner, rather than later. She whole-heartedly welcomes the movement.

"If you deal with your own mortality, I think it sets you free to go on and live your life."

Death cafés are free. They are not a grief support group.

If you would like to learn more about the next Death Café scheduled in October, events are posted on a Cleveland Death Cafe Facebook page as well as the eFuneral website.

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Funerals are expensive. The average cost for a burial is more than $8,500, and the average cost for a cremation is more than $3,500. And even though many people cannot afford to pay such a large amount money in one lump sum, most funeral homes do not offer payment plans and require full payment up-front, before the service takes place.

If you cannot afford the cost of even the least expensive direct burial (about $2,300 or as low as $430) or direct cremation (about $1,800 or as low as $270), you may be eligible for financial assistance.

Financial and funeral assistance for funeral planners

Burial or cremation at the expense of your local city or county

Some states offer funeral or direct financial assistance to those who cannot afford to pay for a funeral service. To find out if your state offers such assistance and if you qualify, contact your city as well as your county of residence. Often funeral services are handled by the law, health, or cemetery departments.

In Ohio, the state is required to help those who cannot afford even the most basic funeral service. According toSection 9.15 of the General Provisions of the Ohio Revised Code, when a deceased individual is found in a township or municipal corporation and the deceased is not claimed by anyone or is claimed by someone who is indigent, then the township or municipality in which the deceased had been a legal resident at the time of death will cover the expense of the burial or cremation. For those in the City of Cleveland, contact the Cleveland Department of Health at 216-664-2317 for information on indigent funeral services. If you live in Ohio, outside of Cleveland, contact your city of residence for more information.

Body donation

The Anatomy Gifts Registry and Science Care are two of a number of organizations that offer a free program whereby individuals can donate their bodies to medical and scientific research. If an individual chooses body donation, upon their death the organization picks up the body, files the death certificate, and reports the death to the state – all at no cost. If families wish, they may ask for their loved one’s cremated remains following the donation and tissue recovery process – also at no cost. Another option for body donation is medical schools.

For information on medical schools in Ohio that accept whole body donation, click here.

Assistance from local religious organizations

If you would like to hold a religious funeral service for your loved one but cannot afford the cost of such a service, contact your local religious organizations for assistance. A good place to start is with your local church, mosque, synagogue, etc. Religious charitable organizations may also have information on such funeral assistance.

For those looking for a Catholic funeral service in the Cleveland-area, I recommend getting in touch with The Callistian Guild, an organization dedicated to providing burials for the poor. At no cost, the Guild provides a full funeral, including the services of a funeral director, a funeral mass in a Catholic Church, all transportation needs, a casket and vault, flowers, a plot in a Catholic cemetery, and a monument. The Catholic Cemeteries Association pays the funeral expenses when a request for assistance is made.

For those looking for a Jewish funeral service in the Cleveland-area, contact the Jewish Federation of Cleveland, a nonprofit organization that works to address social, health, and educational issues around the world. On an as-needed basis, the Jewish Federation works with local synagogues to assist those community members who cannot afford a funeral service.

Additional advice for those who cannot afford the cost of a funeral service

If you don’t think you would qualify for these types of assistance but would like additional tips on saving money on a funeral service, check out this article on planning an inexpensive funeral service.

And as your planning, if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact an eFuneral team member. Each of us is here to guide you every step of the way. And in case you’re wondering, all of our services are free. We will never ask you for a penny!

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Every year on Labor Day, we press pause on our hectic schedules to spend time with family and soak up the end of the summer.  

As a celebration for all the hard work we do, it’s important, especially for overworked and overtired caregivers, to make the most of this special weekend.  Here are our five favorite Labor Day activities for people of all ages:

1)      Look Out for a Great Cookout

As autumn fast approaches, so does the end of the summer cookout.  Use the extra time this weekend to gather friends and loved ones, and throw a cookout to end all cookouts.  Grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, pop, Frisbee, horseshoe toss, maybe even s’mores (yum!) are all staples of the perfect Labor Day weekend cookout.

2)      Get Wet

A day at the community pool (or for Clevelanders, Lake Erie) can be a great way to socialize and stay cool.  Go for a dip yourself, or stay dry under the shade as your grandchildren splash around.  Remember to bring plenty of sunscreen and water!

3)      Be a #1 Fan

Labor day is the epic beginning of the football season.  For many of us (especially Clevelanders) that means waiting with baited breathe as our favorite teams show what they’re made of.  Whether at home with chips and salsa or at the stadium with a juicy hot dog, cheer on your team with family and friends.

4)      Walk it Off

This Labor Day try gathering up the family and going for a nature walk.  The final days of summer boast lush foliage and beautiful flowers.  Many parks even have guides for identifying different animal and plant species.  Breath in the warm air as you teach your family the value of a simple walk in the woods.

5)      Check Out Local Events

Most cities host a plethora of events to celebrate Labor Day Weekend.  Make sure to check your community calendar so you don’t miss out on the fun!  From parades to neighborhood parties, events can be a great way to make new friends and stay connected in the community.

How do you plan on spending Labor Day weekend?  What activities would you add to our list?  Leave your answer in the comment section below!

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.

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How much do you know about dementia?

In the Dementia Series posts, thus far I’ve focused on the stages of one type of dementia: Alzheimer’s Disease. However, dementia is an umbrella term that covers several different types of dementia. While many individuals may know about Alzheimer’s Disease, there are many other types of dementia for which support exists to help patients and families.

Other Types of Dementia

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, the following are the other types of dementia:

Vascular Dementia- Vascular dementia can develop after an individual has a stroke (or many strokes), and an artery in the brain – one that is connected with the person’s thinking, reasoning, judgment, memory, and planning – is blocked. This type of dementia accounts for 20-30% of all dementia diagnoses.

Dementia with Lewy Bodies- Dementia with Lewy Bodies may include changes in thinking and reasoning, variable confusion, and alertness throughout the day, visual hallucinations, delusions, and some memory loss. Physical symptoms may include movement issues with a hunched posture and rigid muscles. Lewy Bodies are abnormal microscopic deposits in the brain that develop over time. For more information or support, visit the Lewy Body Dementia Association.

Frontotemporal Lobe Dementia- Frontotemporal Lobe Dementia impacts an individual’s judgment, emotions, speech, and movement – all controlled by both the frontal and temporal lobe. This diagnosis is broken down further into three types based on what part of the brain is affected including Behavioral Variant Frontotemporal Dementia (mostly affecting personality), Primary Progressive Aphasia (either losing the meaning of words when talking or losing the ability to speak) and FTD Movement Disorders (causing involuntary movements). Most individuals diagnosed with FTD are in their 50’s or 60’s. For more information and support visit The Association for Frontotemporal Degeneration.

Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease- Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (CJD) is a very rare form of dementia that includes symptoms such as depression, agitation, mood swings, confusion (memory, thinking, planning, and judgment issues), increased difficulty with walking, and involuntary movements. CJD progresses quickly and can be caused by an unknown agent, heredity or from infections caused by medical procedures or mad cow’s disease.For more about this diagnosis, visit The Creutzfeld-Jakob Disease Foundation.

Parkinson’s Disease- A late stage symptom of Parkinson’s Disease can be dementia. This type of dementia is also caused by Lewy Bodies that develop in the brain. Symptoms may include issues with memory, concentration, judgment, difficulties with speech, hallucinations and delusions, depression, agitation, and sleeping difficulties. For more about this diagnosis, visit the Parkison’s Disease Foundation website.

Korsakoff Syndrome- This type of dementia generally occurs from alcohol abuse, AIDS, chronic infections, or poor nutrition and it is caused by low levels of Thiamine in the brain. Symptoms may include difficulty with learning and memory but an individual still may appear to be able to function socially.

Helpful Dementia-Related Resources

Each of the foundations and associations listed above may be a great place to start. Additionally, the Alzheimer’s Association provides support groups, education, a helpline and more for all types of dementia. Look into your local chapter or find an online support group to assist your family if you or a loved one is experiencing a diagnosis of dementia.

This article was written for eFuneral's Online Resource Center by Chelsea Gumucio, eFuneral’s Liaison Social Worker. Chelsea is a State of Ohio-Licensed Independent Social Worker with experience working as an advocate, educator, and counselor. She previously served as an Alternative Home Care Hospice Social Worker in Cleveland, Ohio. Those thinking about end-of-life should visit eFuneral for help researching, planning, and arranging a wide variety of funeral-related services.

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Thank you so much to all of those who attended "African-American Funeral Celebrations: Tradition, Culture, History, Loss" last night at Cleveland Public Library.

eFuneral hosted a film screening of the PBS film Homegoings on Tuesday, August 27, 2013 at the Cleveland Public Library, Martin Luther King branch for an intimate look at the rarely seen world of undertaking. Following the hour-long documentary, which beautifully depicts the impact of tradition, culture, and history on death rituals, more than 60 audience members engaged in a Q&A Skype session with the film’s director, Christine Turner as well as a post-film discussion with funeral director, Marcella Cox, memorial advisor, Anna Ferro, estate planning attorney, LaVerne Boyd, and Pastor, Reverend Dr. Todd Davidson.

The film, Homegoings

Homegoings begins with a statement by funeral director, Isaiah Owens: “When it comes to death and funerals, African-American people, we have our own way … And everybody know[s] that it’s going to be a sad, good time.” In every community, there exist traditions around life-cycle events, including death. Through the eyes of a Harlem funeral director, we learn about those traditions and rituals in the African-American community.

Mr. Owens’ life, as well as his livelihood, is seeped in history. Born in South Carolina to Willie Mae and, sharecropper, Clifton Owens, Isaiah grew up among people who made their living picking cotton. When a loved one died, the community came together to care for the deceased, to send the deceased “home,” where they would be free from injustice, free from cancer, and free from pain. The black funeral director was a friend and would accept promissory notes from families who could not pay until the cotton was ready.

Mr. Owens described African-American death rituals during the era of slavery, explaining that  ”when the slaves were killed . . . it wasn’t a proper funeral, but they kind of did their best. . . . When they got down in the woods, away from the slave masters . . . they came up with songs like ‘Soon I will be done with the troubles of the world, going home to live with my God.’” And the funeral director touched on emerging trends as well, stating that over the last 45 years more and more mom-and-pop funeral homes, each with a loyal clientele, are going out of business while, simultaneously, corporate-owned funeral homes have been on the rise. He also noted another trend: In the 1980s many of the departed were victims of violence or AIDS, whereas today people are dying of heart problems or stroke.

For Mr. Owens, caring for the dead (as well as the grieving living) is his calling. Growing up, he was fascinated with death and held burials for anything he could find. At age five, he buried a matchstick and put flowers on top of the soil. As he got older, he progressed to burying “frogs . . . chickens; I buried the mule that died. I buried the neighbor’s dog.” And now? Now Mr. Owens is trying to build a legacy – one that dates back more than a century – of the black funeral director as a pillar of the community.

Homegoings also introduced the audience to funeral planners – both those who met with Mr. Owens to make advance arrangements, as well as those who came to him with an immediate need situation. While making funeral plans was emotional for everyone, it was also inspirational. One funeral planner described the African-American funeral this way: “Homegoing. A happy occasion. . . . You’re going home to meet the ones that went on before you and they’re there waiting for you.”

Q&A with Homegoings film director, Christine Turner and discussion with industry experts

Following the film, audience members had the opportunity to explore topics around end-of-life, death, and dying with the Homegoings film director as well as a panel of industry experts. The discussion ranged from what individuals need to do to prepare (both themselves and their families) for their inevitable death, how families can balance differing views on death rituals, and ways that families can celebrate their loved ones lives upon death while staying within their budgets.

At the end of the evening, each person filled out an evaluation form asking him or her to pick a word (or words) to describe their experience that evening, and this is what they said: 

“Enlightening. Informative. Interesting. Professional. Surprised. Intrigued. Educational. Good Idea. Upbeat. Positive. Essential. Relief. Life-affirming. Dynamic. Excellent. Informing. Important. Humbling. Informational. Helpful. Moving. Thought-provoking. Open-minded. Comforting. Necessary. Outstanding. Very Good. Awesome. Urgent.”

Upcoming eFuneral events

eFuneral plans to continue holding discussions, film screenings, and death cafes. The next event will be a Cleveland, LGBT-focused death cafe, which will take place in October. If you are interested in attending an upcoming event, please contact [email protected] to be added to the email list or “Like” eFuneral on Facebook for updates on the latest events.

Leah Yomtovian Roush is the Senior Manager of Strategic Development for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, a comprehensive and free online resource that enables those thinking about end-of-life to research, plan, and arrange a wide variety of funeral-related services. Leah is the editor of eFuneral's Online Resource Center, and she manages the company's marketing efforts and develops strategies for company growth. Leah also serves on the Boards of multiple non-profit organizations, helping them expand their reaches and increase their impacts.

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Inspiration from a girl wise beyond her years: Anne Frank

Anne Frank’s story and insights continue to inspire the young and old alike, especially those facing difficult and painful circumstances. 

Read more inspiring quotes, and then tell us: What inspires you? What keeps you going on the most difficult days? Where do  you find silver linings?

Nicholas Kania works in marketing for Cleveland, Ohio-based eFuneral, an online resource providing caregivers and those thinking about end-of-life with free, helpful information.