Egodactylus

I killed a man in colod blood on september 25th 2013 near the Delaware river after which I disposed of the body by throwing it in said river. The body was found by the authorities the next day but they could never trace the murder back to me and as of this day I am still haunted by the act. I hope there is forgiveness in the beyond for my deeds more atrocious than that of depraved monster seeking blood. I did not kill out of bloodlust but merely cause I could and I wanted to. Dear God free me from my flesh cage and burn my skin as if it were Icarus his wings and you the beautiful bright sun I am so yearning to reach.

[anik]

i love this guy

[satanfemme]

image that's existed in my minds eye for weeks; don't forget

[lizardsfromspace]

A underrated moral panic is the UK government's deep and enduring hatred of ninjitsu. From the days of video nastys banning nunchucks and shuriken from the media but not touching depictions of any type of weapon people actually have or use to Keir Starmer promising to ban ninja swords to solve knife crime, famously committed primarily with replica Japanese swords, forever. There are still presumably people with ASBOs for pretending to be Naruto in 2004, when Tony Blair executed a raid on the servers hosting Real Ultimate Power and declared once and for all that Britain will not stand for dishonorable stealth combat no matter how many shadow warriors are sent by Brussels

[clamberlad]

I grew up with teenage mutant hero turtles on the TV because they didn't want to say the n word on television aimed at kids

[lizardsfromspace]

Okay, never expected to see someone say "the n word" and mean ninja, but with Britain everything is possible

[lizardsfromspace]

People are going "really" and. Yeah

Not only did they change the title for the UK, but it censored the American show too, bc they got tired of having to cut out scenes of Michelangelo using nunchucks & replaced them with a grappling hook in later seasons.

The fact that this cover censors nunchucks, and the word "ninja", but is perfectly fine with the kid's comics heroes using KNIVES AND SWORDS paints a interesting picture of the priorities here. There was, specifically, a widespread moral panic against nunchucks, which ran so deep they cut a scene from TMNT II where someone spun sausages in a way too akin to nunchucks. Love how that article can't even explain why they were obsessed with ninja weapons, since nobody actually knew how common they were at the time. They just leapt to banning this sick filth in the proud British tradition

It should be noted this isn't the permanent UK name, it was just the name in the 80s/90s. Mutant Mayhem came out over there are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, not "Hero"

[lizardsfromspace]

Okay so I was trying to find out more about why nunchucks. A relatively obscure weapon that's hard to use and more likely to hurt some random kid using it than anyone else

Apparently the ban was just something they did pre-emptively after Enter the Dragon came out, and it was enforced by a censor named James Ferman. Who cracked down harshly on weapons like nunchucks and shuriken, but did nothing to touch, like, normal knives and swords and guns

I thought cutting someone twirling sausages like nunchucks was absurd, but apparently he was so fanatical about it he demanded they cut a shot from the Dragnet movie...bc you could see nunchucks in the background on a Enter the Dragon poster

That piece quotes a writer named Justin Wren who points out the elephant in the room: they were fanatically banning...what was probably the least violent weapon in the cast, versus the big stick, the literal sword, and sai, which I have been corrected are pronged metal batons you can stab people with and not knives. Apparently by the time the film came out everyone on the British Board of Film Classification besides Ferman agreed: that focusing on them over more dangerous weapons made no sense

Apparently he wanted to prove nunchucks were super dangerous, actually, so he pulled some out at a meeting and swung them around and promptly managed to nearly strangle himself. When told no one had used nunchucks in a crime in years, he attributed this to his own ban on them in a movie about turtles

So there you have it: it was all the result of one film censor who imposed his ridiculous crusades on British film as a whole. Who couldn't tell the difference between a sausage and nunchucks and thought kids couldn't either. Who...released David Cronenberg's Crash with zero cuts or censorship???

[lizardsfromspace]

Remembering the British film censor who despised nunchucks to such a degree he would shred scenes to pieces to cover up a image of them on a poster in the background. It literally wasn't even prompted by anything. He wasn't even worried about kids hurting themselves trying them out, like he did, he just thought Britain was due for a massive wave of ninja crime and he heroically stopped it

[pingintech]

very interesting things the british are doing lol

also a sai isnt really like a baton you can stab people with i mean you can stab people with it but its a melee weapon designed specifically to break swords and or disarm sword users thats why another common name for them is sword breakers its closet relative is probably the ranseur

youd think maybe a polearm with billhook because theyre much more similar in design but billhooks were more used for pulling riders off horses whereas the ranseur was similar to the sai used specifically to assist in deflecting and disarming people with swords

sais are typically more affective at this task however because the space between the prongs is shorter and because they are short range instead of long range weapons giving you much more ability to quickly turn the handle with a sword caught in between and snap that thang in half

also you should basically never hold a sai like raphael is doing with his right hand because the hooks are designed to funnel the sword right into the space where his fingers are which while cool looking is a good way to lose a finger and a bad way to try and stab someone because it limits the flexibility of your wrist significantly

[meiuya]

[tamaki-ako]

funniest case of a bad translation

[wyrmicelli]

me tongue-deep in a sandalwood candle: 🤤

the tjmaxx employee loading a fourth tranquilizer dart into their blowgun: i need backup

[snowown]

[devilsskettle]

Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman

[devilsskettle]

[devilsskettle]

[gingik]

[eelsabound]

got an ad on instagram for a group of beatles impersonators that hire out for events and all the comments were asking if they hired them would the paul and john kiss

[eelsabound]

[ouroborosorder]

at the JRPG cafe, and the drink sizes are sod, soda, and sodaga

[shakespearenews]

A sheep in the role of Cordelia in “King Lear With Sheep.”Credit” Nick Morris.

Source: ‘King Lear With Sheep.’ Yes, Sheep.

[pocketss]

distressing things to say to your friends

[o-craven-canto]

Alternate timeline in which all Greek and Latin roots are swapped:

catastrophe -> contraverse cephalopod -> capitoped chlorophyll -> viridofolia democracy -> populimpery homicide -> anthropoctony homosexual -> equigamic kilometer -> millimensure interregnum -> mesarchy magnanimous -> megapsychic manuscript -> chirography motorcycle -> ergatorote microscope -> parvovisor oxygen -> acidofex polyamory -> multierasty television -> remotoscope universe -> monostrophe

[keyboard-worrier]

If you're ever struggling with math, Fields Medalist Yu Deng recommends yuri.

[incoherent-orca]

god bless him and may his egg crack soon

[byjove]

at least now we know why he has yet to return when Britain is in peril

[kitkatmoose]

We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.

[byjove]

I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.

[a-daks]

ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois

[byjove]

He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.

[catgirlinachally2]

also the way he pulls britain out of said peril really pisses off the right wingers, at least in part because he recognises that he cannot do it alone and chooses those he trusts (his jamaican community) as his knights

[byjove]

Absolutely, Guinevere is the Jamaican nurse who took him in in this universe and many of his friends in the Jamaican community that took him in are analogous with/reincarnations of common characters from Arthurian mythology. Except for Merlin. Who is the original Merlin. Who is living a retiree lifestyle in The Bahamas for plot and wizard foresight reasons.

[byjove]

Unrelated side note, I love slipping in an occasional Prydain in place of Britain just to remind everyone King Arthur was not English. The landmass is Ynys Prydein to him. ☝️

[sneefss]

trans women:

center yourself in language that includes you. if it includes women like you, it includes you. it's not "them" it's "us". women are your peers. when someone says ladies that means you. keep reminding yourself. don't forget. it is a fact. treat it like one. you HAVE to treat yourself like a woman. keep reminding yourself. keep reminding yourself.

[sneefss]

this this this this.

that song is about you. that advertisement applies to you. when someone tries to lift women's self esteem it's supposed to be lifting YOUR self esteem. how many songs come on the radio telling women they're beautiful??? that's YOU. you're beautiful. take it seriously. take yourself seriously. you ARE a girl and you HAVE to act like it. if you don't treat yourself like a woman, and you ARE one, then you're not treating yourself like a person, and THAT IS SELF HARM. you HAVE to treat yourself like a girl. it isn't optional.

[gutsssee]

‘life is sweet, but when it’s gone, love goes on and on.’

The Joestar Jizo. Johnny the selfish jockey was remembered fondly - not for fame or trophies, but for his good and sacrificial heart.

lyric at the top is from ‘love’ by nancy adams, sung for disney’s robin hood.