I like my coffee with cool whip and uranium

Dok/Doc/Fox, 34, Ace. Audhd. Who knows anymore. Call me whatever you want. Small and uncoordinated. ☢️

[shisasan]

wishing all my followers unexpected good news and something that restores their faith a little

[quotefeeling]

“The worst part about being lied to is knowing that to that person, you weren’t worth the truth.”

— Unknown

[futileexercise]

[fullcravings]

Chocolate Cheesecake Bars

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

how it feels to message a friend who's having Problems that you can't do anything to help with.

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

#i appreciate how genuine and non-judgemental this comic feels #like left one is not upset at right one for caring while being powerless #and right one seems genuinely distraught and not performative

I'm glad the facial expressions are coming across accurately! It can feel so absurd to say gosh I hope the torment maze removes some fire and rusty nails soon, but alas, sometimes that's all one can do.

[prokopetz]

Honestly, if you see an angel that’s all eyes and wings and wheels of fire, you should be worried. Like, not because it’s going to hurt you or anything, but because scripturally, angels invariably appear to ordinary people in human form. In general, they only show their inhuman true forms to prophets – which means if you’re seeing them like that, they come bearing responsibility.

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Me: [opens door]

Wheels upon wheels, eyes of flame, the roar of a thousand wingbeats: BE NOT-

Me: nope [closes door]

Bearer of the throne of heavenly God, through door: YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO-

Me: I don’t live here

Celestially Ordained Mover of the Unmoved: I CAN SEE YOU-

Me: fuck off!

[themythicalcodfish]

the above being the bog standard reaction of pretty much every prophet, including the guy who ran away so hard he got swallowed by a whale

[hungwy]

Don't ask me I just blog here

[nature-travel-photography]

Blue gorge. - Author: Condolisia

[literarymood]

~ Albert Camus to Maria Casares, Correspondence, July 11, 1949

[ratfuck]

not my cartoon ass floating over to a pie on the window sill

[quasi-normalcy]

Mel Brooks on taking studio notes:

[evilvillain123456789]

I CLAIM THE ABUNDANCE THAT IS COMING TO ME NOW 🌈🙏💖✨ *falls asleep and dreams of a skeletal figure atop a black horse carrying iron scales*

[kayforpay]

history fucked me up

oxford was built and operational as a college before the rise of the mayans and cleopatra lived in a time nearer to pizza hut’s invention than to the pyramids being built

[kayforpay]

I need a noncomprehensive history book that covers Known World History in time periods, like “in this century, all this shit was happening concurrently” and not just all spread out so I have to piece it together like some unpaid uneducated scholar

[archaeologysucks]

You mean like this?

The Timetables of History by Bernard Grun

I grew up with this book, which is frickin’ enormous, and it was endlessly fascinating to young me to pour over the side by side comparison of events taking place concurrently under different headings and in different parts of the world.

Or if you want something you can put on your wall, there’s this:

World History Timeline

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I had this book! My grandpa gave it to me and it was really freakin useful!!

[mckitterick]

I loved this book! Same for The Timetables of Science: A Chronology of the Most Important People and Events in the History of Science.

Same for The Timetables of Technology: A Chronology of the Most Important People and Events in the History of Technology. Great references!

[lepetitpoete]

okay but here’s an even cooler (free!) visualization that goes a step further and tracks ideas, devices, infrastructures, and systems of power

Calculating Empires: A Genealogy of Technology and Power Since 1500

✨️with a special focus on colonialism, militarization, automation, and enclosure✨️

You can spend hours upon hours exploring this

[wu-zetian-of-zhou]

Hello, tumblr. Yes, it’s me. Disappointing news for the Confucian literati: death is temporary, but my mandate is eternal.

Let’s address the elephant in the court. I see you all reblogging posts about "women’s wrongs" and "gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss." Cute. Very modern. But let’s be entirely transparent- I invented the blueprint.

While your current icons are busy getting canceled on Twitter, I was busy dissolving the traditional aristocratic hierarchy, weaponizing a secret police force, and rebranding myself as the literal incarnation of Maitreya Buddha because the existing religious infrastructure didn’t afford me enough tax exemptions.

I’m seeing a lot of discourse about my "ruthless rise to power." First of all, it’s called upward mobility. Second of all, if my stepsons didn't want to be exiled to the provincial swamps, they simply should have been better at statecraft. It is not my fault that competency is a scarce resource in the Li family.

To the haters currently crying in my asks about the "illegal usurpation of the Tang Dynasty": I created the Zhou Dynasty out of thin air because the previous branding didn't suit my complexion. Cry about it. Cry to the censors. Oh wait, I replaced them all with merit-based scholars who actually passed their exams.

A few ground rules for this blog:

* No cats. Do not send them to my inbox. Do not tag me in them. Lady Xiao knows what she did, and I am not taking chances with the transmigration of souls.

* Anon hate will be redirected to the tribunal. If you have a grievance, state your name and province so my ministers can properly log your treason.

* The stele stays blank. I don't need a bio. My track record speaks for itself.

Anyway. Reblog for good luck or I’ll restructure your family's tax bracket.

[thethirdromana]

The worst types of cookbook:

The Ottolenghi - it is vital that you use 1g of this very expensive ingredient. It comes from a 500g bag with a one-week shelf life.

The time machine - 15-minute recipe! First, leave to marinate overnight...

The dishwasher - one-pot recipe! Now decant your ingredients and wipe out your pot. And again. And again. And again.

The optimist - cook the onions until caramelised (2 minutes).

The kindergarten teacher - get one nommable little tree of broccoli and bosh that into boiling water. Delish!

The brand names only - ingredients: Ritz crackers, Philadelphia cheese, Cool Whip, orange Jell-o...

The 1950s palate - use one (1) clove of garlic and a small pinch of chili flakes (omit if preferred).

The why bother with a cookbook - to make beans on toast, gently heat a tin of beans and put on top of freshly buttered toast.

[thethirdromana]

#the overachiever: make this very time consuming ingredient from scratch even though it'll end up tasting worse than store bought

Amen to this @akasanata. "Now make your puff pastry from scratch". How about no❤️

[mumblesplash]

social media relativity within the average 10k+ note post on this site: a new theory i’ve been working on

[wintermoth]

.....i think you might be onto something

[kitkatmoose]

Astigmatism havers... Favourite programs for reading long pdfs? I'm talking like 7000+ pages...