Defunct RP Blog

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@zhaohun

[ Text to: ??? ]: I just saw your google search history and I think we need to talk. [ Text to: ??? ]: ‘Sexy minions’? [ Text to: ??? ]: Please delete your history! Especially at work! ...

[ Text to: ??? ]: omg Sorry! Wrong number.

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How to Kill Matthew Vol. 6

Three months. Three months and no sign or lead to where the most essential part of his ability was. Matthew wanted to beat his head into the wall, the stress was getting to him. Taking a walk through the city, he wanted to be Forrest Gump and just keep running until his problems felt like the dissipated. But he was not a successful business owner or war veteran who could just run for months on end, so he settled with just a lengthy walk.

Matthew’s trip led him to the strange part of the city near a forest known for junkies, drunks, and cults. At an apartment building he smelt the same stench that was screamed into his face, and when a door clamored open releasing the same heinous odor, Matthew ducked behind a nearby wall and watched who or what came out of the door.

@dakotadeadmanwalking

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And this is Jackass

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generaticn:

die

No, he had most certainly not seen far worse. “People don’t get that fucked up playing football, dude, what are you on about?” In fact, his immediate fear had transformed into something a little closer to interest. 

Regardless of that, Matthew’s explanation for his ability, fragmented at best, so far, was certainly not helped by any of this. “Ten minutes? That’s it? It looked pretty freakin’ rough.” Evil designs were creeping into Alfred’s mind.

“Say, have you ever tested out- how bad it can get?” Not the safest and most appropriate way to put it. But hey, he’d done a bunch of fun shit around Port City that may or may not have destroyed a couple of benches. All completely justified as mafia work for the- betterment of the city. 

“You can’t just think I’m gonna let this slide. We gotta try this out.” Alfred’s plans left minimal room for any form of dissent. Perhaps they should start with car-jumping, or parkour, or anything else that a normal human being could do. “It could be fitness training. Y’know. Extreme.”

“Yeah, I guess. It feels rough, hooray for accelerated healing.” And the ability to never have a haircut and be stuck looking like a high school student forever. At least there was no possibility of him balding.

“... Not really any testing specifi- We gotta try this out?” Really. Dying and coming back to life was not enough to appease some people. Might as well appeal to doubting Thomas and let him see the resurrection in real time.

“Is there really a we in this or are you going to just going to try variations of near-death experiences on me? It would only be fair if you test your ability too.” Bargaining was likely useless, but if he had to deal with getting his ass kicked then so did Alfred. In some way. There was doubt that Alfred could really even test his ability out.

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like for a starter with matthew. wild threads only))

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A small bottle of maple whisky stood on Matthew's desk with a Christmas card.

... Thanks. I’m not that old though.

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xignisavemx:

Lelia clambered onto the bus, eager to get home. Apparently everyone else was, too, because there was only one seat left. She approached the blond, clearing her throat. “May I sit by you?”

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Matthew had been busy on his phone, just checking out that he was on the right bus and what not. His earbuds were in and blasting some of his music, mostly big band performances at the moment. Noticing the shadow looming over, followed by a throat clear he looked up and yanked out his earbuds.

“Sorry, yeah. You can definitely sit by me.” He moved over and made sure none of his stuff was invading her space. Looking over her one more time, “Um, sorry again, but I swear I recognize you.”

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heukjangmi:

It feels more like a trap card for yourself, since it feels like you’re hiding something from me ! Don’t think I didn’t notice that pause in your response, binch ! “Of course, why not ! And I’ve always wanted to go to some cute vintage stores as well, since some of the cutest clothes are used.”

Anyways, looks like he is going be a bit of a fake here ! “Oh you frequent a cafe ? May I see the cafe too ? I would love to see what sort of drink you with such soft hair must be drinking !”

With that he pulled down the sleeves on his very nice new teal sweater (courtesy of Mei !) over his hands and smiles sickly sweet.

“Let’s go, then ! And let’s definitely stop by some clothing stores, I think you need a bit of a wardrobe update !”

It would have been a trap if he had said it was near his apartment!

“Ah, I usually get chamomile tea, but lately I’ve had a craving for coffee. But, the hot chocolate in this cafe is one of the bests so I usually get that with them.” No one asked! But it was an attempt to fill the time with his musings.

“Mmm. No thanks, I have to save up for Christmas gifts and can’t afford to get anything new. And I’m rather content with what I have in my closet.” Strangers commenting on Matthew’s wardrobe? In Port City? It’s more likely than you think. “However, I’m happy to stop by some places if you’re looking for yourself.”

Trying to let down Neela rather gently, he could afford to get some new clothes, but had a sneaking suspicion that the places they would be going to would be far out of his price range. Saying a silent prayer that this would appease the sassy child.

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And this is Jackass

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generaticn:

“Bro.” You know when you just- see something that should not exist? And we’re not talking about Mafia Boss having a boyfriend. We are talking about boneless arms. A deep breath, a long moment to consider what the hell had happened. Then, naturally, the scream.

        “What the fuck was that?!”

Hellfire, dark fire. Regardless of how horrifying that looked, it meant that Matthew could actually bear a high five from Ernest goddamn Hemingway just when his powers hadn’t entirely left. Those powers were the kind of thing that got him banned from a couple of malls. And yet, Matthew hadn’t died. 

Alfred always knew that the guy’s ability was, without mincing words, some fuckshit. He’d take any chance to find out more about this- what, freakin’ Elastigirl physics? Not even that, it didn’t even stretch! It was just like the elbow bone stopped giving a shit.

     “Bro. Care to explain that?” Stings a lot? Sure didn’t look like it stung- at all. But Alfred would heed that request if, and only if, he received another demonstration- along with the explanation. Both.

🅱oneless arm

Matthew winced when Alfred let out that long winded scream.  Giving the other a well deserved confused look at his questions. He was positive that he had seen- no experienced far worse injuries just playing football.

“It’s just how my ability works- I’m sure you’ve seen far worse.” He gave another poke to his arm, pain wringing through out it as it wiggled. “Give it ten minutes and it should be as good as new.”

Alfred appeared not satisfied with that response in the slightest, which would not help in the future to prevent becoming the Jones Family’s personal punching bag. He expected that Alfred would eventually leave him alone, but did not trust if Emily found out about his ability.

“My arm is in great pain, and because it doesn’t abide by what the painting would look like, it will heal rather quickly.” To be honest, he had not tested the limits of the painting and how strictly by the book the ability went. There was not a need to.

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How to Kill Matthew Vol. 5.? Featuring Francis

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countfrancula:

“Oh don’t worry, I got plenty of sleep. But yes, I stayed here. I couldn’t just leave my precious cousin by himself!”

“But I’m glad to see you’re up now. You did certainly sleep plenty! More than half a day, I’d assume. But I’m glad, you certainly needed the rest.” He followed him towards the kitchen. “Ah, but you must be hungry! I will make some food. What would you like? I can make your favorite.”

“Only half a day. Better than what I expected.”

Would it be wrong to say Kraft dinner? Too bad he did not want Francis to actually murder him. He took out some coffee mugs and placed them near the kettle, ducking below to search for the coffee and teas. Matthew took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes.

“Actually, pancakes sound great - and eggs, and back bacon. But regular bacon works too.”

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And this is Jackass

@generaticn​

Matthew had done his best to not boast his ability, and even went out of his way to avoid being in a situation that would activate it. The stabbings and shootings from rivals had gone down significantly because they realized he would just keep talking to them and report what happened to Arthur. 

But there were incidents.

Incidents caused by certain people, unwittingly leading to Matthew being harmed in some way. It was part of the job, and honestly he should have died awhile back. And Matthew was currently suffering from an incident. He and Alfred were sent on a mission that had gone successfully, and Alfred gave him a rather aggressive high five resulting in an unnatural arm windmill. He sharply inhaled from the pain of his arm being dislocated? Broken? He took his left arm and batted it to see how it reacted. Rag doll physics all up and down his arm, but his shoulder was fine so it meant that the elbow was up to some fuck shit.

“That stings a lot. Please don’t do that again.” Trying to be nonchalant about the fact that his arm felt destroyed. Also trying to make sure that Alfred did not make a mountain out of a molehill.

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heukjangmi:

“Oh, they have niche stores here ? In America ? How interesting ! Here I thought everything was big companies and corporations, by now !” Neela was being facetious, something he did very much subconsciously. Not that he was holding it back all that much in front of this particular person !

He ran some different things he needed (and would help this particular situation) in his head before exclaiming, “Could you show me to a good sweets store ? I am still looking for one that sells the particular brand I like of chocolate. I am rather picky, you see.” 

Neela flashed a bright smile, opening his hands in an open gesture. “And I’ll let you try some ! It is very good ! If you are open to coming with me, that is.” Another power move. If Matthew agreed to come along, again, Neela would get to drag Matthew around his influence a bit longer. If not, Matthew would again seem the bad guy.

Neela supposed he could feel bad for the guy, they had just met, after all. But honestly, sometimes hate-crushes drive you to do the oddest things.

Matthew ran a few calculations in his head on the outcomes of this - if he told Neela he did not know where any were he could be called out for lying since he was bad at it; if he told Neela that he changed his mind he would be dragged for not keeping his word; and if he took Neela to the shop he might be called fat despite his willowy nature. Not that there was anything wrong with being heavier, but the negative connotation did always linger. Best to go with the last option.

Your power move activated my trap card - “Hm. There is an international candy shop a few doors down from ...” His apartment. “A cafe that I like to go to. It might have what you’re looking for. I can show you since I don’t have it’s address.”

As if he was going to be weird and indicate where his apartment was. He chose the next closest landmark so he was not lying, just forgetting a detail. Matthew started to walk in the direction of the store, turning to make sure that Neela was with him. “Is there anything else you want to see? I can take us a different route that would be near any other shop as well.”

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How to Kill Matthew Vol. 5.? Featuring Francis

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countfrancula:

The more Matthew slept, the more relieved Francis became. He was more than happy that his cousin was finally getting the rest he needed, and, true to his word, he stuck around, cleaning up the house and making plenty of meals, now stored in little containers in Matthew’s fridge. He also took the liberty of throwing out the energy drinks; they were the last thing Matthew needed.

Quite some time later, when he finally heard Matthew stir, he quickly got up to check on him, putting on a bright smile when he saw him peek from his room.

“Bonjour, little cousin~ Did you sleep well?”

“Bonjour, um- yes.” Matthew stared out of the doorway. He appeared brighter and healthier than he did earlier, but he would deny it. “How long was I asleep? Were you here the whole time? Do you need to sleep?” 

He hoped not, especially if he was out for a long time. Even though his cousin was concerned about him, he was just as concerned for his cousin. Matthew shuffled more into his kitchen and put on the kettle for some instant coffee. Or tea if that’s what Francis wanted.

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A tower of soup cans block a vast majority of Baeoo's vision as he wanders down the street towards the homeless shelter that sits on the corner of the street. He seems to have things under control, until a patch of uneven pavement sends him toppling into a bystander, flinging his donation flying in every direction. "Oh shoot...oh shoot! I'm- I'm so sorry!"

Matthew stopped and threw up his arms as the cans rained down, not that they were likely to hit him. He frowned as the noise of tins hit the ground, some denting and breaking open. An eye peaked open after the sounds stopped, and he lowered his arms examining the mess.

“No worries, I’m sure it was an accident. Here-” Being the good Samaritan that Matthew was, he started to help pick up the cans. “Where are you going with these? I’ll help you take them there.”

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gwittulami:

“Oh! Sanun must be so good at solving cases like that! I bet he gets them all the time~~ I really want Emily and Neela (my other roommate!!!!) to meet him because he’s so nice and he cares a lot about his employees!” He continues to neglect the fact that he really hasn’t done anything to be of use to the Agency. 

He stops in front of the church, holding out his hands for the rest of his donation. 

“Thanks so much for helping me get here!!” 

“Haha, yeah. He’s great at what he does.” Great at stopping the mafia from taking over the city completely, and just an overall good detective. Still has not found the portrait though.

“No problem!” Matthew gingerly placed the cans into Baeoo’s arms to make sure they did not topple over again. Before departing he told the other “Have a good day!” 

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Delaney went through the park for his morning run. The running blade attached to his leg made a conspicuous gliding noise when he brought it up and down but people cleared out of his way fast, which he appreciated. After 50 minutes of this he found a shady spot under a tree and paused for a rest, chest heaving. He was soaked but the wind was cool. It was the time of year when birthdays drew close. He shut his eyes against the gut punched feeling and looked around for someone to yell to.

As per the advice from his friends and family, Matthew had to be out of the house and away from the energy drinks. The one place he could think of immediately that was least likely to have that was the park. He meandered for awhile, trying to soak in the nature. He was curious of the man resting against a tree, but his instincts told him to not bother the guy. Matthew followed his gut and after a quick glance, he walked by the tree and still on the path.

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pixelthecatwhowalksthruwalls:

This sounded wildly unlikely but Delaney didn’t push. He shrugged and waved. “Alright, if you’re sure.”

Matthew turned his back and kept going, hopefully nothing like this would occur again.

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heukjangmi:

Neela felt sort of belittled by the way Matthew looked down on him. Like he was a kid. Okay, so maybe he is one by society’s standards, but he couldn’t be more than, what, four years younger than this soft weakling, right ?

It felt hypocritical, in a way ! He was just asking about hair, and he hadn’t shown any outer aggression towards the other (other than his expression, but how dare the other presume it was aimed towards him ? even if it was true !).

“Yep ! I have nice friends that show me around, since they lived here a little longer than I did.” Neela reached up to twirl a lock of stray hair with a slim finger, simultaneously checking his nails before looking off to the side. “I wouldn’t mind another friend showing me around, though !” If Matthew said no, Neela would seem the victim and would win. If he said yes, it would push Neela’s agenda to making Matthew uncomfortable. Win-win, either way.

Neela was clearly reading too much into this, Matthew is just looking at him normally. Matthew just continued to be his smiling self, even though he would rather not spend any more time with the other. 

“Of course! Is there anywhere in particular that you’re looking for? Say a hair salon or like a good tea place?” Was Matthew trying to get a dig at Neela for their starting conversation or was he just pulling random places? The world would never know. He rocked on his heels briefly trying to think of any other odd locations. “Or if you have any particular interests there could be a niche shop that sells what you want. Like a golf store or body paint place.”

Matthew would show up the other what it truly meant to be nice to someone, and not just be fake nice or being nice for personal gains - even if it took all day. Within reason of course, he was not going to buy the other cigarettes or something. 

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heukjangmi:

“Oh its fine, Matthew.“ Neela put some slight emphasis on the name, letting it roll slowly off of his tongue. It felt sorta right to the guy, like, this plain, not so flashy name. Biblical. The name of that kid you saw biting his hoodie strings in the back of the classroom but got perfect scores on all the tests. That kinda guy.

So anti-Neela’s taste. He had always dreamed of falling in love with an Andreas or a Christophe or something like that. 

Not Matthew.

“But since I’m new around here its cool to get to know people, you know ? Even if some of them don’t want to be so friendly back !” Neela smiled, folding his hands behind him and giving another petty smile. “But really, let’s be good to one another from now on !”

If Matthew had to give Neela a Christmas card, it would just be a generic one with a generic saying, tacked on with a ‘-Matthew’. The obligatory Christmas card. The card he usually gave to Emily so she would not be mad at him for giving her brother a card.

He recognized all the signs of a high school brat, with the disgusting emphasis of his name, the passive aggressive phrasing, and topping it all with a smirk. Though most the time it came from stereotypical mean girls and he would usually avoid them like the plague, but they liked to ask him for his homework answers. Well, kill them with kindness or what ever.

“Okay, Neela!” Matthew grinned, not in the petty way and put his hands on his hips. Perhaps to exude some sort of confidence. “Since you’re new, are you finding everything okay?”

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How to Kill Matthew Vol. 5.? Featuring Francis

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countfrancula:

With a relieved sigh, Francis took the can.

With a sympathetic smile, he gave Matthew a pat on the back. “I’ll be here when you wake up. Get some rest.”

He watched as Matthew went back to his room, and after a few minutes, went to check up on him, glad to see that he’d fallen asleep again. Draping a blanket over his cousin, he left him to rest.

Matthew slept for a solid 14 hours, most of it was sound with very little dreaming. The dream he did have was so similar to what he had dealt with all week that he only recognized he had been dreaming when he woke up. Inch resting.

He rubbed his eyes, and stared at the ceiling- Surely Francis had left by now, he had probably slept for days. Or at least a day. He slapped his hand onto the bedside table, and put on his glasses, followed by sitting up and stretching. Rising from his bed, he shuffled over to his bedroom door, and peaked out to see if anyone (Hallucinations included) was there.