Cats are like agressive boomerangs.
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@einsteinsmorondefenestration
Cats are like agressive boomerangs.
Sitting outside on the porch, 11 PM. Car down the road honks angrily.
Car: *angry beep*
Me, excitedly into my wifeâs ear: BEEP!!
Trying to cover up that I, a grown man, got excited to beep at a car down the road in the middle of the night and injuring my wifeâs hearing for the next hour:
It echoed. The entire neighborhood had to have heard it. I now have to go âbeepâ every time I come home so sheâll know itâs me and nobody else can make that loud of a beep with their natural voice in this podunk town.
Sometimes I get excited about something.
AND I REALLY WANT TO SHARE IT WITH SOMEBODY!!
ANYBODY!
But even when I do, I can't express how excited I am.
They'd think I was a freak for being so excited about something so simple.
They always do.
So I don't express my excitement on the outside.
Even when I do, I dilute it so much that it doesn't convey anywhere near the same excitement.
I just want to be happy or excited about something without someone looking at me like I was talking about an epic crap I had taken recently.
Is that so bad?
Went to a Wedding Today
My cousins wedding was held a couple hours from my home, and we're spending the night at a pretty nice hotel, everyone looked great. The bride was beautiful, my cousin didn't feint when he saw her, the country club where the reception was held was stunning. The dj started playing the dance music, and the bridal party dances were done, everything done without a hitch. Then the public dancing started: Awesome songs that I always dance to in my room. My sisters and cousin went up to dance like the sheltered children they used to be, barely moving and awkward shuffling while those who drink became more and more boisterous. The room was split in two, one half tables, the other, the dance floor. The room had built in wooden room dividers that I was standing by, awkwardly watching the dancing people and enjoying the music that was way, way too loud. I wanted to join in and dance, but I don't know how. I'm too awkward to just walk up and join, or ask if I can join them. My great aunt noticed me and told my sister to go pull me to the dance floor. I was terrified and resisted, but my leather sole dress shoes don't provide enough traction to give any real resistance. I stood there awkwardly and bounced around to the beat, but I kept my arms at stomach level at all times, stiff as a board. I was even awkward during the Cupid Shuffle, which, I mean, come on; anyone can do the Cupid Shuffle. I tried to get away as much as possible to avoid the complete and utter gut-wrenching horror. After three hours of this, we went back to the hotel. I waited to be last in the bathroom, then just stood in the shower and cried. My ears are still ringing from the music. Nothing is worse than that feeling of worthlessness I felt. I want to dance, and I want to have fun doing it, but the anxiety has made me feel like puking. I'm not usually the anxious type but any sort of loud, crowded social situation makes me feel like that. Does anyone out there have any advice for a socially inept young dude? I'd like to dance at my future wedding, but anything like that would ruin the day for me.
How to Fake Confidence
1. Hold your head high, and look others in the eye
2. Smile
3. Stop apologizing
4. Relax and be quick to laugh at yourself (but not at others!)
5. Dress in a way that indicates you have self worth
6. Use good manners (like saying please and thank you) as this is actually a mark of self respect
7. Expect other people to believe in you, and to see and appreciate your good qualities.
8. Before you know it, its no longer fake
wheRE WAS THIS ALL MY LIFE
LETâS DO THIS!Â
Thing is though 8. Doesn't actually work that often Having faked confidence for over a decade, it doesn't work. Sorry.
I'd like humanity more if it wasn't so insufferably moronic
Wait for itâŠ
Witchcraft
The math geek in me is giddy.Â
WITCHCRAFT!!! BURN THE WITCH!!!
I donât buy that âgraphâ even a little. Itâs clear that what I just witnessed is impossible without some kind of magic spell.
Bruh.
Every time you die in a dream you wake up because your brain doesnât know what happens after death.
Making fun of a fat person at the gym is like making fun of a homeless person at a job fair.
This is beautiful.
The real problem I have with Feminism is the fact that in their rush to make themselves equal they spend all their time and energy pushing men down in order to push women up. In my personal opinion, if youâre equal in every way, why donât you pull yourselves up instead of pushing men down. That way, youâre proving your strength instead of undermining the strength of others.
If one wishes to conquer the world, they need only have the most leverage over said world.Â
Humans see me as a computer repair professional, while robots in the future will see me as a Necromancer.
This makes me question history...
I have no clue who Iâm talking to, quite honestly.Â
Greetings from hiatus, I am now off pain meds, so posts wonât be like from some emo pit of hell (no offence to emos I just mean that pit was emo and from hell thatâs all)
Just a reminder that you can be âintelligentâ in lots of ways!
You can also be stupid in lots of ways but
FOLLOWERS? Where we're going we don't need followers!
Just realized I only used tags on maybe two posts. Might explain my follower count I don't know. Now you know why I consider myself a common idiot.