I gave up. some how landed here

[ultrafacts]

Source: [x]

Click HERE for more facts!

[exmellivorinae]

OH MY GOD whyyyy did no one tell me you’re supposed to send thank-yous after interviews?? Why would I do that???

“Thank you for this incredibly stressful 30 minutes that I have had to re-structure my entire day around and which will give me anxiety poos for the next 24 hours.”

I HATE ETIQUETTE IT’S THE MOST IMPOSSIBLE THING FOR ME TO LEARN WITHOUT SOMEONE DIRECTLY TELLING ME THIS SHIT

[a-windsor]

NO ONE TOLD YOU???? WTF! I HAVE FAILED YOU. Also: Dear ______: Thank you so much for the opportunity to sit down with you (&________) to discuss the [insert job position]. I am grateful to be considered for the position. I think I will be a great fit at [company name], especially given my experience in __________. [insert possible reference to something you talked about, something that excited you.] I look forward to hearing from you [and if you are feeling super confident: and working together in the future]. Sincerely, @mellivorinae

[exmellivorinae]

THIS IS A LIFESAVING TEMPLATE

[a-windsor]

YOU ARE WELCOME

[emeraldboreas-deactivated201809]

My brother got a really great paid internship one summer. The guy who hired him said the deciding factor was the professional thank you letter my brother sent after the interview.

[suaimhneas-peace-deactivated202]

should it be an email? or like a physical letter?

[daminwayne]

email, you want to send it within a few hours at max after the interview if you can so it’s fresh in their mind who you are. 

[khirsahle]

Confirmed! I interviewed for a job right after arriving in NY. The interview went incredibly well, and I went home and immediately wrote a thank you letter and put it in the mail. I had a super good feeling about this interview.

I didn’t get the job.

However, a few weeks later, I was called in to interview with another editor in the same company, and I did get that job. I found out later from the initial editor (the one who didn’t hire me) that he had planned to offer me the job, but since I didn’t follow up with a thank you letter, he assumed I didn’t really want it. He offered the job to another contender–but when he got my letter in the mail shortly after the offer had already been made, he went to HR and gave me a glowing recommendation. It was based on that recommendation that I got called in for the second interview.

So: send an email thank you immediately (same day!) after the interview. If you’re feeling extra, go ahead and send a written one too. OR go immediately to a coffee shop, write the letter, and return to the office and give it to the secretary.

Either way, those letters are important.

[neurofancier-deactivated]

Pro tip: If you really want HR to develop a personal interest in your application, publicly thank them on linkedin. Just make a short post telling your network about how X recruiter really went above and beyond to make you feel welcome, or about how be accommodating and professional they were, or whatever. Make sure to use the mention feature so they’ll get a notification and see it. 

Flattery will get you everywhere… and public flattery that might make its way back to their manager, doubly so.

[oaky-dokey]

Obligatory plug for one of FreePrintable.net’s sites: ThankYouLetter.ws. They have a whole section with interview thank you letter templates, and a page with specific tips for interview thank you letters. (There are also tons of other letter templates if you browse around a bit.)

[cricketcat9]

As a former professional recruiter and recruiting manager, I confirm, especially for entry-level positions, where you are competing with oodles of people. This little thing can make a difference. Also the fact that, maybe, you took time to google the “interview etiquette”.

[boogiewoogiebuglegal]

SIGNAL BOOST

[ultrafacts]

Source: [x]

Click HERE for more facts!

[ethanhunt-deactivated20230911]

You are Superman, aren’t you? Lois, look, we’ve been through these hallucinations of yours before. Can’t you see what you almost did? Throwing yourself off a building 30 stories high? Can’t you see what a tragic mistake you almost made? I made a mistake? I made a mistake because I risked my life instead of yours. Lois! Don’t be insane! And don’t fall down ‘cause you’re just going to have to get up again! Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut (2006)

[estebanwaseaten]

This scene features one of the best things about Chris Reeve’s portrayal, which is that he physicalized his different choices between playing Clark and Superman. Like, look at the difference:

He could go from Rick Moranis to Chris Evans with just his posture. It’s like his glasses are weighing his entire body down. Here it is, in motion:

Acting.

[mcgregorswench]

This is a perfect example that proves that the Clark Kent disguise actually does work….and how it works….

[nodhero]

My Dungeons & Dragons 5E bookmarks folder

Here’s all the bookmarks in my 5e folder. Not everything may be specifically 5e related but since we’ve started playing this edition, this is what I’ve collected so far.         

Player Help

D&D 5th Edition

           Discuss D&D 5E rules and products.

D&D 5E Character Sheets

DnDTwit

A Collection of Guides | WotC

           A collection of player made guides            

Pre-Generated Character Repository | WotC

           A Resource for Players and DMs            

List of 5E|Merric

donjon; RPG Tools

Zenith Games: 5th Edition Guide to the Guides

Tabletop

           Original, 10 minute ambiences and music for Tabletop Role Playing Games.            

Candlekeep Forum

How to search this rules forumn | The Wizards Community

           Searching this forumn does not seem to work for me.

Barbarians            

I’ll NEVER Die! (A Guide to the 5E Barbarian)

               Seen guides pop up the last few weeks for rangers, wizards, clerics, paladins, and warlocks, but I don’t think there’s one for the 5E barbarian yet. Seeing as it’s so straight forward, I feel like it might not be needed, but because it’s so straight forward, it’s also really easy for me to make it, so here you guys go

Graceful Destruction: A Guide to Dex Based Barbarism | The Wizards Community

               Graceful Destruction Contents: Intoductions Stats and Races Class Features Path Features Skills, Backgrounds and Feats Weapons and Armour Multiclassing Sample Builds            

Clerics                        

The Devout and the Dead: a guide to Clerics

               The Devout and the Dead a guide to Clerics

Clerics

               Greetings, Playground! I am going to be playing a Cleric soon, and, (being unfamiliar with 5e) come to you guys to figure out Clerics and their Domains.

For God and Party-A Cleric’s guide. | WotC

                Table of Contents

Dictum Mortuum’s The Cleric Handbook | WotC

               Hello All

Celestial Link Evoking Radiance Into Creation - CLERIC guide | WotC

Druids                         

By your Powers Combined: A Land Druid Handbook | WotC

               By Your Powers Combined: A Land Druid Handbook                

5e Druid Handbook - Land & Moon

               5th edition D&D Druid Handbook Version 2.0 Druids

[WIP] Thy Fearful Symmetry: A Circle of the Moon Handbook | The Wizards Community

               A holistic guide for Circle of the Moon Druids.                

Druid Guide & Discussion

               5th edition D&D Druid Guide Version 1.7        

Fighters                          

The Art of War: A Fighter Guide | The Wizards Community

               The Art of War: A Fighter Guide

Fighting Styles Overview/Discussion/Whathaveyou

               Ok So I havent seen any thread that specifically deals with the fighting styles in 5e

Bow Bond: An Eldritch Knight’s guide to Archery | The Wizards Community

               Bow Bond: An Eldritch Knight’s guide to Archery

An Optimized Polearm Master Fighter Template | The Wizards Community

               VARIANT HUMAN BUILD

Eldritch Knight Tactica - A Guide | The Wizards Community

               This is a work in progress - but open for discussion.            

Monks                     

Meditation, Mediation, Devastation: A Monk’s Guide | The Wizards Community

               How does one Monk?                

The Good, the Bad and the Monk, a 5e Monk guide

                I’m not going to explain why you would play a monk, or what the role of a monk is

Paladins                       

Oathbound: The Paladin Guide | The Wizards Community

               “It is not the oath that makes us believe the man, but the man the oath.” — Aeschylus                

Good is Not Nice: A Paladin’s Guide

               "My good blade carves the casques of men, My tough lance thrusteth sure, My strength is as the strength of ten, Because my heart is pure.“              

A Guide to the D&D 5th Edition Paladin through the eyes of a 3.5 Player

               Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons 5E Paladin through the eyes of a 3rd Edition Player

Rangers                    

Not All Who Wander are Lost: A Ranger’s Guide

                “All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings                

Into the Woods We Go: The Ranger Guide | The Wizards Community

               “You’re no ranger, Jon, only a green boy with the smell of summer still on you.” — A Game of Thrones            

Rogues                   

Dealing Death: Handbook of the True Assassin | The Wizards Community

                “Nothing is true. Everything is permitted.” — Alamut by Vladimir Bartol

Wizards                

Arrive on Time - A General Guide to Wizardry | The Wizards Community

               Overview: What is a Wizard?                

A Compilation of Useful Spell Lists | The Wizards Community

               A Compilation of Useful Spell Lists

Know Your Rites: A Guide to Ritual Casting | The Wizards Community

               A guide to casting ritual spells.                

D&D 5e Spells Index

5th Edition Spells Spreadsheet

               I spent some time and put together a spell spreadsheet that lists all the spells by class, level, school, and some other quick reference items.                

Find Familiar confusion | The Wizards Community

               Hi, So here’s the thing.                

Ultanya: Dungeons & Dragons: Thaumaturgy

Treantmonk’s Guide to Wizards 5e - Google Docs

Treantmonk’s Guide to 5e Wizards - Google Docs

Backgrounds

What’s Your Story: A Custom Background Guide | The Wizards Community

                What’s Your Story: A Custom Background Guide In this guide I will be using the standard CharOp colour scheme:                

[5e/D&D] Backgrounds

               A forum for discussing roleplaying games.  Speak your mind here without fear!                

5E Backgrounds Database

               The D&D 5th Edition backgrounds database!                

Hack & Slash: Backgrounds

A Gamers Point of View: Custom 5e Backgrounds for the Forgotten Realms

List of All Personality Traits, Ideals, Bonds, and Flaws | The Wizards Community

           If you are like me and you like to scan through all of the backgrounds to find the perfect set of personality traits, ideals, bonds, and flaws for your character, then these lists might come in handy.                        

Musran            

Guide to Mulhorandi | Arelith

Nephthys - Simple English Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nephthys - The Forgotten Realms Wiki - Books, races, classes, and more

                   Nephthys (pronounced nef-thiss ) is a vain but caring member of the Mulhorandi pantheon. She is…                    

Nephthys | Humus | Obsidian Portal

                   Protector of the Dead * *Symbol*: Horns around a lunar disk * *Home Plane*: The Offering Fields * *Alignment*: Chaotic Good * *Portfolio*: Death, grief * *W                    

Nephthys - Deities of Faerûn - Mulh Pantheon

                   Realms Helps: Nephthys - Deities of Faerûn - Mulh Pantheon                    

Mulhorand - The Forgotten Realms Wiki - Books, races, classes, and more

                   Mulhorand is one of the Old Empires in eastern Faerûn. The Mulhorandi were brought to Toril from…                    

Candlekeep Forum - Mulhorand

Candlekeep Forum - Which Faerunian gods could go to Mulhorand easily

Gnomes                         

Gnomes; The forgotten folk of Faerun | Neverwinter Nights - The Forgotten Realms - The Savage Frontier

Gnome - The Forgotten Realms Wiki - Books, races, classes, and more

               Gnomes, or the Forgotten Folk as they are sometimes known, are small fey humanoids

Realms   

Glossary of Phrases, Sayings & Words of the Realms

Candlekeep Forum - Glossary of Phrases, Sayings & Words of the Realms

Tools            

New Automated Tools for 5E | The Wizards Community

               Instead of starting a new thread for every set of tools I create, I am going to use this thread from now on. I will continue to make updates to it as I create new tools.  Here is the complete set of tools I’ve created to date:                

Fantasy Name Generator

                Name generator for RPGs, video games, novels, etc.. Can generate names for elves, dwarves, barbarians, “evil” names, “Lovecraftian” names, modern English names, and others.                

D&D 5e Pre-Made Characters - Table Topping

Efraim’s 5e Adventurers Pack

Dungeons and Dragons 1E-3E-5E Monster Converter

1d8: Point Buy Calculator for D&D Next (5e)

Javascript DDNext Character Generator Lite

RK’s D&D Treasure Generator (5e) - Setup

Dungeon maps for RPG. Create maps online, download as PDF and PNG.

               Dungeon Painter is a powerful rpg map design tool. Scene Viewer is a free encounter mapping tool that you can embed into forum or blog posts                

[Resource Guide] World and Map Generation : DnD

               In an effort to better serve the community, the moderation staff will be creating a series of guides and collections of resources over the next…                

Cartographers’ Guild - a community for maps of fantasy, sci-fi and real world locations

               A forum for cartography enthusiasts.                

D&D 5E Tools: Attribute Point-Buy Calculator

               A point-buy calculator for Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition                

The Elf Name Generator: Your Sindarin Elf Name

               Elf names. Create elf names with the Sindarin elf name generator! View lists of elf names, generate random names, or choose an elf name based on your own name. Great for rpgs and mmorpgs.                

Fantasy name generators. Names for all your fantasy characters.

               A fantasy name generator for every fantasy character. From Chinese to Viking and from dragon to werewolf, I have a fantasy name generator for all your needs.                

Kobold Fight Club: The first rule of KFC is ‘Yip yip!’

D&D 5E Tools by Leugren

Dave’s Mapper | RPG Map Generator

               Geomorphic map generator web app for role-playing enthusiasts. Created by web designer and puzzle author David Millar.                

Town Map Maker ©2003 Jeffrey A. Mills, DVM

Barrow of the Evensong | The Wizards Community

               An Adventure Location for 3rd-Level Characters                

Elven Names

English-Elvish Translator

goblinoidgames.com • View forum - Maps and Map Making

http://pirateglossary.com/

MTG ART

               Magic: the Gathering Art. Best MTG Art, updated daily with new and old artworks. Organized by artists and mtg sets, Art of Magic the Gathering is an ever growing collection of amazing magic fantasy artworks.                

Names of Seasons

Pods and Blogs                     

Stories of the Fifth Age, Ep. 0 “Beginnings…” | The Mad Adventurers Society

Godsfall

               A website and podcast following a group of 5th Edition Dungeons & Dragons players in custom D&D5e campaign in Washington, D.C.                

Dire Weasels’ Podcast : A “real play” 5th Edition Dungeons and Dragons Campaign

               A bunch of drunks get together and make offensive jokes while playing dungeons and dragons.

Brave New Dungeon

               A Chronicle of one man’s heroic return to the land of Dungeons & Dragons (by bigAl)                

Lost Mine of Phandelver (5th edition D&D) | JM Hauser’s Blog

               Starting in July 2014, Wizards of the Coast released the newest version of their classic roleplaying game, Dungeons & Dragons.

RPG Crazy

Samson’s Bridge: A Dungeons and Dragons Campaign built from the ground up

http://dictummortuum.blogspot.com/

DnDUI Blows

Starwalker Studios

               The home of Starwalker Sudios Podcasts

Encounter Roleplay - D&D Advice, Reviews, Comics and Podcasts!

               D&D Advice, Reviews, Comics and Podcasts!                

Stories of the Fifth Age | The Mad Adventurers Society

Dyson’s Dodecahedron | Award Winning Dungeon Design

               Award Winning Dungeon Design                

Adventures | Dyson’s Dodecahedron

               Many of the maps on the site have full adventures written for them.

Nerdarchy – For Nerds By Nerds

               Nerdarchy for nerds by nerds specializing in role-playing games especially as game masters for d20 systems like Dungeons & Dragons and Pathfinder RPG games.                

DnD Reddit

               reddit: the front page of the internet                

The Old Road, Part 1: Sunless Citadel

Many Sided Dice

               A Site for Table Top RPG Discussion and Creation–Share it, Like It, Follow It, Comment!                

Tribality

               Blogging about D&D / Role Playing                

Hack & Slash

Dungeons & Dragons Chris Perkins - Archive

               Dungeons & Dragons - Wizards of the Coast                

From the Sorcerer’s Scroll

               A geek’s musings on the games he loves to play (by Chris Perkins)

Inkarnate

Homebrew              

Homebrew Design

           Roll up your sleeves and get working: there’s lots of homebrewin’ to be done!

Homebrews Library

           Post your homebrew material, and share your house rules, creations, game aids and tools, character sheets, and more

Sane Magic Item Prices

           Let’s talk about flying items.

World Builder Blog

           Just a man and his homebrew world.        

Customized Races – The Saurials

Define your own! - Campaign Calendar

Bad Magic Weapons

Index of /pdf/DnD 3.5e and you are welcome/DnD DM 3.5e Essentials—Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Master 3.5 Essentials/books

Donjons et Dragons le jeux de role

Dungeons and Dragons Adventures levels 1-3, the low levels

               Dungeons and Dragons Adventures for characters levels 1st through 3rd, 1-3.            

Caves of Chaos Reimagined by Weem | theWeem

Caves of Chaos Map Redux | RPG Cartography

               I think that a map can be a DM’s best friend when running an adventure.  However, many adventure maps do not provide much additional information other than location and a reference key number to  that points to text in the adventure. I took the classic map of the Caves of Chaos from Gygax (1979) Keep on the Boarderlands…                

NPCs for the Caves of Chaos D&D Next Playtest: Sly Flourish

Belgarion’s World for Eternal Soldier: Character Creation

Stores                   

Iron Wind Metals Online Store

Dice - The Dice Shop 

Polyhedral Dice Sets

Pathfinder Minis

So anyone have any other sites I need to add to my collection?

[dnd-vigilante]

Useful.

[elbabio]

Will need for later

[caddicarustv]

What do you think it would be like if Dark Souls and Crash Bandicoot had a baby?

N Sane Trilogy

[jumpingjacktrash]

becoming vegan because factory farming is unethical is like deciding that since walmart and amazon mistreat their employees you are now going to get everything you need out of dumpsters

[jumpingjacktrash]

in a nutshell, instead of reforming the bad parts of your society, you try to opt out of it in a way that has really no effect, and wouldn’t work at all if the majority of people weren’t still part of the industry you dislike.

there was, for a while, a real movement of people who tried to get everything out of dumpsters, as a way of opting out of capitalism. but the problem was that you couldn’t get what you need when you need it, leading to you being kind of a drain on your community, and someone had to buy that stuff in the first place for it to end up in that dumpster anyway. it was Fundamentally Silly.

going vegan to opt out of farming practices has similar problems. for instance: you (hypothetical vegan you) won’t buy honey, but the bees are being used to fertilize the vegetables and fruit you eat, they’re making the honey anyway, all you’ve done is – well, nothing, because you’re not a big enough demographic to make an impact, but even if you were, honey sales are a much smaller part of beekeepers’ income than crop pollination. and beekeeping is not a big faceless corporate interest. it’s not monsanto. it’s a bunch of single-family or partnership business with a truck or two and a couple hundred hives. the bees make honey after a pollinating run, and the beekeepers sell it for a little extra income. if you made a dent in that, you’d be achieving nothing but making joe beekeeper buy his kids’ t-shirts at k-mart instead of target.

animal farming and plant farming are deeply interconnected. plant farmers grow animal feed; animal farmers sell manure for fertilizer. most non-corporate farmers raise both plants and animals. it’s more economic and gives them more resilience.

if you were a big enough demographic to hit ‘the farming industry’ in its wallet. you would be making things MUCH harder for small farmers than for factory farms. you would be making it easier and easier for factory farms to crowd family farmers out of business. so that’s pretty much achieving the opposite of what you want, right there.

and then there’s the fact that plant farming is just as rife with gruesome factory farm conditions as animal farming, but it’s humans who are exploited in those. i’m not going to level accusations of racism here, but it really is unfortunate how little the vocal internet vegan contingent seems to know or care about the exploitation of the mostly nonwhite workers in the industry. it makes y’all look racist, whether you are or not.

look, i keep saying this, even though folks never seem to hear me: i don’t hate vegans, i’m not trying to stop you being vegan, i do not care what you eat.

my problem is with defensive internet vegans trying to promote their dietary restriction lifestyle as a solution to problems in the real world. it is not. it may create more problems than it solves, or maybe it breaks even, i don’t know. it certainly doesn’t solve anything that can’t be solved just as well without it. it can only look reasonable from a perspective of deep ignorance about where food comes from and how the farm economy works. you basically have to be young, urban, and somewhat privileged to embrace it. and it is, fundamentally, very silly.

[ultrafacts]

Source: [x]

Click HERE for more facts!

[why-i-love-comics]

DC’s Beach Blanket Bad Guys Summer Special #1 - “Help” (2018)

written by Jeff Loveness art by David Williams & Steve Buccellato

[cenkrett]

Half of the people on tumblr:  “I talk pretty tough for someone with a soft, fluffy bunny heart full of feelings.” Me, unable to relate:  “I talk a lot about tolerance and understanding for someone who is always 2 seconds away from serious violence.”

[crisisofinfinitesatelliteyears1]

Action Comics 863 by Gary Frank

[tropiyas]

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

classic texts have nothing on the crazy people come up with in modern times tbh

[cerastes]

“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.”

– Joshua Graham, Who Is A Fallout New Vegas NPC, Something Most People Throwing This Quote Around Don’t Realize

[sparkylurkdragon]

“If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have.”

– Shadow the Hedgehog in what is widely considered one of if not the single worst game in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise

[tarradash]

[s-ephiroth]

[Shiny] Umbreon + Ball Capsule

[datarep]

[mapsontheweb]

Dante’s Inferno: a helpful diagram to eternal damnation

[barnabasdeimos]

I may need to look into multiple home ownership when i finally go to hell it seems….

[originaldrakewalkerhateblog]

Here it is: how I got Horrible Histories banned from my school.

Sit down, I’m going to tell you a story.

Imagine a little girl, a 4’9” fifth grader with dimples and twinkling blue eyes. Oh, look, she’s going to the school library. Perhaps she’s going to rent Little Women, or read On the Banks of Plum Creek by Laura Ingalls Wilder!

Five minutes later, she exits the library holding a large stack of books called “Horrible Histories.”

And she’s thumbing through one called “Angry Aztecs.”

Record scratch. Freeze frame.

Yup, that’s me! The only history geek in a fifty mile radius. Living in Bumhicksville, Nowhere (name changed, but very accurate) is pretty terrible, and going to school at Caucasian Christian School of Goodness (again, a name change, but an apt description) is even worse. I snapped a bit while I was attending, due to the lack of permissible self-expression, but horrible histories were my guiding light.

Flash forward six months.

Our teacher wants us to do a history project about an ancient civilization. Since our curriculum is Eurocentricism.JPEG, most kids pick the Greeks or Romans (and completely skip over all of the good stuff, like orgies and gladiator fights) in their presentations.

I choose my favorite ancient civilization:

The Aztecs.

My teachers knew I’d been reading Horrible Histories, but what they didn’t know was that I’d also been avidly reading all about Aztec mythology. I walk up to the front of the class, pull on a turquoise skull mask, and raise my arms to the sky.

My teacher goes sheet white.

I give my presentation and skip nothing. Nothing. Every detail of the sacrifices, every dirty, disgusting part.

It all culminates when I point to the calendar.

“It’s May!” I shout, my little girl voice rising an octave. My teacher looks like she’s about to phone the police. “The Aztecs called May Toxcatl.”

No one moves or breathed. I continue blithely.

“Toxcatl was a month dedicated to the worship of the god of the night, Tezcatlipoca.” I’m still going. Everyone is afraid. Marie, one of my classmates, looks like she’s about to cry.

“They’d dress a brave warrior as the god all year, and at the end-“ I pull the red streamers out from behind my display, shouting: “They’d sacrifice him!”

The kids shriek as the streamers of “blood” roll out across the floor.

The principal walked in, hearing the commotion, just in time for me to really get into character and shout “BLOOD FOR THE GOD OF THE NIGHT!”

And that’s how Horrible Histories and all mentions of the Aztecs were banned from my school.

[unpretty]

another dumb headcanon: superman is nice to birds because of course he is, and helps out birds who are in distress. also he can fly around with them. birds see a lot more of superman than they do of most people, basically. the unexpected consequence of this is that the crows of metropolis recognize superman as a friend. sometimes crows just follow him around like a weird flock, or try to give him shiny things. but mostly please just imagine luthor trying to gloat while threatening superman with kryptonite only to have a crow steal it. or just, generally, lex luthor getting attacked by crows. if that does not improve your day i don’t know what to tell you.

[unpretty]

“What is that?”

Superman followed the direction of Batman’s gaze. A crow had landed on the rooftop beside them, and dropped a bottlecap near Superman’s feet. “Oh! Hey Francis. Is that for me?”

“Caw,” said Francis.

“Do you have a pet crow?” Batman asked.

“No, I don’t have pets,” Superman said as he bent down to retrieve the bottlecap.

“You named it.”

“Not this specific one,” Superman explained. “I just call all the crows Francis.”

“… why.”

“Caw, caw,” said Francis with a flap of its wings.

“I don’t know. Just calling them ‘crow’ felt rude after a while. I’d name them individually but I can’t actually tell them apart. Except for Old Francis and One-Eyed Francis.” Superman tucked the bottlecap into a small pocket on the back of his pants.

“Why Francis?”

Superman shrugged. “It’s gender neutral. I don’t want to misgender them just because they’re birds.”

“Of course you don’t,” Batman sighed, looking back out at Metropolis.

“Caw,” Francis added.

“Do you keep dog treats in your utility belt?” Superman asked.

“Why would I do that.”

“… in case you meet a dog that needs to know he’s a good boy?” Superman suggested. Batman shook his head, but opened a small pouch on his belt and held out a small treat. “See, it was a yes or no question, I don’t know why everything has to be such a production with you,” Superman said as he took it. He tossed it over by the bird’s feet. “Here you are, Francis. Keep up the good work.”

“Caw, caw,” Francis said. When it realized no more treats were forthcoming, it flew away in a flutter of black wings.

“You’re unbelievable,” Batman said, shaking his head again.

Superman took his eyes off the departing crow to look back at Batman, and frowned. “You know,” he said, “it’s really weird seeing you in costume during the day.”

“Don’t start.”

“It’s like seeing your teacher at the mall.”

“Don’t think I won’t take care of Poison Ivy without your help, if I have to.”

Superman shrugged. “I’m just saying.”

[voxmyriad]

But…what if the crows also recognized him as Clark Kent? This mild-mannered reporter who doesn’t seem to do anything in particular to the crows that would make them like him, but they’re not afraid of him at all, and they keep trying to give HIM things, and Clark being a nice guy, he just. Accepts the bottlecap. Says thank you. Keeps walking. Lois adds another factoid to her “Weird Stuff About Clark Kent” file.

Maybe he tries to convince his coworkers that everyone is friendly with crows in Smallville. That the farmers discovered how smart crows are and decided to make friends with them instead of chasing them off.

Maybe he tries to talk the crows into palling around with him as Superman but going their separate ways as Clark Kent.

Please imagine Superman on top of a building holding Clark Kent’s glasses and trying to explain the concept of a secret identity to a flock of attentive birds.

[brakken]

Uh oh.

[kaylapocalypse-deactivated20201]

this picture is better and more suspenseful than any super man comic on earth.