Dispatch AU where th Z-team 100% thinks Robert has powers.
The entire Z-Team is CONVINCED that Robert Robertson must have some kind of superpower. they all heard that he used to be a hero, but nobody knows which hero. Can’t be any of the well known ones ofc (Malevola swears she’d recognize that ass).
The only logical explanation? Covert missions. Black ops stuff. He's gotta be someone incredibly accomplished (hence his clear competency dispatching them) who just flew under the radar.
Sonar: I've figured it out. Robert's power is Seduction. How else would ALL of us want to fuck him within like three days of meeting him?"
Flambea, slamming his hands on the table:** "IT'S THE ONLY EXPLANATION"
Invisigal and Water Boy (if you picked him) know Robert is actually Mecha Man ofc but I can def see em keeping quiet bc that’s shits hilarious (or dumb enough to go wait maybe-)
Cue Robert in the next few days just doing the most mundane shit imaginable and everyone is wanting that cookie so bad, dying of thirst, agreeing that SDN did this shitlord corporate move to control their most volatile assets and its fucking working. This twink white boy has bewitched them.
Okay, okay, I needed somewhere else to rant about this, and my friend liked my headcannons, so im putting them on here at his recommendation.
I have a slight interest in perfumes, and I RREEAAALLLYYY like team fortres 2, so I came up with a list of perfumes and general scent hcs about the tf2 mercs
The ss of the perfumes are from the Fragrantica website, which i can link here. It's really, really awesome, I recommend if you want specific notes on your perfumes or want to know what your oc's might wear.
Fragrantica: Your Online Destination for All Things Fragrance
Discover the world of perfumes with Fragrantica, a comprehensive online resour
Anyway anways I'll include a screenshot of the perfume I choose for each merc and then explain the main scents I chose it for. I mention the scent of blood a lot because i think after a while, the scent of blood would stick on them quite heavily.
Soldier
I generally think soldier would smell like cigarettes and blood because he takes pride in being a killing machine. I chose this perfume because it smells like blood, smoke, and wood, which i thought suited soldier really well.
Engineer
/hj. I think he smells really oily because he likes to work.
In all seriousness, i see engie as a guy who wants to smell nice, but also likes the scent of his job. I think he would enjoy a glass of whiskey and a cigarette after a hard job. This perfume smells quite like oil, whiskey, tobacco, and a bit of blood.
Spy
I think Spy would choose a simple perfume, but one that still had scents he liked. Imo, he's a HUUGE wine drinker, and its cannon hes a smoker. This perfume smells like wine, musk, and smoke, which I think suited him incredibly well. I also like the thought of Spy choosing a wine scented perfume..
Medic
I think that medic would smell SUPER bloody dentist his experiments, but i also think he would suit a really sanitiser-esque scent because of his work as a doctor. I hc he washes his hands after surgery because he doesn't want to keep the mercs' grossness on him <3 this perfume mostly smells like blood and smoke, but i like the small accords of flower, Amber and Warm spice. They remind me of a soap or sanitiser kind of scent.
Heavy
I hc Heavy as a man who wants to smell nice and is one of the more relatively clean mercs. I also see him as a lemon-y smelling guy. This perfume mostly smells like Lemons and Mint, but i like the faint notes of wood and metal/minerals because Heavy is a strong guy, and that's manly.
Pyro
Pyro would definitely smell like some sort of S'mores combination. Super Fire-y and Smokey, but also sweet. I think this perfume matches them really well in that way because it has a heavy smoke and fire scent, but it also has hints of Sweets.
Demo
Demo would smell heavily like Alcohol. I think he would also smell like Ash from his bombs, but there wasn't a perfume that matched him better than this. The perfume mostly smells like whiskey, but it smells faintly of tobacco wood and a little bit smoky, which just screams Demoman to me.
Scout
I really couldn't see Scout using perfume in any way. I think he would only see it as a girls' thing and would insist his deodorant is more manly. I think he would choose the most obnoxious smelling deodorant and absolutely gas everyone else out when he sprays it.
Sniper
Let's be so honest. Sniper does NAAWWTTT shower. He SMELLS SO BAD. Golden showers and whatnot. He stinks of absolute PISS and we all know it. There is NO deodorant or perfume that could cover his STENCH.
ANYWAYS, thank you so much if you read this, you made my day. :D
If scout/sniper HAD to choose a perfume, here's what I think they'd use.
Scout
I think Scout would want to smell nice to go on dates / seduce women, and i think he would choose something he believes a girl would like. I chose this one specifically because of the cherry, wood, and smoky scents. Scout doesn't seem like the kinda guy to choose something super fruity or sumer smoky, so I went for a mix between them
Sniper
I think sniper would go for super earthy scents. I personally dont think he would want a flowery or super sweet scent, so I chose this because it's got more of an earthy, leathery scent that for sniper super well to me. I really liked the tiny amount of sweetness that balances this out, too. It doesn't seem super sweet, but it also doesn't JUST smell really earthy.
( @casserpillarr asked me what I think they'd would wear if they HAD to, so here!! :D )
Okay, okay, I needed somewhere else to rant about this, and my friend liked my headcannons, so im putting them on here at his recommendation.
I have a slight interest in perfumes, and I RREEAAALLLYYY like team fortres 2, so I came up with a list of perfumes and general scent hcs about the tf2 mercs
The ss of the perfumes are from the Fragrantica website, which i can link here. It's really, really awesome, I recommend if you want specific notes on your perfumes or want to know what your oc's might wear.
Fragrantica: Your Online Destination for All Things Fragrance
Discover the world of perfumes with Fragrantica, a comprehensive online resour
Anyway anways I'll include a screenshot of the perfume I choose for each merc and then explain the main scents I chose it for. I mention the scent of blood a lot because i think after a while, the scent of blood would stick on them quite heavily.
Soldier
I generally think soldier would smell like cigarettes and blood because he takes pride in being a killing machine. I chose this perfume because it smells like blood, smoke, and wood, which i thought suited soldier really well.
Engineer
/hj. I think he smells really oily because he likes to work.
In all seriousness, i see engie as a guy who wants to smell nice, but also likes the scent of his job. I think he would enjoy a glass of whiskey and a cigarette after a hard job. This perfume smells quite like oil, whiskey, tobacco, and a bit of blood.
Spy
I think Spy would choose a simple perfume, but one that still had scents he liked. Imo, he's a HUUGE wine drinker, and its cannon hes a smoker. This perfume smells like wine, musk, and smoke, which I think suited him incredibly well. I also like the thought of Spy choosing a wine scented perfume..
Medic
I think that medic would smell SUPER bloody dentist his experiments, but i also think he would suit a really sanitiser-esque scent because of his work as a doctor. I hc he washes his hands after surgery because he doesn't want to keep the mercs' grossness on him <3 this perfume mostly smells like blood and smoke, but i like the small accords of flower, Amber and Warm spice. They remind me of a soap or sanitiser kind of scent.
Heavy
I hc Heavy as a man who wants to smell nice and is one of the more relatively clean mercs. I also see him as a lemon-y smelling guy. This perfume mostly smells like Lemons and Mint, but i like the faint notes of wood and metal/minerals because Heavy is a strong guy, and that's manly.
Pyro
Pyro would definitely smell like some sort of S'mores combination. Super Fire-y and Smokey, but also sweet. I think this perfume matches them really well in that way because it has a heavy smoke and fire scent, but it also has hints of Sweets.
Demo
Demo would smell heavily like Alcohol. I think he would also smell like Ash from his bombs, but there wasn't a perfume that matched him better than this. The perfume mostly smells like whiskey, but it smells faintly of tobacco wood and a little bit smoky, which just screams Demoman to me.
Scout
I really couldn't see Scout using perfume in any way. I think he would only see it as a girls' thing and would insist his deodorant is more manly. I think he would choose the most obnoxious smelling deodorant and absolutely gas everyone else out when he sprays it.
Sniper
Let's be so honest. Sniper does NAAWWTTT shower. He SMELLS SO BAD. Golden showers and whatnot. He stinks of absolute PISS and we all know it. There is NO deodorant or perfume that could cover his STENCH.
ANYWAYS, thank you so much if you read this, you made my day. :D
Yes, I was entirely inspired by the wonderful fanart of @wormizette from the medic with Anya, a trainee, and I thought it was so perfect that I had to do something! So stay with Anya and her weird family at her graduation!
"the best way to screw jkr over is by making her characters queer!" actually. The best way to screw jkr over is to stop engaging with the property she still profits off of and read a different fucking book
