Okay, I know this isn’t a topic everyone likes, but I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea. I, for one, think it’s adorable. They’d be excellent, if not slightly stupid parents, and I think it would be lovely to see. But I was thinking about how they would break the news, specifically Crowley, so here’s what I came up with:
He’s a nervous wreck. He’s panicking, and he doesn’t tell Aziraphale right away. He’d noticed a few changes recently- dizziness, gets tired easier, sometimes nausea- but at first he assumed it had to do with being away from hell for so long. He’d kept a close eye on Aziraphale, but the angel didn’t seem to be experiencing any symptoms. He only figured out what was happening when he started getting food cravings. Never, in six thousand years, has Crowley wanted to eat more than he does now, so he took a test. And now he’s freaking out.
Aziraphale noticed something’s different. Crowley’s gained a little weight and seems to be eating more, which he thinks is delightful- he always did think Crowley was a bit too thin anyway. But, the demon also seems a bit jittery, and he’s starting to get worried. Why is Crowley avoiding him? Did he do something wrong? Whatever it is, he’s determined to find out, but he also knows Crowley needs his space. Eventually, if it’s still a problem, he knows Crowley will talk. Until then he’ll just have to wait and observe from afar.
And oh boy, does Crowley need space. He needs time to think, he needs to come to terms (ha!) with what is happening, because this is BIG. He knows, eventually, he and Aziraphale would’ve talked about having a baby someday, but he didn’t expect it to be so soon. Now he’s having all these doubts, constantly overthinking, extremely overwhelmed. What will this baby be like? Do they even know how to take care of one? Crowley’s a demon for someone’s sake, how good of a father could he possibly be? What if he hurts the baby? What if Heaven or hell comes after them and their child gets caught in the crossfire? That’s the thing that scares him the most. He loves Aziraphale so much, and despite his fear, he knows he’ll love their child just as intensely.
It all comes to a head during their next date at the Ritz. Aziraphale’s ordered his usual, and Crowley gets the same cause he’s not as familiar with the menu. Then the waiter comes and asks what kind of wine Crowley wants. Crowley says no. Crowley says no to alcohol, and Aziraphale nearly discorporates from shock and trying to figure out why. Never once in six thousand years has Crowley refused his precious alcohol, and now he’s really worried. He looks closer at the demon, seeing how pale and shaky Crowley is, the way he’s holding his stomach like he’s queasy, and how on earth did he not notice it before? Is Crowley sick? Clearly something’s wrong, and he won’t stand for it!
He decides right then and there that he can’t wait for Crowley to say something anymore. He needs answers, now. He refuses to watch Crowley not take care of himself, especially since he knows the demon has trouble asking for help. So he waits till after dinner. They get in the Bentley to drive home, and for some reason Crowley’s driving at a significantly slower speed, more like sixty instead of ninety mph. Aziraphale asks point blank what the matter is, and Crowley nearly plows into a stop light.
He pulls over. Aziraphale waits for an answer. Crowley’s shaking, the poor bean, and the nervous butterflies combined with morning sickness has him lurching out of the car to vomit. Aziraphale gets out too, rubs Crowley’s back, whispering comfortingly to him until Crowley’s nausea goes away enough for him to speak, and he just can’t keep it a secret anymore. He blurts out ‘I’m pregnant!’ and Aziraphale stares, like he doesn’t understand what he said.
He asks him to repeat it, his voice quiet, but Crowley can’t, so he just kind of squeaks and looks away. Then everything clicks into place- Crowley’s nervousness, his sudden want for food, why he’s sick -and Aziraphale explodes. Loudly, almost too loud for his polite librarian persona, which just goes to show how ecstatic he is. He’s all smiles and squeals and delighted wiggles, but also with an almost reverent gentleness, like he doesn’t know how much force he can still use when touching his husband. He grabs Crowley by the face to kiss him over and over, “I love you so much, you’re so beautiful!” and “we’re going to be parents!” and Crowley’s a little overwhelmed. Both he and Aziraphale get a little teary, and he nearly collapses from the relief he feels, and how much he loves his angel, and the new excitement for the future. Right there on the side of the road, hugging his husband, the Bentley screeching cheesy queen lyrics in the background, is one of the best moments of his entire life.