I wonder how many people would celebrate if I killed myself.

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@eliard
I wonder how many people would celebrate if I killed myself.
I’d like to ask everyone not to pester Telluric about the money.
I get that it’s tempting, I really do. Just hearing about it is likely to make anyone’s blood boil, especially with Rahetalius’ recent videos getting a lot of attention. I completely get why you’d feel the urge to message Telluric on my behalf and scold him, or worse.
But I’m going to have to ask everyone to just put the righteous anger down, because it doesn’t help anyone -- yes, not even you. Anger is a drug, and trust me, you don’t want to get addicted to it. I was a slave to it for over three years and I hated every day of it. It almost ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. It made me contemplate suicide multiple times. I see people on this website that practically define themselves through what makes them mad or what they don’t like -- led by their wounds, not by their spirit -- and it’s a sad state of existence. I would hardly call it living. I ask you not to do that to yourselves.
Heckling Telluric doesn’t help him, obviously, but for that exact reason, it also works against me in ways that you may not expect. Please understand that I don’t want revenge. I don’t want him to be made miserable for what he’s done; I want him to get his life together -- that’s why I tried to help him in the first place. I think people can learn from their mistakes and become better, and that’s what I want for him. And when you attack him, it validates any pre-existing notions he may have that everyone is out to get him. At best, he ignores it. At worst, he lashes back out angrily (and remember what I said about anger?) and digs his heels in even deeper with yes-men, which skews his perception of the world and interferes with his ability and opportunities to self-reflect and therefore grow. And of course, that just makes more people mad and continues to feed the vicious cycle. Nobody gains anything; everyone walks away feeling worse than before.
If you’ve seen my recent comments on several Warframe videos related to this whole moderator drama, you might have noticed that what anger I have left is virtually all directed at Digital Extremes for their gross negligence. And it’s not even really anger -- more like disappointment. Considering their reaction to Rahetalius’ video, I might actually say DE has even more growing up to do than Telluric does, so I don’t reasonably expect an apology of any sort from them, and therefore it looks like I won’t be going back to Warframe anytime soon.
I do mention Telluric’s past behavior in those comments, but they have been precisely that: Past behavior, spoken about in past tense, because I do talk to him occasionally on Discord, and I want to believe he does really want to fix his life and change for the better. I’m trying to heal, and as insane as this may sound to you, I think the best way for that to happen is to help Telluric heal, too. I said to him several months ago that I’ve forgiven him, and I’ve come to the conclusion more recently that it won’t do to simply say that in my quest for closure and move on. It’s something I feel like I have to actively participate in, even though I don’t really understand why at the moment. Maybe it’s just that I want to, for once, finish something I’ve started.
Regardless, I promised him in 2015 that I’d help him get through his situation, and I tend to keep my promises.
Kind of looking forward to the day I can reuse this url for an RP blog, but no idea when (or if) that will be.
Oh and by the way, the only channels of correspondence I use are:
Skype (which nobody really uses anymore so it pretty much doesn’t count)
This blog account
and Discord (#6412).
Putting this out there because I’m willing to entertain the possibility that unsavory individuals may have been making demands or nasty comments, either on my behalf (which I do not endorse, and which I in fact condemn), or by impersonating me.
Just a (very late) FYI, since Discord has apparently made it so you can now set your own number tag, and since I only gave my number tag previously: My full Discord tag is Habu#6412. But honestly, please don’t add me for drama reasons. If you want to just chat, that’s fine, but I’d rather not keep poking at my sleeping demons.
Peace.
Lul. The original post is now so old that some of the puushes have expired. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Should I repost them for reference or...?
Oh and by the way, the only channels of correspondence I use are:
Skype (which nobody really uses anymore so it pretty much doesn’t count)
This blog account
and Discord (#6412).
Putting this out there because I’m willing to entertain the possibility that unsavory individuals may have been making demands or nasty comments, either on my behalf (which I do not endorse, and which I in fact condemn), or by impersonating me.
Always remember this.
I’m nice as fuck. So if you see me being mean to someone, they earned that shit.
I guess they aren’t going to reply. Can’t say I’m surprised.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I wish I was like Telluric, so I could leech from my friend who let me live in their place and fed me while I played warframe and wasn’t trying to find a job; and then I’d use their money to go to Tennocon and never pay anything back 🙏
@scorpio-slytherin Hi. Want to talk about this? Would you like to call me a shitlord to my face?
I’d also like to know what you, personally, did for Telluric when they were in a time of need. Just curious for, you know, reasons. Before you sling any more biased remarks around behind my back.
I guess we are not getting any “alternative facts”, Eli, right @scorpio-slytherin?
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Maybe, maybe not. But I’ll assume that @scorpio-slytherin has a life outside of randomly insulting people on tumblr whose story they clearly haven’t bothered to look into, which is why they haven’t messaged me or anything. Hoping to hear a reply within, oh, I don’t know... three days?
I wish I was like Telluric, so I could leech from my friend who let me live in their place and fed me while I played warframe and wasn’t trying to find a job; and then I’d use their money to go to Tennocon and never pay anything back 🙏
@scorpio-slytherin Hi. Want to talk about this? Would you like to call me a shitlord to my face?
I’d also like to know what you, personally, did for Telluric when they were in a time of need. Just curious for, you know, reasons. Before you sling any more biased remarks around behind my back.
Two years is a long time.
Will it ever end?
So a few days ago I checked my email and there was this waiting for me in the most recent of my thousands and thousands of unread (and mostly spam) messages:
Well, that surely doesn’t refer to the actual Gandalf character. So who’s Gandalf--
(link)
Oh. Gandalf is a cat.
Specifically, a cat that Telluric didn’t have back when they were living with me or shortly after they moved out. So they picked up this and one other cat after promising to pay me back.
Now, let’s face it: Pets are a luxury, not a necessity. And while cats aren’t as high maintenance as dogs (or so I’m told), they still are additional costs, as we can clearly see. So... could it be? Does this mean that Telluric has finally paid me back and can spend money on luxuries now with a clear conscience? Show me the good news, Paypal!
:thinking:
Must be real nice, having the money to care for two cats but not keep a promise. :^)
Again, I really don’t go looking for this crap. It just falls into my lap. It’s almost like I can’t get away from it.
Boy. I don’t remember the font on this blog theme looking THIS ugly.
Well, I figured I’d feel a little better after some time had passed.
It’s been almost two years, so I should be all right now, yeah?
HAHAHAHA WRONG AGAIN ELI
Dear Telly. Sorry I missed the 1-year anniversary of having my ability to trust people murdered - I was working a lot harder than usual to make ends meet, since Bill’s employer has run out of startup funds, which meant I was covering all of our living expenses. I’m sure you can relate. So I hope you can excuse me if our special day happened to slip my mind. Love, Eliard.
Sarcasm aside, I was going to address some of the stuff Telluric said in their response post. In no particular order:
1. They said that the money I was sending them while they were still living at their parents’ place was largely being used for their mom’s very particular eating habits.
...Okay, but your gofundme had stated that it was to help you get a place to live because you were getting kicked out soon. The campaign was even titled “please help me get back on my feet!!” Not once, anywhere, did you ever say that any of it would be spent on anything other than helping you get a place of your own while you were between jobs.
2. They said their sister did actually buy Splatoon for them.
I’ve got no way to confirm or deny this on my own. They say it was Paypal’d to them (as liquid assets), but hey. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on this one.
3. They said they were legit stranded at the bar at Tennolive and had tried twice to get taxied back to their hotel.
Fine. But (just my opinion), if you think you’re mature enough to skip out on work and drive 14 hours to a convention in a city that you’ve probably never been to before, I’m not sure how it suddenly stands that you can cry outside of a bar (read: age 21+ to get in) because you don’t have an obvious path back to the hotel. You certainly had an obvious path to the bar.
4. They said they blocked me on tumblr and deleted me from Steam/Warframe because they felt guilty.
Because nothing says “I feel bad about having screwed this person over” like bragging about how they’re still shamelessly playing the very game that they sank so much time into while they should have been getting their shit together, right?
And I “started making posts about [them] personally that weren’t all that kind” on my blog. Oh? I did? “she mentioned how she hated seeing me log on steam and play Warframe, so I removed her from steam.” Ohh, they meant in my tags. Well, I’m not sure how that’s exactly unkind. I think being angry is a perfectly legitimate response to that situation, all things considered - but clearly it’s not okay for me to be upset despite having been screwed out of my life savings. Sure, I guess. My feelings don’t matter, right? That several-month delay between finding that particular blog and actually deleting me from Steam/WF is interesting too, though.
k. I’m moving on from this chapter of my life.
And whoever is telling Yani to kill themselves, would you please knock that shit off? Thanks.
Telly: I’ve got nothing to hide!
Also Telly: I refuse to directly reply to the post/ talk to the people who are involved with this.
I originally wasn’t going to reblog stuff like this, but it gave me a good chuckle. xd