Pinch of Unconsciousness

My thoughts. My rants. My sad life.

[melodyhansen]

[iloveyourfeed]

[supersonicart]

Dadu Shin x INPRNT.

Take a look at the wonderfully imaginative work of artist Dadu Shin, all available as prints in his INPRNT Store.

(This is a sponsored post by INPRNT.  Check them out on Tumblr!)

[sundayhabit]

[danielodowd-deactivated20170124]

g a b r i e l l e n i e l s e n

[marci1900]

[the1975music]

// S O M E B O D Y E L S E - S H A R E O N S P O T I F Y // L O V E

http://po.st/The1975IISp  

[elocingenp-blog]

FUTURE

My vague vague future. It is so hard to make decisions before it even begin. Everyone around is planning for their future, planning for their life, planning for the worst, thinking of alternatives, thinking about possibilities, making necessary preparation, reading ahead, honing their talents, searching for what they want to pursue, talking about university, knowing the pros and cons, readying to enter, saving up for university, studying extra modules etc. But what the fuck am I doing? I am listening at their plans, too lazy and unbothered to think about what I want to pursue. I have friends planning for their future, already starting to do major savings, talking to people about their university options, considering their options while I, am not doing anything. I’m afraid to do anything, and I am afraid of not knowing what I want to do. I don't want to admit my lack of efficiency, I am scared to start thinking about my future. I don't know what I want. I don't know whether I can do well. I don't want to end in failure. I am afraid of failing again, because this time, it would mean big consequences. It’s my future, my life and it all rest to the kind of choices I will be making at 20 years old. 

I have been lucky for the past 10 plus years in my country - I did badly for my PSLE but i got into the NA stream of a good school, I got accepted into a good course without much credentials (others have flowery CCA background). And now, I literally just threw everything away in Poly. I got so sick of studying and I didn't even bother fighting for what I wanted. I just listened to my parents. I am so scared of doing anything now. I am so scared of failure that I rather just give up before it even happen. 

I finally thought I had a bright and promising future when I found a course that interests me, plus I can going together with my best friend. I had the happiest 1 hr, drowning in the thoughts and possibility of studying aboard at a known college and in a course I have always expressed interest. How great it would be to actually go to a beautiful school in UK with my best friend and studying a course I have great interest. I was blooming happy at the mere thought of it and I was pretty much convinced by the time I reached home. 

I wanted to share that little piece of heaven with my parents. I finally found what I want to pursue. I finally have a concrete plan for my university plans. BOOM! My little happy balloon was burst in front of me before I even explained why I want to study in that course. And all it took was the reveal of the school expenses. That was what it took to crash my happiness and burning it in front of me with the imagery devils running and pointing at me. It was like I told them the funniest joke and they just told me to study something else cause “whatever I will be studying will not reflect in what I will be doing”. 

It was like a thousand arrow went straight through my heart and it wasn't even a crime. They didn't even bother hearing me out. They didn't even consider it. What’s the point right? I am just gonna fuck this up just like my previous years of studying in poly. I mean, its not like what they say so openly about sending me abroad in front of my relatives is true anyway. I am just that fucking naive girl that took their words for real. 

So now, all I can think of is my emerging adulthood crisis and how i am so close to give up studying. 

[elocingenp-blog]

Hidden.

What’s underneath all the words, what’s hidden between your lips, what’s the reason for your outlook. You say something but mean another around someone else. You do not realised, the manipulation revolving around her words. Blinded. Confused. Lost. 

Form your damn opinions, form your own thoughts, form something for yourself. You say you are strong but are you fucking kidding, you must be delusional. Mindlessly agreeing, blindly following; who the fuck is she? The owner of your body? Are you blinded by the thought of being alone that you become a pathetic being? Middle man? More like middle fuck. 

What I hate the most is your innocent portrayal, your seemingly neutral statements, your desperation to stick to someone whom you don’t feeling comfortable with. Stop the lies and say what you mean. Throw away that non existent innocence and stand the fuck up. Have your own thoughts. If you want to let someone else be the boss of you, accept it and don’t even blame anyone else. You asked for it. 

[elocingenp-blog]

[elocingenp-blog]

Friendship.

The hardest lesson one can ever experience, and one that is never forgotten. It is fragile, more so than you think. Friends? No such thing. Liars? They appear more often than you think. There is a time when everyone appears good, yet there is a time they have a change of heart even at the smallest mistake you make. Whats the point of staying friends when you can't be yourself? Why bother acting differently, suppressing your emotions, hiding your thoughts to stay friends with someone who is critical at your every mistake. It’s amazing at how someone can change with every addition of a new person.

Only time would show their thoughts, those hidden away in the depths of their lies. Underneath all the covers is another person. It shows no emotion, no remorse, no guilt and no fuck about you. To them, you are just a pest. Who cares about the memories made, cause all they ever will care is their new ‘friend’. 

Don’t be fooled, bitch.