why are french people rude?
Ah well, the safest explanation when an entire countryâs people are stereotyped as rude is that they have their own culture with different criteria for politeness than the ones you are used to. Itâs probably easier for Americans to forget this than for the rest of the world, because they consume less foreign media than the rest of us (from literature in translation to foreign films) and are less exposed to aspects of foreign cultures that could inform them about different norms of politeness (online interactions happen in their own language and follow their own (anglo) social codes.) With this insular worldview itâs easy to take it for granted that American good manners are universal. They are not!
A very common gripe against American tourists in Paris is that they talk so loudly in public spaces, which is definitely rude here but I assume that in the US, people just have a different threshold for what constitutes âloudâ (I wonder if it is due to being used to having more space than Europeans). I also remember a discussion I had with one of my translation professors about the American concept of âactive listeningâ and how negatively it is perceived in France. It may be that in the US it is polite to make âlistening noisesâ at regular intervals while someone is speaking to you, âuh huhâ, ârightâ, âyeahâ, âreally?â, and that you would perceive someone who just stands there silently as disinterested or thinking about something else. In France it is more polite to shut up and listen (with the occasional nod or âmmhâ) and itâs rather seen as annoying and rude to make a bunch of useless noise while someone is speaking.
There are of course countless examples like that. The infamous rude waiters in Parisian cafĂ©s probably seem a lot more rude and cold to people who have a different food culture⊠People from other cultures might consider a waiter terrible at his job if he doesnât frequently check on them to make sure they donât wait for anything, but the idea that a meal is a pleasant experience rather than just a way to feed yourself (esp when eating out) means we like having time to chat and just enjoy our table for a while, so we donât mind as much waiting to order or for the next course. French people would typically hate if an overzealous waiter took the initiative to bring the note once weâre done with our meal so we donât have to wait for it, as it would be interpreted as âyouâre done, now get out of my restaurant.â
The level of formality required to be seen as polite is quite high in France, which might contribute to French people being seen as rude by people with a more casual culture. To continue with waiters, even in casual cafĂ©s they will address clients with the formal you and conversely, and wonât pretend to be your friend (the fact that we donât have the American tip culture also means they donât feel the need to ingratiate themselves to you.) I remember being alarmed when a waitress in New York introduced herself and asked how I was doing. âSheâs giving me her first name? What⊠am I supposed to with it? Use it?â It gave me some insight on why Americans might consider French waiters rude or sullen! It might also be more accepted outside of France to customise your dishâmy brother worked as a waiter and often had to say âThat wonât be possibleâ about alterations to a dish that he knew wouldnât fly with the chef, to foreign tourists who were stunned and angry to hear that, and probably brought home a negative opinion of French waiters. In France where the sentiment in most restaurants is more ârespect the chefâs skillâ than âthe customer is kingâ, people are more likely to be apologetic if they ask for alterations (beyond basic stuff) as you can quickly be seen as rude, even by the people you are eating with.Â
And I remember reading on a website for learning English that the polite answer to âHow are you?â is âIâm fine, thank you!â because itâs rude to burden someone you arenât close to with your problems. In my corner of the French countryside the polite thing to do is to complain about some minor trouble, because saying everything is going great is perceived negatively, as boasting, and also as a standoffish reply that kind of shuts down the conversation, while grumbling about some problem everyone can relate to will keep it going. (French people love grumbling as a positive bonding activity!)
Basically, before you settle on the conclusion that people from a different place are collectively rude, consider that if you travel there and scrupulously follow your own cultureâs social code of good manners, you might be completely unaware that you are being perceived as obnoxious, rude or unfriendly yourself simply because your behaviour clashes with what is expected by locals.
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