Dysfunctional Functioning: My Life Encapsulated

fucking killer thing to experience

[anxietyproblem]

[heulwenflower]

Sit down and try to write something positive

About being queer and trans

Sit there and realise the union jack is smothering the pride flag for you this year

Sit and reflect

Think about the joy

Then be reminded of the fear

Sit and think

About how we've gone back in time

Think about after trans pepole they'll go after gay rights too

Stand and think

Fuck this

Stand and show

Fuck this

Stand and show them

My life is beautiful

Yes it is outside of my identities

But it's more beautiful because of them

Spite them

Be fucking raident

While they look like a smacked arse

[anxietyproblem]

[quotefeeling]

“I don’t care, I love you anyhow. It is too late to turn you out of my heart. Part of you lives here.”

— Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait in Letters

[boobexplosion]

i dont have to wear a binder. i have a flat chest i can inhale as deeply as i want and i never look like i have breasts. im not aware of my chest when i go down steps, im not aware of my chest when i put in a seatbelt. when someone hugs me it's like a flat board for them. i can wear a towel around my waist around my house and go shirtless to the beach. i was subconsciously avoiding half of my closet for years until one day i realized; i DO love these shirts, and they look *so good* now that i dont have a chest. im not paranoid at my job that my coworkers will find out the truth if i reach too high or tuck in my shirt. i dont stare at my chest every time i put on an outfit any more. i dont catch myself in a mirror at a department store and hunch my back. i stand up tall. i lie shirtless in bed every night and nothing stares back at me.

these are my experiences with top surgery if anyone is debating whether or not they want it. for me, every day i lie shirtless in peace. greatest decision ive ever made

[em-jch]

Some sensory issues not often talked about in the autism community!

-New shoes: how they feel, how they feel with socks, adjusting to walking in new shoes, the feel of the laces, the color, etc.

-Bedsheets

-Toilet paper texture

-Sounds of people walking

-The feeling when we crack our joints

-The vibration patterns of phones

-The changes in snot texture when you are sick

-The change of your mouth after brushing your teeth

[em-jch]

I have always been me. I am an accumulation of the people I love, who I hate, who have raised me. I have always been me. I’ve always been the little girl who runs down the lawn with bare feet to talk to her friends, parents through their car windows. I’ve always been the person who leans against the door frame and waves as their friend drives away, until they’re out of eyesight. I’ve always been the girl who gets flour everywhere, when cooking, and refuses to measure things. I’ve always danced in the kitchen when I needed a break. Always showered my friends with love in the forms of cookies and compliments and tulips. I have always been a leader, always been a guide. I have always been anxious. I have always had big dreams, bigger than one single life can fit. 

[em-jch]

I have never known that someone could be upset with me and still love me. I associate anger and space as me losing their love. Maybe it is time to walk into a world in which one it’s okay for people to be angry, including myself, well still being entirely committed to that person, still loving them. Maybe anger is also a demonstration of love, that you care enough to be upset about something. Maybe the dissonance between anger and love is beautiful.

[2020knives]

happy disability pride month to people with rare or confusing clinical findings! including:

people who received test results their doctors did not understand!

people who had to get expensive and/or unusual testing, and the results didn't provide clarity!

people who have abnormal test results, who's doctors aren't sure if the results have any significance, or what that significance is!

people who had to learn to read studies in order to research their conditions, because the information has not been made accessible to the general public through articles and informative sites!

people who can't even find studies to read in the first place!

people who might never know if the results they have mean anything!

people with unexplained symptoms that could be related to an unusual test result, but they have no way of knowing!

people who are worried that their results could be pathogenic, but have no way of finding out!

sometimes, disability just isn't simple. it is really hard to have something markedly different about your body that doesn't make sense - not to you, not to professionals. when i was being tested for genetic disorders, they found that i had a duplication in one of my chromosomes, and my doctor told me that it could mean nothing, it could have caused some of my issues, or it could cause me issues in the future.

it was scary! it's been almost two years, and i don't know what it means. there isn't a single case report or study on this duplication. it is deeply disquieting to think about. i don't know what i'm meant to do, or if i can do anything at all. i have plenty of symptoms and features that could be related to it, but there is essentially no way for me to figure it out.

am i still trying to? hell yeah! am i going to try and get into contact with genetic specialists? hell yeah! but if nothing comes out of it, that's fine. it isn't a failing on my part, and it isn't irrational for me to be concerned or upset about it.

your condition does not have to have a name, or a mayo clinic page, or even a study on it for it to be real. your concerns are valid, and you deserve love and support.

happy pride!!

[capricorn-0mnikorn]

The white stripe in the Disability Pride Flag represents those with undiagnosed, invisible, and/or misunderstood disabilities (it's for you):

It's in the middle because the other classes of disability (physical, cognitive, mental illness, and sensory) can all manifest in invisible, confusing, and hard-to-diagnose, ways.

[Image description in the alt text]