Emerald Guardsman.

They / Them. 21 Years Old. Always confused. Possible chef. Random other stuff. Mainly shitposting and reblogging. I don't like messaging with people on here or almost anywhere else for that matter!! So please don't message me or whatever unless we already know each other.

[winonaparadise]

having VR sex and she's hitting my amazing digital cervix

[lillihammerdown]

sorry, I made this joke like two weeks ago. Yeah no we're gonna kill you now. Yep, nothing you can do about it, pack it up

[winonaparadise]

[emeraldguardsman]

goth working at the mall called me "babe" as i was paying for my 2 dvd's and all i did was stare at them like this, fuck my loser chud life man

[tvguts]

every single time time i try to check facebook marketplace for furniture i get jumpscared by this (admittedly sick) custom baljeet coffee table

[emeraldguardsman]

I'm adding this to my gamer crypt, this is too cool to pass up

[the-big-mood]

[malarkeyenthusiast]

[beardedmrbean]

[irondive]

this keto shit easy

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[boomer-mythology-destroyer]

[my-dailydreams]

[emeraldguardsman]

you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar but people nowadays want to just catch them with vinegar because they think being right makes them cool and beyond everyone else for some reason

[emeraldguardsman]

what the fuck kind of point is there in forwarding a point to someone you genuinely think is stupid as hell if you're gonna waste it on being mean and drawing wojaks when you could just like, be a decent person and possibly 180 their perspective that way i mean i get some people are evil and stubborn as mules but like, do you really think the average jerkass is gonna just suck it up and walk away from it? no, stupid people don't admit defeat or accept your perspective. some of you people out there have amazing causes and worldviews but waste them on tantrums.

[emeraldguardsman]

you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar but people nowadays want to just catch them with vinegar because they think being right makes them cool and beyond everyone else for some reason

[pukicho]

I am an unreliable narrator only as a result of being stupid as shit.

[emeraldguardsman]

im an unreliable narrator on account of it being my first time narrating please be nice to me im trying my best......

[emeraldguardsman]

i hear this man is angry and bisexual. just like me. is this true.

[vedajuno]

Lt Surge CANCELLED after controversial FAIRY TYPE DENIALISM remarks on the JOHTO ROGAN SHOW

[manuciruja]

"it's not that deep bro"<-guy who refuses to examine personal biases and grow as a person

[emeraldguardsman]

I feel like even though these two would probably REALLY get along, a hypothetical Ralsei and Colette rap-battle would be genuinely peak.

World's politest diss tracks. Everyone gets a cup of tea and some cookies after.

[fangsup-cobrastyle]

Making this its own post because I occasionally remember this and can't stop laughing

When I was 14, my friends and I went to see Madagascar 3 - told our parents and then walked to and from the theater by ourselves. When I got home, my mom asked me all kinds of questions about the movie, and I told her about it, and I kept singing the stupid Afro Circus song

and eventually she gave in and was like, "Wait, you guys really went to see Madagascar? I assumed you were lying to us and sneaking into a rated R movie." And I fear I have never felt so lame as I did in that moment.

[emeraldguardsman]

CLEARLY someone's mother does not appreciate how people like to MOVE IT MOVE IT.