god of bisexuality™️ @empresscaress - Tumblr Blog

Introduction

Hi there, my name's Lavender and I'm a crypto-terf. My old account was censored for too many pussy haver thought crimes so I had to come here and promote myself from queen to empress. I'm rad-leaning and gender critical but not a full blown radfem. I'm female (obviously), bisexual, white, and 25 years old. I was a trans-identified female but I've since peaked and desisted. I'm also a survivor with PTSD.

I enjoy music, nature, cats, ancient history, real life mysteries, secular religious studies, travel, horror stories, and drawing. I'm mainly here to make friends with other like-minded women and vent about sexism. I come here to speak my mind about my female experience and share my general thoughts on the world of politics, morals, and ethics from a real woman's perspective.

Don't disturb my peace by acting rude or demanding things from me please. I'm not interested in your web of internet drama. I don't care about excuses or guilt trips. Just don't kill my vibe.

I'm open to making friends and just having casual conversations here. Other women are more than welcome to talk with me, dm me, send me asks, and just be friendly in general. Ultimately though I am the final authority on my boundaries and my time, so do keep that in mind.

My general political beliefs, for the curious:

#introduction

empresscaress

I'm genuinely scared there's going to be a real movement to get him put into a female prison population. I'm sure most female prisoners could beat his ass but it's still inhumane for them to have to be confined around a rapist.

#radfem #radical feminism #gender critical

Blizzard's higher ups sexually assaulted and harassed their female employees to the point one woman killed herself while on a business trip with her boss. unrelated, popular trans kween Chris Chan raped his dementia ridden mom and the cult is hard at work defending his preferred pronouns and making excuses for him. that's the big news. im sorry.

Hey gyns, don't have much time to be online today but I'll be online again later today hopefully. Anyone wanna fill me in on what's been going on in the women's rights world?

#radblr #radfem #radfem safe #radical feminism #gender critical

Ok I have to run again. I don't know when I'll be able to be online again but I'll try. Love you gyns, stay rad and stay safe out there. It's a hard time to be a woman.

#radblr #radfem safe #radfems please touch #radfems please interact #radfem #radical feminism

It's a sign. I know what I must do.

#the only angel number I believe in

When you want to kill a man but you can't even talk back to him without horrible consequences and he has the nerve to ask you what's wrong

empresscaress

Venting about same sex attraction and life situations and almost-lesbianism and unwanted boyfriends and the yearning oh god the yearning

I just want to preface this by saying I do not think I am a lesbian, and the reason for that is because I still feel physical attraction toward males in an objective and distant sense. I am "almost lesbian" in the sense that I am bisexual and have a strong natural inclination towards women. I can think about a penis in my mind and enjoy it, and I can reason myself into accepting a man's body for what it is, and I don't think lesbians can say that. I don't want to imply I struggle like they do or have a right to claim I'm solely same sex attracted. As happy as I would be to be an actual lesbian, I am just bisexual. That said, I feel I am too traumatized to really love a man and I'm very, very attracted to women. So that's what I mean by an "almost lesbian" experience. This isn't that mspec "bisexual lesbian" crap, it's just a comparison.

Anyway, with that all explained I am beginning to come to terms with my almost lesbian-ism and it hasn't been easy. There are two big problems with confronting this. For start, I have a boyfriend. More importantly, a boyfriend that I am nervous to break up with. I don't really want to go into why but it's stressful to say the least. It's honestly why I signed back in on here again tonight. This setup isn't as secure as I would like but I just needed somewhere to talk where he can't see. Anyway I'm having a harder and harder time ignoring that I feel repulsed by sexual and romantic things with him. It was always that way honestly, but before it felt like that repulsion was a positive thing in a weird fucked up traumatized way. It doesn't help that our main bonding experiences have been drug use so I tend to be out of my mind stoned around him.

I don't actually want him, or any man at all in practice, and it's not because of radical feminism or any kind of political decision. That kind of thing hasn't even been on my mind lately, I haven't had the energy for it. It's because of the second big problem. The yearning. The God. Damn. Yearning. I don't think I've had a single dream in the past month that didn't somehow circle back to dating or cuddling or having sex with a woman. It's not even for a particular woman. I don't have any other women in my life right now besides family. Just any woman. It almost feels like an addiction at this point because I just can't get it off my mind. Even just having short casual conversations with women I don't know sends my heart fluttering with daydreams and what-ifs until we inevitably part ways a few minutes later and it all fizzles away back into cold reality. I got so worked up about it I even wrote a love song about a girl who doesn't exist and leaving my boyfriend to go be with her. I don't even write music. I can't sing or play a single instrument. I'm down that bad.

I don't really have a point to saying all this. I just needed to get it off my chest. I want to be with a woman more than anything I have ever wanted in my whole life and its tearing me up inside that so much of my life right now revolves around acting cute and sexy and romantic for men I don't necessarily want but unfortunately need.

empresscaress

@pumpkin-seasoning

You don't want to be the word police... but you're going to stick it out and power through anyway, am I right?

Ok, sarcasm aside, I'm sure you mean well but this response is tone deaf. This isn't an identity or a label I'm using, it's me trying my best to describe some deeply personal shit I'm dealing with in a way others can come close to understanding. It's a comparison, a simile, the thing where you describe something similar but different so people who want to understand you can get closer to doing so.

And speaking of understanding, I know what a febfem is and you don't need to talk down to me in order to ask me that. That has nothing to do with what I was saying. I said I have a boyfriend, in fact that's part of the whole problem. That's not a febfem by definition and sexual identity isn't even the point anyway. This is a post about how I have to be physically intimate with men when I don't want to and it's killing me inside.

So read the room and maybe don't try to start passive aggressive lesbian discourse with me right now. Goodness knows that's always a productive and level headed topic on radblr. If this nameless "someone" is rubbed the wrong way about it because they want to read it in the least charitable way possible on purpose, imagine how I'm feeling being rubbed the wrong way about it physically on a daily basis just to get by.

I'm in the middle of mourning my lack of bodily autonomy in the only place I can safely talk about it. I really don't need this right now.

empresscaress

@pumpkin-seasoning

Ok just to follow up now I'm less worked up, I want to clarify I don't hate you or think you're my greatest enemy or nothing. But Christ, can a woman just be left alone for five seconds while she's going through some hard times without someone eager to catch her slipping and start some shit? I just want to be heard and have people feel what I'm going through right now. I walk on eggshells enough in my normal life as it is.

Completely glancing over everything about not being able to leave my relationship and unwanted intimacy to zone in on the fact that my usage of the word lesbian could technically be seen as problematic to someone out there is just... cold, honestly. I don't want to bite your head off or anything, but this is seriously uncalled for and a hurtful way to treat other people. I'm an actual person, not a semantic correctness and political theory machine.

empresscaress

@daughter-of-diana

Yes, it is your bad, and no, you don't get it. You are so far from getting it that "it" might as well be on another continent. You're still being passive aggressive. You're still talking about me like I'm an idiot. You can't even pretend to apologize without tossing in some backhanded crap about how it's my fault for not wanting to hear it and you were just trying to help poor little stupid me.

I could do my typical verbose response where I think about it and edit what I'm saying to help get the point across without being hostile. But that would be wasted on you, wouldn't it? It's wasted on most people I talk to honestly. So I'm just going to tell you what I should have told you in the first place. Fuck off. I put up with way too much shit to be soft about blatant disrespect anymore. If you're mad I won't let you talk to me however you want and go along with you trying to start shit on a post about being forced to have sex with a man just to get by, then stay mad and kiss my ass.

I had to put out this morning against my will, and I'll have to do it again tonight too. I do not have the mental fortitude to endure that, and also pick through your bullshit politely with a smile on my face. Maybe I can't talk back to him, but I can and will talk back to anyone else trying to walk all over me. I'm done. Completely and utterly done.

Do not contact me again unless it's an actual apology. I don't want to hear a goddamn thing from you.

wehaveallgotknives

me, mentally projecting at other women on the night bus: we are allies. if you need me, i will come to your aid

other women on the night bus, returning my mental projection: allies we are. also i love your raincoat.

moonpriestes

China has only had one... one empress in 3,000 years of recorded history, yet people are out there pretending that the patriarchy was invented a few hundred years ago in Europe.

whitepeopletwitter

carharttlesbian

The lesbian flag literally has a battleaxe on it but u all deemed it evil so. Lie in the bed you made

sandersstudies

People who act aggressive and negative as fuck and then when you’re like “hey can you stop” they’re like “I’m going through some stuff 🥺🥺🥺” like damn dude that’s crazy me too - for example right now I’m going through YOUR behavior.

bimboe

really think it would be funny if tumblr told you how many people had you blocked. even funnier if you got a notification whenever someone blocked you