Howdy @enby-calhoun - Tumblr Blog

Actually, I think it might be a great idea for Megan to be reminded of your root, Graham.

My mother got married in pants.

BUT I’M A CHEERLEADER (1999) | dir. Jamie Babbit

bibo-deactivated20240915

Best thing about complimenting girls for their outfits is they Always have a little fun fact to tell you about it. "It has pockets!" "It was on sale!" "I've had this old thing for years!" Thank u for this small detail from your world :)

mortalityplays

the ‘will people feed you’ discourse rn is very funny and hopefully a wake up call to some of the rude freaks scattered out there across europe, but I do want to note that the cultures we’re talking about are cultures of the affluent. literally everywhere I have visited, working class people share food as a matter of course. everywhere I have visited, working class people push drinks and snacks on you the moment you walk in the door. there’s a layer to this conversation that only exists among people who have the choice to be miserly and unaffected by their neighbours behaving the same way.

the first time I experienced being completely shut out of another family’s mealtime, it was when I was a teenager on an exchange trip to the netherlands. I was staying with this family, and literally reliant on them for food and housing. The day I arrived they explained to me what time mealtimes were, and that I would not be fed unless I arrived at the table on time. One morning I was running a little behind because I had trouble figuring out how the shower worked, and when I came downstairs my hosts were already eating. They hadn’t set a place for me, and they all ignored me and continued conversing in dutch. When I timidly tried to serve myself, they gave me look as if I had just walked in off the street and started raiding the refrigerator. They were an intimidatingly affluent family.

one morning the mother had to drop me off early at my work placement, before the building opened. I was sitting outside on a wall for like 50 minutes by myself with nothing to do, and an older lady running a food cart nearby started chatting to me (she wanted to know I was okay, because I was like 15 and not in school, and was very interested to hear that I was on exchange from scotland). she offered me a free breakfast, and when I said I’d already eaten she gave me a drink and a packet of crisps to keep for lunch, and kept trying to make me try fried things that were apparently dutch specialities but were way too much for me at 8am. she was very sweet and funny, and had infinitely more in common with the poorer dutch students who I would meet at a separate pan-european thing later than with any of the kids or parents around the upper middle class academy we were paired with that year. people are people everywhere, some are just more inclined to worry about appearances than others.

heysawbones

There’s a sort of, “do for yourself and I’ll do for myself” that unnerved me about learning to navigate upper-class friendships and homes. After thinking about it for years, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s ultimately about maintaining independence and avoiding the class shame of appearing to need others — but the effects manifest as a bizarre standoffishness, an artificial separation of “yours” and “mine”. The class standards they impose on themselves, are imposed on guests.

I was initially baffled that, for instance, family members or friends who come to visit you are often expected to stay in a hotel or at an AirBNB, not at your house. “But you have a whole-ass house”, I would think. “Or floors. And blankets. Lots of things. You can put them in your beds and sleep on the floor, if they don’t want the couch.” Often, they would have guest bedrooms, but these bedrooms were not offered to most visitors. So, you’ve literally got an EMPTY BEDROOM FOR GUESTS, but no?? You expect them to house themSELVES? Elsewhere?? On THEIR dollar? That’s so expensive! Also, to my mind, frankly rude!

I also noticed that my wealthier friends never pick up groceries for each other. They never call or text each other like, “yo, I’m at X, do you need anything”. I think they would risk confusion at best and deep offense at worst, if one of them got a wild hair up their ass and tried it. It’s too personal, implies some degree of inter-reliance.

It makes relationships look and feel artificially constrained.

mortalityplays

This is all completely accurate to my experience too. I think a major cultural absence in wealthier social circles is the concept of ongoing reciprocity / gifting relationships. For me, and for more or less everyone I’ve ever met who grew up poor, it is a normal and natural gesture of closeness to offer resources when you have them and to accept resources when you need them. It’s a way of saying that you trust somebody - either you trust them to have your back when you need it, or you trust them to care for you without ulterior motives. I’m talking about small costs, grocery money, meals here and there, maybe a movie ticket if everyone is going and one person can’t stretch to afford it this month. Nobody keeps track of the expenses, you just remember who you have built those relationships with, and you share in return when you get the opportunity.

Larger costs tend to be more difficult, and that’s because often it’s impossible to be sure that you will ever be able to adequately reciprocate. As a teenager I had one friend in particular who was much more wealthy than the rest of us, and he was a wonderfully kind, warm hearted, generous person who would often offer to pay for entire outings or trips on his own so that the rest of us could participate. And it was really, really awkward, because what was a small gesture in his eyes was something that the poorest of us knew we could never pay back. He might not have cared about keeping track of the cost, but we would never be able to forget it, and that would upset the balance of the reciprocal relationship. I don’t think he ever really understood why we would turn him down, it’s nearly impossible to explain what a strong instinct it is when you have grown up with that dance culturally ingrained in you.

All of that is to say that I think my friend’s behaviour ultimately comes from the same background as the people who go through the world hoarding their resources. When you have never been in a position to need a strong relationship that afforded you emergency childcare or a meal of pizza and beans once in a while over, idk, a ski trip once a year, you can’t understand why big sporadic gifts are turned down. You can’t understand why your poor friends keep insisting on paying for their own gas or trying to do you favours you can easily afford yourself. You can’t understand why kids expect to eat dinner with you (because their families would feed your kids, if they ever needed it, and your kids will never need it).

yharnamsnewslug

I’m a Spaniard, and my experience has always been around people with more or less the same money as me. Middle class, middle lower class and the like - sharing food is a love language in my family and in many families that we befriend, and it wasn’t until I went to college (art college) where I had the luck that my father was working abroad and could pay it, that I finally got to see how rich people are with money.

Rich people will let you borrow fucking 40 cents and they’ll remind you for the rest of your goddamn life. Poor people will get you a free meal, let you live in their house and bathe you themselves when you can barely move, and they won’t ever ask for anything in return.

It’s a vastly different thing. It’s insane.

marinella-ela

francesderwent

reblog this and tag with a food you no longer have access to (closed restaurant, state you moved away from, ex’s mom’s cooking, etc) that will haunt you until your dying day, mine are the spicy chicken sandwich on the employee menu at the fine dining restaurant I was a prep cook at, and the onion bagel from the kosher place down the street from my house when I lived in the city

#when i worked at taco bell #i would make #a cheesy gordita crunch with the fiery dorito shell #baja sauce #sour cream #and then between the hard shell and the gordita shell #i would spread a packet of fire sauce in between #top tier taco

inthetags

Reblog and in the tags put the first time you can remember seeing a queer character on tv

#honestly i dont know #i remember my friend was obessed with the L word #i had to of been in my teens #i was sheltered lmao #Ellen maybe?

hlupdate

The crowd in Montevideo during Only The Brave (x) - 24/05/22

nat-20s

Figured out I'm not really a fan of enemies to lovers but I'm a HUGE fan of annoyances to lovers

nat-20s

Enemies to lovers too often for me has BIG interpersonal conflicts and like. Legitimate reasons they hate each other in a way that I don't particularly enjoy that romances. Annoyances to lovers rules tho because that tells me that the only divide between love and hate in these characters is petty bullshit and I LOVE petty bullshit. Hell yeah you'd be head over heels in love with her if she just stopped fucking taking your yogurt from the company fridge

#this

feral-anthropologist

I’m a boy. I’m a girl. I could be your boyfriend girlfriend. I’m a boyfriend who looks like a girlfriend that you had in February of last year. I’m a man except when I’m a woman but a butchy woman but I’m still a man. I’m whatever gender is funniest in the moment. I’m neither a man nor a woman but an eldritch monstrosity that is actually just a cat. Hope this helps!

Stop making me write poetry about you.

turing-tested

gay is in fact the gender that i want people to percieve me as

turing-tested

i want people to look at me and go 'oh i have no idea what you are but you're definitely a homosexual'

If I'm going to waste my life away at least I'm wasting that time with you.

orarewedancy

So I work at a video game store in a mall and across the hall from us is this really nice suit shop. One day one of the guys came in an asked if they could use our microwave (the store they used to go to closed down) and we bargined for use of their bathroom in return since the mall bathrooms are like a 5 min trek.

So for like three months now we just have these men in really nice suits come in and talk while using our microwave and teach them about nerdy shit? Then I, the goblin king in various shitty tee shirts and paint stained pants, walk into their super expensive store and just get greeted with “Yo dude what’s good?” and talk about the pains of steaming silken dress shirts properly and it’s my favorite business interaction every day

orarewedancy

A new jewelry store opened up right next to our store and when I used the bathroom today we were talking about it. I hate it on principle (they flooded our systems closet during building) and immediately both Suit Guys™ working went on mini rants. “Their suits are baggy as hell, I wouldn’t trust them to sell me a $9,000 ring when they can’t get a fitted jacket. They look so unprofessional, ” and “I saw one of the dude’s wearing a teal shirt. It’s fall, and you go with teal? At least get a color to match your store if you’re gonna ignore the seasons like that, Christ, but teal is awful.”

I live for this commentary fam.

chrispineofficial

#flower shop/tattoo artist au is out #suit shop/nerd store au is in

orarewedancy

I feel the need to add a story to this? My co-worker brought his longboard to work, and one of the suit guys reminisced on how he used to ride pretty often. So Co-Worker and I were like, “Dude, go give it a spin, who cares, this mall is huge.” He was nervous about it because there are mall cops on segways everywhere (with helmets, like bruh, full on Paul Blart) and he was worried he was gonna get caught, and eventually we made a bet that he could ride down to Macy’s and back (it’s like a straight shot). So dead ass, this man hung up his jacket, took a running start, and zipped down the hallway with his tie in the breeze.

He evaded the mall cops and claimed that was, “One of the biggest rushes he’s ever felt.”