"We may have a children of the corn situation happening here."
"You realize I carry a gun right?"
"I've heard it both ways."
"Don't be a rabid porcupine."
"Maybe when we get two gourds we can work that out."
"I'm never doing anything with you blindly again. I learned that at the mexican border, twice."
"You know how I zone out when other people talk."
"I got the tiny girl with the limp!"
"You don't have to prove you're a great criminal."
"The best way to convince someone you're not lying to them is to tell them you are!"
"I know, you know, that I'm not telling the truth."
"I left my cell phone in your car, along with a tuna sandwich. I really hope you found that."
"I was not hitting on your wife."
"Yours? That's funny I didn't see your name on it anywhere."
"I honestly have no response to that."
"Good help is hard to find I suppose."
"I can't be the fall guy in front of my hero!"
"I'm sorry sir, I didn't see you standing there. You know, being so stealth-like."
"Hear about Pluto? That's messed up, right?"
"There are over 400 stars in our galaxy! Maybe more, no one knows for sure."
"I'll be nice to you, just do me a favor, stop stealing the gum out of my locker."
"People are gonna miss me so much."
"You are gonna die, soon. Definitely before me if statistics prove correct! Which is so wrong, cause I'm practically asking for it!"
"Sorry I tried to kill you with a sword."
"You kiss him/her, you die."
"One minute you're witty, and sarcastic, and smart, and the next second your like a six year old looking for a popsicle."
"Dude, we already hung out with enough crazy white people with year."
"Just because you put syrup on somethin' don't make it pancakes."
"I feel like I've been incarcerated in a blueberry."
"You're supposed to not get arrested for murder!"
"Stay calm, I'm pretty sure ninety percent of gunshot wounds are psychological."
"What is the point of his face?!"
"I would like to use my out now!"
"I'm sorry this as far as I can take you."
"Why are you helping me, really?"
"Seriously, get out of the car."
"I'll be damned, this is the second mexican standoff I've been in today."
"I'll quit when you're behind bars or dead. I don't really have a preference at this point."
"I'm just happy that you're safe."
"I'm just trying to help you, father."
"Doesn't anyone check for a pulse anymore?"
"I'm a sympathetic crier!"
"Only psychos answer ads on craigslist, you might as well have posted it on murder me this instant dot com!"
"How is it that I'm now being punished for being honest?!"
"If you killed him just tell me."
"Here's something stupid, I think I'm dying."
"How does that saying go again? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, won't get fooled again. Fool me a third time, and- the second time didn't really count because- damn didn't he look dead?"
"What would you do if that were Jesus' yogurt?"
"You want to walk my dog?"
"Security had to taze me."
"There is nothing funny about a three hole punch!"
