You wanna know why he didn’t dare? Lupin was only accepted by the Order. He moved around constantly and knew if he ever got close to Harry and had to leave again, that it would be another person in that boy’s life that had been forced to leave him and he cared for him so much that he would sacrifice guaranteed contact with another person for Harry’s happiness.
He begrudgingly said he knew James, but never said how well. He knew Harry would eventually ask why Remus hadn’t been there if they were so close. This would break his heart because I had always wanted to be there but had his own grief to deal with and knew he couldn’t be around a baby if he ever transformed.
Sirius cared for Harry, but Azkaban kept him childlike, he’d lost James and in a way had him back in Harry. He grew close to Harry in such a way that when Harry lost him, his grief was unbearable. This is everything Lupin had tried to protect Harry from.
In the Deathly Hallows however, he had hope, he finally had everything he’d ever wanted and could see a future. I think he may have believed in Harry so much that he knew they’d be able to develop a relationship into later life. Lupin went to Harry in a fit pain and rage, however he just wanted Harry to be a child, to take his side and blindly accept that pain. As young Harry might have done with Sirius. He didn’t bank though that Harry had grown into a man. Harry’s anger was over not having a father. This is all he ever wanted, he thought Dads would fix everything. Dumbledore never lived up to that for him, Sirius was gone and he’d have done anything to have Lupin there. Who had kept enough distance to make sure Harry didn’t get too attached as he had with Sirius. So Harry does the same for Lupin, he pushed him away because he knows what it was like and could never have anyone else go through it too. Harry didn’t need friends, he needed a parent to help guide him. This made Lupin feel like a coward and he was ashamed, but really, he was terrified of leaving his son like Harry. Fatherless.
He made Harry Godfather because he believed that Harry would survive everything, he had faith that at the end they would be victorious. But mostly, that Harry wouldn’t befriend Teddy, he would be the father he’d need, because he’d finally understood what Harry had always wanted. Harry had needed a father. He’d found a mother figure in Mrs Weasley who worried for him, but Harry would feel just as bad if he’d made her angry. But Harry eventually became comfortable knowing that she cared for him unconditionally. He had friends in Ron and Hermione, with even an extended family in the Weasleys even before marrying Ginny, who became his wife. The teacher was Dumbledore, mainly. But he never really had anyone who was a father figure, Arthur began to in PoA but after Sirius, I don’t think he wanted to step on any toes, so kept a distance. Harry became a father, and I assume a great one by doing and saying the things he wished all the men in his life had said to him.
Lupin cared for Harry so much he could have been the father he’d needed for so long. But circumstance prevented this, Lupins love for Harry protected him from more pain of people leaving, so Lupin gave Harry the gift of his child because he knew that if anything happened, Harry would be the father figure Teddy would need and not his best friend.
I think Lupin had seen James more in Harry that day he turned up at No.12. It was a James Lupin knew he could have been, but he never had the chance, and that spoke to him. I think it made him realise James and Harry were similar but in a way no one had ever seen before.
It pains me that Lupin never saw the father side of Harry. For someone that cared more for Harry than I think anyone else did, to never have the relationship with him I feel he should have hurts more than everything else in these books! This is why Lupin will forever be my favourite character!
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