Suspicious package delivery. We deliver you suspicious packages for cheap. Here's your suspiciously buzzing package. Could be bees, could be sex toys, I don't know, I don't care, I'm just paid to deliver.
Oh great. Well, guess I should find out.
.......
It's a box of 57 vibrators in different colors and sizes, the fuck am I supposed to do with these?
When Adam woke up he felt so well rested, the bed he was in was so comfy he never wanted to leave. Slowly he opened his eyes and frowned.
So it wasn't a dream he was actually still in Hell, very fucking pregnant and the devil's wife apparently.
Fuck him.
Adam groaned as he made his way to the bathroom to clean up for the day, Lucifer was nowhere to be seen and that was just fine with him.
There wasn't much in the way of clothes he could wear, there were a bunch of maternity clothes. Adam grumbled as he pulled on fresh sweat pants and a long shirt (NOT A DRESS) and went downstairs.
Adam furrowed his brow when he could hear voices coming from the lobby. It peaked his interest when he heard his name.
"I hope Adam is okay, maybe some sleep will do him good." Lucifer said as he paced in the lobby. Something was obviously wrong but he couldn't shake the feeling.
Charlie fiddled with her braid. "You don't think that he was, you know?"
The thought had crossed Lucifer's mind that maybe Adam had been kidnapped, raped, and left for dead. But for this long? He wasn't sure, Lucifer had to find out if the baby was his.
After all, they did sleep together before he went missing.
"I don't like to think about it Char. Maybe I'll take him to the doctor's just to make sure everything is okay." Lucifer needed a professional opinion to see what was troubling his husband.
"Don't I get a fucking say in this? I don't want to go to no gay ass hospital with you." Adam growled as he entered the room. He sat down on the couch looking completely pissed off.
Lucifer needed to be delicate, Adams mood swings were not one's to fight with. "We just want to make sure you're okay."
"Of course I'm not fucking okay! That little bitch of a maid you have in the shit hole stabbed me in the back 28 fucking times!!" Adam roared his eyes ablaze, his back throbbed at the memory.
Lucifer and Charlie's eyes went wide. "What!? Nifty did you stab him?" Charlie looked to her little friend who looked very confused.
"I would never stab one of the baddest boys, hehehe."
"Adam, do you remember anything from before you disappeared seven months ago?" Lucifer asked, he came over to sit beside him.
Adam snorted. "I haven't been missing, this is some nightmare joke! You're married to Lilith who has been missing for seven YEARS."
"Lilith." Lucifer spat out her name as if it were poison. "I bet that bitch is behind this."
"I wouldn't put it past heavens commander dad."
It clicked for Adam then, he was in a universe not only married to Lucifer, but him and Lilith have fully switched places in the entire storyline!
Adam felt himself get emotional, why was he crying!? He couldn't stop himself he was full on sobbing now. Adam felt arms wrap around him and he didn't seem to mind, they were actually comforting to him in the moment. "Shhh, it's okay it's not your fault."
For some reason Adam believed it cause what the fuck, this whole situation wasn't his fault he never intended on being an alternate universe version of himself. Especially one that apparently has Lucifer's babies.
-
They did end up taking Adam to the hospital to get checked out.
It had been super awkward getting a vaginal exam, Adam was sure his face was as red as a tomato. The doctor concluded that there were no signs of sexual assault which everyone was relieved about.
"So we are looking for a paternity test for the baby?" The doctor asked.
"Yes." Lucifer answered, not knowing was killing him. Adam was curious himself.
Doctor nodded and pulled up a needle. "Okay, I'll extract some amniotic fluid to test."
"That's not going where I think it is, is it?" Adam asked, panic setting in. That fucking thing was huge!
"You won't feel a thing your majesty, I swear."
Adam didn't believe him.
It was uncomfortable at best but he still didn't like it. There was a rush out in the results to be tested against Lucifer's DNA.
Adam crossed his legs and groaned, that fucking sucked.
-
It took an hour for the results to come back. And it was determined that the baby was in fact Lucifer's baby.
The King sighed in relief. One mystery solved.
Part of Adam was even relieved, at least his other self wasn't some slut having the baby of some random John, Dick, or Jerry.
Lucifer would put money on it that the reason for Adam going missing and having no memory, but also memories of a life that never happened on Lilith.
She never could get over letting Adam go. Her and Steve were, ironically, a match made in Hell.
If Lilith and Steve were behind, they would pay for this.
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