I low-key really want to kill myself as much as in my peak moments (well I'm writing this which says a lot). In some way the worst part is that I feel like I felt a really long time ago and by saying this I don't even feel the need or want to cut myself or getting stoned like I used to. The only thing I can do rn is waiting and prying for that so in the mean time I'm bed rotting and smoking if it's that part of a day I can do it in bed
I don't know why and I can't think about any explanation, reasons or any sooner signs connecting to me feeling in some way worse than probably most of my lowest times.
Either way I'm fighting all my thoughts arguing about me wanting to beg for help, for anyone to support me just by being with me, about knowing that I have two really close people who want to help me but in every possible way I feel absolutely impossible to do it. And the usual I want to kill myself and I'm too tired and too much done with everything to destroy myself in any way outside my bed.
Why I'm even writing this I won't give any tags because I'm not in a moment to think about what tags to give so literally no one will see this and even if some see they won't read so much of my random ass shit. If anyone wants to help a random stranger I'm begging everyone to pray for me to finally die and be free
