TW: ED, Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia mentions
I'd like to know why this had to happen. Why did I have to develop an eating disorder? What good came out of it?
Sure, I came out "skinny", but at what cost? My fucked up mental state, terrible body dysmorphia, alienation. What else do I have to give up for a chance at "happiness"?
I don't like to make assumptions, but I think we all know what I mean when I say that there was that 1 friend that kind of led us here. That 1 thin friend that you always seemed to be jealous of. Everything about that person seems perfect. Their body shape, their confidence, their style. You grow attached to this person, for whatever reason. In my case, I thought that I had even fell in love with this girl. It proved to be empty feelings when I found out what her real soul was like. I realized that I hadn't even known this person for real. Although they don't realize it, this person drives you to irrational decisions. Soon, you doubt your beauty, you stop eating, you disappear. You want to do everything in your power to BE this person. This person knows what it is to be skinny and pretty. You yearn for that feeling, as well.
And for whatever hell of a reason, this person doesn't realize what they have obliviously done. This is the person that drove you to this. You are a hollow body now. But, soon, you are supposed to know what it feels like to be pretty. This feeling will never come. Your *friendship* will soon cease to exist. You will find yourself wondering, "Why can't you see what you have done to me!?!" They will never understand. This person doesn't care about you.
You begin to distance yourself from everything you know. That, or you go into overdrive. Work will become life to you. You will begin to feel hopelessly tired. Why can't you go on for a bit longer? Your mind will starve itself hungry. Everything will stop.
DO NOT BE THAT PERSON. LOOKING BACK ON IT, THIS ISN'T WORTH IT. AND DON'T FORGET, TPWK.
