public enemy №2

you know you've met me || it/he || mentally ill. but i look good doing it || i post whatever || aaa battery; npd; psychotic

[ersatz-introspective]

🪐intro.

EN OK // 日本語OK(っぽい)

👋

i'm alistair .

it/it. // other names and prns too idrc.

i do not identify w/ humanity, or anything else for that matter.

this is my main blog. i just post my thoughts.

considering this is mostly said thoughts, a lotta my stuff is gonna fall in the mental health category. i am:

dx autistic (low support)

dx mdd w/ psychotic features

dx ocd

self dx npd (not officially dx'd but supported by professional)

dx dissociative amnesiac

dx gender dysphoria

phobia haver

🪐 before you follow🪐

minor safe. will not block minors. do not dm me unless you're 18+.

i may unintentionally do something/say upsetting. if i do, tell me sooner rather than later.

vents will be posted: view at your discretion. these will be tagged as such. i am a pro-recovery blog & will try to avoid too triggering posts.

critical of every piece of media & character i identify with. i do not endorse any problematic behaviour by creators or any potential problematic themes in media i consume. get a life.

dms/asks open — don't expect a forever bestie out of it.

will NOT reblog donations that cannot be verified. i will not respond to asks/dms asking for donations, but i will reblog said donations & contribute if possible.

pro educated self-dx.

leftist.

aroace. will not post/reblog anything 18+ that is not educational.

adult.

i behave in an innumerable different ways. you will often see periods of different typing styles and figure of speech.

will probably add more @ a later date.

🪐 fandoms🪐

vocaloid

hannibal

house

comics (dc + marvel + image)

rdr1 + rdr2 + rdrevolver

american psycho

project sekai

little nightmares

SCP

star wars

overwatch

kagerou project

legend of zelda

ace attorney

littlebigplanet

we happy few

undertale

hamilton

evillous chronicles

crypt of the necrodancer

hazbin hotel + helluva boss

five nights at freddies

six

happy tree friends

creepypasta

listed generally from most to least into. crossed out = not currently into.

🪐 dni🪐

basic dni (no general bigotry; right-wing; antisemitic; islamophobic; racism; sexism; zionism; queerphobia …)

ableism (against any disorder, including personality disorders, invisible physical disabilities, schizospec, dissociative disorders, anti-age regression …)

general lgbtqia+ exclusion (ace/pan exclusionist, transmed, anti-mogai …)

nsfw blogs (blogs that feature some TAGGED nsfw are fine. if your blog is mainly nsfw, dnf.)

radqueer/transid (eg transrace)

discourse blogs

ai/repost blogs (reblogs are fine!)

if you're dni idc that much & cannot stop you from interacting. but if you do, at least be entertaining.

[ersatz-introspective]

takinh cute selfies witj beethovens symphony 5 movement2 stuck in my head

Crashonj out witj mozarts der hölle rqche kocht unmeinem herzn stuck in lyhead

doingwhoework with beethovenssymph9 ode to joy stuck in ly jead

vookinh with antonio vivaldis la primavera stick in my jead

bachs toccataandfu gue in d ljnor stuck in my jead while tryinh to sleep

i ahte havinj a brain that feels this pretentious

[ersatz-introspective]

i hate my art to such a cartoonish extent that i keep having dreams of another me berating me over all the ways my art sucks gordon ramsey style. it literally doesn't help that everyone else keeps confirming everything i think as true. what do i even do? i keep getting the same thoughts i thought i abandoned at age 15, about deleting and burning every trace of my existence.

the criticism without any respite are so immense and constant that i am completely overwhelmed. i cannot pick up a pencil without berating myself on the way i hold it. i really am trying to force myself to get better, to draw until i can finally create something that can prove everyone wrong and be worthy of my own hobby, but nothing's enough. i can't draw a line without collapsing under countless thoughts.

i get overwhelmed until i just get sick.

[ersatz-introspective]

wow i actually physically can NOT look at any of my art without feeling sick. I have to keep going though i have to keep going i have to keep going

[ersatz-introspective]

if i do not prove myself wrong i am going to go insane

[ersatz-introspective]

i hate my art to such a cartoonish extent that i keep having dreams of another me berating me over all the ways my art sucks gordon ramsey style. it literally doesn't help that everyone else keeps confirming everything i think as true. what do i even do? i keep getting the same thoughts i thought i abandoned at age 15, about deleting and burning every trace of my existence.

the criticism without any respite are so immense and constant that i am completely overwhelmed. i cannot pick up a pencil without berating myself on the way i hold it. i really am trying to force myself to get better, to draw until i can finally create something that can prove everyone wrong and be worthy of my own hobby, but nothing's enough. i can't draw a line without collapsing under countless thoughts.

i get overwhelmed until i just get sick.

[bagelbread1275]

as someone who gets all their info about dottore and the aq secondhand (i don’t play genshin), i wonder if it’ll be a situation similar to volo from pla where he just disappears after the boss fight instead of dying

[ersatz-introspective]

spoilers (i'm assuming you don't care if you don't play though)

at the beginning of the archon quest, he DOES say he's always found it wiser to flee than surrender when talking about sandrone. i figured it was foreshadowing so i was surprised when he kept going at it when the tides were increasingly against him so like who knows

[ephemeratal]

Non-exhaustive list of people hannibal would eat in the year 2025:

-person watching tiktok in public without headphones. dead

-influencer filming him without consent. dead

-person recording the entire opera on their phone in the front row. dead

-guy cornering him at a party to convince him to buy into his crypto scam. dead

-patient who found his drawings and put them into chatgpt to make them move or whatever. dead

-joe rogan

[upir-z-feratu]

Hey do you guys think hannibal would eat charlie kirk?

[ersatz-introspective]

GENSHIN SONG OF THE WELKIN MOON: ACT VI SPOILERS

i'm so unfunny you guys can kill me now

[ersatz-introspective]

so like. Npd amirite

[ersatz-introspective]

I Need more Aspirin Fuck

[ersatz-introspective]

forcemasc but not in a kinky way i just want free T

[ersatz-introspective]

i'm sure these are lovely fandoms but i officially need to block the w1zard of oz and w1cked tags so that i can consume my dc jonathan crane scarecrow fanart in peace 😭

[ersatz-introspective]

waig when the actual fuck did i get over 200 followers

[ersatz-introspective]

triplets, i fear

[ersatz-introspective]

i really WANT to work out so bad but i can't stand the thought of accentuating my body even more. i hate gender dysphoria. i just want to start taking T already so i can get on with it

[ersatz-introspective]

question to the hannibal community(/ies). what's the general consensus on people with cluster b disorders, especially npd or aspd?

[ersatz-introspective]

I have multiple asks in my inbox I have old drafts for, and just have not had energy to finish.

Well, I now have that energy. Except I feel like typing different, and I don't have the energy to type like....that again. But I don't want to entirely re-do them, because would that not be losing the original heart of the posts? Like this, without any “spoilers.”

I also have more original posts I never posted for some reason, but should probably get to. Apparently I have a 9/11 joke in my drafts? Okay.

Do I just...wait?