i'm Gay for Olivia Caliban @esmegigigenivevecaliban - Tumblr Blog

I really hate when ppl excuse sexist costume design by saying “oh that’s what the character is choosing to wear” as if the writer/designer/director isn’t the person ultimately making that choice

but that being said, esme gigi geniveve squalor is the one character who I’m like “yeah that checks out, it is actually in character for her to always have a ridiculous boob window”

#in fact the more ridiculous the more in character

beatricebidelaire

(night of dec 31)

olaf: i haven’t showered since last year

fernald: boss, it’s not new year yet

esme: he knows

#oh my god

peachdoxie

Ah yes, the three genders: Girl, Boy, and Mischief

graceklly

#this is iconic

rocktheholygrail

#the submarine rental woman is my favourite one-time character by far

wiishopchanelboots

So I bought The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations today and there’s a page with little script snippets and I’m losing it at this one.

#oh worm

hyperrbolic-orange

Me, a 12 year old child reading “A Series of Unfortunate Events” 14 years ago: What a fascinating but terribly upsetting journey these kids are on! I’m sure they can handle it though, Violet is 15 and therefor very Old and Mature. She got this.

Me, now 26, watching these small children be tortured: what the fuck what the fuck what the f—

#i first read them when i was like 8 so i thought KLAUS was Grown Up And Mature and now im like... christ these poor kids #thats why i wanted them to live with justice strauss because she would have treated them like the children they are #not volunteers like vfd did #children because they were children #they needed a parent not a secret organisation #and when sunny was like ‘not a baby’ i was like YES YOU ARE YOURE SO SMALL #YOURE ALL BABIES #those poor poor kids

a series of “a series of unfortunate events” hot takes

-the carniverous carnival and the slippery slope were two of the best books. this is true because i say so.

-i’m glad the troupe survived in the netflix show because they were one of the ultimate highlights

-the three baudelaire child actors are incredibly talented and i will personally make sure they all win many awards

-the end should have been two episodes or one really long episode, and i wanted to change a few things about the way netflix did the opera scene but neither of those things bothered me enough to give a negative impression. the entire series was such a good adaptation that kept the exaggerated stylised tone of the books so well and i will defend it to my dying days

-lucy punch has always been iconic the whole world has just been sleeping on her

-i’m glad justice strauss survived (although it makes zero sense for her to have made it to the ground floor in time) because i would put joan cusack’s life before my own every time

-the movie was fun. there. i said it. it wasn’t really a good adaptation of the books but it was fun and i still quote some of the lines to this day. don’t hate me.

-i fully believe that neither olaf or esme started the Baudelaire mansion fire but both of them thought the other person did. in reality it was actually somebody else involved in the schism who we may or may not have met in the series.

-sunny was the smartest person in every version of the series, followed closely by the other two baudelaires.

#a series of unfortunate events #asoue #Hot Takes™️

honestly if count olaf had just treated the baudelaires decently from the beginning then in four years when violet turned 18 she would have inherited the fortune and he could have begun his evil plan and stolen it then. seriously olaf think about the long term here.

#and whenever they debate about which one to keep alive violet would be the only answer from their perspective because shes the closest to 18 #i would make a better villain than they would and i dont even want to do villainous activities

there was nothing explicitly stating that esme died so i’m gonna take that as confirmation that she survived

#asoue spoilers #asoue

so... esme really said the daddy line didn’t she...

#i want to die #why does esme have a canonical daddy kink #asoue #esme squalor #@ netflix why would you do this

halfway through the first Penultimate Peril episode and god i wish that Justice Strauss’ plan had worked and the Baudelaires could live happily with her but alas like lemony snicket i am burdened to know the truth

#if i hadnt read the books i’d be so hopeful right now #asoue #a series of unfortunate events #justice strauss deserved better

esmegigigenivevecaliban

i’m onto the Grim Grotto and i can’t believe the man with a beard and no hair and the woman with hair but no beard have officially decided esme is their sugar baby

hausoftulito

their sugar bowl baby

esmegigigenivevecaliban

oh my god

#thank you for the best possible addition #kinda mad i didnt think of this joke first

i’m onto the Grim Grotto and i can’t believe the man with a beard and no hair and the woman with hair but no beard have officially decided esme is their sugar baby

#me shitposting through this series #i havent used this blog in so long #esme squalor #a series of unfortunate events #asoue

tagliatelle--grande

why is Esmé Squalor so prone to jealousy when she looks Like That? I’m not one to criticise Netflix’s artistic direction but is this part of their absurdist comical tone? Has Esmé Squalor canonically seen the man she’s dating? Is she aware she’s the city’s foremost appealing snack

#THE CITY'S FOREMOST APPEALING SNACK