You're part of a machine.

Vaƚệɲṫìṅ / валентин One step at a time, one step at a time. I’m rebuilding my mind, one step at a time. One step at a time, one step at a time. I’m on the other side, I’m figuring myself out. I am stronger than yesterday Even when my mind is a maze I still matter on cloudy days I’ll find my way.

[esotericsoldier]

✦ about. ✧ navigation.✦ memes. ✧ carrd. ✦ ask. 

RULES

✯ IC =/= OOC. Don’t godmode. ✯ ✯ Selective & semi-active due to work. ✯ ✯ Will happily write with crosscanon & OCs. ✯ ✯ Do not assume to know muse & call him Val. ✯ ✯ Please cut your posts & tag all standard triggers. ✯ ✯ I use small text/icons. You use whatever you want. ✯ ✯ No underage, no smut with minors. (mun is 21+). ✯ ✯ Time taken to reply may vary. Do not pressure. ✯ ✯ If I reply with a para; do not give me a line. ✯ ✯ If drama is started; you will be blocked. ✯ ✯ PM me if you have any questions. ✯

[esotericsoldier]

@fortitudina chose to pet the wolf : Michael had decorated the entirety of the kitchen and downstairs of their home in wolf-themed birthday decor, even going as far as to let Lyra come into the house for a while, donned in a small cone party hat. A cake made by Phen sat proudly on the centre island, along with a small pile of gifts ready and waiting for him.

‘I thought you had been suspiciously cheerful this morning.’

One hand stayed on the doorframe while he looked at the kitchen, taking in the wolf banners, the paper paw prints, the cake waiting on the island, the neat little pile of gifts, and Lyra standing in the middle of it all with a cone hat perched between her ears and the solemn dignity of a creature who had agreed to be humiliated only because Michael had asked very nicely. The laugh came first, startled out of him before he could stop it, but it faltered almost immediately, caught by the sudden, impossible tenderness of it all. ( He was going to remember this for the rest of his life. The smell of cake, the ridiculous little wolves on the walls, Michael watching him with that look, the impossible knowledge that nobody had ordered this, nobody had staged it for leverage, nobody expected anything from him except to be here and let himself be loved. ) A birthday had once been a detail in a file, a date attached to creation, inventory, usefulness, and the long, cold habit of existing because others had decided he should. Here, in their kitchen, it had become colour and sugar and paper decorations, a wolf indoors wearing a party hat, and his husband waiting to see whether he would smile.

That was the part that nearly undid him, more than the gifts, more than the cake, because Michael had known him well enough to make the celebration ridiculous instead of solemn, warm instead of overwhelming, full of private meaning without turning him into something pitiful. He stepped inside at last, fingers brushing over one of the hanging decorations before he reached for Michael’s wrist in passing, a brief touch, barely more than a thank you his mouth had not yet managed. Then he crouched in front of Lyra, adjusted the hat with the seriousness it apparently deserved, and smoothed both hands over her fur while she stared past him like a saint awaiting rescue. ( He would have to thank her later too, of course, for enduring the hat and the house and whatever persuasive nonsense Michael had used to make this happen. ) His smile grew there, against the dark fur under his hand, uncertain at first and then brighter, because he could feel Michael near him and the house around them and the day opening in a way he had never believed a day could open for him.

‘You let her come inside for me?’

[esotericsoldier]

WHAT CELESTIAL ENTITY ARE YOU?

SUN.

the sun serves as the lifeforce of our solar system. similarly you are the lifeforce of so many of those around you. people love being in your presence just to bask in your warmth. your heat is not selfish—it is non-discriminatory and kind and radiates outwards. you are bright and steady like seeing a friend and bursting out into simultaneous smiles or a hug that perfectly envelopes you.

you are good at caring for people. you check up on them and are sensitive to their wellbeings. you know what makes them laugh and what makes them cry. you have a spot for every occasion and somehow know exactly what to say for every situation. you are a comforting heat like opening the oven to freshly baked bread, diving into a warm car from the cold, or sitting directly in a sunbeam on a fall day. you are a righteous blaze—the kind that stands up for their friends. the kind that defends those who need it and even those who think they don’t.

you are a brilliant sunset washing everything in beautiful, impossible shades—a brand new gift every evening. you sometimes have a tendency to over-commit yourself and then struggle to follow through. you can’t be there for everyone all at once. on top of that, because you’re so good at sustaining people, you can forget to sustain yourself. even the sun sets every night. you are not Atlas—it is not your job to hold up the sky.

there’s nothing wrong with taking some time to recharge. it's only natural and much better than burning out. take care of yourself, not just for other people but because you deserve to be cared for. you are genuine and brave—a righteous knight. you are a big, bright soul that makes everyone’s lives better just by being in it. people are drawn to you because of how full you make them feel. you are an awesome, beautiful blend of power, comfort, and benevolence.

[esotericsoldier]

you never know what someone is going through. (Matthias Halloway @gallowsheart)

The thought settled into him slowly, not as something abstract but as a truth he had learned through repetition rather than reflection. Valentin’s gaze drifted downward, unfocused, attention turning inward as memories surfaced of standing in rooms where he had been present yet invisible, functional on the surface while everything beneath strained to hold together. He had learned how to move carefully, how to appear intact enough not to invite questions, how to carry pain in ways that did not inconvenience anyone else. ( Suffering learned to make itself quiet when it realised it would not be met with understanding. ) A measured breath left him as his shoulders eased, the recognition familiar rather than sharp.

‘You really don’t,’ he replied gently, voice calm and unhurried, shaped by experience rather than assumption. ‘Most people become very good at hiding it. They learn which parts of themselves are acceptable to show and which ones are safer kept out of sight.’ His fingers brushed together in a small, grounding motion, thoughtful rather than distressed. ‘After a while, it stops feeling like something they’re carrying and starts feeling like who they are.’

He lifted his eyes again, meeting Matthias’s with a steadiness that came from patience rather than certainty. ‘That’s why I try to be careful,’ he continued quietly. ‘With assumptions. With tone. With how I treat people.’ The words flowed without judgement, deliberate and sincere. ( Kindness stopped being idealistic for him a long time ago and started being practical. ) He remained present after that, allowing the sentiment to sit where it belonged, knowing that understanding often mattered more than explanation.

[itsaliveitsalive]

Victor lacked what most people would think of as some kind of moral compass. Ethics were little more than an amusing intellectual exercise for him. Naturally, that approach brought him into contact with organizations like HYDRA, and he'd joined because it was convenient at the time for continuing his work. Science required funding, after all, and he was willing to put his attention toward some of their projects if it meant he got to chase his own research in peace. He'd worked on both the super soldier serum and the Winter Soldier program, but his real goal was to conquer death. How disappointing that when he finally managed it, it couldn't be replicated in a lab and HYDRA took the credit.

His focus had shifted to multiverse travel in the years after, but every regime fell eventually. Victor had seen the writing on the wall for HYDRA long before Insight. There was no chance he would continue to survive in a place like that. Unfortunately, by the time he had a viable escape plan, they'd already hidden Valentin away somewhere even Victor couldn't find him. He did the next best thing and stole their second favorite weapon, blowing up the base and faking their deaths on his way out. It didn't really matter. Since he'd wiped every last trace of his research before he left, HYDRA had no hope of following where they were going.

The Moors were a twilight world of monsters and mad science. A vampire lord ruled the castle on the cliffs, werewolves ran howling through the moors, and the townspeople huddled around their fires at night, all of it watched over from the sea by the Drowned Gods. It suited him in a way his own world never had, and he quickly set up his work in the abandoned mill. By far, the most difficult project was breaking the hold HYDRA had on Barnes. Victor might have helped design that conditioning, but that didn't make it easy to untangle. They got there eventually, though not without a few mishaps, most notably when the Winter Soldier tried to fight an entire werewolf pack single-handedly. There was no cure for lycanthropy, but Barnes was alpha enough to keep other wolves out and further their protection over the town, and Victor was able to resume his work in trying to reverse death.

Though there was no way to predict the doors that opened occasionally into other worlds, he knew when something that didn't belong entered this dimension. The white wolf paced him, whining quietly as they came to a stop a few feet from the body, both recognizing him immediately. He knelt, not moving any closer or trying to touch him. "Valentin. Can you hear me?"

[esotericsoldier]

Cold stone pressed into his cheek, awareness returning in slow, uneven waves rather than clarity. Valentin did not move at first, body heavy and uncooperative, breath shallow as though drawing too much attention might invite punishment. The world felt distant, muffled, sensations dulled by shock and whatever remnants of sedation still clung to his system. He registered the presence before the voice, posture instinctively tightening despite his inability to rise. ( Conditioning lingered longer than reason, pulling him into stillness when authority entered the space. ) His eyes fluttered open only partway, gaze fixing low rather than lifting, obedience surfacing before thought.

‘I… hear you,’ he managed quietly, the words barely more than breath, voice hoarse and subdued. The distance Victor kept did not go unnoticed, logged somewhere deep and reflexive, but it did not grant him the confidence to move. His fingers curled faintly into the ground as though bracing himself, waiting for instruction that did not come. ( The wolf registered at the edge of his vision, white and solid, and something eased just enough for him to breathe a fraction deeper. ) Presence without immediate consequence felt unfamiliar, unsettling in its own way.

A pause followed, longer than he intended, thoughts struggling to align. ‘I don’t know where I am,’ he murmured at last, still not lifting his head. ‘Everything… stopped working.’ The admission carried no protest, only quiet confusion and fatigue. His shoulders drew in slightly, making himself smaller by instinct rather than intent. ‘Please,’ he added after a moment, voice soft and deferential, ‘tell me what you need me to do.’

[esotericsoldier]

| 🐾 | ~ @viridianeyez

Pine resin clung to the air long after dusk settled, the woods of Beacon Hills breathing around him in a way that felt almost watchful. Valentin remained still inside the abandoned shack, crouched near the window where the glass had long since shattered, moonlight cutting pale lines across the warped floorboards. He had learned the rhythms here quickly, when the town slept, when the forest shifted, when footsteps belonged to hikers and when they belonged to something that knew how to move quietly. Food came from traps set deeper in the trees, water from a stream he filtered by habit rather than trust, and sleep arrived only in fragments. ( Isolation was safer than attention. It always had been. ) He kept his presence small, movements precise, leaving as little trace of himself as possible, as though the woods might forget he was ever there if he tried hard enough. The shack was little more than a shell, barely holding against the cold, but it gave him walls and a roof and a place to think without voices pressing in on him. He sat with his back to the wall now, knees drawn close, listening to the forest beyond the door, to the distant hum of a town that carried on unaware. Beacon Hills felt different from the places he had hidden before, quieter in some ways, louder in others, the air charged with things he did not yet understand. ( He could feel it sometimes, a low vibration beneath the ordinary, like a warning that had not decided what it was warning him about. ) Valentin rested his head back against the wood and closed his eyes briefly, steadying his breath, reminding himself that hiding was not the same as running. For now, this place held him. For now, the woods had not asked him to leave.

[esotericsoldier]

| 🐾 | ~ @vvitchprvncezz

Relief had settled into something quieter over the weeks, no longer sharp or overwhelming, but steady enough that he could finally breathe without bracing for it to disappear. He had spent that time simply being beside Ven, learning him again as he existed now rather than through fragments of memory and half remembered visits, allowing affection to take root without questioning its legitimacy. Adoration came easily, openly, no longer something he rationed or hid, yet beneath it there remained a small, persistent weight he had carried carefully. It was a question he had circled and avoided, waiting until he trusted himself not to fracture under it. ( Courage had never arrived for him in a single moment. It accumulated quietly, built from safety repeated often enough to feel real. ) When he finally chose to speak, his body remained relaxed, but his focus sharpened, gaze fixed on Ven with warmth that did not falter.

‘I’ve been meaning to ask you something,’ his voice emerged softly, deliberate and composed, shaped by thought rather than fear. ‘I needed time first. Time to be here with you without dragging the past back into the room immediately.’ His eyes lowered momentarily before lifting again, affection and sincerity bleeding together. ‘Back in the base… I really did believe you were something my mind created to survive.’ The admission carried no embarrassment now, only clarity. ‘It took me longer than I would like to admit to understand you were real. That you were choosing to come to me.’ He drew a slow breath, grounding himself in the present moment, in the certainty of Ven standing right there in the flesh in front of him.

Thoughtfulness settled over his expression, not tension, but intent. ‘I remember you now, I remember how you came and went, the things you knew that I could not have imagined.’ His thumb brushed lightly against Ven’s hand, the touch gentle and reassuring rather than searching. ‘I want to understand how you did it. How you found me. Why you kept coming back.’ The questions were offered without suspicion, carried by trust rather than doubt. ( Truth no longer felt dangerous when love had already proven itself solid. ) He stayed close, steady and open, ready to listen, certain that whatever answers followed, they would face them together.

[ohisms]

✱ ˚｡⋆ ↪ MORBID CURIOSITY ... [ REMASTERED ] ( a collection of various original dialogue prompts centered around asking questions. adjust phrasing / gendered terms as necessary. )

give that to me! where did you find this?!

do you drink coffee or tea?

sorry– am i crazy, or have we met before?

do you trust me enough to close your eyes?

when were you planning on telling me?

at the risk of being a cliché, do you want to get out of here?

can i convince you to stay the night?

do i look like someone who knows what that means?

would you consider giving me a second chance?

do you really think that's helpful right now?

would you mind showing me around?

do you ever plan on forgiving yourself?

are you thinking what i'm thinking?

can we ... go out and do something crazy?

why are we whispering?

who exactly are you, anyways?

can't we just be civil for a minute?

does the past ever keep you up at night?

if you have nothing to hide, what's the problem?

how long has it been since i saw you last, [ name ]?

did the power just go out?

are we still doing the thing where we pretend not to care?

how should we celebrate?

can we just ... start over?

why is this so important to you?

how was i supposed to know that?!

do you want me to stay? it doesn't have to mean anything.

where are you? nobody's heard from you.

can you help me zip this up?

why do these things always happen to me?

you don't secretly hate me, right?

can i get you something to eat? –or drink?

ready to see what i've been working on?

where have you been disappearing off to?

what's that perfume you're wearing?

you're laughing?! do you really think this is funny?

are you planning to stay for dinner?

did you think it was going to be easy?

you see where you went wrong, don't you?

when did we become so cold and distant?

who are you working for?

did you really do all of this for me?

can i open my eyes yet?

haven't you heard the stories?

[ name ], what are you doing here?

what's it gonna take for you to trust me?

do you believe people can change?

how about we catch the ten o'clock showing?

don't you remember what happened last time?

why is it so unbelievable that i'd want to help you?

you're [ name ], aren't you?

who did this to you?!

how did you know i'd be here?

what's that supposed to mean?

do you think i'm irredeemable?

what kind of mess have you gotten us into?!

do you see anything you like?

what do i owe you for the food?

why won't this stupid thing work?!

does tonight really have to end?

holy shit. can you believe we really pulled that off?!

i can tell you're upset, [ name ]. what happened?

how long have you been standing there?

do you ever wish you could just ... run away?

haven't we been here before?

wait, shush ... did you hear that?

did i miss today's newsletter or something?

can we put our differences aside for a second?

what are you getting out of this, exactly?

you'd tell me if something was wrong, right?

are you willing to bet on it?

would you kill for me?

what made you think that was okay?!

do you believe people can change?

what's the worst thing you've ever done?

you were going to leave without saying goodbye?

[ name ], can you sit up for me?

can i kiss you?

where are your keys? you're not driving like this.

how's life been treating you?

where have you been?!

aren't we supposed to be alone tonight?

aw, has someone had a little too much to drink?

where are you going with this?

are we really doing this right now?

have you eaten today?

can i crash here for the night?

how did you learn to lie so well?

can i at least buy you a drink?

where should i meet you?

is that  ...  blood?!

are you trying to make me jealous right now?

what’s your problem? you're acting weird.

[ name ], you're ... real, right?

where’s your sense of adventure?

do you like horror movies?

what are you trying to prove?

can you give me a ride?

do you have any idea what you've done?

shouldn't you answer that?

why should i be the one to calm down?

have you been up all night?

why are you lying to me?

is that my [ jacket / hoodie / shirt ]?

what are you so afraid of?

do you want to grow old with me?

you’re gonna walk away from this?

are you nervous? your hands are shaking.

where am i supposed to go?

how many fingers am i holding up?

you want me to just walk away from this?

[ name ], slow down– what's wrong?!

are you embarrassed of me?

what's that smell? something's burning.

how can i make it up to you?

why can't you stay out of it?

is this some kind of trick?

come on, what do you have to lose?

do you ever still think of me?

idiot. why didn't you tell me?!

can we stop and think about this rationally?

how long has it been since you’ve slept?

what's your ideal first date?

are you ready to tell me the truth?

i almost died, and you're laughing?

what do you mean, "sort of"?

can we just stay like this forever?

when can i see you again?

can we put this behind us?

oh ... you thought of me first?

where did you learn to do that?

oh my god,  are you bleeding?!

where are you?  nobody’s heard from you.

[ name ], are you drunk?

how can i make this go away?

someone's jumpy today. are you feeling okay?

are we safe here?

what can i do to convince you?

what could possibly go wrong?

you have no idea who i am, do you?

how do you really feel about me?

why can't you look me in the eyes?

did you know you talk in your sleep?

were you following me?

can we just pretend this never happened?

are you just barely getting home?

are you even listening to me right now?!

where does it hurt?  can you show me?

are you trying to get yourself killed?!

how about we just forget the world exists?

how long have you been keeping this from me?

were you ever going to tell me?

what do you make of this?

[ name ],  what the hell?!

can we just be honest with each other, here?

are you trying to keep me a secret?

why does your story keep changing?

how long have you known?

it can't be that bad, right?

are you happy? i mean, really happy?

isn't this place amazing?

did i interrupt something?

how am i supposed to trust you?

are they still following us?

are you fucking serious?

do you remember our first kiss?

can we take a break for a minute?

how about we disappear for awhile?

you're going to walk away from this?

can you please just cut the crap?!

why didn't you tell me you were hurt?

how can i make this go away?

can you just look at me, please?

is there anything i can do to change your mind?

do you ever stop talking?

that depends. are you done lying to me?

are you sure this is legal?

how do you take your coffee?

can you keep your voice down?

why does your phone keep buzzing?

[esotericsoldier]

it takes ten times longer to put yourself back together than it does to fall apart. (Henry Devlin)

He remained quiet for a moment, letting the sentence into the space rather than rushing to meet it. The room felt still in a way that no longer made him uneasy, the chair beneath him solid, familiar, real. ( He leaned back slightly, shoulders no longer braced as though for impact, fingers resting loosely together instead of knotting with restraint. ) There had been a time when words like that would have tightened something in his chest. Now, they opened something instead.

‘Falling apart is fast because it’s not deliberate,’ his voice came gently, thoughtful, carrying the weight of lived experience rather than theory. ‘It happens when something finally gives out. When there’s nothing left to reinforce it.’ His gaze drifted toward the floor, not in avoidance, but in reflection, tracing memories that no longer overwhelmed him. ‘I didn’t have to be present for it. I just… stopped holding. Putting myself back together feels slower because it asks me to stay. To notice what hurts without immediately shutting it down. To sit with things I learned to survive by leaving behind.’ His breathing stayed even, deepening as he spoke, as though naming it made space for it. ‘That kind of attention takes time. It’s not efficient. It’s careful.’

A pause followed, filled rather than empty. ‘I used to measure progress by how functional I looked. How quickly I could move forward without disrupting anyone.’ There was no bitterness in it now, only clarity. ‘That way of thinking almost turned recovery into another performance.’ His shoulders eased further, tension releasing in increments so small they would have gone unnoticed once. His eyes lifted again, steady and open. ‘This work has changed how I see that. Not just for me.’ The thought expanded naturally. ‘At L and Strix, I see it now. The difference between people who are coping and people who are healing.’ A soft exhale followed. ‘I don’t want to push anyone back into function if they’re still fractured underneath. I know what that does.’

He settled more comfortably into the chair, posture relaxed, present. ‘I don’t want to rebuild into something rigid. Or efficient at the expense of being human. I want to rebuild into someone who can hold what happened without turning it into something that hardens me. Or anyone else.’ Another breath passed, slow and deliberate. ‘If it takes longer then I think that means I’m finally doing it with care instead of urgency.’

[esotericsoldier]

“I don’t understand the need for secrecy.” (from arnulf)

A quiet pause followed the remark, not from hesitation but from habit, the space between words used to organise his thoughts before offering them. Valentin shifted his weight subtly, fingers resting together as his gaze settled somewhere just past Arnulf rather than directly on him. Secrecy was a concept that carried more weight than most people realised, shaped less by preference and more by consequence. ( He had learned early that what was known could be taken, reshaped, and used until it no longer belonged to him. ) He drew a measured breath before speaking.

‘Secrecy is not about mistrust,’ he mused softly, voice even and deliberate. ‘It is about limiting harm.’ His eyes lifted briefly, attentive but calm. ‘Information changes value once it leaves your control. It becomes something others can interpret, exploit, or misunderstand.’ There was no accusation in his tone, only explanation, the kind earned through repetition rather than theory. He had lived long enough to see how curiosity could turn sharp without warning.

He folded his hands together, posture composed as he continued. ‘For some people, openness is safe. For others, it is an invitation.’ The distinction mattered to him, even if it was not immediately obvious. ( Survival had taught him that visibility and safety were rarely the same thing. ) He glanced down again, grounding himself before finishing the thought.

‘Secrecy gives me time,’ he added quietly. ‘Time to decide what I am willing to share, and with whom.’ His gaze returned to Arnulf, steady but unguarded. ‘It is not meant to exclude. It is meant to protect.’

[esotericsoldier]

| 🐾 | ~ @battlesthatmatter

His steps slowed the moment recognition settled properly, not as a jolt but as a gradual warmth that spread through him before he could temper it. Valentin’s shoulders eased without conscious permission, posture loosening as the careful restraint he carried everywhere else slipped its grip. Relief followed close behind, quiet and genuine, the kind that made his breathing deepen as though his body had been waiting for this confirmation. It had been longer than he liked to think about, long enough that absence had become something he carried rather than questioned. ( Time apart had not weakened the bond. It had sharpened it, made the sight of him feel anchoring in a way Valentin had not realised he needed. ) His gaze lingered openly now, bright and unguarded, tracing familiarity rather than threat.

‘I didn’t think I’d see you so soon,’ he murmured, voice soft and sincere, the faint smile that surfaced catching him by surprise even as he let it stay. The steadiness of Steve Rogers’s presence settled something restless in his chest, easing the low hum of vigilance that never quite left him. Valentin drifted a step closer, not from habit or assessment, but because proximity felt right, because distance suddenly felt unnecessary. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he added quietly, the words simple and unburdened, spoken without hesitation or shame.

[esotericsoldier]

Valentin learns the shape of safety in fragments rather than whole moments. He notices it first in small, ordinary details, the way a room sounds when no one is listening for him, the way silence can exist without anticipation attached to it. He still sits where exits are visible, still keeps his body folded inward by instinct, but there are moments now when his shoulders loosen without conscious effort. ( He does not trust peace immediately. He allows it in increments, testing it like unfamiliar ground. ) Safety, to him, is not the absence of threat but the absence of correction.

He is intelligent in a way that rarely announces itself. Valentin absorbs information quietly, storing it with care, often understanding more than he lets on. He chooses not to display his full capacity unless necessary, having learned that brilliance once made him valuable in ways that cost him autonomy. ( Being underestimated now feels like protection rather than insult. ) When he does speak with precision, it is deliberate, thoughtful, and usually in service of someone else rather than himself.

Affection unsettles him more than violence ever did. Touch offered freely still startles his nervous system, but he craves it deeply, seeking closeness through proximity before contact. He leans rather than reaches, waits rather than asks, and melts entirely when reassurance is given without conditions. ( Praise disarms him faster than commands ever could. ) His submissiveness is not rooted in helplessness but in trust, something he gives slowly and with intention once it is earned.

Valentin struggles with choice long after HYDRA’s fall. Decisions feel heavy, carrying imagined consequences even when none exist. He prefers guidance over instruction, reassurance over authority, and thrives most when someone offers direction without force. ( Over time, he learns to choose for himself in small ways, what to wear, where to sit, when to rest, each act a quiet reclamation of self. ) Independence does not arrive as defiance. It arrives as permission.

Despite everything, he is gentle by nature. He checks on others reflexively, watches for signs of distress, and positions himself protectively without realising he has done so. ( Valentin does not believe he is owed kindness, but he gives it freely, assuming care is something to be earned through usefulness. ) Slowly, painfully, he learns that being wanted without purpose is not a trap.  It is a gift.

[burningtacozombie]

[esotericsoldier]

[esotericsoldier]

❝ You're looking at me, staring at me. ❞

Concern settled in him before embarrassment ever could, the instinct quick and quiet as his attention sharpened. Valentin blinked, then lifted his gaze properly this time, studying Stiles with care rather than lingering softness. His eyes moved over him in small, deliberate checks, posture, breath, colour, the way he was standing. ( Habit had taught him that reassurance often came from observation long before words. ) Only when nothing seemed wrong did the tension ease from his shoulders.

‘Sorry,’ he murmured, but the apology lacked its usual weight. He didn’t look away immediately. Instead, he held Stiles’s gaze for a moment longer, lashes lowered but steady, making sure he was really there, really present. ‘I was just… making sure you’re okay.’ The admission was simple, unguarded, offered without expectation of explanation or defence.

His eyes softened then, the sharpness fading into something gentler as he finally glanced down. ‘You seemed quiet,’ he added more softly, fingers brushing together as if grounding himself again. ( Caring still slipped out sideways sometimes, disguised as vigilance. ) He stayed where he was, attention still tuned toward Stiles even as his gaze lowered, reassured now, content once he knew everything was alright.

[esotericsoldier]

Immediately crawls into his lap, fingers instinctively intertwining themselves through strands of Val's hair and begins pepper his face with kisses and lipstick stains~

Delight hit him all at once, bright and unguarded, breath leaving his chest in a startled rush as the familiar weight settled into his lap. Valentin’s hands came up instinctively, hovering for half a second before resting at their sides, fingers curling with careful certainty as if to reassure himself that this was real. Lips brushed his cheek, then his jaw, then the corner of his mouth, leaving warmth and colour behind, and his eyes went wide before softening completely. ( He had not been braced for joy. Panic, yes. Affection, maybe. This felt lighter than either. ) His shoulders relaxed as he leaned into it without hesitation.

A small sound escaped him before he could stop it, a soft, breathy squeak that betrayed how pleased he was, how deeply the closeness landed. Pupils dilated as fingers threaded through his hair, touch familiar enough to make him melt rather than flinch. He tipped his head forward instinctively, pressing into their chest, lashes fluttering as another quiet squeak followed, this one almost amused. ( Happiness still startled him when it arrived without warning, bright and uncomplicated. ) He clung gently, not desperate, just delighted.

He nuzzled closer, forehead brushing against theirs as he tried and failed to form words, settling instead for another soft, embarrassed sound that carried all the warmth he could not quite say out loud. His grip tightened just a fraction, anchoring himself there, content and openly pleased, letting the kisses continue while he stayed curled into them, utterly present and unmistakably happy.

[esotericsoldier]

so close your heart, the world is dark and ruthlessness is mercy. - Jim @magpiemurders

A slow breath left him, the words settling with a familiar weight rather than shock. Valentin’s gaze drifted downward, thoughtful, fingers loosely entwined as if grounding himself in the moment. He had heard variations of that sentiment before, spoken as doctrine, as warning, as justification. ( He had once been taught that mercy was a flaw and distance a necessity, that closing oneself was the only way to remain intact. ) The idea lingered, not untrue, but incomplete.

‘I understand why people believe that,’ he murmured quietly, voice even, reflective. ‘The world can be dark. And ruthlessness can feel like protection when everything else has failed.’ His shoulders rose and fell with a measured breath as he considered the thought more carefully. He did not reject it outright. He had lived inside it for too long to pretend it held no truth.

His eyes lifted slightly then, softer, steadier. ‘But closing the heart comes at a cost. t keeps pain out, yes. It also keeps everything else out with it.’ There was no accusation in his tone, only lived understanding. ( Survival built on isolation lasts, but it does not heal. ) He shifted his weight subtly, posture open rather than guarded.

‘I think mercy is not the absence of ruthlessness,’ he added after a moment. ‘It is the decision of where not to use it.’ The thought lingered between them, quiet and deliberate. He remained there, present and unhurried, acknowledging the darkness without surrendering to it, believing still that keeping his heart open, even cautiously, was not weakness but choice.