Words From An Alaskan Vagabond

23 | Evergreen State | A collection of my original poems and some other shit. "I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." - Charles Bukowski

[rocho-suave99]

Light-Hearted (2/15/2023)

Nobody decides when it starts;

The paths we follow at the mercy

Of our paper hearts.

Meticulously folded,

Bent, twisted,

Weaved, and pressed,

But not molded.

A precious gift,

One most worth sharing,

But when shared with the wrong person,

You can expect a rift.

Only the vile could stomach tearing

Something so delicate.

The soul controls the epitome of art;

Intricately crafted,

All the answers lie within,

The paper heart.

[rocho-suave99]

The Mind Gets Scary In The Dark And Cold Of February (2/2/2023)

I can feel the noose tightening,

It's frightening.

I'm going insane;

There's no serotonin in my brain.

Vivid fantasies of spiking my vein,

Letting the dope ease my pain.

Every day I feel myself growing

More cold and mean,

Thinking of saying things

Vile and obscene to strangers.

Somewhere in between

Calm and collected

And a real danger

To myself,

Never others.

I long for my lover,

Don't get me wrong,

She's as sweet as can be,

More lovely than any song,

But the depression brings on

Intrusive thoughts.

My manic brain tells me

That I'm not good enough for her,

To fuck it up, disappear with some other;

Imagine driving through

The pouring rain,

Someone unfamiliar by your side,

Taking in all the sights,

Getting high on almost every substance,

Consuming all your days and nights.

Burning bright,

Fading fast,

Far away from everyone you know,

Knowing it could never last.

But you're not afraid to go,

To be extinguished,

Like the fire you are.

Whether you dwindle down to a warm glow,

Or disappear all at once,

Leaving nothing but a smoke show.

[rocho-suave99]

Life Is A Labyrinth, Time Is A Prison (1/17/2023)

Lost in the turbulence of time,

Trapped by the walls

Of a labyrinth of passing minutes.

I can visualize the reward,

Wonderful, bright,

That awaits;

But despite every corner I turn,

There seems to be no end in sight.

Beasts and beauties

I encounter,

As I follow the path before me.

If I perish before I claim

My treasure,

Do not mourn me,

For this journey will at least

Be one captivating story.

[rocho-suave99]

Two Halves Of The Sweetest Mango (8/31/22)

I am baffled,

I had no clue,

When we started talking

That we would share a love

So pure

And true.

Never have I ever

Felt anything close

To how you make me feel.

I'm overflowing with joy,

With ecstasy, so intense it's unreal.

It is impossible for me

To accurately describe

How deeply I love you.

I'm so grateful to be alive,

And that we were destined

To be together.

My little goddess, mi amor,

I am thrilled to find out

What is in store

For us.

There's nothing I'm more sure of,

Than the idea of spending my life

Without you would be torturous.

I am yours, and you are mine,

That's it, it's been written by the divine.

[rocho-suave99]

Mi Amor (7/5/22)

My goddess,

Your smile brightens my life,

More radiant than a thousand suns;

Your touch melts away every ounce

Of pain;

The love you give me,

Eliminates all the demons

That plague my brain.

When I'm in your presence,

My happiness is immeasurable,

And I want to freeze time

So that I can always feel

That sublime.

I ache whenever we're apart,

I am yours,

Your soothing touch,

Healing love,

Has eased the hurt

Of my sunburnt heart.

[rocho-suave99]

To The Moon And Back (6/12/2022)

Every day,

I feel you slipping

Further and further away.

It crushes my spirit,

I'm turning into a loon.

Knowing that the woman I love,

Who I used to make swoon

With my words and affection,

Is as cold and distant

As the face of the moon;

Shining elegant and bright

With her company of stars,

While I dream of you,

Alone, in my bed, each night.

[rocho-suave99]

Insatiable (6/5/2022)

Just as the desire for cash

By the upper class,

Devoured by greed and lust,

My love and desire

To have you

Is insatiable.

Ferocious beasts,

Raging seas,

Even God Himself I'd strike down

To His knees,

Just to hold you in my arms.

Alas, what villain

Conspires to keep you from me?

Could it be destiny?

Maybe the reason

That I do not have you,

Is that you are not mine.

Or, at least, that is how it seems.

Declared by the divine,

I shall only hold you in my dreams.

[rocho-suave99]

Disappointment Comes And Goes; Remember That You're Doing Great, It's All Part Of The Show (5/22/22)

I look in the mirror,

And what do I see?

Confusion, disappointment,

But also hope and the sheer will,

That makes me me.

I can't help but wish

That greatness could be

Found in a pill.

How do you accept,

What can only be described,

As your own mediocrity?

That you'll never be great,

Never make history?

It's hard to make peace

With the fact that there's nothing

Interesting, nothing special about you.

Until you snap back to reality.

Sometimes all it takes is a call

From a friend you haven't spoken to

In years,

To remind you of what you already know.

There's no reason to be discouraged,

No place for heavy hearts and fears.

I'm exactly where I need to be,

And the people who have left my life,

Caused me heartache,

Left because there's no place

For them in my life anymore.

To grow, to become the man

I'm meant to.

They must go,

I must reside where I don't want to be,

It's all part of the process,

The results of which I can't wait to see.

[rocho-suave99]

On Broken Hearts And Healing (5/4/2022)

The best way to mend a broken heart,

I find, is time, effort, and some form of art.

Time varies

For every case,

Effort is difficult to measure,

But can be seen if you make space

In the schedule of your daily life

For the little things that give you pleasure,

Even the tiniest bit can suffice.

Art could be watching a film

That makes you laugh and distracts you,

Or makes you cry with the story

Of a main character who is sad too.

It's validating, to write your feelings down,

Paint or draw a scene with the backdrop

Of somewhere familiar or a distant town

That you may wish you were in.

All mediums can be effective,

As long as you have the desire to heal,

For the only sin

Is to not be reflective,

Not forgiving yourself,

Getting so lost in the pain that you

Weigh yourself down with misdirected blame

And lose sight of what is true, what is real.

You may make the other party out as a villain,

But that's not healthy,

We're all human, and we can't all be the hero.

If that's something you're not able to see,

You'll put yourself in the position to be a zero,

Never grow,

And sabotage any chance you have to win

Again and again.

[rocho-suave99]

Always loved K.Flay from the moment I first heard her. Her music has always been there for me in times of pain and joy. Lately I've been putting this song on repeat to help with whatever life may throw at me. I'm sharing it because maybe it could help one of you who happens upon this post. If so, I hope you enjoy it!

[rocho-suave99]

She May Be Venom, But Deserves Nothing But Bliss (5/4/2022)

Make no mistake,

She's lovely, kind, intelligent,

But most of all, she's a professional

When it comes to heartbreak.

All you may try or do,

It comes to no avail.

She'll leave you in shambles,

Suck the color out of everything,

No more beauty, and all that was once delicious

Now lacks taste, is entirely stale.

The thorns on a rose,

Prickly and painful,

But in spite of it all,

She's still wonderful.

I hope she finds happiness,

Heals so she can stand tall

And proud.

A deadly princess,

May the clouds

Never block the sun

Wherever she may be.

She deserves all the comfort and warmth,

That she was unable to give me.

[rocho-suave99]

Not Wonderland, But The Land Of Thoughts Regarding A Love That May Never Be (5/2/2022)

I get lost in the rabbit holes inside my mind,

Finding your face around every twist and turn.

"Maybe in another life," you whisper with kind

Eyes, that only make me yearn.

Finding your face around every twist and turn,

I dream of us running away to some distant land.

Eyes, that only make me yearn,

To feel your body against mine, your hand in my hand.

I dream of us running away to some distant land,

Intoxicated by visions of happiness I hope to find.

To feel your body against mine, your hand in my hand,

I get lost in the rabbit holes inside my mind.

[rocho-suave99]

Messages I Long To Send, Because I Cannot Accept That This Is Really The End (4/28/2022)

I type out the words,

But I know better.

We made this decision,

To part ways,

And we made it together.

Knowing what it meant,

The pain that comes with it.

Although, the idea of saying

"Goodbye" to you forever

Is something that I don't think I can do.

We've had our trouble,

Hurt one another,

But I've always hoped we'd figure it out

In the end.

I don't want to spend

The rest of my life

Without you in it.

So I hope that we find each other,

Somewhere down the line,

And we can be together,

Maybe the time

And place will be right.

If you read this,

Just know

That my love for you will never go

Away, and that you're always on my mind,

Day and night.

[lunamonchtuna]

— Amal El-Mohtar, from This Is How You Lose the Time War (via lunamonchtuna)

[rocho-suave99]

How The Modern Struggle Breeds An Everyday Spaceman (2/25/2022)

It's so easy

When life is shit,

To turn to things that are bad for me.

They help me escape the pain,

Make me feel like I'm defying gravity.

Although, I do not stoop

To complete depravity,

I'm still wicked, it's true.

Doing all that I can to

Try and be positive,

Not stew

In everything that's negative

That I can't change.

Living is so strange,

Or at least in modern times.

We suffer and strive

Just to stay alive

In a society hell bent on destroying us.

Crushing bills,

Uncomfortable places,

Drama caused by the people around;

It's enough to want to bury your head

Underground,

Or get away from it all.

Poisoning the mind, body, and spirit

Just to feel like we're floating

With the stars, or like giants,

Ten feet tall.

[rocho-suave99]

Just Believe (2/16/2022)

Not the type to hop flights,

I'd rather take the road.

It creates more opportunities to appreciate

Starry skies and sleepless nights.

Whether in the company of friends

Or complete strangers,

I soak in the energy,

Fuck all the dangers.

Living for today and hoping for tomorrow,

Leaves no time to wallow in sorrow.

[rocho-suave99]

A Rat In A Cage, But The Cage Is Circumstance (2/8/2022)

There is no rattling,

No clanking sound.

Insufferable, maddening!

Although you cannot see it,

I am shackled,

Bound by handcuffs

That can only be described

As hyaline.

Insufficient funds,

Responsibilities,

And my own fear

Are a sum of the limitations

That make me feel imprisoned,

Trapped here.

Despite my efforts,

There's only so much one can do

When bad news keeps coming,

Marching over your heart and spirit

With caulk boots and spiked shoes.

My faith and hope

I try to keep,

But life's troubles

Leave me feeling like an innocent man

In prison, crying himself to sleep.