I'm Delicious

Perfect balance of sweet and salty :*

[bimmyjimmy]

He’s using my head as a pillow

[bimmyjimmy]

Now he’s asleep.. i might be stuck like thus

[forrpercyy]

he thinks they’re flirting

[leahgardner-art]

Definitely will be painting more grapes. I was intimidated for years but ended up really enjoying it!

P.S. I just listed prints of the aperitif painting

[bonivers]

going on a guilt trip do yall want anything

[secondbeatsongs]

if you really cared about me you wouldn't have to ask

[thestuffedalligator]

“When we were kids, the Phonics Wizard came to our town to show off how the letter E can change the sounds of vowels. He turned a can into a cane, a pin into a pine. This one kid had a cap and he changed it into a cape, that kind of thing.

“And we loved it, we were all having a great time, but then he saw my sister and I, and he just got this - this look in his eyes, and then-”

She hesitated, worrying the coarse material between her fingers. “Things got pretty bad after that,” she muttered. “I know it’s silly, but I try to keep - her - comfortable. We don’t know if she can still hear us, or see us, or if she’s even still in here, but I like to think she is. I talk to her when I can, I leave music on when I’m out of the house. I tried to convince my parents to bring her with us when we went to Disneyland, but they didn’t - didn’t really take that well.”

After a moment, she put the ball of twine back onto its pillow. “Anyways. They tried to arrest the Phonics Wizard, but he had a plan in case something went wrong and he turned it into a plane and flew away.”

[kat]

i had a dream last night that the entire world used a currency (?) called angrypennies which as the name implies are obtained by experiencing anger. the stronger and more intense your anger was, the more angrypennies you'd gain. an all-consuming rage would earn you more than a slight irritation, etc. so people were always searching for ways to fuel their anger and purposefully keeping themselves angry all the time because they wanted to earn angrypennies. unclear if angrypennies could be exchanged for goods and services, or if they were just a collectible.

anyway, as if this wasn't heavy-handed enough, at one point british comedian greg davies appeared and explained that angrypennies couldn't be worth feeling angry all the time. this was a real revelation to dream-me and i was finally able to break free of the angrypenny grind and allow myself to experience emotions other than anger.

[lordsausage]

shoutout to the words "overmorrow" and "ereyesterday". english losing these words was stupid. "the day after tomorrow" "the day before yesterday" clunky-ass constructions. revolting. i'm bringing overmorrow and ereyesterday back in my idiolect and there is nothing you can do about it

[freakoutgirl]

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

[freakoutgirl]

and love..........

[ramblebrambleamble]

Who are these people? Where did they go,

When the going got tough and your head hung low?

Where did they come from? Why are they here,

Lifting your hand with a champion's cheer?

So many hands that could have taken the load.

So many feet that could have walked on the road.

Where were they when needed?

Why were you not heeded,

When you screamed out for aid, with your throat that was bleeding?

[yenthecat]

Are you observing my sitting style?

[ohnopicturesofanothercat]

Resting on the top level of the cat tree and I caught it for Toe Bean Tuesday 😺

[hellenhighwater]

My sewing machine broke while I was making a fish bag for my water bottle and now it's not done :(

[hellenhighwater]

Sewing machine still borked but I've made a coin purse to go into the big fish

[hellenhighwater]

Feeeeesh

[catcrumb]

[redstonedust]

cutting your own hair is fun because a) if you mess it up you can tell people "well, i did it myself" and they will instantly understand that they should not be holding your haircut to hairdresser standards b) if you DONT mess it up then whenever you get a compliment on your hair you can say 'thanks, i did it myself!' and they will think you are even cooler than you already are. trust me works every time.

[animentality]

[drax-the-vampire-king]

He lowered it in the second picture out of fear someone might get jealous and try to take it from him.

[weepingchoir]

you have a disgusting storytelling addiction

[atlas-prime]

It’s true. It goes back a long way, too. It all started when…

[copperbadge]

I was innocently buying a soda and a Kit Kat bar from a snack shop recently when the cashier said, "Oh, a Kit Kat! That's what I named my cat!" and then launched into An Monologue.

Nobody was behind me in line, which seemed to be a good reason for her to treat me to a five minute retelling of the identification, rescue, and argument over initial custody of Kit Kat, who was so small they thought when they first heard him crying for help that he was a bird and not a kitten in a tree, and is now fifteen pounds of "pure, sculpted lardass".

And I didn't mind, precisely, I wasn't bored or anything, but around the time she was bringing me up to speed on Kit Kat's current status it occurred to me that this woman is a cashier in a store that primarily sells candy bars and beverages. People must buy Kit Kat bars from her multiple times a day. Does she do this every time there's nobody in line behind the purchaser? Did I just have that I Own Several Cats And Will Enjoy Your Cat Stories look about me? Was it the first time it occurred to her that she sold the brand of candy bar she named her cat after? Was she new to the job of selling Kit Kat bars?

The idea that every time she sees a Kit Kat bar she is gripped by the urge, Manchurian Candidate style, to retell the story of Kit Kat the Cat, elevates her from a friendly cashier to a deep enigma. Truly there is no knowing the mind of another.

[copperbadge]

IT GETS FUNNIER

I was in the same snack shop, which I'm in, like, once a month, recently. I only recognized her because I spent five minutes listening to this monologue in sincere wonder. But I did recognize her, so as I was buying a soda and a Milky Way bar (this time) I said, without thinking about how this would come across, "Hey, how's Kit Kat?"

She looked genuinely horrified and said, "What...how?"

"Oh fuck!" I blurted. "Sorry! You told me about him last time!"

This is still quite cryptic as responses go but she gave me a frankly frantic look of sudden recognition and said, "He's fine! You bought a Kit Kat! I was unmedicated!"

I did not inform her she is small town famous on Tumblr and instead just said, "Glad you're both doing well!" and we parted as confused and mortified friends.

Gosh she's fun. I hope she's there next time. I want to reenact the Spiderman Pointing meme with her.