Espr1t

My words and worlds

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Snapshots from a fulfilling weekend. Cat snuggles, my nasturtium blooming, whale watching while drinking coffee and eating breakfast, beachcombing to my heart's content, and a late afternoon hike with friends and kitty.

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Work can be draining and there is a certain bleakness some days. But I've been deriving some joy and peace through plants and my cat. Pictured: spoiled cat and new peanut butter fruit plant. I can't wait for my flowers and fruits this year...the lemon tree in particular is looking much healthier than last year!

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Nothing like the peace of a cat sleeping on you. Sometimes I still can't believe I have my own kitty, after so many years of wanting one. He turns 3 next month. I wish I knew him as a baby, but I have many years left with him if I'm lucky. Sure he doesn't stop yapping sometimes, and sure, he likes to poke his paw in my face...but we belong to each other now, yah know?

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Tumblr's got me figured out, man. Everything it tries to show me is cat-related. Anywho, here's my contribution:

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Contentment is the final batch of strawberry guavas, ripe on the tree, & ready to be brought to my parents. It is the lush green of my lemon tree that hasn't borne fruit in over a year. It's the warm sun on my healing ankle. The softness of my cat's belly fur, and his weight pressed to my side. The purrsistence of life, after struggle.

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Last night, I slept in my car by the coast for the first time. I was pretty apprehensive before going, partly from inertia and partly from potential safety concerns. But it all turned out okay! Safe enough and comfortable, though next time I'll bring ear plugs.

In the morning, I sat and stared at the ocean for a bit before moving on. I thought of my family members, each going through their own trials, and how they likely have had very few chances to be so free. Time to oneself to explore and just sit. What a luxury. During my rock hunt, I found the tiniest urchin shell, and *two* enhydro agates! Grateful for such tiny treasures.

I know it's not always going to be like that. One day I will have more responsibilities other than myself and my kitty. One day I will be too sick or too weak. You never know. But as long as I'm able, I will carve out such moments, if only for my sanity.

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deep breaths, big sigh

It seems every few weeks, there are things and people to worry about. Old things, new things, ongoing things. I try to keep my own life mostly uncomplicated, but complexity is unavoidable unless you live in isolation. The price of love for others is empathy, disappointment, frustration, fear of loss, pain, change. And grief. And we all take our turn being on one end or the other. Even when things are fine, I often wonder when the other shoe will drop; when is it my turn again?

But then I also have moments when I am grateful that I have my health, mobility, good people around me. Actually, there is a lot more to be grateful for. I am safe. I am healthy. I am free. My needs are taken care of, and I have access to many of my wants. And maybe there is also some comfort in knowing how resilient we can all be, when we have to be.

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Kitty's first camping trip <3

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Started health log for me and the cat. He's already lost more than a pound! And I've gained lol. Note his lofty goal of becoming "hot cat." I can't read his mind but one can assume.

Pics include his walk today, and homemade fat cat cappuccino :3

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So grateful for the time to engage in my hobbies and creative outlets. Making new foods (pictured: spiced mocha ice cream), and getting back into art. Add to that reading, and running and I think that should be help me feel more rounded again. Just so hard to motivate myself to get moving again when I've gotten oh so good at sitting and eating...

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Misc. photos marking the near end of spring, and the end of other things. Pictured are gifts and trinkets from some sweet souls I've worked with the past couple of years, comfort objects I left behind to little ones, gifts from my own little "garden" and a cat that puts up with my antics and also drives me half mad with his yapping.

In a note, one kiddo wrote "When I see a cat, it will make me think of u :]." Of course, I teared up reading this. She included bits that she knew I liked, and things to remind me of her. I teared up yet again while saying bye to one especially kind person that I often collaborated with. I feel lucky to have been around people I admired and grew fond of, and who saw such positives in me, as well.

I truly don't know what this summer and the rest of the year will bring. to be honest, I have been putting off facing reality as much as I can. Loved ones have been going through major challenges recently and some of it may worsen before long. Things do fall into place one way or another, for better or worse. I will continue to support where I can, but hopefully in a more sustainable way. Would love to get back into nature again to maintain some sanity!

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Birthdays and furry companions

The little booger turned 2 this past weekend. Peep him trying to get at a squirrel--got higher up than I was comfortable with but luckily he was on leash. Also got to spend time with my furry niece and take her to a playdate with her friend. Cat boy did not appreciate that I brought her over but I'm still hoping the mere exposure effect will turn them into friends one day...*crossing fingers*. Also, got to go to my first Quincenera for a friend's daughter--it was very sweet.

There is a lot of political/life uncertainty these days, with the status quo being flipped in harmful, flagrant ways. Who knows what things will look like in even 6 month's or a year's time. I certainly don't even know for myself, what with needing a new job come summer.

Sometimes I look around and wonder if the world is just moving too fast for me. So I'm grateful to the furry companions for making me take a pause and be more grounded.

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Restless boi

likes the outdoors and rolling in the dirt.

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wise words from mum

"Stop eating everything you come across!" Well luckily this was a queen palm fruit and tasty, though fibrous.

Also found 5-leaf clover along w 4-leaf. Lucky in finding clovers and not much else 😜

Last pic was today's morning walk w/ the critter.

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shaggy boi

So precious when asleep. So mouthy when awake 😆

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About to embark on a little journey with this feller--a weight loss journey that is. This little boy and I have both been gaining a bit of weight...particularly around our midsections! He has his pouch and I have mine. Was very proud of how calm he was at the vet today, however. Although, he did understandably yell (and fart hehe) when they took his blood...

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Spring things

Spring weather always stirs up something in me. I want to do all the creative projects, cook all the recipes, read all the books (that I've been ignoring). And most of all, I get a deep yearning for exploring some foreign place, where the air and language are all different. I don't know how possible that will be this year, but I guess there are still some things I can do locally.