Hello. It's Ethan. @ethanwilsonreal - Tumblr Blog

kingvegetable

a shoutout

to all my fat and curvy trans boys

whose binders still don’t make them anywhere close to flat

who are self concious because their chub makes them curvier

who can’t bind on a daily/regular basis

who are forced to joke about their chests because they can’t deal with it any other way

who won’t “pass” until top surgery

whose soft cheeks make their faces look more feminine

who consistently only see positive feedback on posts about skinny white trans boys who were able to “pass” a couple of months after starting on T (or before)

society will try to tell you otherwise but your trans-ness is no less valid than theirs. your curvy body is still a boys body, no matter how you wear it.

dizzleceezy

friends, lemme share this little gem with you

FIRST! The inner flap:

oh dear indeed…

some people crayons are jerks.

:’(

:D

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :’’’’) :’’’’’’’’)))))))))))

i just have a lot of feelings about this book and think everyone should own it

naliniasha

i lovethis so much

beastmac

trans… trans crayon?

windows-operating-system-deacti

Yes

somewhat-honest-abe

Reblog if you’re a trans crayon, love trans crayons, or you thought this book was friggin adorable

Day 40 on Testosterone.

40 days.

Wow.

I feel like my posts have been pretty lacklustre but honestly I have been too busy and unable to make time to write more, better, or otherwise.

So...

Basically all you've missed is the fact my face is coming up spotty but you can’t really see it in the photo which makes it look way less dramatic than it feels and I think it is in person, my skin is gross and oily, my binder makes me sweat so much that I have an inverted T shaped spotty chest, and my new binders still are not here despite the fact they should have been days ago.

WHAT EVEN IS THIS?!

Also, I have still been taking a photo every day for my photo a day video that’ll be marking my birthT or anniversiT or whatever you want to call the annual celebration of my first testosterone shot.

I literally see no difference from the first photo to the 40th and that makes me sad. Yeah fine sure whatever, don't compare your journey to anyone else’s and all that ... it’s so much easier said than done, when I see people hit one month on testosterone and have a deeper voice and visible changes.

I’m so dysphoric it hurts.

I also really need a hair cut, a proper one, but dysphoria be like aaaah Ethan no what the fck you can’t go to a barber. But it’s a riot so I think I’ll give it a tidy up tomorrow.

Day 39 on Testosterone.

Every day I have typed the word testosterone, and every damned day I have misspelled it as tesotsterone and now it basically is no longer even a word to me.

Also. Things are just not in a happy place. I am stressed, I am irritable, and I am fed up. I don’t even think I can blame it on being hormonal, and 4-days before my next shot because my dose isn’t massive so it’s not like I have peaks and troughs.

I’m just so freaking busy right now.

Day 38 on Testosterone.

My dysphoric, insecure, self-conscious, anxiety-ridden-ass chaired a meeting today.

*whoop*

My dysphoric, insecure, self-conscious, anxiety-ridden-ass also gets misgendered on a daily basis.

*kajdbgoabglnfBljbwglknahn*

YEAH.

That.

Day 37 on Testosterone.

Why are my days so busy!?

Thankfully I am on top of everything deadline wise but it has been a long day and I really am exhausted.

I need to sleep a lot. I think I mentioned that.

Also my throat hurts again, and I can definitely consciously lower my voice but not hold it. Come onnnnn just break already.

ARGH.

Today, ironically, is World Mental Health Day. I wrote a post for my main blog, but I haven’t actually managed to publish it. For all I used to be a mental health blogger I really am now rubbish at talking about my own mental health.

Day 36 on Testosterone.

It’s Monday, again. Here’s to another absolutely PACKED week. Today’s one of my days off but I have meetings and so much to do that it so badly will not feel like it.

Also, still no binders.

Oh, and one week today is my 3rd testosterone shot.

I feel like I am getting warmer, I’m getting hot quickly and sweating more.

Gross.

5 weeks on testosterone though :)

Day 35 on Testosterone.

I have been waiting for new binders.

They should have been here by now, especially as I pay $25 for expedited shipping.

I am not a happy guy.

Day 34 on Testosterone.

I finally got around to editing and uploading my one month on testosterone video to my YouTube channel.

You can watch it here.

You should subscribe if you haven’t already.

Just saying. <3

Day 33 on Testosterone.

Fridays are wonderful days.

Y’now why?

Partly because I have a really interesting class at university, and partly because it signals the end of the week which means it is nearly the weekend and a chance to rest, catch up on *things* and unwind.

I need this.

Honestly - I am exhausted, physically and mentally.

It’s just over a week until my next shot of testosterone, which will be my first self injected one at home. EEK.

Also, I think I forgot to mention, but at the beginning of the week I noticed a massive improvement in the bruising, and now it’s totally cleared up.

Day 32 on Testosterone.

A long anticipated day off hit today which was just what I needed, to get through a good amount of work. I managed to put together some bits for my one month on testosterone things, but not completely.

Here’s a full blog post I have written; talking about the changes and feeling over my first month of hormone treatment.

http://beingethan.com/one-month-on-testosterone/

ONE MONTH ON TESTOSTERONE! // Day 31 on Testosterone.

Today, is the 4th of October 2017.

I had my first shot of testosterone on the 4th of September 2017.

Officially, now I have been on testosterone for one month.

WHAT!?

It’s been a ridiculously long day but I’ll try get my update blog filmed, if I can, although I may be unable to squeeze the time in for editing and uploading it before the weekend - I shall try though.

Day 30 on Testosterone.

Okay really, the weeks are flying past.

With a half day of classes today, I managed to catch up on some of the work I should have done yesterday - whoop. I still have a massive to-do list though and it is super overwhelming.

Day 29 on Testosterone.

Almost one month on testosterone and last night I learned something new;

When in a pub, and it is loud, so talking over the background noise with friends, my voice strained really quickly. It took no time at all to end up hoarse and with a crackly throat.

I’m not sure, but I am hoping that may be a sign that my voice is starting to change?

*shrug*

Meanwhile I spent a loong day in training for my 3rd year as a student representative at university but it was great. It was one of my days off though which does mean I now have a load of work to catch up on.

Worth it!!

Day 28 on Testosterone.

It’s the 1st of October, which means I am so very nearly one month on T and that is getting close really quickly.

In general things are going pretty well.

I’m going out tonight and have been debating what to wear for a while now.

(I decided on the red/tie if you’re interested)

Day 27 on Testosterone.

I have needed to sleep a lot.

Did you find that when you started testosterone? Does it make you tired like ... well, l i t e r a l l y a l l t h e t i m e???

Day 26 on Testosterone.

First off, thank you to everyone who has messaged recently about my bruising issue following Monday's second shot. Today I noticed a huge improvement, its starting to dissipate so I will see how things are by Monday. It is still sore and feels funny to touch so if that is still the case by Monday I will get a doc to check it out.

Other than that I have been noticing a bit of a sore throats again. I feel like I sound as though I have a cold too.

Following my Hepatitis B immunisation on Wednesday I've definitely been feeling a bit of a headache. Being prone to migraines I can't say I'm surprised to be ticking off that side effect!

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Hello. It's Ethan.