I'm not sure my soul ever wandered those lands, but I did teach myself the Elder Futhark in seventh grade because it fascinated me. (My conservative mother forbid it, and stole all my books on similar subjects, but I already had the runes memorised in form, if not in esoteric meaning.) I taught my best friend, and we wrote notes back and forth, using the Futhark to transcribe English words. Our teachers didn't quite know what to do with us. Some time ago, I made a friend who professed to be a gythia of Odin, but her selfish and frequently cruel actions caused me to disassociate with her, and therefore, Asatru. I judged unfairly, based on one experience, but I was a teenager, and I suppose those judgement can at least be understood, if not forgiven. I've seen met some wonderful people who follow the Asatru way, and my opinion of them has definitely been revised, for the positive.
When my interest in the runes revived in college as a history student, I found a set carved from animal bone at a Renaissance fair, and I've kept them with me ever since. I thought I'd lost them in my last move, but two days ago, they fell out of a box on my head. Then I saw an advert on the television at work for a show called Vikings, and bam, historian mode kicked in. I don't work in the field, but I wish dearly that I did. I've had a series of breakdowns and medical interventions + heavy medications that have prevented me from doing much in the way of an ordinary career.
Still, I remember vividly one night in college, I believe it was the winter of 1999, when a storm was headed our way. It was to hit the mountains, and go north, missing our town entirely. I was stressed, emotionally and intellectually, with both family and school problems tearing me in different directions. I cast a heavy circle, using mostly book knowledge gained from all over: Amber K, Garnerian Wicca, Crowley's Lesser Banishings, etc. The room grew freezing cold, and I cast forth my will for the snow to swing south, to give us just a little bit, if the winds were willing.
We received a foot of snow overnight. Classes were cancelled. The entire quad was filled with students blasting Bob Marley and having snowball fights. It was glorious. It could have just been a fluke in the weather pattern; I've studied the birth of Chaos Theory through inquiry into cloud and weather patterns, and I know the tiniest shift can swing a storm into an entirely unexpected direction. I don't claim direct credit for the snow blanketing my campus. But before I even knew it was snowing, a veil covered my eyes where I knelt in the circle, and I had a vision.
I was wrapped in a warm cloak, struggling up a snow covered hill. To the east was a forest, to the north, steep, unscalable mountains. The winds were fierce and cutting. Two immense dire wolves ran out in front of me and passed me to either side, one black, one white. I heard the scream of ravens overhead. I stopped, kneeling in the snow, willing them to pass without attacking me. They did not. I felt a presence larger than I could comprehend pass by, ahead in the wind-driven snow. I heard two footsteps, and the ring of a cane against rock. I glimpsed the wide brim and floppy, pointed end of a hat. When I looked down, I saw that my nearly frozen fingers had scrawled unfamiliar symbols in the snow. A voice said, as if only for me to hear, 'I have written my bones upon the earth."
The veil cleared and I picked myself up off the floor, shaken and still ridiculously cold. I opened the circle, blew out the candles and went to turn on the heater by the window. I saw for the first time that it was snowing.
Tonight, I cast another circle, and pulled the runes from their bag. I held them for a long time, warming them up in my hands, asking them if they would be agreeable to being cast. I laid out a rabbit's pelt and focused on my question. Lately, I feel that I've been overmedicated. I've lost all interest in my life, my job, any dreams for the future that I might have once had. I'm living in a fog, in my escapism. In my dreams I see a wall in my mind, sometimes made of wood, sometimes carved from stone, but always, always light shines through from behind it. I've been wondering if I'm supposed to push past this wall, to break it down, to recover whatever I've been shutting away. Whether finding out would be worth it, or only set myself back further.
The runes I was given fell thus:
Past: Ansuz, Freyja's Aett; A revealing message or insight, communication. Signals, inspiration, true vision, power of words and naming. Blessings, the taking of advice. Truth, and wisdom. Reversed, it can mean duplicitous advise or wandering long down the wrong path. It fell sideways, so I'm trying to take the measure of both meanings.
Present (the wall's appearance, my therapy, my possible delusions, voices, hallucinations): Gebo, Freyja's Aett; All matters in relation to exchanges, including contracts, personal relationships and partnerships. Gebo cannot be reversed, but may lie in opposition: Greed, loneliness, dependence, over-sacrifice. Obligation, toll, privation. The rune came out upside down, blank. My life over the past ten years could truly not be described in better terms unless you add personal betrayal. This is what I have locked away, or else this is why I locked it away. I choose to believe the latter, and feel guided in that decision.
Future (how I should approach the wall): Othala, Tyr's Aett; Inherited property or possessions, a house, a home. What is truly important to one. Land of birth, spiritual heritage, experience and fundamental values. Aid in spiritual and physical journeys. Source of safety.
Clearly, this bears investigation. Whether the drugs are suppressing me spiritually and empathetically, or if these absences in my life are leading me to notice more clearly what I've locked away - either way, it's important and safe to progress toward them.
As I went to put the runes back into the bag, I heard a voice tell me to draw one more, for me, and my interest in the runes themselves. I drew Ehwaz, Tyr's Aett; Movement and change for the better. Gradual development and steady progress are indicated. Harmony, teamwork, trust, loyalty. Confirmation beyond doubt the meanings of the runes around it.
I am deeply pleased with this reading, and I feel like a great deal of work and study are needed to continue my search for knowledge and personal development through the runes. Whether I have a personal connection to them from a past incarnation, or they simply chose me in this life, I don't know, but I intend to honor that bond.
If you've actually read all of this, I'd be surprised, but I also welcome any commentary you'd like to add. My knowledge is limited, but I am in earnest and I don't feel comfortabl making posts like this on my 'normal' everyday blog. Anonymous comments are always fine, but if you feel the need to leave criticism, please make an attempt to be constructive. Thank you for reading.
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