I don't tag my posts, I might do that in the future but in the meantime please do not follow me if the following subjects trigger you:
– childhood trauma
– child sexual abuse
– abuse craving

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@etoilause
I don't tag my posts, I might do that in the future but in the meantime please do not follow me if the following subjects trigger you:
– childhood trauma
– child sexual abuse
– abuse craving
oh fuck *falls back into old habits* *screen fades to black* *level loading* TIP: your belief that you are incapable of changing for the better will become a self fulfilling prophecy if left unchallenged
ive come to a point in terms of remembering what happened where it might as well have been a bad dream istfg just let go it didnt happen
cocsa fucking sucks there is no validity in what happened idc that it still affects me it really shouldnt i should just man up and stop being a weirdo little bitch about it!!!! i dont even remember it like it was me it doesnt count it's not a proper memory this is as real as reading it from a book why do i care!!!!!!!!
throwback to primary school when i mocked kids whose parents didn't hit them when they misbehaved because i thought it didn't make sense and it was stupid. like "ohhh they talk to you or send you to your room that's so stupid you'll never learn". only to threaten to kill myself in front of my friends when i got a notice from school that i was misbehaving because i was scared of coming home to get hit yet again.
throwback to being sexually abused in primary school and not telling them for years because maybe they'll hit me (later on it's because i didn't wanna hurt my mom or thought i would get used to it but whatever)??? oooh wouldn't i have had a better insensitive if they were the "talk to you or send you to your room" kind.
throwback to primary school when i mocked kids whose parents didn't hit them when they misbehaved because i thought it didn't make sense and it was stupid. like "ohhh they talk to you or send you to your room that's so stupid you'll never learn". only to threaten to kill myself in front of my friends when i got a notice from school that i was misbehaving because i was scared of coming home to get hit yet again.
just woke up from a nightmare of my dad screaming at my 10yo little brother and threatening to beat him and i thought it was real but my dad is at work lol
i don't remember my childhood that clearly but looking back at it i think my parents used to hit me a lot to get me to behave. and now they don't hit my brother a lot but my dad especially gets more violent with his screaming.
like,, if i was too talkative at school my parents would hit me with a wooden kitchen spoon :)))) and i was pretty talkative in primary/middle school and misbehaved and accidentally got holes in my jeans from falling so they hit me.
and for my brother it's more like screaming at any little thing and a lot of threatening from my dad. i think they rarely hit him and i only remember one time where they used the wooden spoon but it's so depressing.
and i'm so sorry but i'm just not the person who will stop it. i just cannot reason with them and the issue is they're honestly bad with education so he constantly misbehaves and "proves them right" basically. and they only do it when he misbehaves so it's obviously okay :)))) they're not like bad parents who take pleasure in doing it. if only he behaved this wouldn't happen!!! (/s)
i just want to leave i'm so sorry i just want to turn a blind eye and fucking leave. i'll be gone for school again for another 5-6 months i can't wait. and it sucks that i cannot help but i can't just teach them how to raise a child i'm not a parent or a trained educator. i just have the common sense to know you should not beat children nor threaten to beat them.
just woke up from a nightmare of my dad screaming at my 10yo little brother and threatening to beat him and i thought it was real but my dad is at work lol
organizing my folders and emails and stuff and i thought "wow it would be so much easier if i just went back in time and did it right the first time around" and then i started thinking maybe around 15yo? but not early enough so around 12yo? but it sucked a lot? younger? and now i feel like i just ruined my life somehow and i wish i could reset it or like idk treat everything like it's the sims but i can't and i feel bad and everything is 10 years too late and now i wonder why i'm even trying to get my life together i'm a mess either way and it doesn't matter and i will never fix anything. not my emails, not my folders, not my sleeping schedule or my diet, not the mess in my room. nothing.
The Sameer Project need all the help they can get. Please contribute here.
**With Famine on the rise, we will significantly lower tent purchases and focus on food (rice and bread) and water over the next couple of w
looking up transmac fashion and how to appear more masculine but in a cis kinda detached way
accidentally opened tumblr to nswf furry art in the work elevator and i'm pretty sure someone saw
In the mood to display attention seeking behavior
hey so maybe i actually need the antidepressants a bit
cooking with trauma