EUQINUIZED

Here lie the infinite ramblings of temporary insanity...in the form of literary prose, arty photos, random thoughts, & heartfelt rants...

[euqinuized]

New Normal

I’ve never had Covid, but I’m exhausted with the way things are right now. Why haven’t I seen much conversation about the mental weight of trying to survive a pandemic and this weird aftermath called “the new normal”?

It’s increasingly difficult trying to exist in a space where so many people/companies are trying to skim over this like it’s not still affecting people. 

And on top of that, this pandemic has really intensified and hyper-focused some of the issues our [American] society already has in classism, ableism, racism, etc., but some of the things I’ve heard from people have been extremely disturbing (ex: eugenics).

I was still processing life before and now new experiences have an extra *unique* layer of anxiety. Is anyone else still in survival mode?

Is it just me? This is so weird. 

[euqinuized]

Life on this planet has me frequently feeling like I'm screaming into an empty void. I'm very obviously here, but there's no acknowledgment of my existence.

[euqinuized]

Anybody else feel like they've been conditioned to look at or fantasize about men that show interest in you or is it just (an adult that suffered from childhood negect) me?

As an asexual/demisexual woman it makes me uncomfortable. 🙃 I gotta unlearn that.

[euqinuized]

One thing I struggle with being an asexual (and possibly aromantic) woman is determining if men that talk to me are interested in me or interested in me.

I have no radar for seeing cues in romantic, sexual, or platonic interest.

Is there a cheat sheet somewhere? Lol.

[euqinuized]

Trying not to waste away

In a world that's some waste away

From being as irrelevant and nonexistent as I feel.

[greenstudies]

Get your life together in 8 weeks

Feeling in a slump? In desperate need of refreshment? After exhausting months of studying for exams like me? Well I have this plan to get my life together again and I thought I might share with you!

📚 Week 1: Rest and prep

Spend 3 days resting

No planning and no routines 

Don’t do anything you don’t want to do

Sleep in if you want

Binge that show or play that video game

1 day of cleaning your space

Keep it small and surfice level

Clean the dust and the floors

Change your sheets and towels

Declutter the things around

Let in fresh air

1 day of mental health reset

Focus on yourself and your mind with meditating or journaling

Go through your full routines

Read or be creative

Do your favourite self care activities

1 day of social media detox -no social media allowed

1 day of dopamine detox

You have to get bored

You are allowed to go for a walk or work out (no music tho!)

You can journal and meditate

A little bit of cheating: if you feel to desperate you can read

💖 Week 2: Family, friends and love

Spend this week with others as much as possible

Make small gifts for others

Hang out playing games or just talking

Make sure to tell people what they mean to you

🍓 Week 3: Body detox

Make sure to change up things in this part depending on your goals, health and your body’s needs!

No meat, bread (and other pastry) and sweets

No fried food

Drink water only

Fast for 16 hours a day (imtermittent fasting -a lot of you are concerned but don’t worry about me personally. It is safe for me. If you consider doing this do a proper research!)

Work out daily

Go for walks/jogging and spend as much time outside as possible

Take medications and vitamins properly

🧹 Week 4 and 5: Declutter and organise your space

Declutter and organise your closets and cupboards

Go through your clothes

Deep clean your space

Donate things you don’t want or need

😴 Week 6: More rest

3 days resting completely (like the first 3 days)

4 days of active rest

Follow routines

Be creative

Garden/clean/cook

Work out/go cycling/do yoga

Read or learn something new

🎨 Week 7: Be creative daily

Create something every day

📆 Week 8: Planning and new routines

Plan your future

Find new routines

Get into stable routine that makes you happy

Keep in mind that these are all suitable for me and you can change things up as much as you want! I hope you find some inspiration in this and good luck on your journey!

[softdaisie]

self care activities

💐> go for a walk or a run

💐> cook a healthy meal

💐> draw, paint or create something

💐> read a book or a magazine

💐> write something/journal

💐> listen to music

💐> try yoga

💐> clean your room

💐> call a friend or family member

💐> meet up with friends or family

💐> take time to think and understand how you’re feeling

💐> take a break from your phone/social media

💐> meditate

💐> read some inspirational quotes

💐> write down everything you’re thankful for

💐> write down everything you love about yourself

💐> take a nap

💐> let yourself cry if you need to

💐> learn to play a musical instrument

💐> teach yourself something new

💐> look at happy photos

💐> pray (if you are religious)

💐> write a nice letter to yourself

💐> do something kind to someone

💐> watch your favourite tv show or movie

💐> watch funny videos

💐> take a bubble bath

💐> paint your nails

💐> do your makeup

💐> volunteer for a cause you are passionate about

💐> take up a new hobby

💐> go to an art gallery and study the work

💐> go through old things and donate them

💐> go shopping and treat yourself to something nice

💐> write down negative thoughts and tear them up, or burn the paper

💐> play with a pet

💐> repeat positive affirmations to yourself

💐> remind yourself that you are a beautiful person who is worthy of happiness and love

💐> remind yourself that negative feelings are only temporary

💐> forgive yourself if you’ve made a mistake

💐> get professional help if you need it

[euqinuized]

The Reality of Self Comfort

There is something quite saddening and crooked about having to comfort my adult self the way I should have been comforted as a child.  My mother had to remind me today that my existence has value. Periodt.

[euqinuized]

Some days I feel like the only thing that’s feminine about me is my physical body. 

I don’t know what this means or how I feel about this. 🙃 Is this gender euphoria? Gender fluidity? 

[euqinuized]

Dating in America

The one thing I hate most about the journey to finding a livelong companion is unlearning the most annoying realization: 

Since [assigned female at] birth I’ve been conditioned to romanticize relationships [with those assigned male]. 

Even as someone who identifies as demisexual [and possibly aromantic], as soon as I get close to a man I immediately think of dating them. Which for the life of me, I. Don’t. Understand.  I’ve been having to reprogram my brain to look past the facade I make up and holes I fill in with my imagination and ask myself, 

“What do I like about them?“

“How do they make me feel?“

“Can I trust them? Why so?“

“How do they treat other people?“

“Are their values aligned with mine?“

“Is their journey on the same highway as mine?“

(I’m sure there are more I could add, IDK) I have to remind myself to ask the hard questions beyond surface level stuff. I have to remind myself to look past superficial events and shared memories. I have to remind myself to look at the person. I have to remind myself to note the green AND red flags. I have to remind myself that toxicity, misogynoir, and other negative traits are NOT attractive. Is it safe to say...? I kind of hate it here. 

[howilearnedtocope]

3 types of self soothing thoughts

Validation - it’s ok that I hurt and want to feel better

Reassurance - I can handle this pain, even though it hurts and I don’t like it

Perspective taking: I’ve had bad days like this before, and my record of making it through them is 100%. I can also remember my better days, and know I’m not always hurting this much 

Concept from Depressed and Anxious, which is hands down the best and most useful book on DBT skills I’ve ever seen. I highly recommend it! 

[euqinuized]

How to build and protect your self worth should be be taught in school.

There are so many instances where I've been taken advantage of and cheated of positive experiences because of negative societal standards poisoning my environment.

[euqinuized]

Demisexual Interactions, A Phenomenon

Friends: I've learned recently I desire comfort. As a child I grew up in a household where my parents didn't really express their feelings. Now, not only do I struggle with expressing my own emotions, I also don't know how to ask for comfort. Much like trying to make a small circle of lifelong friends, I have no idea how to ask for a platonic hug, handhold, cuddle, etc. And even if I did, I'd probably be scared that it would be misinterpreted in the long run. This...this is annoying.

Oh and side note, I already had a plan to find more like-minded, supportive, meaningful friends this yeat, but this pandemic has made it 10x harder for me. I'm a homebody that prefers socializing in person to get to know someone. Sigh. I just can't host meetups at home, bro, damn. Dis rough, fam.

[euqinuized]

Telling myself not to be depressed is like telling Inuyasha and Kagome not to yell each other's name every other episode.

It's pointless.

[sensitivesuggestion]

types of healthy coping skills

1. self-soothing

comforting yourself through the 5 senses

Touch: stuffed animals, stress balls, taking a bath, a soft blanket

Hear: music, audio book, guided relaxation

See: snow globe, glitter, calming images, art, anything that pleases you visually 

Taste: tea, mints, gum

Smell: lotion, candles, incense 

2. distraction

removing your focus from the stressor for a period of time

puzzles, art, crafting, reading, movies, gaming, exercise, being social

3. opposite action

doing the opposite of the impulse that aligns with a positive emotion

affirmations, inspiration, lighthearted and encouraging focus

4. emotional awareness

identifying and constructively expressing what you’re feeling

journaling, listing emotions, using a emotional identification chart, drawing, therapy

5. mindfulness

centering and anchoring yourself to the present moment

meditation, guided relaxation, yoga, breathing exercises, candle gazing, going for a walk

6. ask for help

this is important to do when you feel like your coping skills are not enough or they are too negative and detrimental  

therapy is ideal for helping a person create a healthy coping strategy and incorporate it into their life 

*a coping skill is considered healthy if it helps you to deal with stress more positively, does not hinder your progress, and isn’t harmful physically or mentally. A coping skill can become negative when it is used to completely avoid dealing with the stressor. 

[whitepeopletwitter]

[nerdgul]

Those 18 states are: Alabama, Arkansas, Arizona, California, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Idaho, Kansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, Nevada, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and Utah.

If you live in one of these palces please go as many extra miles to stay safe as u can as new cases are growing significantly

[midnight-revolucion]

If you live in any of these States, I advise using Johns Hopkins University of Medicine’s Coronavirus Resource Center to keep an eye on Critical Trends in your state (spiking infection rate, spiking death count) with the country and state map.

[euqinuized]

Can you tell me?

What's that little feeling you get when you're upset, but as soon as you see someone specific you can't help but smile.

That feeling where you're just happy to see them.

That feeling where they give you a non-physical compliment and it makes you shy.

That feeling that makes you read old texts on your old and new phone.

That feeling that makes you so nostalgic it makes you want to cry.

That feeling when you see little moments you shared reflected in a tv drama.

That feeling where you notice your chest as you breathe deeper and faster when you think of them.

That feeling where you don't remember the conversation because you were holding hands for the first time.

That feeling where your heart's pounding and you didn't even notice.

That feeling when you mentally replay the nights they stayed over, wishing they'd were more than a daydream.

That feeling where your heart aches even as you think of them.

That feeling where you think of them and they text you soon after.

That feeling where you imagine little future moments of wholesome interactions.

That feeling of growing so close a life without them can't be imagined.

Can you tell me...what is this feeling?