corn snakes can live 15-25 years in captivity if they're well cared for, and now im thinking about ilya meeting spaghetti the snake. quick search says 2hr car travel is doable for a snake so I could see shane taking it with him to the cottage and this is where ilya first meets spaghetti in my mind. crucially shane never really told ilya about spaghetti so he finds out after they fuck. (bonus points if ilya finds the frozen rodents before he sees spaghetti. "hollander what the fuck do you have frozen mice for?????")
the idea of shane having a separate small fridge in the garage where he keeps frozen mice for spaghetti, but this means when ilya asks about it in passing while shane is looking for water shoes, he's distracted and just goes, "oh, drinks and spaghetti" and ilya just ??? you have?? freezer just for pasta????? actually no this sounds like a Rule you would make yeah sure why not.
but on day three they're napping on the deck, ilya wakes first, decides to get something to eat, and remembers there is A Spaghetti Freezer, and opens it to find??? fucking frozen mice?? oh my god he is out in the wild with a canadian serial killer????
significantly, ilya is on the yuna end of the spectrum when it comes to spaghetti. he'll tough it out because he doesn't want to look like a chicken and also it's clear that shane really loves this snake (for WHAT reason, hollander. is a snake.), but he and spaghetti live in a system of mutual avoidance. ilya doesn't go in spaghetti's room. spaghetti doesn't roam from shane's person when he's out. under such conditions is peace achieved.
If Spaghetti ever touched Ilya he would immediately become ilya's one-sided best friend because Ilya has soft, warm skin that Spaghetti would LOVE to sit on. Shane takes him out to clean his massive 120-gallon bioactive enclosure and add in some more springtail isopods (they help break down leaf litter. ilya thinks they're creepy orange nightmare sprinkles) so he says "babe would you please please please hold Spaghetti? It's only for a couple minutes while I wipe down the glass." Ilya can't deny him anything, so he musters up his courage and holds out his hands.
Spaghetti is all curled up and a little stressed out, since Shane so rudely removed him from his favorite piece of bark. But hey, this is nice and warm, and oooh, wow, that's a cave! Spaghetti likes caves.
In less than three seconds Spaghetti has slithered inside Ilya's sleeve. He is standing very still. There is a snake slowly wriggling over his armpit and he is not going to scream because he is So Incredibly Manly. The snake has flickered its tongue over Ilya's chest. He can feel its tiny snake nose poking around his nipple. If this snake bites his nipple he will make Shane sleep on the couch.
The snake climbs up to Ilya's neck and settles in a squiggly-shape on his shoulder, with its head peeking out of his collar. Shane turns around to put the disinfectant bottle away and pauses.
"Awww!" he coos. "You look so cozy!"
"Yes, he is very cozy." Ilya says. His voice is a little high-pitched. "Maybe he should go back now. We interrupted his nap."
"Oh, it's fine for him to be out a little longer," Shane says. "You're warm, he likes you."
"Well, it was rude to disturb him. Probably we should let him rest." Ilya says, trying to dislodge the invader from his shirt. Fucker. It's a good shirt and now he's stretching it out trying to evict a reptile. The things he does for love.
Shane takes pity on him and scoops Spaghetti out of Ilya's collar, then drapes him over a plant and shuts the enclosure door.
"You were very brave, babe." he tells Ilya, and kisses his cheek.
"I was not scared. I am very strong, very cool hockey player. It takes more than a little animal to scare me." Ilya lies.
"Sure, babe."
the idea of this corn snake chilling in the equivalent of a snake mansion is KILLING ME. there are children with less space and enrichment than spaghetti.
also shane at 18 was still making an impression on his team in montreal and knew by then that "hey, i have a snake" gets side eyes he doesn't necessarily want, so only hayden knows about spaghetti on the montreal team, but after he's on the ottawa team, spaghetti comes up because ilya needs someone to understand his pain, and it becomes a superstition that if spaghetti eats his mouse no problem, then they have good luck for the next 10-14 days until he eats again. shane literally get @'d if the team knows it's Spaghetti Feeding Day and he doesn't report in of his own accord.
ilya HATES this superstition. it's not enough that the snake lives in the same house as him where he lays his sweet head each night. now spaghetti is even in the groupchat. he gets ASKED about SPAGHETTI THE SNAKE at his JOB!!!! he has SUFFERED!! more than JESUS!!!
meanwhile yuna is happy to have her son back in the same city as her but also experiencing all of the stages of grief that she may be asked to look in on this snake when shane and ilya are traveling. she has had YEARS of getting to forget about spaghetti. and now. he returns. spaghetti is her personal ouroboros. she can never escape. spaghetti is eternal.
okay but the online snake community has been a safe haven for Shane for years; the hours of enclosure discussions are an extention of his real estate fetish/hobby, after moving to Montreal he started sharing more pictures and the occasional story about Spaghetti and people comment "how cute is he omg, what a funny little noodle" and he doesn't have to worry about anyone being weirded out
then a couple years later it also becomes the place where he can talk about his partner like any other person, he joins a forum & a reddit page to ask "how do I go about telling this person I've been seeing for a few years and I might be in an exclusive relationship with (yes the use of exclusive here is very important he's still giddy about it) about my pet snake who he has no idea about cause he's gonna find out eventually and I have no clue if he even likes snakes Imeanhelovesdogssomuchbutthat'sdifferentandaialsodon'twanttostressoutSpaghettitoomuchcausehedoesn'treallymeetnewpeopleeitherso- "
later Shane & Ilya do that house tour interview and he decides to share the room, so everyone finds out about the mansion this snake is living in (queue a few "rich people things" comments), the cameraman interrupts him with some sort of hurtful stereotype or a bad attempt at a joke and Shane just, freezes. he's kind of still in media-trained Shane Hollander mode (this might be his & his husband's home so he's generally comfortable but that instinct is still hard to shake off), and he's only recently been able to actually mention and talk about Spaghetti with the Centaurs, but what that guy said is simply so fucking stupid that he can't even, so he corrects him Hollander-hockey-stats-style and insists that the interview has his favourite articles on "safe snake handling" and "most common harmful preconceived notions on reptiles" linked under it
