i am 19, i use any pronouns and am agender, ace and arospec! (do not make the joke. i am like a AAAAAA battery at this point)
i have maladaptive daydreaming + diagnosed adhd + autism (professional therapist confirmed)
i make funny art, write funny things, and cope
some fandoms i like:
adventure time, fear and hunger, stardew valley, honkai star rail, hlvrai, qsmp, fnaf, minecraft story mode, analog horror, disco elysium, the amazing digital circus, dead plate, night in the woods, gravity falls, good omens, classic literature (?? apparently), purrfect apawcalypse, object shows
current hyperfixation (i tend to circle back a lot): object shows (bfdi, hfjone, tnm, ab)
basically i really like horror games and just. video games in general. big fan of video games that just kill you dead
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chaos side blog where i put things unrelated to main: @everrsilly
Not to say that its not good to do so. evryone needs different things. Me personally though it didnt reallymake much difference whether i said iwas gonna kms or transform into an oyster so
age 16: i really shouldn’t use language that impacts my and others’ mental health so negatively! i should make an effort to be more openly positive and divert my struggles into more humorous and less drastic statements
Nothing makes me angrier than the “Minimum wage jobs are intended for teenagers, of course adults can’t live off the wages, they should get real jobs.” bullshit. Not only are you pro child labor but you’re pro underpaying children for their labor? Also, there are so many teenagers out there working to survive and pay rent and support themselves and their families and these jobs are fucking brutal. Pay them what they deserve.
hello everyone in the wake of bfdia 20 im putting my coiny and pin analysis here. some of it probably pretty basic but im obsessed with coinpin idiots so here goes
pin is Definitely traumatized. i mean she lost her autonomy and was Literally objectified over the course of bfdia and that changed her. the mech pin is a totally different pin that made the Choice to change and be violent and hyperfocus on winning and being the best as a way to cope with everything that happened to her. i repeat these are active choices shes making, but they come from a place of hurt
coiny i think firmly believes that this new pin, the one he’s seeing in the latter half of bfdia, is the Real Pin. this is the core of who pin is. and i think this is what helped him keep his doormat demeanor and stick by pin’s side: because he genuinely believes that it’s in her nature so it’s not her fault really. that’s just the kind of person she is! and this is reinforced in tpot 2! “since when did you care if we cheated? you just like to win!” he has internalized that that’s who pin is and is conditioning himself to admire it.
this is where their problems come from in tpot 2!! pin wants to forget it happened (wrong way to process everything) and leave the persona she created in bfdia behind while coiny is stuck believing that that persona IS pin at her core. and it’s not really who pin is, it’s the product of all the damage pin took over bfdia.
pin changing up on coiny again in tpot acting more like who she really is messes with coiny because it topples the precariously constructed excuses he made about her. it becomes not who she is but a choice that she made to hurt him. a pin that hurts him because she can’t help it, it’s in her nature to be ruthless and win, is easier than a pin who lashed out and chose to hurt him because she wanted to.
bfdia 20 spoilers below this line
i really like how coiny made a choice that WASN’T what pin would have done. he doesn’t fall to her level, he chooses something that will drill the point in (Ha), but also ultimately keep pin safe. because he still cares about her…. explodes
pin’s conversation after they crashed i think really shows how one-track her mind is right now. she Needs to focus on winning, and that’s why it’s so unfathomable to her that not only did coiny sabotage HER, something he NEVER does, he did it at the cost of his OWN safety (something SHE would never do- at least not in her current state). she was prepared to be shot down or win because those outcomes fit within her own logic, but coiny made up a third option.
i think something about pin that is really important here is that SHE changes and with that change she expects everyone else to think the same as her. her current logic doesn’t account for any of coiny’s kindness or his actions to help her, so she doesn’t understand it- but she’s also come to expect it from him. so when it’s not there, that blindsides her even more. she was already pushing him away but she didn’t really expect him to push back in his own way
ANYWAYS. ANYWAYS. AN
I THINK this is everything correctly. can you tell im hyperfixating on these idiots. PLEASE fix yourselves coinpin (its not happening theyre so cooked pin is so cooked guys)
hey wolfy, I think you should listen to High Noon over Camalot from the mechanisms. or at least just Hellfire if you don't want to do the whole album. i think you might like it
Took me a while but I JUST listened to hellfire and ohhhh ohhhh I'm obsessed I loved the vibes
every once in a while i remember that game that markiplier played where the player could die in a binch of different ways after grieving the death of a loved one, and the last choice in the game was to continue on and live or simply end it and die. and the first time markiplier obviously chose to live but the second time when he came back to it i remember he was quiet for a while at the start and i don’t remember what he said in full because this was years and years ago, but i still remember he made the same choice as the first time. he said “so i’m going to choose to live again”. that was the only time i personally ever saw him intentionally not fully complete a game he was capable of completing. every once in a while i think about that. i’m going to choose to live again. i’m going to choose to live again.
Someone commented the name of the video so I got the link and watched all of it and started crying I highly recommend it
I have a lot of thoughts about how he handled it but I'm not good at articulating them, so I'll just say I'm glad he did what he did because I and a lot of other people needed that reminder to never give in.
i don’t wanna get too into cuz it’s incredibly personal but this video hit me hard. i lost someone very close to me last year and i actually started watching Mark’s videos because of that person (we had talked about his stuff before so when i saw The Edge of Sleep being talked about here i figured i’d check it out cuz “oh that’s the youtuber my friend and i talked about”) so to have this type of message specifically coming from Mark was very impactful to me more than from any other creator. everything he says in this video is so true and comes from a place of understanding that i haven’t gotten from anywhere else in my life.
obviously be mindful of the content warnings, but if you can, try to watch this video, maybe even play the game.
there have now been quite a few of his videos where he discusses more serious topics that have truly helped me in ways nothing else has. maybe someday i’ll talk about each of them more in depth or at least make a playlist.
i’m definitely gonna come back to this video whenever i need it in the future.
just adding on the end of this (i know it’s been a while) but i was downloading a different itch.io game and came across the page for you left me
markiplier’s review on the page just says “i’m never gonna hit that button. not ever.” i just wanted to share that. i have a lot of feelings about it. i think i’ll get the game
every once in a while i remember that game that markiplier played where the player could die in a binch of different ways after grieving the death of a loved one, and the last choice in the game was to continue on and live or simply end it and die. and the first time markiplier obviously chose to live but the second time when he came back to it i remember he was quiet for a while at the start and i don’t remember what he said in full because this was years and years ago, but i still remember he made the same choice as the first time. he said “so i’m going to choose to live again”. that was the only time i personally ever saw him intentionally not fully complete a game he was capable of completing. every once in a while i think about that. i’m going to choose to live again. i’m going to choose to live again.
i’m not particularly for or against ribbun as a ship but i do think there is something very personal about choosing a new name for someone and that person accepting the name you gave them. we don’t know much about the circumstances of jax choosing gangle’s name, and i really wish we did because maybe jax was different then, but maybe this is why he ends up antagonizing her especially- because it’s easy to push people away by making them not like you even if they already do. and it worked very, very well
need to write more arospec characters who cuddle enough that to any allo person they look like they’re dating. laying in bed together at night, hanging out with one’s head in the other’s lap, holding hands, playing with each other’s hair. im insane for it i fear
okay my condition has stabilized from “tweaking” to “tweaking slightly less”. i can now make jokes about it on the internet and pretend my disorder isn’t disordering me
hate when you write a story about devotion and someone calls it homoerotic. like um no actually it’s not romantic and it’s not sexual and it’s not platonic it’s a secret special thing that drives you to keep going and you make it your purpose and you believe it’s what you were born for and then it takes on a life of its own and makes you believe things can be different. you don’t know what you want but you know you want to keep it and you grieve it while it’s still alive. and then it disappears and you have to learn how to live without this all-encompassing belonging. making contact with a god that loves you unwaveringly and asks you to live for Its sake although it knows that It is doomed cannot be summarized as “homoerotic” in my opinion
so in stars and time got a discount for anniversary. and so i bought it. and then played it for 12 hours straight. and oh. My god. so i feel like making a silly post abt it
(spoilers for various stuff ahead lmao)
first of all. mirabelle being aroace came out of the blue but the SCREAM i screamed when she started talking about it. i feel like we never get any romance repulsed characters in media really and i love that there was a side quest that allowed that aspect of her to be shown off And it still related to her main struggle. phenomenal character writing ough. and siffrin asexual too <33
also i adore odile but i did not expect her side quest to hit the second hardest. “i am other” might be one of the single most banger lines ive ever heard. i love her character but that made her so much better. this game might be one of the few where i actually felt connected in important ways to All of the party members
i only got to act 3 so far (i did the full friendship loop, probably i need to yap at loop a lot which i have been neglecting) but siffrin also had many moments where i was like. Oh. that’s. that’s me. with a very notable one being the plant room when everyone made a conscious effort not to touch him like. eee
last thing but i also really relate to siffrin feelings-wise, as someone with a dissociative disorder. i don’t really know how to put it into words well but sometimes i feel like i’m looping too. like every week is the same and i mess it up a different way each time, and everyone around me is just saying lines in their own little scene that i’m not in. and the memory thing too, my adhd combined with that often make me think things happened that didn’t, or i forget really important things a lot of the time and can’t even remember enough to retrace my steps or leave clues for myself. i don’t know but that feeling is a lot of why i was lowkey glued to this game until 3:30 AM yesterday.
