not another wellness blog

black, she/heri'm a thinker. this is my outlet.

[docresa]

[everyoneelse-istaken]

Today I cleaned up my nails while watching gaming streams

I love taking time out to clean up my cuticles and give my nails a fresh coat (I’ll only do a top coat today), but I rarely ever get to.

[thepowerwithin]

Being productive can either fill your cup up or drain it of its resources. It all depends on what you’re doing and what you find to be truly meaningful.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin ~twitter.

[thepowerwithin]

Please remember to respect yourself.

[everyoneelse-istaken]

Daily Gratitude #1 | Aug 16, 2019

Three things that went well:

1. My doctor’s appointment. I woke up late but still made it, and got a prescription to help with my anxiety/depression

2. I tried a new cafe today and they have macadamia milk! My iced late was A+

3. Got a little bit of privacy and silence (haven’t really gotten any for the month of August and it probably won’t happen again until September)

Three things I’m grateful for:

1. When the doctor’s office is empty so you’re appointment is fast af

2. School/work health insurance plans

3. Weed is legal in Canada

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Tips for Becoming More confident

1. Stop discounting your successes - start affirming them instead. Don’t say “Oh, it’s nothing” or “Everyone could do that”. Treat, and talk to, yourself as you would a good friend.

2. Develop a positive attitude, and choose to get your mind off the negatives. For example, write down three things that went well each day, and three separate things that you are thankful for.

3. Work on your appearance; make an effort to look good. That doesn’t always have to cost the earth – and you’ll feel much happier and more confident.

4. Don’t be a doormat – or just follow the crowd. Think about your needs and what YOU want from life.

5. Be willing to take risks. If you don’t take a risk then nothing’s going to change – and you’ll be stuck in a rut going nowhere in life.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

I learned not to trust people; I learned not to believe what they say but to watch what they do. I learned to suspect that everyone is capable of living a lie. I came to believe that other people - even when you think you know them well - are ultimately unknowable.

Lynn Barber (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[everyoneelse-istaken]

Demisexuality means sometimes you're attracted to some bum ass dudes

So it only occurred to me, three months into my 29th year on this earth, that I am demisexual*, although I believe I’m more sexual than most of the definitions describe. 

I can definitely look at someone and think about what it would be like to have sex with them, but most of the time my brain thinks things like “I’d love to get to know them, laugh with them, feed them, and then fuck their brains out.” But most instances of instant sexual attraction ended just as quickly. I’ve only ever developed a consistent sexual attraction to guys I’ve know for a while. 

I’ve always struggled understanding how people can jump in and out of relationships and become comfortable enough to have sex within hours of meeting someone but, at the same time, I’ve always wanted to be that kind of person (I’ve never been in a relationship, I don’t get hit on, and most of my experiences has been subpar at best, sooo I have a ton of sexual frustration).

Dating is unknown territory for me. Add in my age and the current mindset toward dating/hookup culture and it feels like I’m walking in a desert. It’s exhausting hearing about other people’s experiences and getting asked why you’re still single.

But I’m rambling right now. The whole purpose of this post is to talk about when I do develop an attraction.

Considering I need an emotional connection before I actually know if I’d be interested in sex, most of the men I’ve been interested in have been completely out of my league; not only am I not confident enough to approach, most of them are celebrities or people with high follower counts. Because we get a glimpse of their personalities through interviews, game playthroughs, vlogs, etc, it because easier to assess attraction without the pressure irl dating brings. 

Which brings me to the purpose of the title of this post. I’ve been watching more gaming videos lately and realized that I’ve found myself attracted to some of the gamers (which sounds kind of pathetic once I type it out), but some of these dudes be looking grimy. They have their reasons of course. Not everyone is in the best mental state.

But for me, dexisexuality relies so heavily of personality and emotion, that someone’s appearance isn’t really a factor for me. But in this time of casual hook ups, dating apps and the like, patience is not something people are willing to have, which makes it pretty impossible for someone like me to develop a relationship and makes me loose faith that I ever will.

I want to apologize for the ramble-ness and lack of direction this post has. This was just something I wanted to jot down quickly before I lose the nerve to post. And it’s my tumblr, so what the fuck ever.

*a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.

[demisexual-dragon]

I know that I dated a hell of a lot of people, and that’s how I would find out out if I actually was attracted to them.

[everyoneelse-istaken]

Teach me your ways; I feel like I can't even get ONE person to look my way

[somethingaboutsunflower]

Qué será será

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“Just because your past has been damaged doesn’t mean your future has to be worthless.”

— Unknown

[everyoneelse-istaken]

Demisexuality means sometimes you're attracted to some bum ass dudes

So it only occurred to me, three months into my 29th year on this earth, that I am demisexual*, although I believe I’m more sexual than most of the definitions describe. 

I can definitely look at someone and think about what it would be like to have sex with them, but most of the time my brain thinks things like “I’d love to get to know them, laugh with them, feed them, and then fuck their brains out.” But most instances of instant sexual attraction ended just as quickly. I’ve only ever developed a consistent sexual attraction to guys I’ve know for a while. 

I’ve always struggled understanding how people can jump in and out of relationships and become comfortable enough to have sex within hours of meeting someone but, at the same time, I’ve always wanted to be that kind of person (I’ve never been in a relationship, I don’t get hit on, and most of my experiences has been subpar at best, sooo I have a ton of sexual frustration).

Dating is unknown territory for me. Add in my age and the current mindset toward dating/hookup culture and it feels like I’m walking in a desert. It’s exhausting hearing about other people’s experiences and getting asked why you’re still single.

But I’m rambling right now. The whole purpose of this post is to talk about when I do develop an attraction.

Considering I need an emotional connection before I actually know if I’d be interested in sex, most of the men I’ve been interested in have been completely out of my league; not only am I not confident enough to approach, most of them are celebrities or people with high follower counts. Because we get a glimpse of their personalities through interviews, game playthroughs, vlogs, etc, it because easier to assess attraction without the pressure irl dating brings. 

Which brings me to the purpose of the title of this post. I’ve been watching more gaming videos lately and realized that I’ve found myself attracted to some of the gamers (which sounds kind of pathetic once I type it out), but some of these dudes be looking grimy. They have their reasons of course. Not everyone is in the best mental state.

But for me, dexisexuality relies so heavily of personality and emotion, that someone’s appearance isn’t really a factor for me. But in this time of casual hook ups, dating apps and the like, patience is not something people are willing to have, which makes it pretty impossible for someone like me to develop a relationship and makes me loose faith that I ever will.

I want to apologize for the ramble-ness and lack of direction this post has. This was just something I wanted to jot down quickly before I lose the nerve to post. And it’s my tumblr, so what the fuck ever.

*a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“I learned the hard way that I cannot always count on others to respect my feelings - even if I respect theirs. Being a good person doesn’t guarantee that others will be good people. You only have control over yourself and how you choose to be as a person. As for others, you can only choose to accept them or walk away.”

— I Love Quotes

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

I am who I am. Your approval isn’t needed.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you. This misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth - just like you did.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

And if people can’t see the truth, remember that you ARE better off without them.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

How to be Your own Best Friend

1. Treat yourself the way you would treat a person who you loved, highly valued, and cared about.

2. Always love yourself – no matter what!

3. Only say positive, compassionate, understanding and affirming things about, and to, yourself.

4. Hold your own hand in tough and stressful times. Don’t abandon yourself, or let yourself down.

5. Respect yourself, and the efforts that you’re making to be a better person, and to change and to grow.

6. Understand your limitations, be patient with yourself. Accept that it takes time to master anything at all.

7. Be kind to yourself when you feel self-critical, or you want to be judgmental and hard on yourself.

[everyoneelse-istaken]

LIAR!

I think I’m late (I’m always late) on seeing the new season preview of KUWTK (because I couldn’t give two shits about that family), but here I am, adding my $0.02 about this whole Khloe/Tristan/Jordyn fiasco.

Khloe Kardashian (youngest of the Kardashian sisters*) is 35.

Tristan Thompson is 28.

Jordyn Woods is 21.

I really don’t give a shit what happened between Jordyn and Tristan. Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, and the rest of their horde of clout chasers are grown ass women, bullying a young girl via various means, getting their fanbase to hop on the bandwagon.

It’s disgusting.

And now they want us to feel bad for them? Crying about how mean people can be and how they deserve their privacy when they’re the ones that literally put all their business out in the streets? You can’t give your PIN out to every Tom, Dick and Harry and not expect you’re bank account to be empty the next time you check it.

You invite us into your lives. That TV show, your Twitter/Insta/Snapchat...that shit is your art. And your art is comprised of telling the world your business, so you can’t expect us not to talk about it.

Maybe act like the grown ass women you are, stop coming for 21 year olds, and take a look at your actions cause all this backlash is called KARMA.

I can’t wait for the day the Kardashian/Jenners are not a thing anymore.

*Kendall and Kylie are Jenners

[everyoneelse-istaken]

The Five W’s

Who: You can call me Marie, Izz or Izzie. I’m a black, twenty-something Canadian. I enjoy reading (mysteries/horror/scifi), collecting plants (indoor), and podcasts. I’m pretty easy-going.

What:  This blog is going to be used (quite like most blogs) as a record keeper. I have some goals and I want to hold myself accountable. I’m also very interested to see how I change throughout time, whether it’s good or bad.

When: I’m not the greatest at maintaining a schedule, so posts will happen....when they happen. I do love to collect resources/etc though so those will probably happen pretty often.

Where: Here.

Why: Like I said before, this is for record keeping. I’m trying to hold myself accountable. I do too many things for other people and leave myself in the dust, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I plan to keep updates on my health (mental and physical), my thoughts on anything and everything, what goals I’m striving towards, etc.

This is defiantly not going to be a “typical” wellness blog. I’m not here to cater to everyone, I’m here to cater to myself. You’ll see quotes, resources, and more, but please don’t forget that this is for me and my journey. I’m not a professional in the field of mental health/wellness.