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I would Swim Over The Deepest Ocean by trulywicked

I Would Swim Over The Deepest Ocean

by trulywicked (@trulywicked)

E, WIP, 19k, Wangxian

Part of Mermay 2024

Summary: Wei Wuxian is going to get bred and get gone from Yunmeng and the conference offers up the perfect opportunity for a strong sire for his children. And what a beautiful opportunity he spies beside the well. Lan Wangji was minding his own business, passing the time listening to the lively music in the city square when he spotted the most beautiful man he'd ever seen before and everything inside him came to attention and roared 'Mine.' as the lovely man danced, vanished, then reappeared beside him with a flirtatious smile. He really couldn't be blamed for losing his head in the hours that followed. Kay's comments: MERMAY is back again and so is this story and I'm here for it!! I love how determined Merxian is to get himself pregnant and I loved the chase between Wangxian as well. So much fun and they are so made for each other. Excerpt: Luck had put the celestial beside the well so he could easily pretend an innocent reason for drawing near. But when he spotted his target, the celestial was looking into the crowd, seeking. Perfect. He slipped through the throng and came up just as the celestial turned his way. He smiled, hand reaching out for the bucket. "Hello. Don't mind me, just getting some water and catching my breath." He dropped the bucket down and began to crank it up, not a hard task not even heavy, then stilled when broad, long fingered hands took over. He glanced up at the celestial, his lips curving in a teasing manner. "Well, thank you handsome stranger. Though I'm certainly used to pulling up water to drink." "Mn." The single syllable rumbled deeply and made him shiver slightly. Oh yes, this was the one.

pov wei wuxian, pov lan wangji, alternate universe - not human, dragon lan wangji, merperson wei wuxian, true mates, jiang family bashing, strangers to lovers, non-human genitalia, angst with a happy ending, mpreg, misunderstandings, lan wangji has two penises

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(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

probuccalfat

dead serious normalize having an average boring ass life where you have enough to meet your needs we do not need to be remarkable we just need to be alive

sunny-draws-things

GUYS PIRATING IS BAD.

DO NOT PIRATE ANYTHING. NOT SHOWS/MOVIES. NOT GAMES OR SAFER GAMES. AND CERTAINLY NOT BOOKS. AND DO NOT DOWNLOAD YOUTUBE VIDEOS. AND NEVER EVER EVER WATCH MUSICALS WITHOUT GOING TO THEM AND DONT USE ADBLOCKERS/OTHER ADBLOCKER TO AVOID ADS AND VIRUSES PIRATING IS VERY HARMFUL TO THE CORPORATIONS WHO WORKS VERY HARD TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE AND THEIR MONEY. ANYONE WHO PIRATES IS BAD. BAD PIRATING. EVIL. OH AND THIS

sugary-sweet-angel

elumish

I honestly think Gen-Z and younger simply does not understand how recent widespread smartphone adoption is.

I am not that old, and I didn't have a smartphone until probably late high school. For most of my life, many if not most people were not walking around with a magic internet machine in their pocket that they pulled out and used constantly for everything.

sandumilfshous

reblog if you remember having to ration your text messages and accidentally opening the internet on your phone was the end of the world

hephs-thighs

I didn't have a smart phone until I was 24. I traveled widely and lived in a foreign country without one. They can be convenient and useful as hell, and obviously they're super addictive, but it's unfortunate that society has restructured to make them nearly a necessity.

derinthescarletpescatarian

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

derinthescarletpescatarian

“Okay but why is it always so chemically roundabout and unnecessarily complicated” well buddy, that’s because your blood is imitation seawater. See? It’s very simple.

badwificonnection

Blood is what now?

derinthescarletpescatarian

It’s imitation seawater what part is confusing

badwificonnection

derinthescarletpescatarian

#are you telling me#humans are just sentient aquariums?

Buddy if anything is living in your blood (except for more parts of you) in detectable amounts then you have a serious microbial infection and need to go to the hospital.

Humans are seawater wastelands kept sterile of all but human cells, with microbial mats coating their surfaces.

badwificonnection

Thank you that’s…very disturbing

derinthescarletpescatarian

It’s not my fault you’re human.

apatheticshipwreck

Ok but “It’s not my fault you’re human.” Is the best comeback ever.

derinthescarletpescatarian

You can use it against anyone except children that you biologically helped to create.

derinthescarletpescatarian

#/blood is imitation seawater/ is the part that’s confusing

Picture this: you are a Thing That Lives In The Ocean. Some kind of small multicellular animal a long time ago, before proper circulatory systems existed. “Wow,” you think, metaphorically, “it sure is difficult to diffuse chemicals across my whole body. Kinda puts a hard limit on the size and distance of what specialised organs I can have. Good thing I have all this water around me that’s the same salinity as my cells (they have to be that way so I don’t explode or shrivel up) so I can diffuse and filter chemicals with that.”

“Wait a minute,” you say a couple of generations later, because you’re not actually a small animal but an evolutionary process personified and simplified to the point of dangerous inaccuracy for the purposes of a Tumblr post, “instead of losing all these important chemicals to the water around me, how about I put it in tubes? I can keep MY water separate from the rest of the world’s water! Anything I want to keep goes in my water! Anything I don’t, I dump back into the outside water! I’m a genius! An unthinking natural trial-and-error process that’s a GENIUS!”

“Wow,” you think a great many generations later, “being able to have such control over such high concentrations of important chemicals is so great. Look how big I’m getting. I even have a special pump to move my seawater around, and these cool filter systems to keep the chemicals in it right, and that control and chemical concentration has let me grow so many energy-intensive, highly specialised organs! Being big is so hard. I need special cells just to carry my oxygen around now, to make sure my enormous, constantly-operating body has enough of it.”

At this point you are embodying a fish, and eventually, fish start straying into water with different pressures and salinity levels. (I mean, they do that since befor ehty’er fish, but… look, I’m trying to keep things simple here.) “What the FUCK,” you think. “My inside water is at a different salinity and pressure to the outside water?? How am I supposed to deal with that? I can’t have freshwater inside my seawater tubes! My cells have a set salinity and they would explode! I need to start beefing up my regulatory and filter systems so that my inside seawater STAYS SEAWATER OF THE CORRECT SALINITY even if the outside water is different! Fortunately, adding salt to my seawater is a lot easier than removing it, and I want to be saltier than this weird outside water.” At this point you beef up your liver and urinary systems to compensate for different salinities. (Note: the majority of fish, freshwater and saltwater, have a fairly narrow band of salinities they can live in. Every fish doesn’t get to deal with every level of salinity; they are evolved to regulate within specific bands.)

You also, at some point, go out on land. This is new and weird because you have to carry all of your water inside. “It’s a good thing I turned myself into a giant bag of seawater,” you think. “If I wasn’t carrying my seawater inside, how would I transport all these important chemicals between my organs and the environment?” As you specialise to live entirely outside of the water, you realise (once again) that it’s a lot easier to add salt to water than to remove it in great quantities. Drinking seawater in large amounts becomes toxic; your body isn’t specialised for removing that amount of salt. Instead, you drink freshwater, and add salts to that. The majority of your organs are, at this point, specialised for moving your seawater around, protecting it, adding stuff to it, or taking stuff out. You have turned yourself into an intelligent bag for carrying and regulating a small amount of imitation seawater, and its salinity (and your commitment to maintaining that salinity) is based entirely on the seawater that some early animals started to build tubes around a long time ago.

And that’s what a human is!

elodieunderglass

Well, there’s another few steps, of course.

Because at some point, operating along lines of logic that worked out perfectly so far, you did decide to be a mammal.

A mammal is a machine for adapting to Circumstances. A mammal is a tremendously resilient all-terrain life-support system, with built-in heating, cooling, respiration, and incubators for reproduction. Mammals internalise everything (grudges, eggs) and furthermore are excessively, flamboyantly wet internally. Sure, everyone’s a bag of chemicals; but mammals slosh. Mammals took the concept of an internal ocean and took it in an unnecessarily splashy direction, added aftermarket mods and a climate-control system,

and just to show off, you leaned across the metaphorical gambling table and said: “my internal ocean is so good-“

“Bullshit,” said the shark, keeping it salty (ha)

“My internal ocean is so brilliantly resilient, more so than any of YOURS,” you said, holding their attention with a digit held aloft, “that for my next trick, I shall artistically recreate the ballad of evolution as a performance. I shall craft a complex chemical ballet depicting the origin of multicellular life - using some of my own material, of course-”

“Oh, ANYONE can lay an egg,” yodel the fish, and the ray adds: “ontogeny does NOT recapitulate phylogeny!!”

And you’re like, “yeah no, it’s an artistic rendition, not a literal thing. Basically I’m going to take some cells and brew them up-“

“Like an egg.”

“Like an egg. An egg but internally.”

“Yeah,” said the viviparous reptile, “yeah, like, that can work really well. I’ve always said it’s the highest test of one’s chemical know-how. It’s a lot of work. And forget about support from your family - forget about support from your PHYLUM - all you get is criticism.”

“I’m gonna do it on purpose forever,” you said. “The highest chemical, thermoregulatory, immunological, everything-logical challenge. It’s gonna be my thing.”

“I’m with you,” said a viviparous fish, stoutly. “Representation.”

You kindly don’t point out, once again, that you’re planning to do this outside the ocean, in a range of temperatures; carrying the dividing cells in a perfect 37.5• solution of saline broth in all terrains, breathing oxygen in a complicated matter, you know, bit more difficult; but you need your allies.

“It’s solid,” says the coelacanth.

“But is it metal?” says the deep-vent organism.

“Oh, it’s metal. I will feed the young,” you say, magnificently, “on an echo of the mother ocean. The first rich feast of cellular matter, the first hunt for sustenance, the first bite they sip of our liquid planet-”

Everyone waits.

“Will be a blood byproduct. My own blood byproduct.”

Everyone looks uncomfortable.

“But,” a hagfish says carefully, “don’t you outdoorsy guys still need your blood?”

You cough and explain that if you stay wet enough internally and hydrate frequently, you should be able to produce enough blood byproduct to sustain your hellish new invention until they can eat your peers.

The outrage that follows includes questions like “is this some furry shit?” And: “milk has WATER in it?”

And you won the bet. “My inner ocean is such a perfect homage to the primordial soup that I can personally cook up an entire live hairy mammal in it. And then generate excess blood byproduct from my body and give it to the small mammal until it gets big.”

That is an absolutely bonkers pitch, by the way, and everyone thought you were a showoff, even before the opposable thumbs. When the winter came, and the winter of winters, and the rain was acid and the air was poison on the tender shells of their eggs and choked the children in the shells; when the plants turned to poison, and the ocean turned against you all; when the climate changed, and the world’s children fell to shadow; your internal ocean was it that held true. A bet laid against the changing fates, a bet laid by a small beast against climate and geography and the forces of outer space, that you won. The dinosaurs fell and the pterosaurs fell and the marine reptiles dwindled, and you, furthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceship, held hope internally at 37.5 degrees. Which is another thing that humans do, sometimes.

kyrosion

It has been MONTHS, @elodieunderglass, and I am still mumbling “furthest-child, least-looked-for, long-range-spaceship” under my breath as a comfort phrase, and the FUCKING INDIGNITY that it came from this godforsaken post about THE HORRIBLE WETNESS OF MAMMALS!

derinthescarletpescatarian

“The horrible wetness of mammals” would make a great band name.

gallusrostromegalus

“hold hope, internally, at 37.5 degrees” and “Mammals internalize everything (eggs, grudges)” Now live permanently in my vocabulary

wangxianficrecs

Two Cents by TriviasFolly

Two Cents

by TriviasFolly (@triviasfolly)

T, 2k, Wangxian

Part of WangXian Gotcha Against ICE

Summary: Lan Wangji had never been one to deny his mate anything, and once Wei Wuxian got pregnant he had no reason to. Which, was the problem they were facing. Their doctor's suggestion? A nest pet to keep Wei Wuxian company during the late stages of his pregnancy. Lan Wangji thinks a cuddly rabbit is the perfect thing....Wei Wuxian has other ideas. Kay's comments: This was so on point for Wangxian. The adopt don't shop debate. The ultimate decision which animal got picked. Chef's kiss. Excerpt: "We're picking out a pet," Lan Wangji replied. "I assumed the pet store would be the best option?" It was clearly the wrong thing to say as it made Wei Wuxian cry even harder. "I said I wanted to adopt!" "And we can do that here." "No we can't!" Wei Wuxian glared through his eyes. "We have to buy them here! Are you suggesting we can just buy a member of our household?!"

pov lan wangji, modern setting, modern no powers, omegaverse, alpha lan wangji, omega wei wuxian, mpreg, pregnant wei wuxian, domestic fluff, pets, nesting

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(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

phantomrose96

“Tumblr age verification will not be needed,” tumblr staff states upon confirming every single blog on the site is more than 10 years old.

“If you were literate enough to be posting about Johnlock in 2015 we can kind of just assume you’re good,” staff elaborated even though we did not ask them to.