I'm so happy because I'm finally safe
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@exjwcrimethinker
I'm so happy because I'm finally safe
Being raised in the abuse means the dynamics in the home changed for your rapidly. One moment everything could be okay, you could be just tending to your own business, playing or doing homework or even hanging out and cracking jokes, and then within that same day, without you doing anything to cause it, there can be screaming, death threats, you running for safety in your room, trying to argue back but being shut down, obscenities being thrown into your face, you blamed for the entire thing. Or, you could be outside with your family enjoying a field trip and everything is fine and everyone's in a good mood, and then later in the car every adult is screaming, throwing blame, exploding with rage and bitterness and you quiet down hyper aware that all of this can be turned against you in a second.
After a while you can predict when things are likely going to go bad, but you can't control it. It's never you who decides to start the drama, you're always doing your best to make it safe and calm again, to get to that place where maybe someone was talking to you in a normal tone of voice or said something funny that made you laugh. You need that reality to be true, you need that normal. You do everything in your power to keep it consistent, but it seems that any minor inconvenience, any kind of event, any little irritation and frustration that comes from the outside, can throw the entire family experience into chaos, hatred, threats and violence.
This inconsistency and instability is what causes constant vigilance and anxiety. You cannot count on anything. You cannot know whether the parent you need something from, will react calmly and give it to you without an issue, or whether they'll turn on you and ask you what about what they need, why you never ask about their needs, and what a filthy selfish disgusting brat you are, leaving you alone with a problem you're not able to solve. You don't know whether you're allowed to speak your mind or say what you think, because sometimes it's allowed, and sometimes it's taken as a provocation and 'talking back' and you could be punished for it. The rules and goalposts change constantly, you don't know what behaviour is allowed or okay, never know what is expected from you, only that whatever you're doing can be proclaimed as wrong and punishable.
Your parents moods and whims dictate the atmosphere, and what kind of parent you get that day. You need a parent who cares about your moods too. Your need for consistency, reliability, safety, predictability, logical consequences and clarity, is completely ignored in favour of two adults throwing tantrums every other day of the week. Your childhood and raising you are so insignificant, they don't even care about your experience of it, or how hard you're trying to keep an illusion of 'normal', so that you would keep being able to survive in a home like that. Having parents that can change moods rapidly, explode, go from rage to good humor in a second and then turn back just as quick, is traumatic for a child who needs a consistent, kind, attentive and patient parent. That child deserves a parent too. Not this. Even adults wouldn't be able to consistently deal with bullshit abused kids go trough every day.
Another fine case of “practice what you preach.” It’s not the woman’s fault that you lack self control.
Hey, I do have a question. How are LGBT+ affirming Jehovah's Witnesses? Are they just as strict and culty, or are they different? Or like, are there even as many of them as different news sites say? A lot of LGBT+ news sites report surveys about more JWs being gay affirming or gay themselves, and even some like, specific JW churches who are entirely affirming. What are they like, do you know?
Ooh okay whatever you heard was completely not true and really dangerous information to be spreading around
The Society tries to keep things as internally standardized as possible, but there are some regional differences, though usually not big ones. But there is an official elders’ handbook with rules to be enforced across the board in every congregation, including what sins people can get disfellowshipped (shunned) for
You cannot get baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses unless you detransition first. You cannot get baptized unless you separate from or divorce your same-sex spouse. You cannot get baptized unless you have “corrective surgery” if you’re intersex. If you are already baptized and you transition or get a same-sex partner, you will be disfellowshipped. Even if your transition is only social. Even if you never do much as kiss your partner.
Jehovah’s Witnesses have a very rigid dress code that requires everyone to always be modest and 1950s conformist. Not only is cross dressing banned, but so is gender neutral clothing or anything at all even slightly gnc. AFAB people are not allowed to wear pants in a Kingdom Hall or have too short hair. The Governing Body has been throwing a fit in recent years over AMAB people wearing “tight pants” (fitted dress pants) to meetings, describing them as like a gateway to homosexuality
They made a cute little kids cartoon comparing a gay person trying to get into Paradise to a bad man trying to bring a bomb on a plane
You know how I said things are standardized earlier? Well for conventions (big multi-day events with thousands of people) all the presentations are scripted ahead of time. So a few years ago worldwide they had conventions where someone got up on stage and called lesbians disgusting, and then taught the audience how to say that in a nicer-sounding way
You aren’t even allowed to be abstinent in marriage. They don’t care if you’re sex-repulsed, they have this concept called “the marital due” which they believe a spouse is owed
Being LGBTQ+ gets you disfellowshipped. You go before a panel of elders, they question you, they determine how guilty or repentant you are, and if you aren’t constantly trying to change and repress that part of you, they will toss you out. Because Jehovah’s Witnesses are a cult and isolate their members, that means losing your entire support system. By the time you’re in that far, they’ve already forced you to cut ties with any non-Witness friends and family. This destroys people
But I absolutely believe that if you worded a survey correctly, you could find Kingdom Halls where 100% of people “supported” LGBTQ+ people. Love and acceptance is always conditional in the cult. They said that with unspoken clauses attached. They know how to preach and attract new members, and they know that openly saying they hate you makes people stop listening
very sick of being told about how sad spiritual death is and how letting go of an unbelieving or immoral family member is just as painful as watching them die. i know for a fact my parents would be happier watching me die in a hospital because god said i couldn’t have a blood transfusion than letting me live in a way that makes me happy.
this is so hard to explain but it’s so real.
i’m reading in leaving the fold by marlene winell how christianity manipulates language by redefining words like freedom, wisdom, and truth. love is redefined as obedience. the only relationships i’ve seen where someone associates love w obedience are toxic ones (paternal, platonic, romantic, etc).
which, y’know, is pretty consistent w christianity considering we’re told to “murder our flesh” and “rely not on our own understanding.”
i remember sitting in the library with a friend as she redefined freedom for me. "freedom" became not the ability to do whatever one willed, but the ability to do only what god willed.
by this logic, one could only be "truly free" when willingly conforming to a strict set of rules.
i carried this definition of freedom around with me for the next few years, & it took me up until very recently to realize that it made no fucking sense.
i think maybe christianity redefines everything as obedience.
was reading jw literature on df’ing (to see what sort of counsel my family is probably receiving right now) and umm why is loyalty to the congregation (a group of imperfect human beings) akin to loyalty to god exactly...?
and why do jehovah’s witnesses insist they ‘don’t divide families’ when their own translation of the bible insists very clearly that they in fact do... like... stand in it if you think it’s right to cause family members to turn against each other? don’t say ‘oh we don’t do that’ because that’s just a lie... let your yes mean yes
it’s wild too that they clearly don’t want any members of the cult to even consider that someone who is df’ed had acted with good reason... like... their counsel isn’t ‘listen to wavering loved ones and hold on to them because every life is worth saving in jehovah’s eyes’ nope, it’s ‘guilt them with collective hazing to emotionally torture them but don’t let their apostasy taint your pure clean jw life, it’s never your fault, it’s ALWAYS their fault for having the audacity to cause problems’ (by not obeying the GB without question...)
also...
lmfaoo
this analogy makes no sense the way they’re using it but honestly this is how i feel trying to communicate uncomfortable truths with my family members about the cult they’re stuck in
This whole thing has a weird amount of violent language in it, especially the first two screenshots talking about Jehovah justifiably executing apostates
Also with the “striking as an act of love” verse quote: they know how painful this is. That’s the point. It is designed to hurt, to make your life miserable without the cult in it, and they admit that purpose
if you ask someone to stop doing/saying something that makes you uncomfortable and they respond by making it all about their own hurt feelings until YOU end up apologising to THEM, that’s manipulation. shut it down.
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“oh, so i’m a horrible person? i’m a bad friend? is that what you’re saying? maybe i should just leave you alone for good since everything i do seems to upset you.”
no. no. stop that. stop talking go to jail.
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“i’m so fucking sorry, i’m sorry, oh my god, i don’t deserve to be alive, all i ever do is screw up and hurt people, i’m a terrible person, please don’t hate me - ”
nope. that’s not it either. (also, please go to therapy.)
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“why does it make you uncomfortable? that seems like a weird thing to be uncomfortable about. please explain in minute detail and don’t forget to excavate the entirety of your tragic backstory so i can decide if it’s bad enough to justify your discomfort.”
this is very bad. please do not do this.
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“i mean, sure, but free speech - “
free speech means you can’t be legally sanctioned or imprisoned for saying certain things. it is not a “get out of jail free” card for being an asshole. next!
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“okay, thank you for telling me. i may not fully understand why this thing is upsetting for you, but i will stop doing it because i care about your feelings.“
yes! YES!!!! this is it! well done! full marks! gold star!
This is a fucking eye opener holy shit
Destroy the idea that it’s humble to hate yourself. Destroy the idea that loving yourself is conceited.
Not exjw, but idk who else to go to. I have to listen to a sermon about the “wrath of God” supposedly being compatible with the “love of God,” and it’s just coming off like an abuse apologist argument, or like a gaslighting attempt. I’ll try to distract myself from the sermon so it doesn’t mess with my PTSD, but I would appreciate some kind words or reassurances that the message they’re giving is false. Thank you for running this blog, it’s been a wonderful resource
:) 💛
This is probably too late, so sorry for that, but I’ll try to help with this anyway
One thing I’ve always noticed in those talks is that they try to convince you that loving someone means fearing them, or fearing disappointing them with disobedience or some type of failure. I don’t have much experience with love, but I don’t think that’s the case. A real loving relationship should not be built on fear. Especially the fear of violent retribution, like relationships with God are. I think there are people out there who mutually love each other without either one being afraid of the other
I know it’s common for them to compare it to a parent-child relationship and say that you’re supposed to have a healthy, respectful fear but the fact that the wrath of God is violent and in most cases includes the threat of eternal torture just proves that actually isn’t healthy at all. If God were human, we would accurately label this as abusive. There is no reason he should be held to such a much lower standard. Justifications for this are always just that he’s “all-powerful” or that “he created us.” But there are very powerful human parents too and this wouldn’t be excusable from them.
It is abuse apologism.
the more I learn about other christian cults, the more I realize that witnesses and their beliefs aren’t as “unique” as they claim…
Just one of my many ex JW horrible experiences.
Imagine sitting down at a table surrounded by two of your own aunties and a life long family friend scolding you about how you should be living your life, and absolutely scrutinising you about your life choices and how much of a disappointment you are to them and our “so called God” all because you slacked at going to meetings and going on the ministry, then continuing to writing a life schedule for you dictating your every day and how to manage your time in order to put the “truth” first and have a life merely dedicated to an organisation run by human men who think they are Gods chosen ones.
My whole life was taken from me and my choices were no longer mine. All I could feel in that moment was pure and utter embarrassment and disappointment in myself, the blood came rushing to my face and this feeling of complete dread came over me like I was a complete failure and I should never have been born and didn’t deserve the life I had been given because I didn’t appreciate it enough to put this organisations wants before myself. I carried so much guilt for years asking myself “why can’t I just be like the rest of those JW’s and do things like they do? “Why is it so hard for me to just get to a meeting?” “Why does it feel impossible for me to take this religion so seriously?” “What’s wrong with me?”. The majority of my life I carried so much anger towards myself because I just couldn’t do the things I was ‘supposed’ to do, only to realise later in life that I was never the problem, and that I was the innocent one in all of this, and it was at that very moment I turned my back, ran as far away as I could and haven’t looked back since and I never ever will. I am free, I can make my own choices, I can live my own life, I can be happy and free of guilt because the problem was never with me but with them.
Your cult aesthetic looks like dark cloaks and goblets of virgin blood. My cult reality looked like modest dresses and indoctrination training.
Please don’t forget the real cults that are under the radar and remain mostly unchecked in our society to this very day. Please don’t forget how many people spend years of their lives being abused and misled by these cults.
Why is all of the biblical figures white in JW Media? Like seriously?
Here’s why:
“While it is true that the white race exhibits some qualities of superiority over any other, we are to remember that there are wide differences in the same Caucasian (Semitic and Aryan) family; and also we should remember that some of the qualities which have given this branch of the human family its preeminence in the world are not such as can be pointed to as in all respects admirable… The secret of the greater intelligence and aptitude of the Caucasian undoubtedly in great measure is to be attributed to the commingling of blood among its various branches; and this was evidently forced in large measure by circumstances under divine control.”
— Zion’s Watch Tower 07/15 1902
tl;dr : The Watchtower was founded by a raging white supremacist.
telling teenagers it doesn't get better is so cruel and irresponsible. you're suppose to be the adult stop trying to get doomer cred and act like a sympathetic human being
also uh... it’s a lie? shit man things are so much better for me than when I was a teenager wtf u talking about