what do people even DO you know like what is there to even DO
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@eyesfullyopen
what do people even DO you know like what is there to even DO
Me: But am I really manic? *eats crisps for breakfast, forgets to eat any meals and only has some chocolate throughout the rest of the day*
Me: I just don't know. *doesn't want to sleep at night, is bright and alert despite medication that usually knocks me out, is alert in the morning despite medication*
Me: What if I've been making it up this whole time...? *wants to party, hypersexual, wants to drink all the alcohol, considers drugs maybe 'not that bad'*
Me: I'm so dumb. Maybe I just have severe depression, not bipolar? *freaks out because there are ghosts everywhere, is suddenly very productive, irritated by everyone, craves food constantly but is too busy to get food, makes a rational argument for why I'm Satan, wants to love EVERYONE, needy for touch and affection and love*
Me: *sigh* I'm such a faker
everything is either too boring or too exhausting there’s no in between
i think learning to sob silently and clean yourself up quickly should be considered fine art
hypomanic feels
I want to run a million miles
nothing can hurt me
I don’t want to sleep ever there is no need or time for sleep
punch the walls it’s a good stim
maybe if I scream for an hour this will stop
pacing in circles because your thoughts are moving to fast to sit still and do anything
thinking happy thoughts but feeling numb bc dissociation
I’m making this all up for attention
being a hypersexual maladaptive daydreamer and all you daydream about is sex
😒😒😒😒part 2
has the past year actually been real or have i just dissociated through everything
i think one of the biggest sources of insecurity that comes with mental illness is the knowledge that your emotions aren’t always representative of where you’re at. of course they’re still valid, but you still know like, hey, i would’ve reacted to this totally differently had i not been depressed/manic/in a mixed mood/psychotic ep or my perception of the event itself wasn’t totally realistic etc. and it’s so much harder to build a self concept because… well which part is me? which part is the illness? people say “you’re not your illness!” but who am i then?
I wrote a college paper once about gender dynamics in Disney films, and part dealt with the emphasis of androgyny in this film. Mulan is an outsider and unsure of her position of the world when she is adhering to both a total feminine role (the matchmaking scene) and a total masculine role (disguised as a male soldier) and it’s only when she’s able to embrace both sides that she is able to fully showcase her abilities and ultimately save the day.
The entire climax, from climbing the poles using sashes, counting on Shan Yu’s complete dismissal of women to get the Emperor to safety, to this scene where she literally uses a symbol of womanhood (within the movie at least) to disarm the villain of his symbol of masculinity and beat him at his own game, shows Mulan relying on the aspects of her femininity that she has grown up adhering to and adapting the tactical knowledge and fighting skills that she learned disguised as a male soldier to those aspects. The result is a unique and innovative view of the world and her course of action that leads her to save the day when the male soldiers failed and the women wouldn’t even have been allowed to try.
Can…
Can I read your paper and maybe build a shrine to it
nothing is sexier than someone who can swallow their pride and speak their true feelings for you. I love that shit fr.
Cat fits. Cat sits. (via candysaurus)
I want to believe (submission)
someone: cut off all the toxic people in your life!! you’ll feel so much better
me, someone who has cut off so many people due to paranoia and trust issues that i practically have isolated myself: something went wrong