The exclusionist argument always seems to boil down to, “I don’t hear aces describing any experiences I relate to, so they’re not lgbt.”
I think we’re going about this backwards.
If that’s the way people want to define it, we should be listing things that are obviously examples of “lgbt” oppression,” like
• being kicked out,
• getting raped by someone who wants to change your sexual orientation, not just because you said no or because misogyny,
• harassed at church, work, or school,
• being threatened with or sent to conversion therapy, etc.,
and then seeing if aces also experience them.
Sorry, I put kind of a lot of examples of these in the first section. It was really hard to restrain myself because there were just SO MANY. I tried not to do 5 examples for every single one at least….
Step 1: what kind of oppression do lgbt+ people experience?
• 30% more harassment, 221% more sexual assault, 100% more intimate partner violence, and 277% more stalking than straight people.
conversion therapy and rejection at church
1. “I was sent [to conversion therapy by my church] to be barraged [with] self doubt and shame until I became afraid to even look at the same gender…. The distinction is often made that [conversion therapy would] be ‘against your will’ but that isn’t nearly as cut and dry as it sounds. When you are publicly shamed by your congregation (if ‘accused’ in a religious setting) you may very well agree to conversion therapy as your only option. Especially if your a minor like I was. ”
2. “When a preacher found out [about my sexual orientation] he recommended conversion therapy – even before i had come out as pan or trans…. guess who was told by members of their church to go to hell when they came out…? Me!”
3. “So, I’m a Christian. Was raised by and still live with a super conservative Christian family. Babysit for a super conservative Christian small group. Live in a super conservative Christian neighbourhood. Went to a super conservative Christian summer camp literally every summer of my life.
“Basically I’ve met a lot of conservative Christians…. [What they tell me is people like me] are ‘unnatural’. That it’s a shame they’ll never be able to fulfill their ‘God given duty’ AKA get married and create lots of little conservative Christians. That they’re sick and should be treated so they can experience true happiness some day AKA marriage and creating lots of little conservative Christians.”
4. “I’m a victim of corrective assault, been threatened with conversion therapy, been forced to medicate to ‘fix’ my sexuality and been threatened by pastors of my church. I’m just so upset.”
5. “[My mom] believes its a mental issue and wants me to start corrective therapy Monday. Why can’t she just accept me as me, why do I need ‘fixed’"
1. “[When we talk about corrective rape], we’re talking about the so-called friend, the ex boyfriend, who I got along with just fine after we stopped trying to date, right up until he cornered me outside of Prom. We’re talking about the guy who’d been told by someone else I considered a friend all about [me questioning my sexual orientation]. Who kept oh-so-considerately telling me that he was doing this for my sake, that after I understood how good it felt, I’d be normal.”
2. “my ex-boyfriend… decided to trick me into drinking, manipulate me emotionally, and force me into sexual situations after I came out to him because he thought he could fix me and didn’t stop even after multiple failed attempts.”
3. “[my rope partner] decided to trick me into drinking, manipulate me emotionally, and force me into sexual situations after I came out to him because he thought he could convince me I wasn’t.”
4. “When I came out [to my mum], she starting to force me to date girls so I would have sex with them (to ‘fix’ me) and even took me to the doctors and my endocrinologist to get my hormones checked since she was convinced there was something really wrong with me.”
5. “He started by pressuring me assuming it was a mental health issue, he already knew I had many, he assumed if I had adequate access to counselling I would be “fixed” He blamed it on everything from my childhood to my self esteem.
“And then he decided it was because I’d never had sex. He raped me at least 6 times, I dissociated a lot of the relationship but I know there were 6 places where it happened, I don’t know how many times it happened in any given place though. He told me that I should be happy because it proved I was wanted, that eventually I’ll like it, and that he needed to make me “whole” He said that he knew that there was a straight girl underneath everything who just needed to know that it was ‘okay to be sexual.’”
1. “my mom threatens to throw me out if I so much as bring it up“
2. “When I was house hopping, basically homeless as a young adult, my roommates would kick me out for not having sex with them. [Being out of the closet] got me homeless and back with my abusive mother.”
3. “I’m an 17 year old… and a junior in high school. I came out… to my family the other day and it went so horribly wrong. My own parents accused me of being some odd freak that’s not human and just… kicked me out. I only have my clothes, computer and such electronics, 100 dollars and my cat. I’m living in a friend’s basement. I wanted to go to college and earn a masters degree… but I have nothing. I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do.”
4. “I know for a fact if my mom finds out I’ll be homeless on the streets myself.”
5. “I [was] forced to have intercourse to try keeping my abuser from making me homeless… constantly [using my sexual orientation to]… threaten to kick me out 24/7.”
general familial rejection
1. “i’ve heard ‘i was threatened with being kicked out of my house’ so, so many times. also ‘i was abused/hit when i came out’. most ppl just went back into the closet and lied.”
2. “My ex boyfriend sexually assaulted me [when I came out]. People have mocked me constantly for it. My parents put me in therapy for it.“
3. “I’ve tried to come out to my parents so many times and my dad doesn’t believe me, and my mom thinks it means there’s something wrong with me!”
4. “I just recently went to a family reunion and… I confided in a cousin about [my sexual orientation] and of course he told everyone, then they all legit got angry at me [for it]. Asking me how it happened, telling me it wasn’t real, it got to the point where they screamed at me then my aunt started setting me up with guys in her neighborhood.”
5. “Mi padre dice que… es una moda y que son “subnormales” les que lo son. Me quiero ir de casa. [broken heart emoji]” (translation: “My father says that [my sexual orientation is] a fad and that people like that are ‘subnormal.’ I want to leave the house. [broken heart emoji]”)
harassment at work or school
1. “i overheard my boss discussing ways to get me to leave. somehow, and i don’t know how, he saw some of my tweets talking about [my sexual orientation]. he’s of the option that [it] is some disease, that it goes hand in hand with being devoid of emotions somehow, and that because of that i can’t possibly be a good teacher because i am incapable of empathy for the children and i am mentally ill.
“sure. he can’t fire me for that. but he sure can make my work environment so stressful, uncomfortable, and downright hostile. and he can do that so much it will make me quit. i didn’t want to let him win, but like. i was legitimately suicidal because of the environment at work and i felt like i had to quit.”
2. “I’m actually one of those… who have been denied a job simply because of my [sexuality]! last year the college I go to was looking for a counselor for the younger classes, something I’ve wanted to do! a week after I applied, I got an email saying that while I was qualified they saw my… posts [about sexual orientation] on my FB and didnt want to hire me because they were afraid I wouldn’t be able to positively connect to others!”
3. “I’d like to chime in on the whole workplace thing. In my experience, yes, [even if you’re not out], they can tell. They’ll notice that you don’t have [or at least don’t talk about] a significant other. They’ll notice when you don’t join in certain conversations, especially ones talking about relationships and ‘hot’ people. They’ll notice. And, if my experiences are any indication, they’ll talk about you behind your back.”
4. “I spent half of my freshman year math class tensed up in terror, trying to ignore the boy with his hand up my shirt because he’d threatened to out me to my parents if I told a soul - and my parents would have put me in therapy….”
abuse within the mental health system
1. “i have severe depression and about a year ago i had checked myself into a mental hospital because i knew i couldn’t keep myself safe. the hospital felt like a safe space to me and at one point during conversation i came out…. one of the patients, a male much older than me, began to tell me how… he would [sexually] touch me. he was very graphic about how and where he would touch me. everyone in the room cheered and laughed. i was terrified…. two days later i attempted suicide. i was immediately sent to another mental hospital. this time involuntarily.“
2. “How do I quantify my experience with that therapist? Do I drop names? I’m certain he’s still billing himself as a gender specialist…. And I mean, I was extra-complicated, is it really his fault I got messed up, that CBT backfired so hard?
“Yes, actually. Yes, it’s his fault.
“Sometimes now I even call that experience abusive. Certainly gaslighting.
“There was so much ‘you overattach to labels and overthink everything’ as a Solution? But most of all, the “this again?” was the worst. The ‘we’ve covered this, you’re not X, that’s your disordered thinking again.’
“And any time I mentioned that, it was all awkward and unanticipated and sorry-you-feel-that-way(-it’s-your-brain-again)(-couldn’t-have-known).
“Then last summer I realized I was autistic, and he laughed at the mere idea, and I isolated until I ended up in the psych hospital.”
3. “When I was 19, I was in therapy trying to deal with depression and anxiety (and honestly a lot of child abuse I didn’t realize was abuse at the time). My therapist… made a lot of homophobic statements, didn’t believe bisexuality was a thing either… INSISTED that I ‘just didn’t want to get better’…. He gave a male client my contact information, pushed me to go on a date for multiple sessions, and pressured me to have sex when I said I didn’t want to.
4. “I love not being able to talk to my psychologist about my issues [around sexuality] because if we do she’ll suggest conversion therapy for me again. Feels good, feels organic”
Step 2. compare the above to studies that include aces, and to the personal stories of aces
all of the above examples are actually by and about aces.
and no, the study results linked at the top are not from the “group x” one about who people imagine they’d discriminate against. it’s a totally separate university study that asked about what people had actually experienced.
baratheonpilled
jbbartram-illu
izzy806
dededos
