Dark Fae's Tarot

Divination and witchy resource blog for kiiyarayne Primarily a tarot reader, although I dabble in other forms of divination and a few spells here and there. A CURSE FRIENDLY BLOG

[cryptotheism]

How do cards gain meaning in an occult sense? Like, both tarot and french-suited playing cards started as game pieces, but they have gained an understood meaning. Is it just someone whips up an organized table of connected ideas or is each card interpreted from a certain framework?

Oh good question!

Many things that we now consider staples of western magic are ideas that have been added to over generations by several layers of thinkers. Tarot Divination specifically is an excellent example of this!

In 1770, A french printmaker and occultist going by Etteilla published a book about how to do cartomancy with a 32-card Piquet deck. He writes down some simple but strict associations for the cards, and makes what is probably the first mention of reversals in carotmancy. He said that he learned the system "from an Italian." Now, its unclear how much of the system is his own invention, people have been doing cartomancy for as long as there's been cards, but the text presents a larval, bare-bones version of the cartomancy methods we know and love today.

Its 1780-ish. The Rosetta stone hasn't been discovered yet. Occult-inclined Europeans are obsessed with Egypt. That's where our boy Trismegistus is from! There's a concept in Egyptian mythology called The Book of Thoth, a mythical book of spells penned by the God of Knowledge himself. This was the Holy Grail for European Occult Egpytaboos.

In 1781, Antoine Court de Gébelin claimed that Tarot cards were the "original book of Thoth," Saying that Tarot cards had been used by ancient Egyptian priests for their own magical ceremonies, and that their designs contained ancient mystical secrets. This is 100% not true, but he writes a pretty fun pseudohistory for Tarot that involves Romani people bringing the decks to Europe through the Levant where they then taught its esoteric secrets to several Popes.

Then in 1783, Ettellia responded with another book. Manière de se récréer avec le jeu de cartes nommées tarots ("Way to recreate yourself with the deck of cards called tarots") Where Ettellia basically claims "uhm actually I knew about tarot divination way before Court de Gebelin published that big ass book. But anyway here's an interpretation of Tarot symbology that includes multiple references to Egyptian, Zoroastrian, and Greek mythology." But the smartest thing he did was include spread methods that involved Thoth and Numerology. Napoleonic Occultists fucking loved Thoth and numerology.

In 1788, he formed a little magical society for the express purpose of discussing and workshopping ideas for Tarot divination. In 1789, he made a TRULY smart decision, and published a Tarot deck that was Specifically For Magic, and that basically cemented Tarots place in magical history.

Occultists just kept iterating! Someone would speculate "maybe the suits correspond to the elements" and people went "yeah, they correspond to the elements! That makes this tool even more fun and interesting to use!" Then people go "What if the suits and the elements also correspond to parts of the Self?" and people went "Sure they do! That makes this tool even more interesting!"

But its also not just one thread. Eventually you get the Golden Dawn saying "The Major Arcana correspond to the nodes and paths on our version of the Quabbalistic Sefirot, you know, the hermetic version with a Q." and some occultists responded "Idk about that! Love what you've done with the color symbology though!"

The development of magical ideas is an iterative process. It is people whipping up a table of correspondences, but that table needs a mythology to keep it together. Originally, the mythology that gave tarot "power" was its Egyptian pseudohistory, but these days its the fact that occultists have been iterating on and fine-tuning this system for hundreds of years.

Humans don't think in tables of information, they think in stories. The cool thing about stories is that they're flexible. If magic is anything, its learning how to engineer stories to make the tables of information more effective.

I'm gonna plug my patreon where I post all of my occult research if you wanna see more stuff like this

[lillie-garden]

i made a tarot layout.

cards 1-78: a mistake you made recently

[copperbadge]

I did days if not weeks of work creating a 78 card layout and you just sweep in here and blow me out of the water with the finest possible spread, I see how it is

[Description: A black background covered in rectangular white outlines indicating card placement; the cards are all layered on top of each other in an irregular heap as if they had been dropped on the floor. Each card is labeled with the meaning of the placement; every single label reads “Oh shit I dropped my tarot deck.”] 

[silverjirachi]

the kind of witch i want to be: aesthetic grimoire, shelves full of crystals and potions, a walking encyclopedia of witchcraft

the kind of witch i am: hehe hey guys look at this meme

[thestarrsaligned]

There’s a new addition to the family! My brand new copy of The Marigold Tarot arrived in the mail today 🌕☁

We’re still figuring out a name, but for now we’re thinking Darragh. They’re aligned with water and fire and seem to be closer to my Guides than my other decks! I’m so excited to work with this wonderful new energy 💞

[fishusesmagic]

New Deck Show off!

My word you guys, I went to the bookstore in our mall today, and I found a BEAUTY of a tarot card deck!

Its the Mystic Mondays Tarot deck, and I gotta give credit to the boyfriend for finding it, as it was stuck behind a book. I originally felt it was too expensive, being just under 40$ Canadian, but on my word its so pretty. The deck lust was real and it even infected the boyfriend, as he encouraged me to get it.

The cards are nice and thick, and the sides are shiny! And rainbow!

I’ve picked out some of my favourite cards from this deck, design- wise.

And I also located my favourite card, for the meaning:

So simple but really good imagery. I’m really happy with this deck guys.

[breelandwalker]

so, is it a "rule" to have a tarot deck given to you? i've had this one woman tell me that my decks don't count because they weren't given to me.

Well, she’s wrong.

The idea that tarot decks must be “given” stems from the days when the only way to get one was to have it passed down from a friend, family member, or mentor. And, it must be added, when the idea of a solitary practitioner (someone self-taught or working outside of covenship) was absolute anathema to the wider witching community.

There’s also an uncomfortable connection to the idea of tarot being a Romani magical tradition, and therefore only valid if handed down. Spoiler alert: not true. Tarot decks started out as playing cards, no more magical than the Bicycle decks you can get at any dollar store. But they later became vehicles for fortune-telling as another sort of game among nobles, and as the games originally associated with them fell out of popular use, the mystical reputation stuck. (And that, witchlings, is why the Church used to call card-playing a sin. Not necessarily because of the gambling, but because of the possible act of prognostication.)

These days, tarot decks are widely available and the number of solitary practitioners has skyrocketed, so those stereotypes really no longer apply. The cards are just that - cards. Folks are even creating their own decks now, and the artwork that’s coming out of this new practice is truly awe-inspiring.

If you wait until someone buys you all things you need or want for your craft, it’s going to take forever to learn what you wish to learn. So don’t let some gatekeeping ninny tell you your decks aren’t valid. If you own them and they work for you, then they’re perfectly legitimate and she can go kick rocks.

[tarot-sybarite]

[blueberryuserboxes]

[grimnamidatarot]

[bewitching-outlaw-deactivated20]

[wishfulwitchy]

Spiritual Progress Tarot Spread

Where you are in your spiritual cycle

Central cycle lesson

Positive Influence

Negative Influence

Advice 

Thought I would share this spread that his been super helpful for me and for others that I read for! Hope it has good results  for anyone who decides to utilize it!

[flowersfloralsandfawna]

From one witch to another don't forget to bless and thank your herbs when you use them, also if you read tarot I was always taught not to read for yourself and make sure to cleanse your cards during the full moon, storing them properly is also important.

Thank you so much! Honestly, now that I think of it, I haven’t read for myself since I started reading tarot. Remember this stuff guys!

[resonance-of-libra]

There are… Literal books written about the benefits and methods of reading for yourself? Like one of THE big tarot books out there is actually called Tarot For Yourself?

You can read tarot for yourself dudes. You really can.

[afrocentric-divination]

Its advice like this that make tarot seem out of reach to some 😒

You don’t have to cleanse anything under the full moon, you can cleanse whenever. In fact, I barely cleanse my babies and they give incredibly accurate readings to this day.

Storing can be important, but if you just put them up on a ledge where they can’t fall, and they aren’t near a fan or any liquids, you’ll be fine. You don’t need a special pouch if you don’t have one.

And most professional tarot readingers learned tarot by reading for themselves. You won’t catch some cold or curse from reading just for yourself. How else are you supposed to learn if you can’t read for others for whatever reason??

[witchsaidwhat-deactivated202012]

I get this person was trying to be helpful. Their message was very kind. But for the love of all that is holy:

EVERYONE. DOESN’T. SUBSCRIBE. TO. ONE. BELIEF. SYSTEM.

Stop policing other witches, please and thank you.

[magicianmew]

I never do a full-on cleanse of my decks. I think it disrupts the energy of the readings, to me. I do a little clearing between different people, but that’s it.

Look guys, read tarot however you want. It’s totally fine to buy your own deck. It’s totally fine to cleanse, not cleanse – we all have different energy, maybe yours interacts with your decks differently from mine. Reading for yourself is completely fine, the only addendum is to make sure you’re being honest with yourself as you interpret them.

There’s no dogma here. This is a diverse practice with as many variations as there are people doing it.

[tarot-studies-and-tea-blog]

So much this. I lead/teach a tarot meetup at my local shop, and I tell all my students that the best way to grow their practice is to go out and try things. Try reading reversals. Try reading without them. Try reading the swords as fire, try reading them as air. Try that cool thing you saw on tumblr/Pinterest/Instagram. If it works for you, great! Incorporate it into your practice. If it doesn’t work for you, hopefully you’ve learned something about yourself and your practice.

I get so many awesome  folks that come in intimidated by tarot because of the decades of lore that surround it. While those traditions have their place tarot is no longer confined to mystery schools. It’s used by practitioners that are witches, diviners, shamans, mediums, and many more. It’s even making its way into clinical psychological practice. (If you’re interested, Tarot and Psychology by Arthur Rosengarten and Tarot at a Crossroads by Kooch N. Daniels and Victor Daniels are fabulous introductions to tarot as a clinical tool.) So it stands to reason that as the practice evolves, so too do the traditions and lore that surround it.

So if your tarot practice is closer to older traditions and you keep your decks wrapped in red silk, great! It’s super cool to see tarot history live on into the present day. And if your tarot practice involves putting your deck in a makeup bag so that it can survive in your purse because you do readings for yourself on your lunch break, great! I’m glad you’ve found a tool that helps you. 

The field of tarot practice is broad enough that anyone who cares to learn the cards can find a place in it. Ultimately, what matters is that your practice, your traditions and associations and rituals, have meaning to you.

[rosaofswords]

ok but the fact that us games is releasing more decks “in a tin”?? 

yes

pls

continue

[tarot-studies-and-tea-blog]

So much this. 

I can throw a tin of cards in my black hole of a purse and just *not worry* about whether or not the cards are going to come out of my purse in the same shape they went in.

It’s glorious.

More please.

You know what else I’d really like? Tarot tins. Just, pretty decorative ones that I can store my decks in whose boxes I’ve already ruined. Shelf to purse to reading space with no worry.

[rosaofswords]

Oh gosh, yes! Thank you for your much more eloquent addition here, I am so in agreement. :) 

[twosidestarot]

Awesome Tarot Books & Resources for Beginners & Beyond

I’m often asked what resources I’d recommend to people keen to learn more about tarot. We’re so blessed at this point in tarot history to have such an abundance of books, blogs, podcasts, courses, and conversations, both online and off, to nurture our understanding of this rich and complex art form.

When you’re starting out, though, that abundance can be pretty overwhelming. Who’s got the time or the cash to try courses that don’t resonate, or read books that barely skim the surface? Sometimes, we need a little help sorting the signal from the noise.

To that end, here is a list of books and other resources that have boosted my tarot game and enriched my understanding of the cards. Of course, I can’t claim to have tried everything that’s out there, but I do have a stable of recommendations I can wholeheartedly hand over to tarot beginners, and also some juicy gems for more advanced readers to sink their teeth into.

I intend for this list to be a rolling resource, so I’ll update it from time to time as new and worthy things cross my path.

Books

My Ultimate Go-Tos

This is a pair of books I always recommend in tandem, because I read them both when I was first learning, and together they helped me to deepen my understanding of both the philosophy and the practical applications of the Rider-Waite-Smith system.

Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom by Rachel Pollack is hands down, my go-to for learning the Rider-Waite-Smith system. It gives some history, and looks at individual card meanings with a lot of focus and depth, particularly for the Major Arcana. The real gold in this book is the way it describes the underlying philosophical structure of the deck, with attention to its historical origins in the Western esoteric tradition. I’d say this is essential reading for anyone hoping to understand what this branch of tarot is, in the deepest sense.

If that all sounds quite theoretical, fear not! Rachel Pollack’s masterpiece is well paired with a more accessible and practical tarot handbook, Tarot: Plain and Simple by Anthony Louis. Louis’ book is also based on the Rider-Waite-Smith system, and it goes through card by card with key words and phrases, as well as situations and types of advice that might be represented by each card.

The approach is immensely practical, so I often recommend this guide as an on the go reference, when you need some clues about how a card might relate practically to a particular query. It also arranges the Minors by number rather than by suit, so you see all the Aces side by side, and so on. This gives the reader excellent grounding in how the numerology of the tarot functions, and how readers use the structure of the deck, rather than just individual cards, to make meaning.

New Favourites

My go-tos, dating back to my beginner days, might be some of the most well-thumbed books in my collection, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t found other new favourites over the years. Here are some other tarot books I’d recommend:

The Creative Tarot by Jessa Crispin is one of only two tarot books I’ve sat down and read cover to cover, like a novel. That’s how juicy and compelling it is! The Creative Tarot is exactly what it sounds like - a method of reading tarot for creative questioning, especially as it relates to art practice and other creative work. There are many things to love about this book, but one of my favourites is that Jessa gives recommended media - books, poems, songs, films - for each card, so you can dive deep into the archetypes. You can find tons more detail about this book in my full review here.

Tarot for Life by Paul Quinn isn’t a new book, but is a new favourite here at Two Sides Tarot. I love the anecdotes that Quinn includes to demonstrate how each card might play out in real life, but what really captured my attention is the table he lays out for each card, which includes Keywords, then suggestions for each card as Being, Doing, Shadow, Reversed, and Possible Advice. I like thinking of card meanings as different parts of grammar - like, what is the Nine of Swords as a verb? A noun? Thinking about cards in this way gives them flexible applications, and Quinn’s handy dandy tables have plenty of accessible inspiration for that way of thinking.

I picked up Michelle Tea’s Modern Tarot mostly because I love Michelle Tea. I wouldn’t say that Modern Tarot is a perfect resource for the beginner, because it doesn’t include what I would consider essential learning tools, like a history of tarot, and chapters on how tarot spreads work, how to shuffle, how to read for others, and so on. What does make it great, though, is that it includes extensive anecdotes from the author’s own experience to illustrate how each card might appear in the world, and it includes a spell or ritual for working with every single card of the deck. LOVE!

Finally, an honourable mention goes to a funny little book called The Tarot Masters, edited by Kim Arnold. This isn’t really a reference book, but when I was getting more seriously immersed in my tarot studies, it proved to be a rich treasure trove of stories that inspired me to go deeper with the cards. Editor Kim Arnold has assembled a true dream team of tarot masters, and each one writes about a card from the Major Arcana, as well as a memory or story from their own tarot history. It’s like eavesdropping on the ultimate tarot celebrity dinner party. There is tea!

Advanced Books

Some of the books mentioned in this post (especially the ones in the next category) do deal with more advanced level tarot practices, so in terms of books that stand alone for more advanced readers, I’ve just got one that I love.

Tarot Interactions by Deborah Lipp doesn’t include card meanings, instead, it gets straight into how cards interact in a reading, and how readers can use the structure of the deck - the suits, the numbers, the elements - to inform the way they read multiple cards at a time. My favourite part of this book is the table where Lipp uses some basic maths to help readers determine what is statistically significant in a reading (what counts, mathematically, as “a lot” of Pentacles, or a lot of Majors, in a reading with six cards, or ten cards, for example). I’ve never come across that in a tarot book before, but it seems like pretty important knowledge to have! This is particularly useful intel if you read with reversals.

Books That Are Kinda Like Courses

Rather than sitting down and reading a book cover to cover, many of us would prefer something that feels a little bit more like a course or a workshop, with a bit of reading, a few worksheets, and maybe some homework if we’re feeling super motivated (and who isn’t feeling super motivated to learn tarot? Come on!).

Tarot for Yourself by Mary K. Greer is stuffed full of exercises you can undertake to really go deep with the cards. Its focus is on using tarot for self-inquiry, and it contains a ton of practical ideas from figuring out your soul card, to doing meditative pathworking with the cards, and so much more. You’ll learn plenty about the cards, of course, but this book is really focused on putting the deck to work so you can learn about you.

Tarot 101 by Kim Huggens is not numbered like a college course for nothing! This book is best treated like a term of study, and worked through in order. Huggens weaves her lessons in interesting ways, arranging archetypes thematically, and interspersing the study of individual cards with exercises on designing spreads, doing readings, and using the cards for self-reflection.

If you’ve not seen Holistic Tarot by Benebell Wen in the flesh, you’ll have to trust me when I say it is A Tome. This brick of a book from one of the most knowledgeable and prolific esoteric scholars working today will see anyone go from stumbling beginner to sage expert, because there is just SO much in here to learn. This book is technical, academic in its approach, so if you’re an absolute beginner I’d say you could start here (and certainly, the earlier part of the book is aimed at beginners), but if you’re easily intimidated by vast swathes of occult knowledge and you’ve never read so much as a blog post about tarot before, well, maybe proceed with caution! When you’re ready to dive in, you may want to supplement your reading with the Holist Tarot resources on Benebell’s website.

Courses

I’ve taken an online course in tarot here and there over the years, most of which don’t seem to exist anymore, but I’m thrilled to find that one of my favourites, Little Red Tarot’s Alternative Tarot Course, is still very much alive and kicking. This self-paced, delivered-by-email course is a really great way to dive into the cards. I especially love that it reflects Little Red Tarot’s ethical, inclusive approach to, well, everything! So many tarot decks and resources fail to grapple with problematic and exclusionary power structures and gender roles that exist in traditional tarot, but you can be sure that this course isn’t afraid to challenge that status quo and make tarot available to all of us.

If you’d rather take things card by card, Little Red Tarot also offers a Card A Day course. I haven’t tried this one myself but I think I’d happily vouch for the quality of anything that Beth makes.

For those of us with a passion for the Tarot de Marseille, or perhaps just for a different approach to the heavily metaphorical way many of us read in the Rider-Waite-Smith tradition, Camelia Elias’s courses are fantastic. Who wouldn’t want to read like the devil?

Other Resources

This part of the list is a grab bag of things I’ve found helpful and interesting, across different media. No doubt there’ll be updates to come!

First, if you’re looking to deepen your relationship with the archetypes of the Major Arcana, you might enjoy a free resource I created for journaling with each of the tarot trumps. This guide will encourage you to dig into your own experiences and make connections with the cards.

If you enjoy doing some tarot study on the go, try Lindsay Mack’s podcast, Tarot for the Wild Soul. Lindsay shares deep dives into individual cards and themes, as well as some really amazing interviews with luminaries in the worlds of tarot and other spiritual crafts.

I mentioned above that Little Red Tarot has some great courses, but if you’re not ready to commit to a course (and even if you are), don’t miss the incredible blog. It’s an overflowing wellspring of tarot knowledge and exploration, and captures so many marginal, magical, and necessary voices.

And of course, you can find lots of deck reviews, tarot spreads, and card analysis right here on the Two Sides Tarot blog. Perhaps start with this one, or this one. Enjoy!

What are your favourite tarot resources? Give your beloved books, blogs, and podcasts a shoutout in the comments!

Want more tarot goodness, delivered right to you? Subscribe to my monthly newsletter for more deep dives into the cards.

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[briocht-draoi-deactivated202011]

does anyone know of tarot decks that include people with disabilities in them? i’ve been keeping an eye out for a while and not been able to find any, so maybe i’m using poor search terms (tho i also don’t know where to go for indie tarot decks)

[willowofthehearth]

Yes!

Numinous Tarot is probably THE most diverse tarot deck I’ve ever encountered.

http://www.noelheimpel.com/numinoustarot/

Did a quick peek, Mystic of Bells features a witch in a wheelchair.

A senior with a walker… not sure if that counts?

Person using crutches here

The whole deck is just FULL of diverse people, it’s amazing.

[stella-rose-tarot-blog]

An earthy tarot spread to help you grow through a tough situation. I recommend meditating with grounding stones such as jasper, hematite, or obsidian before using this spread :)

Please do not repost. Feel free to reblog/use in your own personal readings. This spread is available for paid readings in my Etsy shop

[faetarot]

My experience with the Ten of Cups: A story about stalker cards

Trigger warnings for: mental illness, suicide mention, mentions of abuse

So back sometime in early- to mid-2012, I started reading tarot again. I don’t remember when or where I got my Robin Wood deck, but after moving in with my parents due to a debilitating manic episode in late October of 2011, having issues with medication that left me hallucinating, being put in a crisis center for several days because of said hallucinations, and moving again for the second time in six months when my parents bought a new house, I was reconnected with this deck.

I started doing readings for myself, a lot of them asking where things would go for me from where I was. That was about the time I started seeing the Ten of Cups show up.

Repeatedly.

Now, when I had moved in with my parents, I had just gone through a messy breakup with my live-in boyfriend at the time. I had been working part time, supporting the both of us on a job that was barely above minimum wage and food stamps. His major contribution to the household? His parents were paying for most of our gas and his car insurance, he went to his parent’s house once a week to do laundry since it was cheaper than the washing machine in the apartment complex, and I had no vehicle of my own. I often worked late enough that walking the mile home would be unsafe, and the buses didn’t run that late or go terribly near my apartment complex. So I kept him around rather than throwing him out like I probably should have.

But after this breakup, I was left... feeling pretty gross, now that I think on it. I had seriously thought about marrying this guy, and he had said I was overreacting when I was in a very bad, very manic state (before I was diagnosed bipolar) and wanted to hospitalize myself. He didn’t think things were that bad.

So, when this card first shows up, with its imagery of a happy family and rainbows, I almost scoff. It feels too good to be true. At this point, I’d just moved back in with my abusive mother after I had been living away from her and with my (now ex-) boyfriend for about 2 years. She’d gotten married and moved in with a guy I had barely even met. Now I was dealing with extreme paranoia, insomnia, mania, hallucinations, and having to live with my emotionally abusive mother again. The Ten of Cups showed a happy ending I didn’t think was anywhere in sight.

Fast forward a while. At this point, I had been talking to a person I roleplayed with for several months. We’d been getting close, and I’d developed a crush on her. I talked about it in both DBT group therapy and in private with my individual therapist. I was still suffering from pretty bad anxiety and relatively frequent panic attacks. I was afraid of admitting my feelings and being rejected. Especially since, at that point, I had come to terms with being somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and sexual incompatibility was one of the many reasons I and my ex-boyfriend hadn’t worked out.

The conversation went so much better than I had expected. We were, officially, dating long-distance. That was when, in my eyes, the recurring Ten of Cups started meaning a chance to live with my girlfriend.

Fast forward again, to when my new girlfriend moved away from her parents and was staying with a friend of mine whom I’d known online for a LONG time at this point. I felt... kinda bad, because I was so far away from my girlfriend now, and I wanted her to have some kind of physical affection that I wasn’t able to give.

We had a chat. We decided to offer the option of being in a poly triad to my friend, whom I had... squishy feelings for, and once had a crush on as well. That chat turned into a very funny and memorable skype call, and we were, officially, all dating each other.

The Ten of Cups, still recurring in nearly a third to sometimes half of my readings, became something to strive for. Find a way to move away from my parents. Move in with my datefriends.

During this time, ever since my first manic episode in 2011 and moving in with my parents, I had been trying to get SSDI. I had been denied repeatedly, despite clear evidence of hallucinations and diagnosed bipolar I with psychotic features, worsening physical health, panic attacks, and suicidal ideation and a history of suicide attempts.

In January of 2017, just after the new year, I looked very seriously at killing myself. The one and only reason I didn’t take the rest of the muscle relaxers I was prescribed for my fibromyalgia, all at once, was because I had an appointment with my psychiatrist the next day. I could talk medication options with him.

I was admitted into a crisis center again, this time for a full week while my medications were adjusted. During that time, I was able to come up with some ideas to move forward towards my goals.

As I prepared to go to college for the first time, at the age of 31 by the time summer semester started, the Ten of Cups stood for a solid plan: Get my associate’s degree and move.

I got approved for financial aid, and the federal work study program, which would give me some mild spending money. My work study job was at, ironically enough, the financial aid office, where I processed a specific bit of paperwork, stuffed envelopes, and ran a few errands. It was months before I even worked with any students at all, only with the people in the office.

I was working 20 hours or less a week (usually between 12 and 16) in four-hour shifts. It was, without a doubt, the most relaxed work atmosphere I’d ever had. I still called in at least once a pay period because of panic attacks or physical illness. On top of that, I had part-time classes.

During this time, my mom saw me working, going into town with her during the day so I could go to class and work study while only using one vehicle, and started demanding I give her a pretty good chunk of my meager paycheck to pay for gas I was using, and demanding that I keep doing more and more around the house because if I was well enough to go to work and school, I was well enough to use my weekends off to do physical labor instead of physically and mentally recover from a week of stress, right?

The Ten of Cups started to represent urgency to me, now. I didn’t think I could last a solid four to four and a half years of attending school part-time and dealing with physical and mental exhaustion on top of the emotional abuse my mother put me through. So... I started saving up every last penny I could, even going so far as to refuse to pay my mother the money she demanded of me for my last few pay periods.

The week before my 32nd birthday, I was hospitalized overnight for chest pains. My... shit, I think third or fourth visit to the ER in two months. Rather than worry about me in the here and now, since I have a known family history of heart disease, she starts telling me how I’ll never make it once I leave the state. I have too many health problems, I’d be better off staying with her for a while longer, where I have health insurance and a network of doctors. She says this to me, then turns around and complains that I shouldn’t have gone to the ER in the first place, and how terrible it was that since I wasn’t obviously dying, I went to the hospital instead of work.

I had already been telling the people I worked with about my plan to move after the semester ended. I had a date: mid-May. The exact date changed, as I chose to fly out instead of renting a truck and driving out, but that didn’t matter.

I moved in with my datefriends. I went from Michigan to Texas, leaving a good number of my physical belongings behind. That was when the Ten of Cups went from an idea I initially thought was impossible for me, and turned into my new reality.

This reading is the first one I’ve done since I’ve moved, and surprise surprise, the Ten of Cups showed up again. This time, as the start of my journey. A journey towards healing and recovery.

Now, to me, the Ten of Cups is proof that even something that seems impossibly far out of reach can still be attained.