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Just taking my hand-decorated Ace jacket for a little fling at pride 🩷
@doctorwho
i am! obsessed! with this book from the late ming dynasty about scams to watch out for (esp. if you are a traveling merchant). this guy is like, there ARE immortals who can survive without food but you WILL NOT encounter them because they live alone in the mountains and don't talk to anyone. if a monk comes to your house and claims to not need to eat, it's probably because he's secretly eating human fetuses, or something. eunuchs are invariably corrupt and the court system is useless. however, do NOT try to bribe anyone for a better SAT result for your idiot failson; this never works. nuns WILL try to seduce your wife into cheating on you. if your idiot failson does really badly on the SAT, make sure to have his father's remains buried somewhere with A+ fengshui; this is Guaranteed to work (unless your wife is cheating on you).
oh yeah and ofc there's the classic pretending-a-cow-is-the-reincarnation-of-your-deceased-mother scam. watch out for that one
answers to frequently asked questions:
the book is "The Book of Swindles" (i'm reading the columbia university press abridged edition)
its actually not the SAT its the civil service exams but like. same difference
yes it IS unhinged and you SHOULD read it
I need to know. What is the reincarnated cow mom scam?
found the english translation in a search.
buddhist monk encounters a friendly cow that likes to lick people when they are sweaty (salt)
monk drenches self in brine
monk goes to cow's owner, claims the cow is the reincarnation of his deceased mother who was insufficiently devout, proves it by the cow having 'affection' for him like that between a mother and a son (licking his face profusely)
monk asks to buy the cow at half price but has no money (due to being monk), owner is so moved that he gives the monk the cow
monk now has a free cow (this is where I thought it would end) - fattens it up and has it slaughtered, sells half the meat and turns the other half to jerky, which he keeps hidden in his robes.
monk encounters a wealthy man and visits him at his house.
monk claims to be the spiritual brother of the wealthy man in a past life and that the wealthy man has been reincarnated as a human because he was too attached to the mortal world. monk claims that he has knowledge of past lives through being extremely devout and that he has been fasting for three years, consuming only hot water or clear tea. 'proves' this by fasting for another month at the wealthy man's house (by secretly eating the jerky).
Convinces the wealthy man that to show devotion he should give away a large sum of money for the monk to deliver to a holy man building a hermitage. Monk absconds with half the money.
woke up and someone spilled vanilla extract all over my dash, so as punishment you strange little beasties are getting all the VANILLA FACTS i know:
vanilla is the 2nd most expensive spice in the world (2nd to saffron)
which is why more than 99% of what we call "vanilla extract" is actually vanillin (vanilla's dominant flavor compound) and is not extracted from real vanilla.
luckily, even professionals struggle to tell the difference when it comes to things like baked goods. but there is a distinct difference in non-heat treated products like vanilla ice cream. real vanilla has a more complex, individualized flavor profile.
why is vanilla so expensive? because it is a ridiculously delicate & demanding crop. complete primadonna.
vanilla beans come from vanilla orchids. these crazy flowers bloom for A SINGLE DAY and have to be HAND-POLLINATED in a process that is exhausting, delicate, and requires specialist knowledge passed down over generations.
then, if you're lucky, you get vanilla beans.
which then require months of further specialized treatment.
the entire process takes about a year and can go wrong at any stage
vanilla has been cultivated for over 800 years (possibly much longer). the first known cultivators are the Totonac, an indigenous people of Mexico.
the Aztecs used it as a sweetener to balance out the bitter taste of cocoa. it was popular in a drink called xocolatl--the precursor to modern hot chocolate!
it is only pollinated by a very specific orchid bee!!!
which is why no fruit could be grown outside of Mexico until the 1800s
Edmond Albius, born into slavery, invented the pollination method we still use today--launching a global industry when he was just 12 years old.
today, the majority of the world's vanilla is grown in Madagascar
if you want real vanilla, read the labels carefully--it's harder to find than you think!
in conclusion, those tiny black specks you see in fancy vanilla ice cream? those are vanilla bean seeds! itty bitty orchid seeds!!! they are delicious and also a PRISSY BITCH!
(src)
Please return us to a world where Notp and squick are used for a ship you don’t like instead of just making up a load of bullshit about how immoral it is or w/e lol
a short selection of concepts and phrases that used to be commonplace in fandom and we’d really benefit from making that a thing again:
NOTP: the opposite of an OTP (One True Pairing). It is a ship a fan strongly dislikes. The word is a portmanteau of ‘no’ and ‘OTP’ and thus is not a contraction of any particular phrase.
Squick: anything that is a deep-seated, visceral turn-off. Squicks may be shared by many fans or be specific to one; one person’s kink may be another person’s squick.
YKINMKATO, or kink-tomato: Your Kink Is Not My Kink, And That’s Okay: used to indicate support for fannish diversity and to distinguish between disapproval or kink shaming and simply having different taste.
DLDR: Don’t Like, Don’t Read: a phrase used to warn against complaints about an aspect of fic or meta. A “live and let live” philosophy of fandom, which places the responsability for avoiding content one doesn’t want to see on the side of the fanwork consumer, rather that on the creator’s.
SALS: Ship And Let Ship: similar to the above specifically about shipping tastes.
YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary: a phrase used to acknowledge that any given individual’s personal opinion on the topic at hand may differ due to their own tastes, standards, values, experiences, etc.
As the OP points out, all of these crucially imply no moral judgment of what they’re designing.
(definitions lifted more or less wholesale from fanlore’s relevant pages)
bring the healthy fun back to fandom!
i have polls now
man
door
hand
hook
car
door
gotta admit, I'm impressed with their dedication to the bit
Just stab the wool into shape
Is that what needle felting is? I though you needed some sort of base?
This is what felting is. It’s a very good hobby for somebody who enjoys stabbing ^u^ what do you think I do all day?
Really thought he was gonna get a giant great wig….hoping actually
Wanna know how it works?
Those needles have barbs that catch and tangle the fibers of the roving (the term for that loose wool) together. The more you stab it the more tightly-packed and the more firm the object becomes. It takes a lot of little stabs to smooth out the texture on the surface and is best done with a single fine gauge needle.
Fun fact: the longer you use a felting needle the sharper it becomes, as the wool polishes the point.
This doesn’t bode well for your fingers but hey. It’s a fun art filled with cute projects, lots of stabbing, blood, and swearing.
????????? oh!
There’s an update 😊
Perhaps I was too quick in turning him down. Laurie. Do you love him?
Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig
Please throw. (press play to hear sweet, pleading mews)
(via)
Finally the girl from the rihanna video is making a comeback