One of the contractors at work drove past my shack on a forklift yesterday, stopped, backed up to my window and said, āhey, do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?ā
My knee jerk response when asked this, even if itās by a companionable dude old enough to be my dad, is to go, āuh, nah-ā and then ramble uncomfortably until someone stops me-
-which is what I started to do, only to be cut off by Contractor saying, in an embarrassed rush, āsome of the guys were asking me because you and I talk sometimes, but I didnāt want them to hit on you at work, so I told them that you Worship the Devil and would Hex them if they tried. Iām sorry.ā
Which leaves me wheezing helplessly, trying to get my shit together, because this is honestly one of the nicest, most hysterical things Iāve ever heard someone say to me.
Oblivious to this, Contractor then follows up with, āand they were like āforreal??ā so I was like, āyeah, sheās probably a sadist, too, you can tell by her jewelry. Sheāll stab you or something.āā
And tbh I canāt even come up with anything witty to say in response, so all I manage to choke out is, āpleASE LET THEM CONTINUE TO THINK THAT, IāM BEGGING YOU.ā
And Contractor just smiles and is like, āOkay! I just wanted to let you know!ā before driving off with his forklift.
Like?? Thank god for Contractor tbh. Heās an angel among men, and I hope the rest of his life is filled with prosperity and happiness and like, that he finds $20 on the ground every week for the rest of his life.
Update: Every time Contractor sees me, he does a little Devil Horns gesture at me and its adorable.
Update the Second: I saw Contractor while doing my tour and he told me that the guy that asked if I was single was around, and that if I saw him, I should just make complicated hand gestures at him while I walk by to scare him off.
This guyās a fuckin gem.
