What.

Abby. Living a comedy-appreciative life. Improving through procrastination of real life duties. One day I’ll have a neat tagging system like everyone else, but that day is not today. Welcome to my junk drawer.

[titsay]

[bubbl3solution]

whoever at pixar said "hey let's give diane the shark a customer service-esque voice that would be silly" i owe you a handshake and maybe my firstborn child because something about this specific comedic choice made me laugh harder than i have in recent memory

[missandryifyourenasty]

I often think about that post that was a fake dating profile for a cat that was all about chickens, like wanting someone with posable thumbs for opening chickens.

[notogdenjesse]

This is one my favourite things the internet has ever made.

[missandryifyourenasty]

!!!!!!

[bioluminescently-unfolding]

This remains one of the great art objects of modern times and nobody will convince me otherwise.

[minotauri]

ocean sounds for those of you who need it

[crimsonclad]

I saw a bumper sticker and thought “is that seductive Daffy Duck” and then when I looked closer I realized it was actually a fishing bumper sticker but also. also it is still very much seductive Daffy Duck???? somehow????????

[holdoncallfailed]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to deny location sharing and turn off personalized ads and reject all non-essential cookies and not set up siri and face ID

[dogpuppy]

[ravioliet]

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

[czech-hunter-reject]

Teeheehee, off to do my little schemes 😜

[czech-hunter-reject]

Teeheehee, on my way back home from doing my little schemes 🤪

[dunmertitty]

i get that’s it’s not always obvious when i’m on my lunch but you’d think people would notice not to bother me when i’m hunched over eating a vegetarian burger like that bitch eating his son

hold on what is this gif

[torstherapy]

[tinsnip]

Per @spoonstrek

[windynebula]

I'm gonna say something incredibly 30-year-old and I'm going to ask you to not judge me while I'm trying to be genuine and real. Okay? Here's my truth.

A piece of lettuce can really elevate a sandwich. The fresh crunch? Unrivaled. Peak. Poetic cinema.

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

where to upgrade social battery. where to buy larger social battery. how to attach multiple social batteries. how to hang out with all your friends without getting tired. how to hang out with everyone you wanna hang out with without burning out. infinite social energy hack. nap tips

[estrogenesis-vaporeongelion]

social battery rapid charger. social battery usable while plugged in. how to love everyone you love

[nodded]

WIDOW'S BAY 1.07 → "Seasickness"

[singtotheskiies]

still thinking about just how fucking funny rosemary's underreaction to patricia's party was. she sat there the whole night and watched patricia serve her salt vinegar and everything sinister ass concoction full of dead animals and only tried to bring up her concerns with her inside voice. she watched everyone stand with impossibly gaping mouths as patricia paraded about wearing a fucking animal scalp and deer antlers and was apparently content??? does stuff like this happen all the time on widow's bay or is rosemary just that much of an idgafer?? did she have daughters who used to make potions with whatever detritus they found on the beach?? has her advanced emphysema made her indifferent to the world?? whatever the case it's hysterical as fuck

[dyketrinitysantos]

part time sheriff, full time comedian

[eddie-redcliffe]

Doesn't it irritate you?