Connecticut Demon Wife @mama-germany - Tumblr Blog

im communist mostly because i hate shopping and want the government to give me 3 bean tickets and 1 bread ticket each day so my choice is made up for me

kevinkinky

anti communism jokes sure haven’t evolved huh

officialunitedstates

ill try to be cleverer when i attempt to roast this mass murdering economic system in the future

xxx-theartofsuicide-xxx

There’s nowhere for the joke to evolve. The punchline is the same for everyone, comrade.

alexmey-does-an-arts

MY STUPID FUCKING CAT WONT STOP TRYING TO TOUCH THE BEEHIVE

trainwiz

Bust out the crystal skull vodka and pour me a shot, bitches. We're going off the rails and we're not getting back on them.

fantasmadebarovia

there is nothing more important than a dear friend you can be a huge fucking asshole hater with

fantasmadebarovia

coolxatu

shout out to bagels. a well timed bagel has changed my life at least 3 times

#a good bagel would change my life like once a month

batmanisagatewaydrug

always some new bullshit in the ocean

local-demon-in-your-area

Why is it always orcas or dolphins

Why can't a salmon do some bullshit for once

batmanisagatewaydrug

worry not ☝️ they're doing coke

phaeton-flier

Large number of complaints about the modern world resolve down to "I want everything in one bag and I don't want the bag to be heavy"

phaeton-flier

I want the newest, coolest, shiniest phone they advertise on Instagram and it should cost $30 and be tiny and also huge and have every feature I could possibly want without thinking about it

phaeton-flier

I want my websites to allow me unlimited uploading of all data in high definition with zero lag or buffering, have every single person on earth available, with an easy way to see only the stuff I like and not anything I don't, for free with zero ads, with clear, straightforward moderation that gets rid of every Nazi and has zero false positives that also lets me tell random strangers and the people running the site to kill themselves, and I should be able to find it without doing any independent searching on my own because I'm too lazy to look for it

phaeton-flier

I want my girlfriend to have huge tits and a small waist and a fat ass and thin thighs and have clear skin and be a virgin and great at sex, likes all the stuff I like but not in the annoying way other people do, looks like she spends 3 hours a day on makeup and hair but takes up zero time in my bathroom, goes down on me but doesn't ask me to eat her out, has zero kinks except for mine, doesn't demand anything of me and is attracted to me for me, modestly hides her body from the public but also makes other people jealous when I'm with her, isn't crazy jealous but doesn't have any other guy friends, wants three ways only with other girls, and also she approaches me in public so I don't have to do anything to meet or woo her.

phaeton-flier

I'd do one about video games or food but the last few years have shown that people will talk endlessly about wanting shorter games with worse graphics made by people who work less hours for more pay, or wanting to pay $1 more for a hamburger if the worker gets paid more, and then immediately revolt when the cost of their bleeding edge console or burrito taxi goes up with inflation.

sappho-ilmarinen

The three types of industrial music:

This is how sex should feel like

Angry germans yelling

Construction workers hitting washing machines with hammers

captain-price-returns

At least one member of the British government is doing their job.

enbyfication

im not saying we shouldn't be calling out hypocrisy but i do think it's important to be aware of what i call the Two Different Guys Fallacy. and that's that whenever you're thinking to yourself, oh how come X group claim they want this thing but also support that other incompatible thing. take a moment to stop and consider whether it could just be Two Different Guys that think each thing

edgar-allan-possum

Also known as the Goomba Fallacy

vegyta-deactivated20181007

Shoutout 2 all my boring bitches. we out here, being bored and boring.

helloitsbees

propaganda on my dash

helloitsbees

WHAT IS THE CHARGE? BOINKING AN OOMF? A LONGTIME, SHORT-DISTANCE OOMF?

saintofpride201

I have like 3 mutuals who are married to, are dating, or *have* dated *their* mutuals.

The only one I can think of tho off the top of my head is @r4cs0.

r4cs0

It is i

#two mutuals but who's counting

log6

I'm not gonna lie the secret to success for a great many people is absolutely stimulant abuse

luulapants

Wait hold on what was that

placeholdername-1

mens-rights-activia

The duality of man is thinking “children cannot help themselves and we all need to be patient with them as they explore what it means to be human in public” and also “damn, I wish this crying baby was not on the plane rn :/“

ffcrazy15

Just as courage is not the absence of fear but doing the brave thing in spite of it, patience is not the absence of irritation but doing the kind thing in spite of it.