[serpentinesomebody]

me, posting stuff for over 7 different fandoms at random all on the same blog:

[wizardarchetypes]

I’m at my friend’s apartment in dublin. she’s been trapped in her bathroom for like an hour and maintenance just showed up with KITCHEN UTENSILS??? 😭😭😭😭💀💀💀💀

[wizardarchetypes]

I’m giving them 15 more minutes and then I’m walking across the street to the conveniently located fire department bc he just tried to pry open this metal door with a kitchen spoon

[wizardarchetypes]

he’s giving me attitude for asking for a locksmith. i was going to be polite for as long as we needed him as an ally but he’s run his use.

[wizardarchetypes]

just realized he’s wearing a single latex glove. for why

[wizardarchetypes]

like i know sometimes the most unassuming tools do the job but i cannot stress enough that he simply tried to pry open a metal fire door with it. he didn’t try to employ it on the lock in any way. the slotted spoon told me immediately this was not our man. pack it up chef boyardee

[the-ladyguinevere]

So what was it like having the fire department axe open the door

[mapofthedreams]

blink blink blink blink blink blink

[what-even-is-thiss]

Why are fallout 4 companions of all people so judgmental when you pick up junk? Don’t they know that in this universe you can turn two wrenches and a carton of cigarettes into a fully functional mattress?

[gnars-house]

[gnar-slabdash]

God the temptation to do the damn thing in Nate voice is very strong. I already know I can write a whole essay that way and if nobody gives a shit anyway at least I could entertain myself….

[thelawfulchaotic]

They definitely read mine; i don’t think i was a super exceptional candidate without the funny admissions essay. It was about negotiating the terms of bath time with my parents when I was 4.

[gnar-slabdash]

Oh, I should clarify then, this is NOT about the admissions essay, this is about the persuasive writing portion of the LSAT. I’d admit you for that essay too though!

[thelawfulchaotic]

MY BAD clearly I should have worked harder on the reading comprehension portion of the LSAT

[afloweroutofstone]

My favorite category of government program to run across is "program you've never heard of doing extremely important work to solve a major problem which you have also never heard of." On that note, the US drops millions of pounds of sterile bugs over Panama each week in order to prevent a parasite infestation from moving into North America. Everyone say thank you to the Panama-United States Commission for the Eradication and Prevention of the Cattle Borer Worm (COPEG)

[afloweroutofstone]

This program had its funding cut during the DOGE cuts last year and now the parasitic worm they were trying to slow the spread of has officially arrived in the United States.

[wizardflowers]

You shouldn't have touched it's friend.

[woman-respecter]

simon and garfunkel rekindled their friendship, the blowjob brothers from oasis reunited i think, buckingham nicks are somewhat amicable, taylor invited karlie to her wedding. paul mccartney it’s time to learn necromancy.

[sailatina3]

[henstomper]

people keep telling me its "narcissistic" to build an army out of clones of myself but it'd be a lot weirder if they were clones of someone else right

[spider-artdump]

[johnnylists]

10 Captivating Short Stories Everyone Should Read

1. The Most Dangerous Game by Richard Connell — The story of a big game hunter finding himself stranded on an island and becoming the hunted.

2. The Last Question by Isaac Asimov — A question is posed to a supercomputer that does not get answered until the end days of man.

3. The Last Answer by Isaac Asimov — A man passes away and has a conversation with the Voice in the afterlife.

4. The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman — A collection of journal entries written by a woman whose physician husband has confined her to the upstairs bedroom of the house.

5. The Lottery by Shirley Jackson — The story of one small town’s ritual know only as “the lottery.”

6. Hills Like White Elephants by Ernest Hemingway — A couple has a tension-filled conversation at a train station in Spain.

7. All Summer in a Day by Ray Bradbury — A group of schoolchildren live on Venus where the Sun is visible for only two hours every seven years.

8. Harrison Bergeron by Kurt Vonnegut — It is the year 2081, and all Americans are equal in every possible way.

9. The Monkey by Stephen King — The story of a cymbal-banging monkey toy that controls the lives around it.

10. We Can Get Them For You Wholesale by Neil Gaiman — A man named Peter searches the phone book for an assassin to kill his unfaithful fiancée.

[synesthetic-shroom]

confirmed: if you read the yellow wallpaper it will haunt you years down the line at the most unexpected of moments.

[hannahhasafact]

The Lottery will also haunt you for years and years. We had to read it in middle school and I will never forget it.

[thesituation]

my 100% failproof way to handle reactionaries asking why i don’t shave at all is going “because i don’t want to” it works because what they really want is an argument about the merits of feminism, and they’ll draw it out and try to convince you it’s a cult or whatever, but you can avoid it all by sticking to “i just don’t wanna. don’t feel like it” and if they argue with you about it you can use your ultimate ability, which is “i’m sorry i thought it was a free country?” which, believe me, they cannot come back from. they’ll either drop it or start harping on something you didn’t say, and it’s important you don’t take the bait at that point. when they can’t argue with what you say, they assume your beliefs and attack those. and you crucially must be visibly baffled at their change of direction because it will make them seem and possibly feel crazy (which they are). “i don’t want to shave” is a perfect response because truly it all comes down to autonomy and the ability to do what you want. they’ll try to say “feminism makes you think you have to do that” and it’s important to not take that bait. to reiterate that you don’t know what they mean and you just don’t like shaving and that it’s really weird to look into it that deep. this works i promise

[trans-girl-nausicaa]

i just apolitically killed the king like i have no agenda or whatever im just the jester here but i stabbed him anyway LOL all the courtiers and advisors are trying really hard to figure out who did it LOL all of them wanted him dead but they dont know whose scheme it was so nobody can promulgate a coherent political maneuver based on the circumstances LOL just playing my lute #MyLute

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[storm-of-feathers]

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

[storm-of-feathers]

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.

[gruntsandpoetry]

Married couple of 20 years at the Sears portrait studio trying to perfect their pose for their annual Christmas card