For everything you never asked for, brought to you by an abstract Lovecraftian concept in the form of a fairy. Who also makes for a great pillow. Pronouns: Any (he/him, she/her, they/them, etc) accepted.
Former cop. Just telling the truth here - the good cops who went into the force to help? They don't last long. Joined at 21, wanted to make a good difference. Lived in a town less than 15k people. Mostly domestic disturbance calls, missing pets + kids, wellness checks, so I thought. Peaceful town means you're doing a good job? Nope. If you dont catch criminals you're lazy. Get reamed for being soft. Literally tell you to search out criminals not just find them.Teach you to react first bc (cont.)
(Cont) a split second could mean death. Then teach you how to profile but "we dont profile" wink nudge. So you show up see a man bent over a woman when someone calls, says they heard screaming. React. Guy is raping her. Nope. She was having a seizure. He was her helper. Friend of mine attacked him. Easy mistake when they teach you that. Friends quits bc of guilt. Me? Always got reamed bc I didnt give out enough fucking tickets. Fuck that. "Find curfew breakers. Find lapse insurance." (Cont)
(Cont) I would sit in parking lots running random license plates while all my coworkers ride on people's asses in the middle of the night to trick them into speeding. Its not about upholding the law and arresting criminal. You're a fucking snitch, trying to fin ANY lawbreaker bc you can't be lazy. Then you see some fucked up shit. Little girl goes missing. Find her in a creek, head cracked up on a rock. Animals picked at her for a few days. You get desensitized or you can't do the job. (Cont)
(Cont) so you get numb to screaming and dead bodies and girls crying about boyfriends raping them or you go nuts. Me I thought well this small town they donr have Real Problems so they make me chase down 15 year olds with a cigarette to hand over tobacco tickets. I won't do that so the other guys relentlessly bully me for being a pussy lazy PoS. I go to city with real problems. Same damn thing. "Search for criminals! If you dont find enough you're lazy!" We aren't sitting around til you (cont)
(Cont) til you break the law we are looking for it even if its dumb shit. And then you go someplace big and tell you to look for suspicious things. Blackddues in nice suits are pimps. Black dudes in nice cars are dealers. Black women are crazy and best their boyfriends. Latina lie about being raped to get revenge. That's just how it is. So you say hell no. They eat you alive. If you need therapy you're a pussy. Hostage situation, black dude with knife holding a woman. I talk him down. (Cont)
(Cont) Guy gets arrested. I get pulled into the office and yelled at for NOT shooting him. Saved his life and hers and I got in trouble. Had to file paperwork. Didnt make any friends because they ront trust me. Cops will do drugs on weekends then arrest people for doing the same so they get their "quota" (which wink nudge dont exist). If a cop does something bad and you do the right thing and "rat him out" they will harass you. Found myself relocated when I testified against another cop. (Cont)
(Cont) Go to a different place. Same fucking shit. Cops get paid shit, taught to react first based on assumption, taught to specifically assume racist shit, taught to go OUT of their way to FIND shit, get thrown into an atmosphere of bullying if you dont comply, then get desensitized to shit. If you're a good cop, You won't make it , bc you can't come out of that shit safe. I quit before I was forty. I'm fifty now and work in a mine. Fuck cops.
Ps - former cop - using my niece's tumblr bc she showed me this, which is why I'm using anonymous. Not trying to harass anybody.
Copying anon’s follow up messages above to have the whole story in one place.
Thank you for sharing your experience, anon, and for confirming it -- there are no good cops because good people who become cops either don’t stay cops or don’t stay good people. There’s no other option.
Granted, “who’s more in the wrong” is better discourse than “is Deceit Sanders evil incarnate”, but it’s still discourse. But hey, let me throw my own ring onto the hat.
tl;dr: they both messed up, but Janus already acknowledged he has a long way to go to earn trust, and Roman really needs to start doing something about his habit of lashing out when he feels hurt, so in the context of the episode, Roman’s more “wrong” and in the context of the series, they both have a lot of work to do (though especially Janus).
Yeah, Janus messed up multiple times and didn’t deserve Roman’s trust. And Roman made that clear. And Janus? Accepted that. I don’t deny that he took digs at Roman with the “something we’re both familiar with” line, but I think he was trying to agree that Roman morally did an amazing thing. Just that Janus barely gives one crap about morals, so it still came off cruelly. But he didn’t get mad at Roman for calling him untrustworthy or indicating that his own presence would compromise Thomas. He noted that Roman had valid questions about setting boundaries regarding selfishness - just best saved for another day, considering how emotionally exhausting the rest of the episode was. It was Thomas who told Roman to stop, with Janus otherwise accepting his criticisms (or at least that’s how it felt to me).
Janus knows he’s hurt Roman, so when Roman is still clearly not willing to listen, well, technically, Janus could’ve just shrugged his shoulders. He’s got Thomas and Patton listening, he doesn’t need Roman’s trust. His decision, then, to share his name anyways felt like an attempt at an apology. No amount of “sorry”s would help, Roman doesn’t trust his words, so Janus tries to start making amends by being honest about something he holds close to his chest - and even acknowledging it’s just one thing he can offer as a way to start building trust. It’s not a trump card or automatic win move - it’s a start.
So, things Roman could’ve done in response that I would not blame him in the slightest for:
Tell Janus he doesn’t care
Ask how he can trust Janus is being honest right now
Tell Janus it’s not really a start because it doesn’t begin to make up for the things he’s done so far
Literally anything but flat-out mock his name
Roman’s actual response:
Flat-out mock his name
Janus still has a long way to go and, yes, he owes an apology for lashing out. But I also think it’s about time Roman needs to start dealing with the fact that, when he’s hurt, his default response is to lash out and that’s not a healthy habit to have.
Thomas: Alright, so what's happening to me? And I'll take my answer in any form but a song.
Remus: *already having set up a backdrop and gramophone, and wearing a coconut bra and grass skirt* Aw, you're no fun.
----
Patton: My fellow imaginary figments, far be it from me to question your stupid civilization or its dumb customs, but is squeezing each others brains out with a giant nutcracker really going to solve anything? Remus is my friend, and though a man has come between us, I say we'll always remain friends. And do you know why? One reason -
Remus: (cuts off Patton's arm)
Patton: YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU! YOU BASTARD!
----
Patton: Hey my boyfriend had one of those! Actually it wasn't his, it was his dad's. Actually he wasn't my boyfriend, he just lived next door and never closed his curtains.
Logan: Patton, remember what I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?
----
Janus: Wait. You mean people would pay good money for romance? Hmm. I think I have a scheme so deviously clever that I...
(Cut to Janus in a courtroom)
Judge Roman: Five hundred dollars and time served!
Janus: Stupid anti-pimping laws!
----
Logan: *on video* I know you're all very upset, especially Remus.
Remus: Well, life goes on. Except for you!
Logan: I'm sure that Remus has just made a cutting remark, but he doesn't know I taped over his soap operas to record this message.
Remus: YOU BASTARD!!!
----
Thomas: We've got to go to the Subconscious and get Janus back!
Virgil: Why?
(long pause)
Logan: Well, those arguments aside, we're still going.
----
Remus: You can't just waltz into the Subconscious. It's a tangled web of rules, repression, and really weird stuff. I've never been, but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.
Logan: Then we'll need a guide, someone who's been there before.
Remus: Oh, I've been there. Lots of times. (laughs maniacally)
----
Janus: *getting thrown out of a discussion* Oh, no room for Deceit, eh? I'll make my OWN Center... with blackjack, and hookers! In fact, forget the Center and the blackjack! Ehh, screw the whole thing.
----
Remus: This last week with Logan has been great. Beneath his warm, soft exterior beats the cold, mechanical heart of a Dark Side.
----
Janus: I hate the people who love me, and they hate me.
----
Logan: Where's Patton?
Janus: I didn't kill him. Remus?
Remus: No, I've been busy.
----
Roman: We gotta go rescue them!
Remus: Eh, I don't know.
Roman: Remus, think of the señores!
Remus: ¡Vámonos!
----
Janus: Don't worry, guys. I'll never be too good or too evil again. From now on, I'll just be me.
Virgil: Uh... Do you think you could be a little less evil than that?
Janus: I don't know... Do you think you could survive a seven-hundred foot fall?
Remus: (chuckles) Good ol' Double-D.
----
Janus: [to Remus] That plot makes perfect sense. Wink, wink.
Roman: Deceit, you said "wink, wink" out loud.
Janus: No, I didn't. Raise middle finger.
----
Virgil: There will be no further questions!
Patton: Why?
----
Virgil: I'm having a poker game tonight with some of my old coworkers. Would any of you like to join?
Janus: I don't know. I only gamble with chumps.
Patton: I'll play.
Janus: I'm in!
----
Remus: Double-D! We must take to the streets!
Janus: Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?
Remus: No! The kind with looting and maybe starting a few fires!
Janus: Yes! In your face, Gandhi!
----
Roman: When the lights go out, it's nobody's business what goes on between two consenting adults.
Remus: Or one!
----
Janus: Dying sucks butt. How do you living beings cope with mortality?
Virgil: Violent outbursts.
Roman: General sluttiness.
Patton: Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
----
Logan: We have only one option: Protocol 62.
Roman: Not possible. We don't have nearly enough piranhas.
Logan: Then Protocol 63 it is.
----
Virgil: Oh God! I clicked without reading.
Roman: And I slightly modified a thing that I own.
Virgil: We're monsters!
----
Patton: I refuse to give up so long as there's a shred of hope.
Havana| The Cuban Coast Guard announced this morning, that they had intercepted an unmanned ship heading for the island, which is presumed to be the SS Cotopaxi, a tramp steamer which vanished in December 1925 and has since been connected to the legend of the Bermuda Triangle. The Cuban authorities
The Cuban authorities spotted the ship for the first time on May 16, near a restricted military zone, west of Havana. They made many unsuccessful attempts to communicate with the crew and finally mobilized three patrol boats to intercept it.
When they reached it, they were surprised to find that the ship was actually a nearly 100-year old steamer identified as the Cotopaxi, a name famously associated with the legend of the Bermuda Triangle.
I’m reblogging solely to save this hilarious quote
That said - article was published in 2015, the SS Cotopaxi was identified in 2020 as the “Bear Wreck” off the coast of St. Augustine. Turns out this website is known for satirical articles. (OP has already acknowledged this, but like I said - I need to save this hilarious quote)
As cliche as it sounds? Just someplace I haven’t been before, with a friend of mine. (On a related note, Topaz, I’ve never been to Atlantic City?) Or a cruise with a friend of mine! I can’t swim well, but I have many fond memories with boats. Honestly, I have so many friends who are so far away, so a trip somewhere new with a chance to hang out with them sounds really ideal!
11. Do you want to have a family when you get older?
I mean, I would like to adopt some older kids one day! Marriage would be just for convenience though. So, no spouse, but kids would be in the cards with any luck.
20. What’s your favorite childhood book?
The Outcast of Redwall! It was the first Redwall book I ever read (though it belonged to my sister at the time - the first one I owned was Taggerung). I still feel really bad for Veil and disagree with the ending, but I remember it a lot better than most other books from my childhood (admittedly I’m declaring my cutoff to be around age 11 because that’s when I began obsessively collecting Poe and other horror writers, and I feel that miiiight be a slightly weird answer - but if I must, then the real answer is this anthology of 13 horror novellas. Bunch of different styles that I think influenced what I consider to be ‘good writing’).
28. What is your favorite day of the week?
I have a weird love-hate relationship with Thursday, See, every other Thursday, I have to wake up early - but I wake up early so I can go to a cat shelter to volunteer! And these cats, the vast majority of them are so, so lovely and deserve all the attention in the world. Runner-up would be Wednesday - I have the house to myself for a significant amount of time. I can sit wherever I want and not have to worry about volume on whatever youtube video I have running in the background for whatever it is I’m doing.
Hot take: the biggest difference between a “Dark” Side and a “Light” Side doesn’t come down to the “goodness” or the “badness” of the traits, but in the Side’s ability to compromise.
The Sides in general have a hard time compromising due to their inherent nature - they are literally full-on personifications of an aspect or two. That said, especially in earlier videos where they weren’t as stressed about being recognized and listened to, Patton, Logan, and Roman especially have always been pretty down to hear each other out.
Virgil, on the other hand, was not so much willing to listen. You can say what you want, but Virgil did act like a bully at least until the Accepting Anxiety Arc. It was his way or the highway, he was always dismissive towards the others, and most positive resolutions involving him were at the end of the episode, only when he figured out how to reword his thoughts into something less hostile and rude. By Fitting In, he’d dialed back the hostility at least and made efforts to try to explain his thought process a little better.
Then, you have Deceit. Now, his unwillingness to compromise may make more sense if he also embodies Self-Preservation as many fans believe - compromising on self-preservation can literally get you killed, after all. He still shows an unwillingness to compromise, first with Can Lying Be Good and just dropping everyone in a theater to practice lying and then even when it’s clear no one’s willing to go through with the plan still trying to tell Thomas to lie, and then Selfishness vs. Selflessness, where he outright plays prosecutor. Now, it’s true that he was technically advocating for things Thomas did want. I’m not saying otherwise. He still shows an unwillingness to just talk and explain himself.
Last is Remus. While he’s responsible for intrusive thoughts, that’s not the name of his title - his title is Dark Creativity. As anyone who writes horror can probably tell you, Dark Creativity is not inherently bad. Other genres can also draw benefit from exploring the darker side of the imagination, and there’s no denying that dark creativity can reflect life just as well as lighter creativity. That said, he’s responsible for Thomas’ intrusive thoughts - thoughts Thomas doesn’t want to have or deal with, and thoughts Thomas can’t make go away, no matter how much he asks Remus. Remus will not compromise (or cannot compromise, depending how you view him) and allow himself to back down, even when he knows he’s causing distress.
This of course then holds interesting implications. We’ve seen times, after all, where the “Light” Sides were not willing to listen to each other. Patton especially lately had been unwilling to compromise or even talk things out until his hand was forced (DWIT, SvS, LNTAO) - if Remus had not shown up and forced Patton to confront how uncompromising he’d been and how harmful it was, could he have been reclassified as a “Dark” Side? Roman also shows an interesting relationship with this idea, given his issues with Logan. He very clearly doesn’t want to be a “Dark” Side, though - maybe then his actions in SvS were a desperate attempt to prove to himself he can compromise and isn’t like his brother? Finally, at least to me, it puts a new angsty spin on those “Remus also leaves Deceit and gets to join the Light Sides” stories: while Dark Creativity can learn to compromise and deal with the intrusiveness of the thoughts he makes, Self-Preservation, as I noted before, can’t compromise. So those fics of Deceit being the last one alone may prove closer to canon than any of us wanted.
Looking up Futurama quotes starring Bender to put on screenshots of Deceit really HIGHLIGHTS how surreal, weird, and sometimes dumb the discourse around Deceit is. Maybe I’m too desensitized (another show I enjoy is It’s Always Sunny in Philadephia, now THERE are some bastardly characters), but Deceit, especially knowing he’s just an aspect of Thomas, is so mild compared to the likes of other snarky, manipulative liars, like Bender, Bill Cipher, pretty much the main cast of IASIP, your average D&D character, half the cast of Star Wars, Barney Stinson, Long John Silver in ANY adaptation of Treasure Island, the Doctor, etc (I can think of even MORE examples, I’m just not familiar with the fandoms enough to know if they’re anywhere near as controversial as Deceit is). Just, so weird when you put it into the context of general media.
Guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. If you’re in the Markiplier community, and love Dark, I have a game suggestion for you
Anatomy by KittyHorrorShow
Sounds a little odd, yes? But trust me on this, this game has a lot in common with Dark lore-wise, and would make you think about Dark in a somewhat different light. The game itself has nothing to do with Dark, or Mark even; it’s just a really well made horror experience about a house. There’s just one jumpscare, and it’s not cheap or random, but actually makes sense with the story and style of the game. The fear you feel, it’s all atmosphere. You do have to play it several times to get the full story.
Ever since I found out about it I’ve been wanting Mark to play it. I think it’d be a great let’s play. Heck, I encourage everyone to play it. It’s just 3 bucks on their itch.io page.
So uh I remembered my vague ideas for a GF AU still existed and dug up the coversation I had with @honeygemtrashbag
Though, currently, pondering the idea of Deceit, instead of being a brother to Patton, would be the Shapeshifter (albeit with a far different and less evil moral compass).
(Transcript below Read More)
Levi Dinn10/03/2019
Me: .....at last, I've calmed down my brain enough and got some focus. I really want to get back to the PMMM AU - I think I've got some plans to refine the timeline, as well as a stable of witches to help fill out those timelines-
Rewrite of Gravity Falls 'Not What He Seems' Starring 'Grampa Patton', his grandkids 'Roman and Remus', his handyman 'Virgil', and cashier 'Logan', a folding chair in hand: BITCH YOU THOUGHT-
BigNutzMcgee10/03/2019
[image of a woman looking surprised as she’s holding a glass and a straw]
Levi Dinn10/03/2019
You watch Gravity Falls? Remind me? Because this was a fucking turning point in the series
BigNutzMcgee10/03/2019
I do!! And you’re right
Levi Dinn10/03/2019
So Grampa Patton's been taking care of the twins since his son Thomas sent them up (he kinda realized he's gay, missus didn't react well, it's just to give the two a break while they settle things). Remus found the journal, but he and Roman share it pretty evenly and don't show their grandpa right away because he's swell and all but also a bit of a worrywart and somehow oblivious to all of the dangers of Gravity Falls? (until, you know. He reveals he isn't). Working for Grampa Patton is Logan, nearly ready to graduate high school, and Virgil, first year at community college (the twins are a bit older than 12, though their crushes still aren't reciprocated/acted on.....sue me, Prinxiety and Intrulogical still cute).
And so of course one day Roman, Remus, and Patton are all hanging out and having fun when Patton gets arrested. You know why. Logan upon seeing the police presence actually goes to the station to try to meet up with Patton (guy's silly, but Logan won't argue that he's done so much for him) but keeps getting blocked by the feds. Patton's one call, instead of to a lawyer, is to Virgil to ask him to get the twins and keep them safe (And good thing because Remus' plan was to upset a tractor trailer driver to run the agent's car off the road -coughMabel-)
BigNutzMcgee10/03/2019
:0
Levi Dinn10/03/2019
By the time Virgil, Roman, and Remus all get back to the shack, well, Thomas usually does a weekly call, and he's panicking because it's been a few hours and no one's picked up. Roman and Remus try to fill him in, in their own way, and Thomas is disbelieving. It's Patton, his dad's not a criminal. Sure, he does some strange things, but a criminal? Nah. Thomas promises to call back in an hour while he tries to find out what's up. The twins, of course, plan to do so as well.
And when they find the security footage (holy crap, Patton can SWEAR?!), the multiple fake IDs, questionable bank records, none of them know what to make of it. Weirdest yet are the floorplans, indicating a level below ground level, but the door should be in the gift shop - but they've never seen a door there, right? Thomas calls back, asks Virgil to take the twins to somewhere safe. While trying to get info, he stumbled across an obituary - some guy who got into a car crash, left way too much blood and his wallet behind. ID said Patton Sanders. Thomas has NO IDEA who he sent his kids to, but he needs them safe, dammit.
Virgil rounds up Roman, but Remus is poking around the gift shop trying to find the door. It's Roman who figures out it's behind the vending machine, Virgil who gets it open. Indeed, there are stairs going down, an elevator - and at the bottom, a machine room. Two journals laying out, copies from the third journal nearby. Roman had been carrying around the journal this week, they notice the diagram split between books, and of course - the warnings in invisible ink: "The device if fully operational could tear the universe apart!"
Back to station - Logan's arguing with an agent to little avail, despite the fact the agents could've gotten arrested weeks ago if he hadn't filled them in on proper procedures regarding wiretapping and spying in Gravity Falls. Patton stalls the agents until a good gravitational anomaly, escapes, grabs Logan as he passes, then of course sends the distraction taxi cab. Logan is confused as heck because Patton is silly and weird, but right now he's super-focused and almost harsh as he tells Logan they can't be late. For what? The source of the fluctuations. Logan keeps pressing, but Patton's being weirdly evasive.
And so, just as Virgil, Roman, and Remus are about to deactivate the portal, Patton returns, Logan in tow, Please don't shut it off. Roman calls him out about the obituary, Virgil throws the fake IDs at him, Logan is even more suspicious now, and so of course now in the last minute is a good time for a gravitational anomaly. Yes taking beats from the episode, so sue me, it's hard to improve on perfection.
After a fair bit of struggle, where Patton holds up surprisingly well getting past Logan and Virgil but is ultimately knocked off-course by Roman, Remus is the only one who's in range to shut off the machine. He wants to trust Grampa Patton but... he's probably not Grampa Patton. He lied about the monsters in Gravity Falls, he lied about who he is and how he knows them, he lied about owning the place, he lied about why he wanted the journal - there are just so many lies, and what it comes down to is that this thing is a doomsday device. And despite all his morbid jokes, Remus doesn't want to die.
Patton's pleading - he can explain afterwards, promise, it's a long story but- there won't be an afterwards! - There WILL be, he swears. He wouldn't try this unless he was sure he wasn't going to lose any more family, just, he pleads through tears, just let it go. Remus hesitates. Grampa Patton's a liar. Grampa Patton's never cried. Grampa Patton could be lying right now. Grampa Patton....He lets go.
World goes white. The basement is wrecked (Roman kept safe by Virgil, Grampa Patton just barely catching Remus before gravity kicked back in) and a figure emerges from the portal. Who's that? The builder of the house, of course. The author of the journals, naturally. A man who vanished over 30 years ago. Patton Sanders, the twin brother of one ostracized Ernest Sanders.
So yes, here Patton and Deceit are also brothers. Because fuckin' fight me why not?
BigNutzMcgee10/03/2019
needs more
Levi Dinn10/03/2019
There's sadly not enough to fill out a total AU. But I will say this:
BigNutzMcgee10/03/2019
:c
Levi Dinn10/03/2019
Bill Cipher goes unchanged because no one ruins everything he touches quite like Bill does. Just, yeah, Sanders sides a little small to match the cast of Gravity Falls, but they'd work excellently for this episode......and certainly wouldn't claim exclusive ownership
BigNutzMcgee10/03/2019
:0!!!!!
Levi Dinn11/25/2019
[Not related personal stuff]
Speaking of, in the GF AU, Bill instead of manipulating Roman and Remus with deals just befriends Remus to slowly get his trust so Remus willingly offers Bill himself the rift. Doesn't hurt that Bill thinks Remus' ideas are fun and great while most everyone else... doesn't.
So Sock Opera would be more rooted in jealousy between Roman and Remus - Remus' ideas getting shot down, Roman getting praised - with subplot about Bill "mending" bridges with Remus for invading his grandpa's mind and sorry about that, can we start over? Personally I think your idea about the a nuclear bomb dropping near the characters' home and fallout creating hideous mutations is really cool, Mace-y's Day Parade! Bill doesn't even have to hijack anyone to persuade Remus to give him the rift, just promise him that with it, he cam make sure Roman won't leave him behind
Levi Dinn11/25/2019
I also stan the theory that, much like how Virgil represents and suffers from anxiety, Remus represents and suffers from intrusive thoughts
BigNutzMcgee11/25/2019
Yeeessss
Levi Dinn11/25/2019
So while everyone in the GF AU at least somewhat likes Roman? Virgil is incredibly disgusted by him, Logan seems dismissive (doesn't hurt our duke's crush though; and while he may come across coldly, still finds him harmless), Patton's severely unnerved (since admittedly I mean, Bill likes his ideas, enough said). Only Roman and Dee vocally support and defend Remus
BigNutzMcgee11/25/2019
^yeyeyeye
Levi Dinn11/25/2019
Patton at least has the courtesy to feel awful when he realizes his fear helps push Remus right into Bill's arms
Wherein Thomas has more influence over the Sides than he realizes.
(Warnings: uhhhhhh dodging questions? Could be gaslighting if you stretch the definition. Reference to forced silence for like two sentences. Minor angst)
-
“Until next time, guys, gals, and nonbinary pals. Peace out!”
Thomas smiled as he turned off the camera. His Sides had already left, and, honestly, it had been a fairly productive and positive conversation. All he had to do now was prepare the video for uploading.
“Thomas.”
Thomas was not ashamed to admit he’d jumped at the unexpected voice. He turned to see Deceit stepping out from the shadows beside Patton’s space.
Ah. His Sides, excluding Deceit, had already left.
“Hey - I thought you sunk out a while ago?” It was more the unexpected voice than Deceit himself that had startled him. After all, Deceit had been attending their discussions a lot more lately. Even when he admitted he held no stake in the topic, he would hang around and only occasionally interject. Sometimes, when discussion got too overwhelming, Deceit would briefly silence everyone and ask Thomas who was allowed to talk first (”...how about everyone?! Deceit!”). Despite his concern for Deceit’s methods, he appreciated the sentiment and it had proven helpful for the especially tense moments. Somewhere along the way, Thomas had realized that, while he didn’t enjoy deceit, he had come to accept Deceit and that idea didn’t scare him at all.
“I had considered it.” Deceit was actually in his living room right now, he had to focus on that. The Side was conspicuously studying his fingernails through his gloves. “I wanted a moment of relative privacy, however, and post-recording seemed ideal.”
“I - I guess, yeah.” He could almost feel the others settling in to relax, barely attentive to Thomas himself. The two of them would be left alone. Why did Deceit want them to be left alone? Only idle curiosity accompanied the question much to his surprise. “What’s up?”
“I wished to talk.” Deceit paused. “It is important you specifically knew that and not at all a stall tactic.” Ah. Thomas waved Deceit over and, without the invisible walls made by the camera, Deceit was able to follow Thomas to the couch. He refused to sit though, even when Thomas patted the space beside him.
“Alright. So now I know.” Was he helping Deceit get more time to be comfortable with whatever he was planning? Was he subtly calling him out? Thomas wasn’t sure himself. Deceit had a habit of seeing the worst in others so, in case he’d assumed the latter, Thomas added, “So, uh, pretty curious what you want to talk about. Just take your time - we both know I have nothing planned for the rest of the day except watching The Office.” At that, Deceit snorted.
“I am quite aware.” The tone was harsh, but the human corner of his lip was upturned in a smile. He glanced around. He took a deep breath. He scratched behind his ear. He dropped his gaze to the carpet. He exhaled, the air coming out in a soft hiss.
Deceit’s nervous. Now, Thomas’ curiosity morphed into concern. While Patton and Roman especially hid their insecurities and uncertainties, Deceit always projected confidence that whatever he had to say was important and he deserved to be heard. What could leave him hemming and hawing? Thomas himself debated whether or not to speak up when Deceit fully looked away.
“On reflection, it’s hardly worth the breath required to speak it.” Deceit’s voice had grown hard with an edge of condescension, and Thomas’ gut tightened. It wasn’t the tone, though. He could tell: Deceit was actively lying to himself and to Thomas. “I have better things to tend to. Enjoy your show.” Deceit began to sink, and Thomas reached out, stumbling from his seat. The action seemed to catch his Side’s attention and he rose back up, hands raised. In defense, in surrender, or in case Thomas actually fell, it wasn’t clear. Thomas took a moment to regain his balance, feeling Deceit’s incredulous gaze on him. Yes, yes, he was being weird.
“Look, if you think it’s important, I do too. That’s how this works. If you’re not ready, that’s okay, but I can tell it’s important.” Deceit scowled.
“I am quite ready, thank you.” Oh. That sort of backfired, didn’t it. Deceit seemed to realize the trick he’d played on himself and rubbed underneath his human eye. He took another breath and, this time, began talking. “Well. I have been considering that, as of late, you seem to be ... viewing me differently.”
“I mean, I guess so.”
“You recognize that our appearances, in a large part, dictated by your personal views.” Thomas cringed at that.
“I - I never really thought about that.” He looked at Deceit, gaze resting on the scales that marred his face. The implication settled in and tinged his next words with horror. “Am I - that’s why-?”
“-you see me as a ‘slimy boy’? Correct.” Deceit didn’t sound as bitter as Thomas expected, but he swore something cold tinged the words. “That said, as your views seem to have changed-” Thomas swore he didn’t blink; Deceit simply transformed that fast. Gone were the scales, the slit pupil, even the capelet and yellow gloves. Deceit’s clothes now more resembled what he had worn in the courtroom, the yellow shirt’s hue turned pastel and long white gloves covering his hands. He tilted the bowler hat back to better expose his face and the pale patchiness on its left side. Both human eyes met Thomas’, and his lips curled up in a small smile. “Well, it appears now my true appearance can change as well.”
Thomas couldn’t respond verbally, only able to step back to better view the new look. He had never seen a Side change so drastically while still being, well, himself. It was as if Deceit had left altogether - wait, he hadn’t, right?
“Deceit?”
“Who’s she? Never heard of her.” The familiar retort confirmed that at least.
“Right, right. Just wasn’t expecting this.” He had to take another moment to study Deceit, who seemed to be relaxing under his gaze.
“What can I say?” Deceit twirled, showing off the new look, and Thomas caught sight of coattails as he did. Relief relaxed his shoulders. That was a weird reaction. Relief? “I’ve heard surprise is the greatest gift you can give someone. It was something like that. I think Remus remembers the full expression.”
“Huh. Wouldn’t expect Remus to know that.”
“Yes, well, he’s picked up all sorts of quotes about surprises and shock. They help him think more ... coherently.” Was that implying Remus could be worse? Yikes. Thomas decided to not think about it, lest he summon the Side accidentally.
“Got it. So,” Thomas said, gesturing at Deceit, “this is you?”
“I thought we just established I am me.”
“I mean, your true form.”
“That’s one way to describe it.” Deceit was checking a pocket on the suit jacket and pulled out a couple of black markers. “Oh, I was wondering where I’d left those.” Thomas nodded in thought. He had to admit, he liked Deceit’s new appearance. It just seemed more open and inviting and, though he could be imagining it, seemed to make Deceit himself more open. So what was bugging him about it? Why did it seem... dis-relieving? “Well, Thomas,” he said, pocketing the markers again, “since you seem to approve, I won’t be going anywhere - I’m obviously still needed here, you see.” Deceit clasped his hands together. Wait. Deceit began to sink out once more. Wait, wait.
“Wait a minute.” Thomas rubbed at his eyes. He thought he saw a flash of frustration cross Deceit’s face as he rose back up, but his expression was neutral when Thomas looked again. “Just, I need a moment. Hang on.” Thomas stepped back until he fell upon his couch. Deceit made no move to follow. “What do you mean, ‘I seem to approve’?”
“I would think it means exactly what it sounds like. I know that you know what words mean.”
“That’s not an answer.” Thomas mentally rewound their conversation as he kept talking. “I - you never actually answered my questions. They sounded like answers, but they really weren’t.”
“Hm. It sounds like Virgil’s acting up. I know he seemed fine when he left, but-”
“Deceit. This isn’t Virgil. We know that.” Thomas made eye contact with Deceit. “I just - is this really you?”
“I can hardly imagine anyone who’d want to imitate me.”
“That’s not-” Thomas groaned. “Deceit, is - is this what you want to look like, or is it what I want you to look like?” It hadn’t been the most eloquent phrasing, but it seemed to make his point.
He received no answer.
Deceit seemed unwilling to break eye contact, keeping his face emotionless, but that was a sort of answer in and of itself. Thomas felt his shoulders sag.
“...do you like it?”
“Of course.”
“Because I like it?” Again, Thomas received no response. He broke eye contact to lower his face into his hands. “Crud.” He sighed. “Is.... what is this?”
“It certainly wasn’t a waste of time and energy” Deceit's voice took on a sharp edge. Oh boy. “It’s not like it hasn’t been repeatedly made obvious how repellent you’ve found virtually every aspect of my appearance.” It sounded like Deceit had taken a few steps away. “Besides, why is it any different than, say, the others changing their appearances? Because I ever-so-clearly recall you questioning their changes like this.”
“Because they wanted to. They didn’t change because I wanted them to, or they thought I wanted them to.” He looked up and, as expected, Deceit was adamantly refusing to look his way, arms crossed over his chest. “So I’m not a big fan of snakes or bright yellow. I’m also not a big fan of spiders, and Virgil decorates his room in them. He’s even got a pet tarantula, I think. And it makes him happy. You know the things I want deep down, right?” Deceit seemed to be looking at the floor now. “Then you know what I really want is for every part of me to be happy. I don’t want you squishing yourself into something you don’t like because you think it’ll make me happy. I was kinda hoping none of us had to do that anymore.” Thomas let the words hang in the air as he watched Deceit for a response. Finally, Deceit scratched behind his ear and spoke.
“Just so we’re clear: if you don’t accept now, then I won’t lock in and this will be the last time you see anything like this from me, voluntarily.”
“Alright.”
“I do mean it. You’ll be stuck with a half-snake Side for the rest of your days.”
“I know.”
Again, Deceit’s appearance changed as he turned to face Thomas again. Thomas blinked as he realized Deceit hadn’t quite reverted to his previous form: most noteworthy, his capelet had taken on a slight purple tinge and his visible scales were now a warm shade of yellow with viridian speckling - almost like freckles, Thomas decided.
“Consider this your last chance.”
“Deceit, I wouldn’t want to imagine you any other way.”
The human corner of Deceit’s lips twitched upwards in an asymmetrical smile.
“Well, Thomas, as you insist.” Deceit then seemed to notice the slight changes and took a moment to examine himself, tugging at the capelet and peeking underneath his gloves before ending with a mildly confused ‘huh’. Thomas shrugged, grinning.
“Well, you did say I influence how you look. Do you like it?”
“...I lo- like it, maybe. I suppose I can learn to like it.” He looked back to Thomas. Thomas had to focus to notice the slight signs of unease and wondered for their reason. “I suppose then I should be going - I mean, I plan to stick around.” Then it clicked: Deceit had thought he was doing him a favor, only to realize he’d just stressed him out more. No wonder he now almost seemed pressured to sink out. Before Deceit could vanish, Thomas spoke up for the third time.
“Uh, hang on.”
“I swear, you can be-”
“Wanna watch The Office with me?” Thomas again patted the empty space beside him. Deceit blinked.
“You do know we are at least somewhat aware of what goes on out here. I hardly need-”
“I know, but I wouldn’t mind some good company while I watch.” Thomas worked very hard to bite down a laugh as the human side of Deceit’s face blushed. “So, you in?”
“...I suppose I can take the time out of my very busy schedule for an episode or two.” Finally, Deceit closed the gap between them and sat down next to Thomas.
“So - are we gonna start from the first one and go in order, or skip around to the best ones?”
URGENT! If you're in Colorado, please, please be careful! If you know any trans men or transmasc people who might be in Colorado soon, please let them know about this. If you know any trans or LGBTQ+ groups, community centers, etc. in Colorado, make sure they're aware!
If you're cis, it's encouraged that you reblog this. Just spreading the word is a great opportunity to be an ally.
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