F*ck You Macaron

A blog dedicated to all my failures at french pastries - and other baked goods.

[fckyoumacaron]

Failure Fondant - My wedding cake (TBT bake)

One: I'm not a cake fan, I'd much rather have a Carvel Ice cream cake any day, however for weddings, ice cream is hard to serve and prepare all pretty (spoiler alert: it melts).

Two: I wasn't into the whole 10 tier cake, 5 flavors, everyone gets a slice of something either really dry or really moist. I wasn't going to gamble it, also I was on a budget.

So I decided to knix the cake, go with cupcakes, everyone got 3 cupcakes/3 diff flavors, and everyone one. It was a little bit of sweet. However, I do like the cake cutting ceremony - I think it's cute and symbolic. I thought it would be even better if I made the small cake for cutting.

My baker, Victoria from Boston's Cakeology, was amazing and let me use her facility and ingredients to make the cake. I told everyone I didn't care about flavor, it's more for presentation, because even if this cake comes out superb, it's still not ice cream. So now that I'm focused on looks (I'm shallow when it comes to cakes) I knew I wanted an aqua fondant, I love the smooth texture, and I'm all about minimalism. I didn't know if Cakeology would have fondant or the ingredients, I knew they had icing, so I'd figure to save time I'd make the fondant the night before I made the cake. (I made the cake the day before my wedding, and the fondant the day before that). But just a day in the fridge, my rolled butter cream fondant was dry (it cracked on the cake - not too bad though) and was super greasy on the outside. (probably from the corn syrup)

The girls at Cakeology told me buttercream fondant is the HARDEST fondant to make (fondant on it's own is pretty hard) and next time to use marshmallow fondant (also tastes better). So here is the Buttercream fondant I chose to use:

Original recipe makes 3 pounds

1 cup light corn syrup (I'd use less than that)

1 cup shortening

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon clear vanilla extract

2 pounds confectioners' sugar

Directions

In a large bowl, stir together the shortening and corn syrup. Mix in the salt and vanilla flavoring, then gradually mix in the confectioners' sugar until it is a stiff dough. If you are using a stand mixer, use the dough hook attachment. Otherwise, knead by hand. If the dough is sticky, knead in more confectioners' sugar until it is smooth. Store in an airtight container at room temperature or in the refrigerator.

To use, roll out on a clean surface that has been dusted with confectioners' sugar until it is 1/8 inch thick or thinner if you can. Drape over frosted and chilled cakes and smooth the sides down, or cut into strips to make bows and other decorations.

Here is my finished product (pretty cute huh). My inspiration was classic Alice in Wonderland, and my colors were aqua, deep red, and blush pink. At the reception my florist and amazing friend AJ put a light pink peony in the center. It was gorgeous. Taste, meh. My husband liked it during the cutting, I made a vanilla raspberry lemon cake - and I used way too much extract. I wanted the cake to look a light pink when you cut into it. So I doubled down on the raspberry extract, and it was still barely pink. 

However, the cupcakes were FANTASTIC! If you are in Boston, look up Cakeology!

I will never forget this experience and how impressed people were though, and it was worth it. I look forward to trying a marshmallow fondant.

[thoughtfulwish]

[fckyoumacaron]

Spicy Thai noodles- so easy. Angel hair pasta, soy sauce, honey, sesame + vegetable oil, carrots, cilantro, and peanuts

I don't know if you've noticed but I love cooking anything Thai - its easy and you feel like the next Martha Stewart.

So I first used whole grain angel hair pasta, because after the amount of oil and honey I'm about to tell you to add, I thought I'd be healthy with one thing.

Click here to go to A Small Snippet blog for the recipe and below is just the instructions copied over from the blog with my own notes:

Ingredients:

pasta (I used 1 box angel hair - whole grain - clearly enough for 4-5 ppl)

1-2 TBSP crushed red pepper

1/4 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup sesame oil

6 TBSP honey (I think I used 4-5)

6 TBSP soy sauce (I used 5)

1/2 cup green onions (I think they meant scallions or chive - but I used just plain good ol' yellow onions)

2 carrots shredded (I just got a bag of already shredded carrots because I'm lazy and used the whole bag)

1/2 cup cilantro (I bought cilantro that comes in a tube/paste, cheaper and lasts longer - I used 1/4 cup, which was 'enough' but I could have used more)

3/4 cup peanuts - could have used more

Instructions

while you boil the pasta, combine crushed red pepper, vegetable oil, sesame oil together in a saucepan on medium heat. Then strain the crushed red pepper from the sauce.

mix soy sauce and honey in a small bowl together

in another bowl crush peanuts, then mix together with cilantro and onions

Once the pasta is done mix everything together, or mix both the sauces together and place the vegetables/peanuts on top to make it look pretty

AND DONE!!!

[fckyoumacaron]

My Soup Fail, which was actually a Win. Thai Sweet Potato Peanut

At work we had a "Souperbowl" - which was a soup cook off. Sadly my soup did not win, but I loved my soup, it was delicious! and other people said it was too, I had people asking for the recipe and ingredients, which in my books is a win!

Here is the original recipe, but I decided to give it a thai base, adding chili powder, green chili's (mild), coconut milk (instead of vegetable broth) and white cooking wine. It was creamy and delicious. It's definitely a unique soup, when I tasted it, I could only taste the sweet potatoes and peanut butter, with a bit of spice. When my husband tasted it, he could only taste the peanut butter. When my roommate tasted it, she could only taste the coconut. But no matter what people tasted, they liked it.

INGREDIENTS

2 large sweet potatoes

1 tablespoon canola oil

1 small yellow onion, chopped

1 tablespoon minced garlic (I think I did extra)

3 cups reduced-sodium tomato-vegetable juice blend or tomato juice (I only used around 1 cup - for a less tomatoey taste)

1 4-ounce can diced green chiles, preferably hot, drained

2 teaspoons minced fresh ginger

1 teaspoon ground allspice

1 15-ounce can vegetable broth

1/2 cup smooth natural peanut butter

THAI BASE

2 cans of coconut milk instead of vegetable broth (to water it down I added a bit of vegetable broth)

Chili Powder and Curry Powder (give it the kick)

Around 2 tablespoons white cooking wine (not sure if I needed this or not in the end, but it was there)

I added a cup more peanut butter

PREPARATION

Prick sweet potatoes in several places with a fork. Microwave on High until just cooked through, 7 to 10 minutes. Set aside to cool.

Meanwhile, heat oil in a large saucepan or Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Add onion and cook, stirring, until it just begins to brown, 2 to 4 minutes. Add garlic and cook, stirring, for 1 minute more. Stir in juice, green chiles, ginger and allspice. Adjust the heat so the mixture boils gently; cook for 10 minutes. (this is also where I added the white cooking wine)

Meanwhile, peel the sweet potatoes (really easy, but really messy. Also make sure it's fully cooled, the outside may be cool, but the inside will be hot) and chop into bite-size pieces. Add half to the pot. Place the other half in a food processor or blender along with broth and peanut butter. Puree until completely smooth. Add the puree to the pot and stir well to combine. Thin the bisque with water, if desired. Season with pepper. Heat until hot. Garnish with cilantro, if desired.

[fckyoumacaron]

Today’s adventure was egg nog macarons for Christmas. This is my FIRST time they ever puffed up (waiting the 30 minutes before baking helped) but now there is no feet, and a few cracked and have the air pocket. Out of the dozens I made (minus a few ones I ate) only around 4 total came out with the perfect anatomy of the macaron. Figures an expensive cookie would fall into the 1% category.

The last picture is what they were suppose to look like. I chose dark chocolate ganache instead of white chocolate (just a preference thing) and I didn't do cinnamon chips, I'll probably sprinkle them with powdered sugar and cinnamon in the morning though.

Egg nog recipe online: http://stylesweetca.com/2013/12/12/spiced-eggnog-macarons/#/

But I used the book Les Petits Macarons by Kathryn Gordon and Anne E. mcBride for the recipe of the shells

[fckyoumacaron]

Every time I make macarons and they come out wrong, the pastry gods can hear my curses. F*CK YOU Macaron!

[fckyoumacaron]

My last attempt at the Macaron - they were suppose to be cocoa fluffy shells, instead I got hard flat burnt cookies. 

[fckyoumacaron]

What is a Macaron you ask?

A Macaron is France's way of saying F-You America. "F your donut and F your 'french' fries, we would never make something so greasy and fattening for our skinny and beautiful citizens"

Now that we got that out of the way. Here is the anatomy of the hardest cookie sandwich ever to make:

I have attempted many times to make this cookie and every time I get a thin flat chewy cookie. It's sad, and frustrating. I even bought Laduree's book on how to make all their french pastries. If you don't know what Laduree is, I suggest flying to Paris and trying it out - it's worth the air fare.