my thoughts are stars

I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you Maybe 'okay' can be our 'always'.

[hazelgracereadsbooks-deactivate]

Hmmm?

[fearingxoblivion]

[kisses her forehead] 

Hello, Hazel Grace.

[fearingxoblivion]

It's been a lonely month. Why won't this cancer just let me go?

[fearingxoblivion]

[coughs, whispers] Why the long face?

[freddie-baggins]

[a sigh escapes his lips] You’re probably right, do you want to head inside and make hot chocolate or something?

[fearingxoblivion]

Yes. Hot chocolate definitely sounds better than cold snow.

[gracefulbrisbane]

I hope it goes up for a long time Gus.

[fearingxoblivion]

I'm sure it will, Grace. 

[gracefulbrisbane]

You never know if someone is having a bad day and just need a bit of kindness. 

[fearingxoblivion]

Ah, but, my friend, I'm on a rollercoaster that only goes up.

[gracefulbrisbane]

Glad to see you finally agree

And no, it won’t be a bother at all honestly. I’ll spend the few hours with you and leave you my number so if you have no one to stay with you, I’ll come okay Gus?

[fearingxoblivion]

You're being very kind to someone you only just met.

[gracefulbrisbane]

Only if you’re sure…

I can stay with you if you’d like. The thought of you sleeping alone makes me sad.

[fearingxoblivion]

I'm sure. Plus, it actually is freezing out.

I don't want to bother you. It's only a few hours until daytime anyway.

[freddie-baggins]

[he lays down beside Gus in the snow, making a snow angel] It feels so nice out here. I wish we could stay here forever… 

[fearingxoblivion]

I don't. It's cold as fuck.

[gracefulbrisbane]

I’m eighteen so we’re the same age. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. That means we should probably walk around a little bit more to sober you up? I’m just worried that you might get hypothermia

[fearingxoblivion]

It's okay, I think I'll be good to go back in now. Nurse Roberts is cool, I'm sure she'll let this one slide.

I just hate sleeping there alone, you know? 

[gracefulbrisbane]

Oh no, don’t apologize really…

I… this is.. unfair. Really unfair. You have to be around my age, right?

[fearingxoblivion]

How old are you? Eighteen? Nineteen? I'm eighteen, so, technically, I really shouldn't be drunk, but shhh, my sister Julie got me some whiskey.

[gracefulbrisbane]

Dying? You’re joking right?

[fearingxoblivion]

Unfortunately not. Sorry to drop the d-word on you during our first conversation.

You see, cancer is also a side effect of dying that I just happen to be lucky enough to possess.

[gracefulbrisbane]

Well therapists don’t know everything, they can only guess in my opinion. What d you think you’re feeling?

[fearingxoblivion]

Oh, he's probably right. Grief is a side effect of dying, you see.

[gracefulbrisbane]

Oooh touche. But is everything alright? Normally people don’t do that.

[fearingxoblivion]

Eh. I think I'm in some bullshit stage of grief or something. At least, my so-called "therapist" thinks so. 

[gracefulbrisbane]

Mind if I ask why you were drunk and wandering around Gus?

[fearingxoblivion]

The answer to that question is another question: why not?

[gracefulbrisbane]

Ah, to the hospital we go then. You didn’t get very far did you? [she helps him to walk in the direction back to the hospital]

Very nice to meet you Augustus, do you mind if I call you Gus?

[fearingxoblivion]

Not very, no. That's one of the problems with being drunk and having a fake leg.

Gus is perfectly alright with me, my dear.

[gracefulbrisbane]

I’m Grace, don’t worry about it. Where am I taking you? 

[fearingxoblivion]

[scratches absently at the track mark from the IV] I should probably get back to the hospital. That's probably a good idea.

I'm Augustus.