Ranting post again.
I got my period back. And gained 15+ pounds. I feel like shit and my cycle is still suboptimal (short luteal phases) which means I will most likely not be able to be pregnant without treatments. I hate that I did this to my body. I hate that I’m fatter than ever and still can’t conceive a fucking baby, while my skinny sister just gave birth and is thinner than I am and she got pregnant after a month. I’m torn between following all the tips from hypothalamic amenorrhea blogs (telling me to eat more, more fat, less fiber, etc and not exercising except for walking) and living again. Right now, I don’t exercise the way I want to (which means barely at all), I eat even when I’m not hungry just because I’m scared my cycle just won’t happen and I just feel constantly blah. I don’t know if it makes sense, but it still feels like restriction to me. Started seeing my therapist again, and she says I should stop obsessing because it’s not getting me anywhere and it’s definitely not getting me pregnant. But I also feel like if I wait for the fertility treatments it will take forever and the clock is ticking. There are so many treatment plans out there for HAers but I’m not sure I’m willing to spend that much money. Ugh. I want to be able to control this so bad, but I can’t. I feel hopeless.



















